Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which the chapter is not actually for sixty-nine.
Marco: Aw, you got me all excited.
Oliver: I think I’m gonna become a scientist!
Yeah, it’s not like two of your relatives have that entire thing one hundred percent sewed-up.
Oliver: I’m gonna become a stomach whisperer!
Chelsea: I’m gonna become tired of Marco.
Marco: I’m already there.
Chelsea: I guess it’s like having a mobile water feature in the yard…
There’s also a mobile gross indecency charge on the sidewalk.
Oops, never mind, now we’re talking prison time.
Wander: DON’T BLAME ME, BLAME MY WORKOUT CLOTHES
And now it’s time for our yearly installment of “Does Grugly remember who these kids are?”
Bethany: I can’t even tell these two apart.
It’s okay, I kind of can’t either.
Emma: You’re lying. See? You got my name right.
Looked it up.
Emma: You did not.
Believe what you want to believe.
I guess you know one of two things now:
1) My game-playing hasn’t gotten to the point where these characters are adults, or
2) These characters never become adults.
Emma: They both sound pretty likely.
Chelsea: So… how’ve you been.
Chelsea: Ever suddenly realize you forgot one of your daughters?
Chelsea: Ever stack a series of geometric objects on top of each other?
They’re not in primary school yet.
It’s probably not even called that in the States.
It’s probably called [SCHOOL SHOOTING JOKE REMOVED]
Chelsea: Did you just.
I would contend that oblique jokes about school shootings are not offensive.
DOING NOTHING ABOUT SCHOOL SHOOTINGS IS OFFENSIVE.
Chelsea: Hi! I’m Chelsea! This is supposed to be my chapter, but the Maker’s trying to drown us with his bleeding sky-heart.
Hannah: Hi, Chelsea! I learned to talk just so I can tell you, I feel that feel.
Oliver: What’s your favourite Narnia book?
Hector: The Silver Chair!
Oliver: Wrong! The answer is they’re garbage Christian propaganga.
Emma: He’s at it again.
Bree: We might as well not do anything important.
Like you were gonna.
Hector: So, Oliver.
Oliver: His first word was OLIVER!
Chelsea: That wasn’t even his first word in that SENTENCE!
Marco: It’s important to keep your workspace clean.
Marco: I’d hate for it to look dirty out here.
Marco: You know, seeing you old, and pregnant… I think I’m over you?
Marco: If this is you trying to convince me otherwise, it’s having a …counterotherwise effect.
Marco: Maybe she wants me to leave.
I know I do.
She’s kinda cute.
Oliver: I wonder what Cecilia’s up to.
Yeah, that’s a recipe for sweet dreams, alright.
Emma: I wonder where the yard zombie went.
Marco: Well isn’t this just a blast from the ass.
Chelsea: I think you mean past.
Marco: MY PAST IS ASS!
Marco: You just keep on’ pickin’ him over me.
Chelsea: You just keep on’ not recognizin’ patterns.
Marco: I will!
Marco: And I’ll keep walking in circles, too, until the taxi arrives.
Marco: See you later child, other child.
Marco: Other other childs.
Wait, we definitely crashed, or something, right?
No, there isn’t enough of a gap in the time stamps. Why are you moving out twice?
Marco: I’m just that important.
Marco: Can you swing by and hit that chicken on the way out?
Marco: Have fun not getting kidnapped, kidnappos.
Hannah: I prefer to take my doom into my own hands.
Hannah: Huh! Wow. There’s actually beauty in the world! I never would have known that, cooped up inside.
Hannah: HAHAHA YOU WROTE ABOUT A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AND NOW YOU’RE IN ONE
Huh. Wow! There’s actually beautiful pics in this chapter! I never would have known that, considering who’s in it.
Oliver: He’s insulting us again.
Chelsea: Help him think up some new ones.
Oliver: Oops! I almost had a thought.
Chelsea: …time to check the household Sim limit!
Chelsea: IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE EIIIIIIIIGHT
Oliver: My first science experiment! I’m so excited.
I’m gonna stand well back.
Don’t wanna get any goop on me.
Bree: Goop is terrible.
Well, here she is!
Chelsea: What’s her name?
Tandie, or Tawnie, or Tanner, or Tucker.
Okay, Tandie or Tawnie.
Chelsea: Look, child! The Maker brought down the ceiling so you could be born in a natural setting!
One of the trees even deigned to be visible! It’s a birthmas miracle.
Chelsea: Can you take this?
Oliver: I think I’m taking it pretty well.
Oliver: Oh, you mean…
Oliver: Somebody hold my ball.
Oliver: Yeah baby, check that ass out!
Chelsea: This doesn’t feel right.
Bree: How can she have another baby in that tiny-ass tummy?
Chelsea: Okay, so NOW which one is this?
Whichever one of Tandie and Tawnie the first one wasn’t.
Chelsea: Okay I am getting SUPER confused.
Let’s just say that the household Sim limit is having something of an attack right now.
Emma: I’m gonna leave before this gets messy.
Chelsea: Oh come ON, it’s carpet!
Chelsea: I seem to have some post-pregnancy gas.
Oh, they’re all blonde? Any of them could be Tandie or Tawnie now.
Chelsea: You’re enjoying this, aren’t you.
Chelsea: We’ll be able to tell these two apart by which one gets brain damage.
Told you! Tandie, Tawnie, Tanner and Tucker.
Amin: Oh, the babemanity.
Oliver: So! This is hell.
Yes, it is.
Look on the bright side!
Now you’ve got mobile water features in the house!
Yvette: Nobody cares! You’re just a statistic.
Yvette: Drive. And don’t stop driving.
Chelsea: I’m glad I didn’t see my life ending before it happened.
Chelsea: Oh, good! Another disaster to close out the chapter.
Oliver: Will you marry me?
Chelsea: To who?
Oliver: With this ring, I your baby-rearing duties wed!
Hector: I’mma kick that thing.
Chelsea: HAPPY GARBAGE WEDDING
Patrick: I’m a witness!
Oliver: We don’t read The Watchtower.
Do you two promise to not commit infanticide?
Chelsea: Mmm, infanticide.
Oliver: Pretend that sounded like a “yes.”
Do you promise to last longer than the local average marriage period of two years?
Chelsea: In a non-legally-binding sort of way, we do!
Oliver: I do, too! But you can make it legal.
Please telekinect the rings.
Oliver: It’s the magic of matrimony!
You may now kiss the bride.
If you can reach.
You short bastard.
Chelsea: I guess this was a long time coming.
Oliver: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
Oliver: I can explain it for you, if it wasn’t clear enough.
Ooh, it’s the elusive bottom of the pic thing that should’ve been cropped out!
I have preserved it for posterity, and also laziness.
Next time: more of that old green magic.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 December 2012.