The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 490

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

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In which repetition is the soul of repetition.

Veronica: That’s repetive.
Brett: Yeah! What she said! Repetitive.

Veronica: Did you hear what he said?
Brett: No, what?
Veronica: Something repetitive!
Brett: No! What?!

Veronica: Something repetitive.

Brett: Who are you calling?
Veronica: Whoever.

Veronica: You wanna come over?
Brett: Does who want to come over?
Veronica: He does, yes!

Veronica: Yes.

Veronica: This isn’t sustainable.

No, but it killed half a dozen pics, so.

Patrick: I’d kill half a dozen dicks! For you.

Veronica: There’s just the one you might have to.

Veronica: Kill, I mean.

Veronica: My dad killed someone.

Patrick: I SURRENDER TO HIS DICK

Veronica: So, Patrick. What turns you on?
Patrick: MUSCLES

Patrick: And MUSCLES

Patrick: And MUSCLES

Patrick: And MUSCLES
Brett: What’s happening.

Patrick: And MUSCLES
Veronica: What’s happening.

Patrick: And MUSCLES
Veronica: And MUSCLES

And MUSCLES

Brett: And MUSCLES

Uma: And MUSCLES

Patrick: And bathing suits.

Patrick: And muscles.

I don’t care if you found it annoying, it was cracking me up hard.

Veronica: Less talk, more-
Patrick: MUSCLES

Patrick: Hey baby, let me flex my muscles on you.

Patrick: Unless you’ve got a condom.

Patrick: I don’t want to flex my muscles in you if you haven’t got a condom.
Veronica: GREAT

Patrick: That’s not much of an answer.

Veronica: Maybe you should’ve phrased it as a question, then.

Patrick: Seduction is five-fourths confusion.

Patrick: Math jokes are only one fifth math!

Patrick: Muscles!

AND muscles!

Patrick: The snackfest of champions!

Patrick: Blue booze is my favourite booze.

Patrick: It makes me see two girlfriends!

Vincent: I can’t sleep, knowing that sex rug’s stuck out there, all alone.

Man, I thought Vanessa was gonna take care of that.

Veronica: Yeah, like how she’s taking care of her kids?

No, but, the sex rug is important.

Vanessa: It’s my favourite thing in the house!
Patrick: What about me?
Vanessa: It’s my favourite thing in the house.

Patrick: …what about me?

Patrick: What about you… and me?!

Veronica: What about you just eat your fucking cereal.

Veronica: You dumb hunky bastard.

Patrick: She thinks I’m hunky.

Patrick: I hope you won’t be jealous, but I’m fucking this table.

Veronica: I hope you won’t be jealous, but I’m making fierce oral love to this cereal.

Patrick: I’m a little jealous.

Veronica: I’m a little rebellious.

Patrick: ♪ I’m a little teapot, short and OOMPH ♪

Patrick: ♪ Here is your handle ♪
Veronica: ♪ Please close your spout

Patrick: ♪ When I get all steamed up ♪
Veronica: ♪ Make me shout

Patrick: ♪ Tip me over, and suck me out

Veronica: When you put it so beautifully, how can I refuse?

Veronica: …if I touch it, will it dissipate the mirage?

Veronica: Oh no! You perspectived me into it!

Patrick: At least he didn’t perspective it into you.

Veronica: Yrgh, drt vrd’ve brn wrckd cgrrl.
Patrick: What?
Veronica: Nrgvm.

Patrick: What?

Veronica: Hello, down there!
Patrick: He says hello.

Veronica: Kissing after oral sex.
Patrick: Not a fan!
Veronica: Not a fan.

Patrick: THAT’s a fan, though.
Veronica: What?
Patrick: Your fan.

Patrick: Your fan’s a fan.

Flick back and forth between these two pics to see a bed wiggle its eyebrows.

Veronica: Or don’t.

Vanessa: You miss 100% of the bed-eyebrow-wiggles you don’t flick back and forth between.

Vanessa: I cameo and that’s what you’ve got for me to say?!

Brett: It looks like I just spat caramel onto my pants.

It does look like you just spat caramel onto your pants.

Patrick: That sounds like a euphemism.
Veronica: That does sound like a euphemism.

Amar: You sound like a euphemism.

Youphemism.

Patrick: You fem jism.
Veronica: No.

