The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 483

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which mostly women figure.

And in which their figures also figure, though mostly not.

I’m sorry.

Cameron: You can’t help who you were.

That’s true!

Cameron: You can help who you are, though.

That’s true.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You want me to help who you were?

Cameron: I will settle for help with who I are.

Cameron: Can you afford a plane ticket?

Cameron: I’d buy it for you, but 1) I have no money and 2) I’m a wanted criminal.

Cameron: I’d ask Andrew to build you a rocketship but 1) rocketships don’t really exist in this setting and 2) Andrew hates me.

Cameron: There’s a 3) for both of those, and it’s 3) all of these things are pretty much fair.

Cameron: I’m going squirrely in this cabin, though, is the main thing.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Aw, BAM! My targeting calculations were SPOT on! Booyah.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Boo.
Cameron: YAH!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Always worth it.

Cameron: Please don’t turn me in to the cops.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: What do you want to be turned into?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: That was a serious question.

Cameron: What are my options?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: “Yes” and “No.”

Cameron: That doesn’t make sense, grammatically.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yes.

Cameron: No.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I should turn her into a curtain.

Cameron: I don’t typically need to hide my shits from myself.

Cameron: Please don’t let that be the Quote of the Day.

I’m really trying to move away from all these scatological ones, anyway.

Cameron: I’ll think of something funny to say about milk, then.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Say that again.
Cameron: Milk.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: She pronounces it “melk.”

I fucking HATE that.

Cameron: I dunno, it has a nice ring to it.

Cameron: I made a chips and dips platter! The dip is for leaving on the counter.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I wonder who comes to pick her trash up.

Nobody. All trash cans are actually garbophagic demon-beasts.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Oh! Like babies.

Cameron: NOTHING.

Cameron: Can go WRONG.

Cameron: With THIS plan!

Cameron: Oh no, who could have predicted.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Can you destroy your house after I leave? Please and thank you?

Garbophagic Demon-Beast: FEEDING TIME

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: How’s it going back there?
Cameron: IT’S PROGRESSING RAPIDLY

Cameron: Weird, it’s like you shouldn’t shit where you eat! Metaphorically-speaking.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Alright, that clears the low bar for witch-level wisdom.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Take a shower, I’m not wasting reagents on your hygeine.

Cameron: It’s pretty much lowgiene at this point.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Being a neutral witch, I usually shoot for midgeine.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: It’s a lovely night for puns.

And loveliness.

Cameron: WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT.

I dunno, something about tits?

No?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: It may surprise you to know that heterosexual women are not super interested in tits.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You gonna get up for this?
Cameron: I’ll play it by ear.

Cameron: And what I’m hearing isn’t promising.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Must be the altitude.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Or your ATTITUDE.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Magus Mutatio!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: When it’s convenient for you.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Y’know. In your own time. Sort of thing.

Cameron: I’m 50% committed to sparkle motion, at best.

Cameron: PARTICLE EFFECTS

Brushes.

Cameron: PARTICLE EFFECTS

BRUSHES

Cameron Price the Witch:no effects?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No good ones.

Cameron Price the Witch: YES! I look as good as YOU, now!
Abigail: HAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHA

Cameron Price the Witch: Get out of my house.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I might not even call the SCIA.

Cameron Price the Witch: Does ANYONE like those hats?

How do you still have tan lines?

Cameron Price the Witch: I think I told you, they’re not tan lines. They’re chemical waste lines! It’s 90% industrial pollution under the ocean.

Cameron Price the Witch: Poseidon is SUPER pissed about it.

Cameron Price the Witch: Maybe I can learn some climate-saving magic!

YES! That’s MUCH better than making us change our environmentally-unsound ways!

Cameron Price the Witch: I used to be an environmentalist. Then I went to JAIL.

As was once said, you’ve got neither correlation nor causation, there.

Cameron Price the Witch: I miss my correlations.

Shouldn’t’ve causated, then.

Cameron Price the Witch: Alright! You said this chapter was MOSTLY women. So, bring on the men!

No, I’m calling it early.

Cameron Price the Witch: WHAT

Cameron Price the Nice Witch: WHAT

Cameron Price the Nice Price Witch: You and I need to have a talk about consent, spellbook.

Cameron Nice Price the Nice Witch: Or at the very least we need to improve you sense of style.

And then she soaked her head.

Cameron Price the Nice Witch: At least it’s a MODERN bad look!

Next time: county matters.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 6 January 2013.

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