The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 475

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which positions change.

Victor: What’s your favourite position?
William: On top. Duh.

Brooke: I don’t care about the position, I just care about the company.

Victor: You know that green and red chick?
William: That’s not enough information, but sure, go on.

Victor: She fuuuuucks.

Victor: Her husband’s a Murphy.
William: Ew! Why?!

I could say the same thing to Past Grugly.

Past Grugly: What? …oh. The… yeah.

The ceiling.

Past Grugly: Yeah.

Chief: .oO(Dude, you smell like wet dog.)

Victor: So hey, baby, I’ve got a Sharpe penis.
Brooke: That’s okay, I’ve got an unsliceable vagina.

William: All this talk of vaginas is reminding me of vaginas.

William: Vaginas which are apparently still at work.

Victor: Does your vagina work?
Brooke: Yes! It plays, too.

Victor: You can come in.
Brooke: So can you.

Nick: Welcome to the House of Coming Well.

Nick: …okay, more like wel wel welcome!

Brooke: Right back into you.

Nick: It’s not nice to kiss and tel.

Neil: And just like that, POOF! The Quote of the Day search is over.

I dunno, it’s not as good without the context.

Valerie: Alright, the coast is clear.
Cynthia: There isn’t a coast for miles, idiot.

Cynthia: FOOMPF!

You don’t have to say it.

Cynthia: Maybe I like saying it!

Cynthia: Gotta say, super pleased they haven’t filled this in yet.

Valerie: We could fill it in now…

She’d murder you.


Cynthia: ♪ Everybody’s playing, but no-one knows the game ♪

Cynthia: ♪ They pile up their cash, and they stack up their trash, but it’ll all turn out the same ♪

Cynthia: ♪ There’s ashes on the rooftops ♪


Cynthia: ♪ And fire on the hills ♪


Cynthia: ♪ But they hide in their homes, and they pilfer their gnomes ♪

Cynthia: ♪ And never know I’ve changed the rules ♪

Cynthia: ♪ ‘cuz they’re fools ♪

William: Alright, Chud, let’s see what you’ve brought me.

William: Oh no! A partially off-screen menace!

Neila: …I haven’t even SIPPED yet!

William: Hmm. Money is always nice.
Genie: You seem to be doing alright already.
William: ‘Alright’ is never nice.

William: Yeah, make me richer.
Genie: Metaphorically? With love, and success, and…
William: And money. Lots of money. Literal money. Bury me in it.

Samantha: Outside bathroom is my least favourite bathroom.

Samantha: Alright, Pinky, turn away.

William: I didn’t ask you to bury me with my money!
Genie: You really need to be careful with your phrasing, where genies are concerned.

Ah, Sharpesvale.

You are glorious.

William: Who left the hat on the floor?

Someone lazy.

William: Oh, so all of us?


William: Hey, yeah. Got a fifty-year-old teenager there, by any chance?

Uma: That’s a conservative estimate, at this point.

Uma: Aw, a home-coming present!




Uma: …home is also where most fatal accidents occur.

I meant to type “WHUMP” but “WHUMPS” is way funnier.

That’s an interior window, Will.

William Jr.: I KNEW THAT


Nick: Phonebook.


Valerie: Do you guys just not go to school anymore?
Neila: We’re parachuting straight into idle richitude.

Victor: Call this idle? We’re tearing up the dance floor and busting up our moves!

William: Alright, time to save this mess.


Penny: What was that?
William: The sound of my crotch on your ass, an hour from now.

Penny: I’m in.
William: And I will be!

Bradleigh: WHAT.
Penny: I guess jerks smell a lot like jerky?

William: Marginally clever, but magnificently mean.

Penny: I’m the mayor of mean city, my man.

Penny: I claim this drawer in the name of my name!

William: I love that each outfit has its own pair of boobs.
Penny: What?
William: Boobs.
Penny: What?
William: BOOTS

Penny: “E” for effort.
William: “S” for salivating.

William: Let’s not let that saliva go to waste!
Penny: Ew.

William: Are you sure you want to do this?
Penny: The main reason to build up a marriage in this neighbourhood is to tear it down for a sex scene.

William: …so are you sure you want to do this?
Penny: I don’t know if I have wants.

Penny: Except maybe not to get crushed by a giant sack of money?
William: I feel you.

William: Can I feel you up?
Penny: And down, and all around!

Cynthia: I knew I should’ve firebombed the whole resort.

Cynthia: I’ll know for my next vendetta.

Cynthia: ♪ Everybody’s changin, but no-one knows what to ♪

Cynthia: ♪ They’re running their races, and sucking their faces ♪

Cynthia: ♪ And being me and you ♪

Cynthia: ♪ There’s snogging in the present ♪

Cynthia: ♪ And carving in the past ♪

Cynthia: ♪ And as they warp and they woo, and they cut and they glue, they let the choice go to their head ♪

Cynthia: ♪ Then they’re dead ♪

Penny: Do you hear distant singing?
William: Only a choir of angels.

So, what’s your new name?

Confidence: Confidence Daly.


Confidence: You like it?

You’re breaking my heart!

And splitting my sides.

Confidence: Oh, Cecilia.

William: ♪ Makin’ love in the afternoon ♪


William: ♪ with Cecilia ♪


William: ♪ Up in my bedroom ♪

Checks out.

Confidence: ♪ I rolled up to change my face ♪

Penny: ♪ My husband’s in bed, so now I’m at your place ♪


Uma: Do flashlights work in outer space?

Penny: This is some pretty tame petting.
William: Love in the Time of Quarantine.

William: Except oops, where’d your shirt go?

William: Inventories! They’re not just for furniture anymore.

He’s right.

They’re also for the Traits Project.

William: …your shirt’s on again.
Penny: I love being disassembled, what can I say.

William: You’re gonna stop saying, soon, and start screaming.
Penny: …not as-
William: Not as sexy as it sounded in my head, no, you’re right, it isn’t.

William: …speaking of head…
Penny: No.
William: Right. Of course not. No.

Penny: I want to keep my mouth free for other stuff.


Valerie: Could be worse.

William: I think Valerie’s been humping her couch.

Penny: Can we do it one more time?
William: Why, are you hoping to make an ultimate composite of multiple shirt-removing shots?

William: I think… we’re getting to the end of the chapter?
Penny: Yeah, probably; my fucks are chapter-splitting good.

William: Hey, mine too!


Penny: Oh yeah baby, truck-fuck my face.

William: Alright, time for the ultimate in complex mechanical engineering maneuvers.

William: Do I need a keycard for this, or…?

Penny: Just break the damn thing.


William: You’re right. Disassembly is hot.

Penny: Do you feel bad about doing this to Andrew?
William: If I felt bad about things I do to Andrew, I wouldn’t have done so many things to Andrew.

William: Do you feel bad?
Penny: If I do, I can’t feel it over that bulge in your pants.

William: The bulge feels you too.

Penny: Let’s do this us!

Next time: uh… us-doing!

This chapter depicts gameplay from 28 December 2012 to 30 December 2012.

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