Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which you can go home again, but only briefly.
Andrew: I don’t actually care if we go into any more dorms, you know.
Andrew: The main things that happened here were me cheating on my girlfriend, and Melanie dying.
Andrew: And only the cheating on my girlfriend worked out well.
Andrew: For a given definition of “well.”
Vanessa: Give it to me.
Andrew: That’s what she said.
Andrew: Okay, here’s my definition of “worked out well”: it didn’t cause anybody to die.
Vanessa: Except it probably did, because if you’d been closer to Cameron she might not have, you know, invited the zombies to eat all her dorm-mates?
Andrew: I never thought about it that way.
Vanessa: Hahaha, of course you didn’t.
Vanessa: You man, you.
Vanessa: They all come with faulty introspection subroutines.
Andrew: The routine gets caught in a masturbation loop.
Laci III: HELP
Andrew: Did you hear that?
Vanessa: What, did you fart or something?
Andrew: What are “cultural studies,” anyway?
Vanessa: Racism, mostly.
Vanessa: You have to really work at it, these days.
Andrew: Know what I’d like to really work at?
Vanessa: I’ll make you a deal. Kill Michael, and I’ll marry you.
Andrew: And what do you want in return?
Andrew: I think my body broke.
Andrew: You need to stop thinking about the past.
Vanessa: That’s where most things are, though!
Vanessa: Are you offering me a future?
Andrew: Yes! That’s much vaguer than a rose garden.
Vanessa: Promise me a rose garden, too.
Andrew: Sure, as long as I get to plant it.
Vanessa: You just committed to plant a rose garden.
Andrew: I just made a sex joke.
Vanessa: Nope nope, you’re going to the garden centre tomorrow.
Andrew: There is no garden centre.
Vanessa: Guess you’re gonna have to open one, then.
Vanessa: Damned it is!
Andrew: And it feels so good.
Vanessa: Know what probably doesn’t feel good?
Andrew: My ancient ass?
Vanessa: Your ancient ass!
Vanessa: Hey, it’s not actually that bad!
Andrew: You’re not touching it yet.
Vanessa: That’s why!
Andrew: So, you’re just gonna hoverhand it, then?
Vanessa: I never promised you an ass-grabbin’.
Vanessa: Your shoulders are boney.
Andrew: They’re not the only thing.
Vanessa: Oh! No, they’re certainly not.
Andrew: Again with the hands.
Vanessa: Maybe you just need to get fatter.
Andrew: Got a chubby goin’ on right now!
Around here we just use the word “penis.”
The starkness of it is amusing to me.
Andrew: Do we have to go back?
Vanessa: I’ve got kids.
Andrew: Let the Social Worker have ’em.
Vanessa: I can tell you’d make a fantastic husband.
Andrew: They should’ve called this Cecilia’s Pride.
Vanessa: Oh. Uh… I don’t know this guy.
Andrew: Wasn’t he the… hmm. No.
Vanessa: Oh! Uh… Skylar? Skyler? Something like that? Dressed like Rick Grimes, before Rick Grimes did.
Vanessa: Oh! Ben with the hard name. I remember Ben with the hard name! He had a hard name.
Andrew: Danielle… Danielle… nope, not ringing a bell.
Vanessa: Some of these people are clearly made-up.
Andrew: Perhaps all of them?
Vanessa: Oh, this was the scary one! Bigfoot stole his name, later.
Vanessa: Some of the profs died, too, huh? That’s probably for the best.
Andrew: This one just says “A Rape Llama.” God. Did we honestly call them that, back then?
Vanessa: Addison is a girl’s name.
Andrew: Ooh, this one I know! I know one of these, Vanessa! I know… one of these. Holy shitjesus.
Andrew: At least on The Walking Dead you usually know who the victims are.
Vanessa: This has been depressing in a whole different way than I expected.
Andrew: Yeah, I only know the ones who came from away.
Vanessa: THIS ISN’T DISTRACTING ME PROPERLY
Andrew: Perhaps a danse macabre will take your mind off it.
♪ There are places I’ll remember, all my life, though some have changed ♪
♪ Some forever, not for better ♪
Vanessa: For better.
♪ Some have gone, and some remain ♪
Vanessa: They all remain. They just might as well have gone.
♪ All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall ♪
Andrew: And make new ones!
♪ Some are dead and some are living ♪
Vanessa: ♪ and have asses ♪
♪ In my life, I’ve loved them all ♪
Vanessa: I maybe liked one or two of them.
♪ But of all these friends and lovers ♪
Andrew: ♪ and nobodies ♪
♪ There is no-one compares with you ♪
Vanessa: Good grammar, there.
♪ And these memories lose their meaning ♪
Vanessa: Here’s hoping.
♪ When I think of love as something new ♪
Andrew: Most people prefer to think of lust.
♪ Though I know I’ll never lose affection, for people and things, that went before ♪
Andrew: …maybe some of them.
♪ I know I’ll often stop and think about them ♪
Vanessa: …maybe sometimes.
♪ In my life, I love you more ♪
Andrew: You know what?
♪ In my life ♪
Andrew: ♪ I love you…
Vanessa: …more ♪
Andrew: We skipped a chorus.
Vanessa: They got the idea.
Vanessa: Somebody needs to turn the lights off, here.
Andrew: I think that’s what we’ve been doing.
Vanessa: Haha, yeah! Metaphors.
Andrew: I’m really glad we came.
Vanessa: Yeah, me too! Usually just the dude does.
Vanessa: Seriously though thank you.
Vanessa: This trip meant a lot to me.
Andrew: Nobody even died!
Vanessa: Nobody even died.
Andrew: Lot of dead nobodies, though.
Vanessa: And a couple of live somebodies.
Andrew: Some bodies is right.
Vanessa: Well. Mine.
Andrew: Mine’s still good!
Vanessa: Yours is acceptable.
Vanessa: And mine is failing.
Veronica: And that’s how you do homework!
Brett: What if I don’t have a smart friend to seduce, though?
Vanessa: You can borrow mine, but only for homework purposes. He comes pre-seduced.
Poppy: Bring me with you!
Vanessa: I’ve done that long enough, thanks.
Vanessa: So yeah, I’m leaving. I’ll buy you a live-in maid or something.
Veronica: Or don’t!
Veronica: There’s an invisible sex rug floating in space between the floors.
Vanessa: I’ll have to remember to take that with me.
Vanessa: …wow. That much, huh? No wonder they’re always begging for donations.
Veronica: Mom’s buying a dorm.
Brett: Oh boy, oh boy! What’s a dorm?
Brett: Have fun sleeping with freshmen!
Brett: Veronica explained it to me.
Brett: I don’t know why you can’t get fresh sleep here, but hey! Whatever.
Vanessa: How come neither of you are upset about this?
Veronica: Check your tailpipe to find out.
Brett: Hoo-whee she stank!
Veronica: That’s what poor people smell like.
Brett: I hate poor people now!
Veronica: It’s the first step to being a proper rich person!
Blazej: You’re not getting in my cab.
Vanessa: You were talking to the stink cloud, presumably.
Blazej: That’s right. I don’t give rides to gases.
Blazej: They fill ALL the available space, you know.
Blazej: What if I want to pick up some solid fares along the way?
Vanessa: ♪ In myyyyy life… ♪
♪ I love you, more! ♪
Next time: I almost forget to post this chapter oh my gosh.
Next time for reals: youth, two different ways.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 28 January 2013.