The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 470

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which a warlock.

Alec Prince the Damned: Damned right!

This dickhole of a pic was the only one that needed cropping.

And since I border the pics in reverse order…

Alec Prince the Damned: …you thought you had a no-crop chapter until HAHAHA NO

Alec Prince the Damned: Maybe there’s a spell in here that can help you. Who’s your least favourite family member? Most of these require a sacri… a reagent.

I call this one “Beautiful Desolation.”

I call this one “Why am I taking multiple pics of this.”

Jeannie: You lookin’ for a storyline?
Bambi: Why, you sellin’ or buyin’?

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Y’all’d better get goodbyin’.

Alec Prince the Damned: I thought we’d figured out this green shit.

Alec Prince the Damned: Shall I mix you up some better custom content?

Alec Prince the Damned: YES! It worked.

WHAT worked.

Alec Prince the Damned: I teleported everything but the green pigments.

Alec Prince the Damned: It really, really hurt.

Alec Prince the Damned: AND THE EFFECTS ARE ONLY TEMPORARY

Alec Prince the Damned: I’ve got it!

A permanent solution?

Alec Prince the Damned: Permanent quantum superposition!

Ember: Does that mean you’ll always technically be on a trip? I’ve always wanted to cheat on a husband who’s on a trip. It’s just such a classic!

Alec Prince the Damned: I like your hat.

Alec Prince the Damned: And your mere mortal skills.

Ember: A girl wants cake, she learns how to make.

Ember: A girl wants sky, she… I dunno, why.

Ember: A girl wants sex, she learns how to flex.

A guy wants to look like a douchebag, he’s probably a wizard.

Alec Prince the Damned: That’s not fair. Most guys are douchebags, wizard or not.

Alec Prince the Damned: Doin’ douchebag things like murderin’ their friends. Hello, friend!

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: I am not aware of any friendship I possess.
Alec Prince the Damned: Well maybe I’m givin’ it away free, today!

Alec Prince the Damned: Sex is extra.

Alec Prince the Damned: And nothing kinky.

Alec Prince the Damned: That was a good one.

Ember: I keep having this dream about a gypsy stealing someone’s baby.

Racist.

Alec Prince the Damned: Come over and let me be racist at you.

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m racist like the day is short!

Alec Prince the Damned: Come shorten your days.

Alec Prince the Damned: Of course that’s not a metaphor for murdering you!
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: What is it a metaphor for, then?
Alec Prince the Damned: Hahaha! Yeah.

Alec Prince the Damned: Come on, already, this is clearly the plot of today’s chapter.

Alec Prince the Damned: And we’re one hour and eighteen minutes late as it is.

I’ll change the timestamp.

As usual.

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: You mortals, always failing in your grander endeavours.

At least I change my outfit every few years.

Alec Prince the Damned:I see by your outfit that you are a vampire
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: ♪ I see by your outfit that you are a witch ♪
Alec Prince the Damned: ♪ Warlock ♪

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: ♪ I see by your outfit that you are a warlock
Alec Prince the Damned: ♪ Now take off your outfit and fuck me, you bitch ♪

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Bitches love the word “bitch.”

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: And also love love spells.

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Where’d you learn that one?
Alec Prince the Damned: A talking book.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Don’t condescend. I may be three thousand years old, but I’ve heard of books on tape.
Alec Prince the Damned: What’s “on tape” mean?

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: And now I shall share my dark gift with you!
Alec Prince the Damned: As long as it’s got its own skintone overlay, I’m in.

Alec Prince the Damned: Motorboat time!

Alec Prince the Damned: Not so deep! This is my first time, you know.

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Welcome to your new life, creature of the night!
Alec Prince the Damned: I haven’t finished with the old one, but thanks.

Alec Prince the Damned: There should be a pill for this.

Alec Prince the Damned: …did it work?

I would say yes and no.

Alec Prince the Damned: YES! Teal skin! That’s an improvement.
Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: I can’t wait for this reveal.

Alec Prince the Damned: You’re gonna have to, I’m afraid. MÝGES.

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Y’all got spit in my eye.

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: That’s a recipe for Best Friendship if ever I couldn’t see one!

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: It’s kind dusty in here.

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: YOUR DUST IS VERY RUDE

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: OH GOD, I’M BECOMING A TITLE PIC

Best Friendship Headline: Aw fuck, I’m ironic now, aren’t I?

