The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 486

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which it’s never too late to go back to school.

Hey, where’d that “Sharpe” come from?

Vanessa: Hello to you, too!

No, I mean…

Vanessa: I know what you mean.

Vanessa: I’ve promoted myself from married to single.

Hitch-hiking: you’re doing it wrong.

Vanessa: Adulting: I’m doing it averagely.

Veronica: I COULD USE SOME TIPS

Vanessa: I could use some tips, too.

Veronica: That’s lovely, but it didn’t save my pop tarts.

Vanessa: Man, I thought we were rich!

And yet you can’t afford an UPSTAIRS!

Vanessa: HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHA

Past Grugly: Hey, fuck you guys.

Vanessa: So, hey. Veronica. Your dad’s going to jail forever.

Veronica: THAT’S AN AMAZING ADDITION TO MY TEEN ANGST COLLECTION!

Veronica: Can I tell the kids at school you beat me, too?!

Vanessa: Only at chess.

Veronica: They’d never believe that. They know me too well.

Veronica: Does this mean you’re gonna start dating again?
Vanessa: I think it means I’m gonna start dating for the very first time.

Vanessa: All my relationships have blown.

Veronica: I think it’s a little late for you to be getting into the dating scene, mom.
Vanessa: Fashionably late, though!

Veronica: Can I invite Patrick over?
Vanessa: No.
Veronica: Fascistically late, more like.

After that fantastically non-Bechdel-compliant conversation, what could be next but some gratuitous male gazing?

Veronica: The female gazes also.

Vanessa: Please tell me you’re not shitting back there.
Veronica: I hope not, or laundry day’s gonna suck!

Vanessa: Hahaha. Laundry isn’t real.

Can we trade realities?

Except the club feet.

Keep the club feet.

Veronica: Hey mom, you should go check out that new club downtown!
Vanessa: Don’t.
Veronica: It’s called CLUB FEET!
Vanessa: OH HURRRRRRRGH!

Vanessa: grumblmumble beat you with a club grumble mumble…

Vanessa: Travel clothes!

Where you heading?

Vanessa: Up.

Vanessa: Travel glasses!

What can you see?

Vanessa: The same stuff, only less blurrily.

Vanessa: Maybe they’re permanent glasses, actually.

Vanessa: I am just going outside and may be some time.
Veronica: Okay.
Vanessa: Your homework is to look up that reference.
Veronica: Okay.

Vanessa: Oh, yeah, there’s two of them.

Vanessa: They can watch each other.

Vincent: …what’s supporting that lamp?

Vanessa: You wanna do that thing where people try to recapture better parts of their lives by occupying the same space they used to occupy?

Vanessa: I hear it works, because people are dumb.

Vanessa: SOME MORE THAN OTHERS

Vanessa: I mean, there was mind control, but still.

Did you by any chance list your house on Airbnb?

Vanessa: You came!
Andrew: And what’s more, I won’t make the obvious joke!

Victor: Can you help me with my-
Veronica: NO

Andrew: Captain, please! Not in front of the townies.

Vanessa: YEAH BUDDY, DRINK IT IN

Pao: Wait, are you killing him?

Andrew: 10/10, would die again!

Vanessa: Please don’t joke to me about dying.

Vanessa: Especially not with where we’re going.

Veronica: Yeah, just write any old bullshit. School’s not real.

Vanessa: I was thinking, we’ve never been back to MNU.
Andrew: Do you really want to, though?
Vanessa: They say you always return to the scene of the crime.

Andrew: The scene of all of the crimes, more like.

Vanessa: Soooooo am I…
Andrew: In love? Apparently. Me?
Vanessa: Apparently.

Pao: I’m ready to go!
Andrew: So go.


Andrew: …is that a date plumbbob?
Vanessa: Sure looks like one.

Andrew: We’re going on a date to the zombie murder capital of the planet.
Vanessa: Hmm…
Andrew: Cecilia.
Vanessa: No, yeah, you’re right, Cecilia. Killed like a billion of them here.

Vanessa: You can hardly smell the rot, these days.

Vanessa: Do you know why I brought you here?
Andrew: I have a pretty good idea.
Vanessa: Let me know what it is, in case it’s better than mine.

Vanessa: What’s significant about this place?
Andrew: Llama Field? Literally nothing. Every other campus stadium in the entire SimNation is called Llama Field.

Vanessa: Fine. Play it coy.
Andrew: I’m old. I don’t get to be coy very often anymore.

Vanessa: Give me a sec to unpack my hammerspace.

Vanessa: Alright. You can’t get different output unless you vary the input.

Vanessa: Maybe this Vanessa won’t get rejected.

Vanessa: This one, even less so.

Here’s hoping he’s got some taste.

The Intriguing Charlatan: I DON’T KNOW WHAT PEOPLE TASTE LIKE
Vanessa: Nobody asked?
The Intriguing Charlatan: HAHA OF COURSE NOT

Vanessa: You look the same.
Andrew: Urination isn’t exactly transformative, Vanessa.

Andrew: Although it seems to have done wonders for you!

Vanessa: I always liked you, Andrew.
Andrew: Really? I never did.

Vanessa: You’re too hard on yourself.
Andrew: You can feel that? I thought we were far enough apart!

Vanessa: Woof, those lines are fresh.
Andrew: When in Freshmania, do as the freshmen do.

Vanessa: All this stuff.
Andrew: For nobody.
Vanessa: Kinda scary.
Andrew: More than kinda.

Andrew: It might as well always be night, at MNU.

Brandi: If it was always night everywhere, it would certainly help us nefarious types.

Next time: schoolhouse rockin’.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 January 2013.

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