Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
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In which a warlock.
Alec Prince the Damned: Damned right!
This dickhole of a pic was the only one that needed cropping.
And since I border the pics in reverse order…
Alec Prince the Damned: …you thought you had a no-crop chapter until HAHAHA NO
Alec Prince the Damned: Maybe there’s a spell in here that can help you. Who’s your least favourite family member? Most of these require a sacri… a reagent.
I call this one “Beautiful Desolation.”
I call this one “Why am I taking multiple pics of this.”
Jeannie: You lookin’ for a storyline?
Bambi: Why, you sellin’ or buyin’?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Y’all’d better get goodbyin’.
Alec Prince the Damned: I thought we’d figured out this green shit.
Alec Prince the Damned: Shall I mix you up some better custom content?
Alec Prince the Damned: YES! It worked.
WHAT worked.
Alec Prince the Damned: I teleported everything but the green pigments.
Alec Prince the Damned: It really, really hurt.
Alec Prince the Damned: AND THE EFFECTS ARE ONLY TEMPORARY
Alec Prince the Damned: I’ve got it!
A permanent solution?
Alec Prince the Damned: Permanent quantum superposition!
Ember: Does that mean you’ll always technically be on a trip? I’ve always wanted to cheat on a husband who’s on a trip. It’s just such a classic!
Alec Prince the Damned: I like your hat.
Alec Prince the Damned: And your mere mortal skills.
Ember: A girl wants cake, she learns how to make.
Ember: A girl wants sky, she… I dunno, why.
Ember: A girl wants sex, she learns how to flex.
A guy wants to look like a douchebag, he’s probably a wizard.
Alec Prince the Damned: That’s not fair. Most guys are douchebags, wizard or not.
Alec Prince the Damned: Doin’ douchebag things like murderin’ their friends. Hello, friend!
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: I am not aware of any friendship I possess.
Alec Prince the Damned: Well maybe I’m givin’ it away free, today!
Alec Prince the Damned: Sex is extra.
Alec Prince the Damned: And nothing kinky.
Alec Prince the Damned: That was a good one.
Ember: I keep having this dream about a gypsy stealing someone’s baby.
Racist.
Alec Prince the Damned: Come over and let me be racist at you.
Alec Prince the Damned: I’m racist like the day is short!
Alec Prince the Damned: Come shorten your days.
Alec Prince the Damned: Of course that’s not a metaphor for murdering you!
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: What is it a metaphor for, then?
Alec Prince the Damned: Hahaha! Yeah.
Alec Prince the Damned: Come on, already, this is clearly the plot of today’s chapter.
Alec Prince the Damned: And we’re one hour and eighteen minutes late as it is.
I’ll change the timestamp.
As usual.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: You mortals, always failing in your grander endeavours.
At least I change my outfit every few years.
Alec Prince the Damned: ♪ I see by your outfit that you are a vampire ♪
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: ♪ I see by your outfit that you are a witch ♪
Alec Prince the Damned: ♪ Warlock ♪
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: ♪ I see by your outfit that you are a warlock ♪
Alec Prince the Damned: ♪ Now take off your outfit and fuck me, you bitch ♪
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Bitches love the word “bitch.”
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: And also love love spells.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Where’d you learn that one?
Alec Prince the Damned: A talking book.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Don’t condescend. I may be three thousand years old, but I’ve heard of books on tape.
Alec Prince the Damned: What’s “on tape” mean?
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: And now I shall share my dark gift with you!
Alec Prince the Damned: As long as it’s got its own skintone overlay, I’m in.
Alec Prince the Damned: Motorboat time!
Alec Prince the Damned: Not so deep! This is my first time, you know.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Welcome to your new life, creature of the night!
Alec Prince the Damned: I haven’t finished with the old one, but thanks.
Alec Prince the Damned: There should be a pill for this.
Alec Prince the Damned: …did it work?
I would say yes and no.
Alec Prince the Damned: YES! Teal skin! That’s an improvement.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: I can’t wait for this reveal.
Alec Prince the Damned: You’re gonna have to, I’m afraid. MÝGES.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Y’all got spit in my eye.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: That’s a recipe for Best Friendship if ever I couldn’t see one!
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: It’s kind dusty in here.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: YOUR DUST IS VERY RUDE
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: OH GOD, I’M BECOMING A TITLE PIC
Best Friendship Headline: Aw fuck, I’m ironic now, aren’t I?