Best Friendship Headline: I refuse to be ironic.

Alec Prince the Damned: And here he comes, rain on your wedding day.
The Grim Reaper: I WOULD’VE GONE WITH “A BLACK FLY IN YOUR CHARDONNAY,” PERSONALLY.

The Grim Reaper: OR “A DEATH ROW PARDON TWO MINUTES TOO LATE.”

Contessa Lucy Toyonaga: Death has a funny way of sneaking up on you.

Alec Prince the Damned: This is not what I wanted.

And you had to do a terrible thing to get it!

Alec Prince the Damned: ….

Isn’t it… ironic?

Alec Prince the Damned: No.

Don’t you think?

Alec Prince the Damned: NO

♪ A little tooooo ironic ♪

Alec Prince the Damned: Luckily our relationship is based not on physical attraction but on her lost memory and my aura of irresistible evil.

Alec Prince the Damned: GEE I HOPE I LOOK GOOD

What We Do in the Bathroom.

Alec Prince the Damned: I LOVE THAT MOVIE

Alec Prince the Damned: Being dead, not so much.

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m glad I deaded her, too.

Alec Prince the Damned: Please don’t laugh. I don’t think I could take it.

Ember: It’s weird, the tricks light can play.

Ember: Thought he was a bit teal there, for a second.

Ember: THIS IS ALSO A TRICK, RIGHT

If I don’t comment on the walls down, you’ll think I didn’t see it. Right?

Ember: I’m PREGNANT!
Alec Prince the Damned: Pics or it didn’t happen.

Ember: …wait a second. Where am I?
Alec Prince the Damned: You are presently in an uncomfortable state of realization.

Ember: It’s super uncomfortable, yeah.

Ember: Anyway, hello little green slash teal man.

Ember: Am I about to remember who you are?
Alec Prince the Damned: Quite the opposite, actually.

Alec Prince the Damned: That memory-erasing spell.

Alec Prince the Damned: When you’re as good at this as I am, you don’t even need to get the words right.

Ember: What words?

Ember: What anything?

Ember: What a hunk! of something green and teal.

Ember: Who I apparently don’t like.
Alec Prince the Damned: You like me, you just don’t remember that you like me.

♪ AND YEAH I REALLY DO THINK ♪

Alec Prince the Damned: *sigh*

♪ IT’S LIKE RAAAAAAA-IIIIIIIIIIIIII-AIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN ♪

Alec Prince the Damned: Let me jog your ASS!

Three days in a row of ass-themed Quotes of the Day.

Ember: I remember that I like sudden metaphor swerves!

Ember: And dick.

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m all the dick you’ll ever need, baby.

Alec Prince the Damned: And I’ve got a big penis, too.

Ember: Have I always been pregnant?
Alec Prince the Damned: God, can you imagine?

Alec Prince the Damned: Everything will be clear some day soon, I promise.
Ember: Clear like I’ll understand stuff, or clear like my memories are clear?

Ember: Just clarifying.

Alec Prince the Damned: You ask such penetrating questions.

Ember: I can’t remember what about.

Ember: Oh! It’s that colour! Interesting.

Ember: That was the best sex I can ever remember having!
Alec Prince the Damned: Ouch.

Ember: It’s just that my muscles obviously remember better.

WOW.

Alec Prince the Damned: Right?

Jeannie: I was buyin’.

Alec Prince the Damned: This storyline don’t come cheap.

Alec Prince the Damned: It has its Price.

And its Fox!

And oh god, not a Murphy too!

Alec Prince the Damned: Ignore him.

And he’ll go away?

Alec Prince the Damned: Who cares? If you’re ignoring him.

Alec Prince the Damned: Most of them are on the list, anyhow.

Ember: What list?

The list of Maxis and Maxis-like Sims he’s gonna murder.

Ember: Those must be pretty bad things, then, if he wants to murder them.

They’re just average, boring people.

Ember: Who are also Nazis.

No, honestly, Lance is more of a Nazi than anyone else.

Ember: What.

Ember: Can I get another mindwipe?

Ember: Or, what’s it cost to buy my way out of this storyline?

Ember: …and whose freakin’ baby…?

Next time: carpet shaggin’.

Ember: No, but really?

This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 December 2012.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.