Patrick: But-
Veronica: No.


Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: But-

NO! You’re not even the right character.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Butt!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Aw, I can’t see it from here!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You’ll forgive me if I have no repetition to offer.

What?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I said, you’ll forgive me if OH HO HO no!

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: For a second, a second, I thought I was asleep on the couch there.

What’s cookin’, dumb-lookin’?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Big ol’ pot of fuck you.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Mmm! I love pot fuck!

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: HAHAHAHA POT FUCK

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: It’s less funny when you repeat it.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: COUGH

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: GASP

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: COUGH

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: GASP

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: COUGH

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: GASP

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Yep.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Why is this happening?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Why is what happening?

Yeah, why is what happening?

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: THIS THIS THIS!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Alright sis, unset a spell.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: This is my unsettlingest spell!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: She will be unsettled, once I set it.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Spell set.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Do I want to be awake for this?

Very likely not.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: We are POWERING through this update! It’s taken, like, twenty minutes to write so far.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I wonder why.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Because we are POWERING through-
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Seconded!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I wonder if that counts as repetition.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I wonder if wondering about repetition counts as repetition.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: WHAT YOU JUST SAID DEFINITELY DOES!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Okay, st-
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Sto-
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: STOP –
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: BAWK

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: BAWK
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Bawk!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I wish I knew one of those world-ending spells.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: My son’s all grown up!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: That tiny clone of Margaret’s kinda weird.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: She’s… not a tiny clone of Margaret.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Really?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yes.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: ‘cuz she looks like a tiny clone of Margaret.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: She does look like a tiny clone of Margaret!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: She’s your mom! Don’t call her “Margaret”!

Yvette: Y’all need some insanity today?

I think we’re full up, honestly.

Yvette: Y’all need some insanity today?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maybe? I don’t know, I’ve been napping.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: On the couch.
Yvette: Couch-napping.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, couch-napping.
Yvette: COUCH THIEF

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Are you okay?

Not really.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Because you’re writing like you’re not okay.

Not really.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: This is the face that comes up when I think “not really” to myself.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: KIERA WOLOSENKO-MURPHY THE HIDEOUSLY UNDERPAID PLUMBER MORE LIKE

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: ‘cuz I’m not getting paid for this, and it is hideous.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I still think she’s a tiny clone of Margaret.

Fiona: She’s your mom! Don’t call her “Margaret”!

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I think someone cast a curse on this chapter.

*raises his hand*

WHANK

WHANK

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Sorry, didn’t know you were whanking in here.

WHANK

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: If you’re trying to kill yourself, might I suggest cutlery?

Felix: I know what I’ll write about! THE LEAST INTERESTING THING EVER!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I AM SUMMONED

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I AM SUMMONED
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: What?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: …what?

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You’re right! It is fun to have a bizarre, creepy bedtime ritual!

Synchronized Simming!

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: OH NO

OH NO

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: YOU WASTED WHAT SHOULD’VE BEEN A CHAPTER TITLE ON A JOKE

OH NO

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: AND ALSO THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE

OH NO

And also I did use that joke as the chapter title.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: OH NO

Felix: OH NO

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who wants fire slop?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Who wants regurgitated fire slop?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Who wants the world’s fattest sword?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’ll take a sword of any fatness, at the moment!

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Or, you know, quiet desperation.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Quiet desperation is good too.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I thought you said QUIET desperation.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Good night.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Good night.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Good morning.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s not MORNING
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Good night.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s not GOOD

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s not good at ALL.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I SHOULD’VE REGURGITATED MY FIRE SLOP

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: So, are you proud of what you’ve done here today?

I’m not not proud of it.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I’m on the lawn!
Nick: I’m on the lawn as well!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I AM SUMMONED
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Shit, we’re supposed to do it both times?!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Yeah, we’re supposed to do it both times.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Do you feel like we’ve been repeating ourselves a lot, today?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Doing it both times, sort of thing, you mean?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yeah, doing it both times, sort of thing.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You mean.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I mean.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Wait, are the kids living in an upstairs with no STAIRS? UP?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: It’s safer that way. Stairs are a serious source of toddler injuries!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m not a toddler.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I know.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m a FUCKING ADULT.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Language! There are children present.
Felix: I’M OLDER THAN HER

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You ARE older than her!

Next time: next time.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 10 February 2013.

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