Best Friendship Headline: I refuse to be ironic.
Alec Prince the Damned: And here he comes, rain on your wedding day.
The Grim Reaper: I WOULD’VE GONE WITH “A BLACK FLY IN YOUR CHARDONNAY,” PERSONALLY.
The Grim Reaper: OR “A DEATH ROW PARDON TWO MINUTES TOO LATE.”
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Death has a funny way of sneaking up on you.
Alec Prince the Damned: This is not what I wanted.
And you had to do a terrible thing to get it!
Alec Prince the Damned: ….
Isn’t it… ironic?
Alec Prince the Damned: No.
Don’t you think?
Alec Prince the Damned: NO
♪ A little tooooo ironic ♪
Alec Prince the Damned: Luckily our relationship is based not on physical attraction but on her lost memory and my aura of irresistible evil.
Alec Prince the Damned: GEE I HOPE I LOOK GOOD
Alec Prince the Damned: I LOVE THAT MOVIE
Alec Prince the Damned: Being dead, not so much.
Alec Prince the Damned: I’m glad I deaded her, too.
Alec Prince the Damned: Please don’t laugh. I don’t think I could take it.
Ember: It’s weird, the tricks light can play.
Ember: Thought he was a bit teal there, for a second.
Ember: THIS IS ALSO A TRICK, RIGHT
If I don’t comment on the walls down, you’ll think I didn’t see it. Right?
Ember: I’m PREGNANT!
Alec Prince the Damned: Pics or it didn’t happen.
Ember: …wait a second. Where am I?
Alec Prince the Damned: You are presently in an uncomfortable state of realization.
Ember: It’s super uncomfortable, yeah.
Ember: Anyway, hello little green slash teal man.
Ember: Am I about to remember who you are?
Alec Prince the Damned: Quite the opposite, actually.
Alec Prince the Damned: That memory-erasing spell.
Alec Prince the Damned: When you’re as good at this as I am, you don’t even need to get the words right.
Ember: What words?
Ember: What anything?
Ember: What a hunk! of something green and teal.
Ember: Who I apparently don’t like.
Alec Prince the Damned: You like me, you just don’t remember that you like me.
♪ AND YEAH I REALLY DO THINK ♪
Alec Prince the Damned: *sigh*
♪ IT’S LIKE RAAAAAAA-IIIIIIIIIIIIII-AIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN ♪
Alec Prince the Damned: Let me jog your ASS!
Three days in a row of ass-themed Quotes of the Day.
Ember: I remember that I like sudden metaphor swerves!
Ember: And dick.
Alec Prince the Damned: I’m all the dick you’ll ever need, baby.
Alec Prince the Damned: And I’ve got a big penis, too.
Ember: Have I always been pregnant?
Alec Prince the Damned: God, can you imagine?
Alec Prince the Damned: Everything will be clear some day soon, I promise.
Ember: Clear like I’ll understand stuff, or clear like my memories are clear?
Ember: Just clarifying.
Alec Prince the Damned: You ask such penetrating questions.
Ember: I can’t remember what about.
Ember: Oh! It’s that colour! Interesting.
Ember: That was the best sex I can ever remember having!
Alec Prince the Damned: Ouch.
Ember: It’s just that my muscles obviously remember better.
WOW.
Alec Prince the Damned: Right?
Jeannie: I was buyin’.
Alec Prince the Damned: This storyline don’t come cheap.
Alec Prince the Damned: It has its Price.
And its Fox!
And oh god, not a Murphy too!
Alec Prince the Damned: Ignore him.
And he’ll go away?
Alec Prince the Damned: Who cares? If you’re ignoring him.
Alec Prince the Damned: Most of them are on the list, anyhow.
Ember: What list?
The list of Maxis and Maxis-like Sims he’s gonna murder.
Ember: Those must be pretty bad things, then, if he wants to murder them.
They’re just average, boring people.
Ember: Who are also Nazis.
No, honestly, Lance is more of a Nazi than anyone else.
Ember: What.
Ember: Can I get another mindwipe?
Ember: Or, what’s it cost to buy my way out of this storyline?
Ember: …and whose freakin’ baby…?
Next time: carpet shaggin’.
Ember: No, but really?
This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 December 2012.