Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
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In which repetition is the soul of repetition.
Veronica: That’s repetive.
Brett: Yeah! What she said! Repetitive.
Veronica: Did you hear what he said?
Brett: No, what?
Veronica: Something repetitive!
Brett: No! What?!
Veronica: Something repetitive.
Brett: Who are you calling?
Veronica: Whoever.
Veronica: You wanna come over?
Brett: Does who want to come over?
Veronica: He does, yes!
Veronica: Yes.
Veronica: This isn’t sustainable.
No, but it killed half a dozen pics, so.
Patrick: I’d kill half a dozen dicks! For you.
Veronica: There’s just the one you might have to.
Veronica: Kill, I mean.
Veronica: My dad killed someone.
Patrick: I SURRENDER TO HIS DICK
Veronica: So, Patrick. What turns you on?
Patrick: MUSCLES
Patrick: And MUSCLES
Patrick: And MUSCLES
Patrick: And MUSCLES
Brett: What’s happening.
Patrick: And MUSCLES
Veronica: What’s happening.
Patrick: And MUSCLES
Veronica: And MUSCLES
And MUSCLES
Brett: And MUSCLES
Uma: And MUSCLES
Patrick: And bathing suits.
Patrick: And muscles.
I don’t care if you found it annoying, it was cracking me up hard.
Veronica: Less talk, more-
Patrick: MUSCLES
Patrick: Hey baby, let me flex my muscles on you.
Patrick: Unless you’ve got a condom.
Patrick: I don’t want to flex my muscles in you if you haven’t got a condom.
Veronica: GREAT
Patrick: That’s not much of an answer.
Veronica: Maybe you should’ve phrased it as a question, then.
Patrick: Seduction is five-fourths confusion.
Patrick: Math jokes are only one fifth math!
Patrick: Muscles!
AND muscles!
Patrick: The snackfest of champions!
Patrick: Blue booze is my favourite booze.
Patrick: It makes me see two girlfriends!
Vincent: I can’t sleep, knowing that sex rug’s stuck out there, all alone.
Man, I thought Vanessa was gonna take care of that.
Veronica: Yeah, like how she’s taking care of her kids?
No, but, the sex rug is important.
Vanessa: It’s my favourite thing in the house!
Patrick: What about me?
Vanessa: It’s my favourite thing in the house.
Patrick: …what about me?
Patrick: What about you… and me?!
Veronica: What about you just eat your fucking cereal.
Veronica: You dumb hunky bastard.
Patrick: She thinks I’m hunky.
Patrick: I hope you won’t be jealous, but I’m fucking this table.
Veronica: I hope you won’t be jealous, but I’m making fierce oral love to this cereal.
Patrick: I’m a little jealous.
Veronica: I’m a little rebellious.
Patrick: ♪ I’m a little teapot, short and OOMPH ♪
Patrick: ♪ Here is your handle ♪
Veronica: ♪ Please close your spout ♪
Patrick: ♪ When I get all steamed up ♪
Veronica: ♪ Make me shout ♪
Patrick: ♪ Tip me over, and suck me out ♪
Veronica: When you put it so beautifully, how can I refuse?
Veronica: …if I touch it, will it dissipate the mirage?
Veronica: Oh no! You perspectived me into it!
Patrick: At least he didn’t perspective it into you.
Veronica: Yrgh, drt vrd’ve brn wrckd cgrrl.
Patrick: What?
Veronica: Nrgvm.
Patrick: What?
Veronica: Hello, down there!
Patrick: He says hello.
Veronica: Kissing after oral sex.
Patrick: Not a fan!
Veronica: Not a fan.
Patrick: THAT’s a fan, though.
Veronica: What?
Patrick: Your fan.
Patrick: Your fan’s a fan.
Flick back and forth between these two pics to see a bed wiggle its eyebrows.
Veronica: Or don’t.
Vanessa: You miss 100% of the bed-eyebrow-wiggles you don’t flick back and forth between.
Vanessa: I cameo and that’s what you’ve got for me to say?!
Brett: It looks like I just spat caramel onto my pants.
It does look like you just spat caramel onto your pants.
Patrick: That sounds like a euphemism.
Veronica: That does sound like a euphemism.
Amar: You sound like a euphemism.
Youphemism.
Patrick: You fem jism.
