The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 489

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which you can go home again, but only briefly.

Andrew: I don’t actually care if we go into any more dorms, you know.

Andrew: The main things that happened here were me cheating on my girlfriend, and Melanie dying.

Andrew: And only the cheating on my girlfriend worked out well.

Andrew: For a given definition of “well.”
Vanessa: Give it to me.
Andrew: That’s what she said.

Andrew: Okay, here’s my definition of “worked out well”: it didn’t cause anybody to die.

Vanessa: Except it probably did, because if you’d been closer to Cameron she might not have, you know, invited the zombies to eat all her dorm-mates?

Andrew: I never thought about it that way.
Vanessa: Hahaha, of course you didn’t.

Vanessa: You man, you.

Vanessa: They all come with faulty introspection subroutines.

Andrew: The routine gets caught in a masturbation loop.


Andrew: Did you hear that?
Vanessa: What, did you fart or something?

Andrew: Classy.
Vanessa: Gassy.

Andrew: What are “cultural studies,” anyway?
Vanessa: Racism, mostly.

Vanessa: You have to really work at it, these days.

Andrew: Know what I’d like to really work at?
Vanessa: Yes.

Vanessa: I’ll make you a deal. Kill Michael, and I’ll marry you.
Andrew: And what do you want in return?

Andrew: I think my body broke.

Michael: HELP

Andrew: You need to stop thinking about the past.
Vanessa: That’s where most things are, though!

Vanessa: Are you offering me a future?
Andrew: Yes! That’s much vaguer than a rose garden.

Vanessa: Promise me a rose garden, too.
Andrew: Sure, as long as I get to plant it.

Vanessa: You just committed to plant a rose garden.
Andrew: I just made a sex joke.
Vanessa: Nope nope, you’re going to the garden centre tomorrow.

Andrew: There is no garden centre.
Vanessa: Guess you’re gonna have to open one, then.

Andrew: Dammit.
Vanessa: Damned it is!

Andrew: And it feels so good.

Vanessa: Know what probably doesn’t feel good?
Andrew: My ancient ass?
Vanessa: Your ancient ass!

Vanessa: Hey, it’s not actually that bad!
Andrew: You’re not touching it yet.
Vanessa: That’s why!

Andrew: So, you’re just gonna hoverhand it, then?
Vanessa: I never promised you an ass-grabbin’.

Vanessa: Your shoulders are boney.
Andrew: They’re not the only thing.

Vanessa: Oh! No, they’re certainly not.

Andrew: Again with the hands.
Vanessa: Maybe you just need to get fatter.

Andrew: Got a chubby goin’ on right now!

Around here we just use the word “penis.”

The starkness of it is amusing to me.

Ass dismissed.

Andrew: Do we have to go back?
Vanessa: I’ve got kids.
Andrew: Let the Social Worker have ’em.

Vanessa: I can tell you’d make a fantastic husband.

Andrew: They should’ve called this Cecilia’s Pride.

Vanessa: Oh. Uh… I don’t know this guy.
Andrew: Wasn’t he the… hmm. No.

Vanessa: Oh! Uh… Skylar? Skyler? Something like that? Dressed like Rick Grimes, before Rick Grimes did.

Vanessa: Oh! Ben with the hard name. I remember Ben with the hard name! He had a hard name.

Andrew: Danielle… Danielle… nope, not ringing a bell.

Vanessa: Some of these people are clearly made-up.

Andrew: Perhaps all of them?

Vanessa: Oh, this was the scary one! Bigfoot stole his name, later.

Vanessa: Some of the profs died, too, huh? That’s probably for the best.

Andrew: This one just says “A Rape Llama.” God. Did we honestly call them that, back then?

Vanessa: Addison is a girl’s name.

Andrew: Ooh, this one I know! I know one of these, Vanessa! I know… one of these. Holy shitjesus.

Andrew: At least on The Walking Dead you usually know who the victims are.

Vanessa: This has been depressing in a whole different way than I expected.

Andrew: Yeah, I only know the ones who came from away.


Andrew: Perhaps a danse macabre will take your mind off it.

♪ There are places I’ll remember, all my life, though some have changed ♪

Andrew: Slightly.

♪ Some forever, not for better ♪

Vanessa: For better.

♪ Some have gone, and some remain ♪

Vanessa: They all remain. They just might as well have gone.

♪ All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall ♪

Andrew: And make new ones!

♪ Some are dead and some are living ♪

Vanessa: ♪ and have asses

♪ In my life, I’ve loved them all ♪

Vanessa: I maybe liked one or two of them.

♪ But of all these friends and lovers ♪

Andrew: ♪ and nobodies ♪

♪ There is no-one compares with you ♪

Vanessa: Good grammar, there.

♪ And these memories lose their meaning ♪

Vanessa: Here’s hoping.

♪ When I think of love as something new ♪

Andrew: Most people prefer to think of lust.

♪ Though I know I’ll never lose affection, for people and things, that went before ♪

Andrew: …maybe some of them.

♪ I know I’ll often stop and think about them ♪

Vanessa: …maybe sometimes.

♪ In my life, I love you more ♪

Andrew: You know what?

♪ In my life ♪

Andrew: ♪ I love you…

Vanessa: …more ♪

Andrew: We skipped a chorus.
Vanessa: They got the idea.

Vanessa: Somebody needs to turn the lights off, here.
Andrew: I think that’s what we’ve been doing.

Vanessa: Haha, yeah! Metaphors.

Andrew: I’m really glad we came.
Vanessa: Yeah, me too! Usually just the dude does.

Vanessa: Seriously though thank you.

Vanessa: This trip meant a lot to me.
Andrew: Nobody even died!
Vanessa: Nobody even died.

Andrew: Lot of dead nobodies, though.
Vanessa: And a couple of live somebodies.

Andrew: Some bodies is right.

Vanessa: Well. Mine.
Andrew: Mine’s still good!
Vanessa: Yours is acceptable.

Vanessa: And mine is failing.

Veronica: And that’s how you do homework!
Brett: What if I don’t have a smart friend to seduce, though?

Vanessa: You can borrow mine, but only for homework purposes. He comes pre-seduced.

Poppy: Bring me with you!
Vanessa: I’ve done that long enough, thanks.

Vanessa: So yeah, I’m leaving. I’ll buy you a live-in maid or something.

Veronica: Or don’t!

Vanessa: Deal!

Veronica: There’s an invisible sex rug floating in space between the floors.

Yeah, probably.

Vanessa: I’ll have to remember to take that with me.

Vanessa: …wow. That much, huh? No wonder they’re always begging for donations.

Veronica: Mom’s buying a dorm.
Brett: Oh boy, oh boy! What’s a dorm?

Brett: Have fun sleeping with freshmen!
Vanessa: What?
Brett: Veronica explained it to me.

Brett: I don’t know why you can’t get fresh sleep here, but hey! Whatever.

Vanessa: How come neither of you are upset about this?
Veronica: Check your tailpipe to find out.

Brett: Hoo-whee she stank!
Veronica: That’s what poor people smell like.
Brett: I hate poor people now!
Veronica: It’s the first step to being a proper rich person!

Blazej: You’re not getting in my cab.

Vanessa: You were talking to the stink cloud, presumably.
Blazej: That’s right. I don’t give rides to gases.

Blazej: They fill ALL the available space, you know.

Blazej: What if I want to pick up some solid fares along the way?

Vanessa: ♪ In myyyyy life… ♪

♪ I love you, more! ♪

Next time: I almost forget to post this chapter oh my gosh.

Next time for reals: youth, two different ways.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 28 January 2013.

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