The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 492

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which I should be recording lectures for my class.

Belinda the Malevolent: Why bother? I hear you’ll all be dead soon anyway.

Belinda the Malevolent: It’s catching.

This is also how I deal with troubling thoughts of mortality.

Belinda the Malevolent: If we had robot bodies, we wouldn’t die?
Jerome: We’re scared enough of a robot uprising as it is without being INSIDE THE ROBOTS when it happens!

Esther: You’re scary! I love you.

Belinda the Malevolent: There is literally no way an interaction with you will pay off in anything but the very, very long term.

Jerome: And yet.
Belinda the Malevolent: And yet.

Belinda the Malevolent: It’s a day for the very, very long term.

Belinda the Malevolent: Okay, maybe an hour.

Jerome: …what?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I said, I’m offering dark arts defense tutoring!
Jerome: I was hoping it would make more sense, twice.

Belinda the Malevolent: Those tires look pretty bare. Should you be driving in rain?
Blazej: That’s why they call it DRIVING RAIN!

Jerome: Sure, you can drop on by, I guess.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Good choice of words.

Samantha: Welcome to not my chapter!

Belinda the Malevolent: She’ll get more than a welcome if she’s still in my chapter when I get back.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I got back.

Jerome: I taught potty.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: This is a good conversation to get run over for.

Jerome: I’d run you over, baby!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: HOW ROMANTIC

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Look how terrible that can looks.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I love our creaking, outdated world.

Jerome: It’s better than the alternatives.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You don’t want to be in TS3 or TS4?
Jerome: HA! Those aren’t even alternatives. Those are bad jokes.

Wendell: Also a bad joke: cat-walking.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: So, do you have need of protection against the forces of destruction?
Jerome: Is that a fancy term for condoms?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: No. As you can clearly see, I do not possess condoms.

Brett: I hear gross adult words approaching.

Brett: And gross adults.

Brett: And hamburgers! Which are the good kind of gross.

Jerome: I cooked a gross of them!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Marry me.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You know, this gross biological condition of mine has me thinking. You know what’d be great? Robot bodies.

Jerome: Get out of my house.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Get out of my HEART!

Jerome: Please don’t get any sparkles on my burgers.

Jerome: I don’t like sparkleburgers.

Jerome: YOU’RE GONNA GET SPARKLE CANCER

Jerome: Or something…

It’s funny.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What’s funny?

Stucco is totally appropriate for basement ceilings, and yet it looks wrong.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yes, thank you. Much more oppressive.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Can you smell what’s cooking on the rocks?

Jerome: Townies make me want to stab my book.

Jerome: Townies make me want to stab townies.

Jerome: Robots make me frightened.

Brett: My childhood was a disaster.
Jerome: Get your own monologue.

Jerome: This is my stab story!

Dammit, Brett, you’re reminding me of what I still need to do for Chapter 500.

Which is only one of half a dozen imminently-important things I need to do.

I have a very busy life, for never leaving the house and sleeping in until three in the afternoon.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Are you sure you’re not pregnant?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Wait, am I supposed to not leave the house?

At the very least you’re probably not supposed to DEMATERIALIZE YOURSELF.

Jerome: Yeeeuch, yeah, how is the baby handling that?

Jerome: OH GOD I CAN’T THINK ABOUT THAT

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Let me give you something new to be afraid to think about.

I should start making simple animated gifs.

Because this would be a funny one.

Jerome: It FEELS funny!

It LOOKS funny, too.

Jerome: And then it looks at honey.

No.

Jerome: A honey.

No, drop it, it’s garbage.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: On that topic, you’re boring so bye.

Jerome: You’ll always remember this as the moment you let a man who taught potty walk away.

Jerome: I will always remember this as the moment I put away a magic pimp outfit someone waved onto me.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m someone!

Jerome: I’m an apprentice someone.

What a glorious pic.

You look, and you think “Wow, caught the shooting star through the windshield, that’s gorgeous, well-timed and everything,” and then you think “Why’s the windshield so high, though?” and then you think “Oh, the car roof polygons have no backfaces, so there’s no texture, so they’re see-through, so we’re actually looking through the roof,” and then you think, in Biblical terms, that in much wisdom is much grief, and he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow as well.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Jerome: I didn’t know you read the Bible!

I tried once. I really did. If a god dictated that, he’s a boring tool.

I actually got the quote from Assassin’s Creed.

Jerome: The best kind of Bible quotes are the kind someone else finds for you.

Brett: Watch your step!
Belinda the Malevolent: DON’T THREATEN ME

Jerome: Yessss, you SPLITSCREEN that 40×20 resolution!

Jerome: What is this shit, anyway.

Jerome: ‘cuz it’s SHIT.

Brett: Dear diary: today the bad man bad-talked the best thing.

Brett: And the bad girl was a breast thing.

Jerome: I like her breast-things.

Jerome: I just don’t like the murder demon they’re attached to.

She’s pretty attached to herself, as well.

Sorry.

It’s just I’ve been hearing so much about Jerome’s potty-taughting lately.

I needed to see what all the fuss was about.

Jerome: It’s mostly muss, actually.

Belinda the Malevolent: DEATH TO TYRANTS

Belinda the Malevolent: FLAMINGO TYRANTS

Jerome: I think she might have turned me into marijuana, instead of a warlock.

Belinda the Malevolent: Let’s smoke him.

Next time: the witch plague spreads.

Just like the real plague is doing.

We’re all gonna-

This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 February 2013.

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