Veronica: No.
Patrick: But-
Veronica: No.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: But-
NO! You’re not even the right character.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Butt!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Aw, I can’t see it from here!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You’ll forgive me if I have no repetition to offer.
What?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I said, you’ll forgive me if OH HO HO no!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: For a second, a second, I thought I was asleep on the couch there.
What’s cookin’, dumb-lookin’?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Big ol’ pot of fuck you.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Mmm! I love pot fuck!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: HAHAHAHA POT FUCK
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: It’s less funny when you repeat it.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: COUGH
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: GASP
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: COUGH
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: GASP
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: COUGH
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: GASP
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Yep.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Why is this happening?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Why is what happening?
Yeah, why is what happening?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: THIS THIS THIS!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Alright sis, unset a spell.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: This is my unsettlingest spell!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: She will be unsettled, once I set it.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Spell set.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Do I want to be awake for this?
Very likely not.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: We are POWERING through this update! It’s taken, like, twenty minutes to write so far.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I wonder why.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Because we are POWERING through-
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Seconded!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I wonder if that counts as repetition.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I wonder if wondering about repetition counts as repetition.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: WHAT YOU JUST SAID DEFINITELY DOES!
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Okay, st-
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Sto-
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: STOP –
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: BAWK
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: BAWK
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I wish I knew one of those world-ending spells.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: My son’s all grown up!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: That tiny clone of Margaret’s kinda weird.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: She’s… not a tiny clone of Margaret.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Really?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yes.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: ‘cuz she looks like a tiny clone of Margaret.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: She does look like a tiny clone of Margaret!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: She’s your mom! Don’t call her “Margaret”!
Yvette: Y’all need some insanity today?
I think we’re full up, honestly.
Yvette: Y’all need some insanity today?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maybe? I don’t know, I’ve been napping.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: On the couch.
Yvette: Couch-napping.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, couch-napping.
Yvette: COUCH THIEF
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Are you okay?
Not really.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Because you’re writing like you’re not okay.
Not really.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: This is the face that comes up when I think “not really” to myself.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: KIERA WOLOSENKO-MURPHY THE HIDEOUSLY UNDERPAID PLUMBER MORE LIKE
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: ‘cuz I’m not getting paid for this, and it is hideous.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I still think she’s a tiny clone of Margaret.
Fiona: She’s your mom! Don’t call her “Margaret”!
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I think someone cast a curse on this chapter.
*raises his hand*
WHANK
WHANK
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Sorry, didn’t know you were whanking in here.
WHANK
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: If you’re trying to kill yourself, might I suggest cutlery?
Felix: I know what I’ll write about! THE LEAST INTERESTING THING EVER!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I AM SUMMONED
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I AM SUMMONED
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: …what?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You’re right! It is fun to have a bizarre, creepy bedtime ritual!
Synchronized Simming!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: OH NO
OH NO
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: YOU WASTED WHAT SHOULD’VE BEEN A CHAPTER TITLE ON A JOKE
OH NO
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: AND ALSO THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE
OH NO
And also I did use that joke as the chapter title.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: OH NO
Felix: OH NO
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who wants fire slop?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Who wants regurgitated fire slop?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who wants the world’s fattest sword?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’ll take a sword of any fatness, at the moment!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Or, you know, quiet desperation.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Quiet desperation is good too.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I thought you said QUIET desperation.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Good night.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Good night.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Good morning.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s not MORNING
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Good night.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s not GOOD
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s not good at ALL.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I SHOULD’VE REGURGITATED MY FIRE SLOP
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: So, are you proud of what you’ve done here today?
I’m not not proud of it.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I’m on the lawn!
Nick: I’m on the lawn as well!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I AM SUMMONED
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Shit, we’re supposed to do it both times?!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Yeah, we’re supposed to do it both times.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Do you feel like we’ve been repeating ourselves a lot, today?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Doing it both times, sort of thing, you mean?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, doing it both times, sort of thing.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You mean.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I mean.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Wait, are the kids living in an upstairs with no STAIRS? UP?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s safer that way. Stairs are a serious source of toddler injuries!
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m not a toddler.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I know.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m a FUCKING ADULT.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Language! There are children present.
Felix: I’M OLDER THAN HER
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You ARE older than her!
Next time: next time.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 10 February 2013.