Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
Click Here for Previous Entries!
In which changes vary in scale and proportion.
Alvin: Too vague. How about “In which Alvin makes a new friend”?
Too improbable.
Brandi: How about “In which the height of subtle spycraft is achieved”?
Past Grugly: How about “In which the disappearing newspaper problem is solved with some creative use of camera angles”?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: How about none of that.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: How about none of YOU!
Laci: I think I’d like that.
Alvin: What’re you doing?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Converting your trash compactor into a trash fabricator.
Alvin: We’re been fabricating trash pretty effectively without one of those.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Alright, time for a firmware update.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Don’t look! I’m in my software.
NEW OUTFIT!
Permanent new outfit.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I dunno, I can think of some improv-
You’re still wearing it today.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Okay, but I think-
Nope.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: DON’T INTERRUPT MY THINKS!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: My thinks are once and future world-savers, you know.
What’s cookin’?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Porridge.
Porridge.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Neutral!
Laci: I wonder what neutrality feels like.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Neutrality is just partiality masquerading as impartiality.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Speaking of things I’m partial to!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: …partially.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: …Magus Mutatio?
Alvin: Couldn’t’ve cast cultus mundatus instead?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: It’s hot and bothersome that you know the latin for “toilet clean.”
Alvin: Yeah, Lucas left a lot of reading material lying around here.
Alvin: And firm instructions for the care and treatment of his baby.
Alvin: Glad he’s dead.
Forever.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: My sandwich is lit wrong.
Alvin: My penis is hanging wrong.
There is nothing wrong with this.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Maybe I should make the toilet a wizard. From the way Lucas treated it, it must be sentient.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Magus Mutatio!
Alvin: Havin’ a bathio.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Oh, don’t get up! I don’t wanna see your weird-hangin’ dick.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Aw, that’s not true.
Alvin: My dick is SPARKLING!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Careful, you don’t wanna challenge William.
Alvin: OW OW OW MY DICK SPARKLES
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Oooooh. Those sparkles punctured my everything.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I need my everything!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Why, though? It’s not like you’ve been doing anything with it, lately.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Ouch.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Okay, so… are the solutions in the back, or…?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Has this been peer-reviewed?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Hmm. One of these paths seems to offer a much higher return on investment.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Spies don’t make nice warlocks.
Irvin: Get outta here, you flamingo-toucher!
Irvin: HOMEWORK SHED!
Elvis: Curse you, father, and your homework shed!
Irvin: Do not speak ill of homework shed! It listens.
Samantha: Whee.
Elvis: Who’m I named after?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: A guy who died on a toilet. It’s thematically-appropriate for this house.
Samantha: Whee.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: The Fountain of Youth! It’s in the Forest of Laziness, just like I always knew it was!
You’ve been drinking that stuff for decades.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah, but I just wanted to tell a story. So sue me.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: WHAT A WONDERFUL NIGHT TO HAVE A DRINK
Elvis: HAHAHA PRIVATES SCHOOL
You’d better write it down, you’ll forget by the morning.
Irvin: That might be for the best.
Speaking of for the worst…
Laci: He said “for the best.”
OH SO YOU’RE SPYING ON THEM NOW, HUH
Laci: Heheh. “Now.”
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Hey hey! Welcome to the communal house.
Laci: Alvin Woodrow’s Home for Homeless Storylines.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: My storyline has a home, it just needs… a vacation home as well.
Irvin: Quit screwin’ around! We’ll never make it through the Forest of Laziness if you can’t fuckin’ focus!
Irvin: ARE YOU TRYING TO PUSH ME INTO THE ROAD?!
Irvin: Okay, I just want you to know that all of dad’s breakups are your fault.
Irvin: And he doesn’t like you.
Elvis: Ooh, ooh! Say the one about how people are starving in Africa because of me, too! That’s my favourite.
Irvin: I wish there was some kind of spray for you.
Elvis: I react negatively to most sprays, actually.
How was work?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Shitty. Couldn’t seem to stay incognito today, for some reason.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Speaking of SOME REASON.
Laci: No, I’m here because I have no reasons.
Laci: Just thought I’d sit here, play cards, be cute.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I hate all my cute wives.
Irvin: He’s had a few of them!
Elvis: I pity the next one.
Irvin: Maybe the small business reviewer! Dad really likes him.
Elvis: No, stupid, you’re thinking the guy who’s virtually indistinguishable from dad.
Elvis: Because he has a ponytail.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I don’t even have the ponytail anymore. God, this story is mondo change-resistant.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Wanna make out? Because apparently changes don’t matter.
Laci: SANE SITTING SPOT
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: The mighty triple-S!
Belinda the Malevolent: Hello, uselesses.
Irvin: Hello, worst daughter!
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I don’t ask for a lot out of life. I feel like maybe, maybe, if I only got backstabbed ninety percent of the time, I’d be cool with it.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: That’s a tall order.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Lora Gast.
Laci: Who?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I’m losing sleep over this.
Laci: What?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: LORA. GAST.
Laci: Okay?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: WHY DO I KNOW THAT NAME
Laci: We’re not all memorable, Alvin.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: No, you’re not, that’s true.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Well, I guess if you live long enough, you make one mistake.
Irvin: I can’t close the window.
Elvis: Block it with your big stupid head, then.
Elvis: I think the breeze is turning me magical.
Irvin: Oooh, look at me, sittin’ on a CHAIR, I’m a REBEL
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: ♪ And he’s gonna be good! ♪
Next time: Murphy time!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 February 2013 to 18 February 2013.