The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 469

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which the chapter is not actually for sixty-nine.

Marco: Aw, you got me all excited.

Oliver: I think I’m gonna become a scientist!

Yeah, it’s not like two of your relatives have that entire thing one hundred percent sewed-up.

Oliver: I’m gonna become a stomach whisperer!

Chelsea: I’m gonna become tired of Marco.

Marco: I’m already there.

Chelsea: I guess it’s like having a mobile water feature in the yard…

There’s also a mobile gross indecency charge on the sidewalk.

Oops, never mind, now we’re talking prison time.

Wander: DON’T BLAME ME, BLAME MY WORKOUT CLOTHES

And now it’s time for our yearly installment of “Does Grugly remember who these kids are?”

He doesn’t.

Bethany: I can’t even tell these two apart.

It’s okay, I kind of can’t either.

Emma: You’re lying. See? You got my name right.

Looked it up.

Emma: You did not.

Believe what you want to believe.

I guess you know one of two things now:

1) My game-playing hasn’t gotten to the point where these characters are adults, or
2) These characters never become adults.

Emma: They both sound pretty likely.

Chelsea: So… how’ve you been.

Chelsea: Ever suddenly realize you forgot one of your daughters?
Bree: Nope.

Chelsea: Ever stack a series of geometric objects on top of each other?

They’re not in primary school yet.

It’s probably not even called that in the States.

It’s probably called [SCHOOL SHOOTING JOKE REMOVED]

Chelsea: Did you just.

I would contend that oblique jokes about school shootings are not offensive.

DOING NOTHING ABOUT SCHOOL SHOOTINGS IS OFFENSIVE.

Chelsea: Hi! I’m Chelsea! This is supposed to be my chapter, but the Maker’s trying to drown us with his bleeding sky-heart.
Hannah: Hi, Chelsea! I learned to talk just so I can tell you, I feel that feel.

Oliver: What’s your favourite Narnia book?
Hector: The Silver Chair!
Oliver: Wrong! The answer is they’re garbage Christian propaganga.

Emma: He’s at it again.
Bree: We might as well not do anything important.

Like you were gonna.

Hector: So, Oliver.
Oliver: His first word was OLIVER!
Chelsea: That wasn’t even his first word in that SENTENCE!

Marco: It’s important to keep your workspace clean.

Marco: I’d hate for it to look dirty out here.

Marco: You know, seeing you old, and pregnant… I think I’m over you?

Marco: If this is you trying to convince me otherwise, it’s having a …counterotherwise effect.

Marco: Maybe she wants me to leave.

I know I do.

Okay, fine.

She’s kinda cute.

Oliver: I wonder what Cecilia’s up to.

Yeah, that’s a recipe for sweet dreams, alright.

Emma: I wonder where the yard zombie went.

Marco: Well isn’t this just a blast from the ass.

Chelsea: I think you mean past.
Marco: MY PAST IS ASS!

Marco: You just keep on’ pickin’ him over me.
Chelsea: You just keep on’ not recognizin’ patterns.

Marco: I will!

Marco: And I’ll keep walking in circles, too, until the taxi arrives.

Marco: See you later child, other child.

Marco: Other other childs.

Wait, we definitely crashed, or something, right?

No, there isn’t enough of a gap in the time stamps. Why are you moving out twice?

Marco: I’m just that important.

Marco: Can you swing by and hit that chicken on the way out?

Marco: No?

Marco: Have fun not getting kidnapped, kidnappos.

Hannah: I prefer to take my doom into my own hands.

Hannah: Huh! Wow. There’s actually beauty in the world! I never would have known that, cooped up inside.

I.

HEAR.

THAT.

Hannah: HAHAHA YOU WROTE ABOUT A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AND NOW YOU’RE IN ONE

Huh. Wow! There’s actually beautiful pics in this chapter! I never would have known that, considering who’s in it.

Oliver: He’s insulting us again.
Chelsea: Help him think up some new ones.

Oliver: Oops! I almost had a thought.
Chelsea: Lies.

Chelsea: …time to check the household Sim limit!

Chelsea: IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE EIIIIIIIIGHT

Oliver: My first science experiment! I’m so excited.

I’m gonna stand well back.

Don’t wanna get any goop on me.

Bree: Goop is terrible.

Well, here she is!

Chelsea: What’s her name?

Tandie, or Tawnie, or Tanner, or Tucker.

Chelsea: …what?

Okay, Tandie or Tawnie.

Chelsea:what?

Chelsea: Look, child! The Maker brought down the ceiling so you could be born in a natural setting!

One of the trees even deigned to be visible! It’s a birthmas miracle.

Chelsea: Can you take this?
Oliver: I think I’m taking it pretty well.

Oliver: Oh, you mean…
Chelsea: Yes.
Oliver: Somebody hold my ball.

Oliver: Yeah baby, check that ass out!

Chelsea: This doesn’t feel right.
Bree: How can she have another baby in that tiny-ass tummy?

Chelsea: Okay, so NOW which one is this?

Whichever one of Tandie and Tawnie the first one wasn’t.

Chelsea: Okay I am getting SUPER confused.

Let’s just say that the household Sim limit is having something of an attack right now.

Emma: I’m gonna leave before this gets messy.

CRACK

Chelsea: Oh come ON, it’s carpet!

Chelsea: I seem to have some post-pregnancy gas.

Oh, they’re all blonde? Any of them could be Tandie or Tawnie now.

Chelsea: You’re enjoying this, aren’t you.

Chelsea: We’ll be able to tell these two apart by which one gets brain damage.

Chelsea: NO

Yep.

Chelsea: NO

YEP!

Told you! Tandie, Tawnie, Tanner and Tucker.

Amin: Oh, the babemanity.

Oliver: So! This is hell.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Look on the bright side!

Now you’ve got mobile water features in the house!

Yvette: Nobody cares! You’re just a statistic.

Yvette: Drive. And don’t stop driving.

Chelsea: I’m glad I didn’t see my life ending before it happened.

Chelsea: Oh, good! Another disaster to close out the chapter.

Oliver: Will you marry me?
Chelsea: To who?

Oliver: With this ring, I your baby-rearing duties wed!
Chelsea: ACCEPTABLE

Hannah: UNACCEPTABLE

Hector: I’mma kick that thing.

Chelsea: HAPPY GARBAGE WEDDING

Patrick: I’m a witness!
Oliver: We don’t read The Watchtower.

Do you two promise to not commit infanticide?

Chelsea: Mmm, infanticide.
Oliver: Pretend that sounded like a “yes.”

Do you promise to last longer than the local average marriage period of two years?

Chelsea: In a non-legally-binding sort of way, we do!
Oliver: I do, too! But you can make it legal.
Chelsea: NO

Please telekinect the rings.

Oliver: It’s the magic of matrimony!

You may now kiss the bride.

If you can reach.

You short bastard.

Chelsea: I guess this was a long time coming.
Oliver: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

Oliver: I can explain it for you, if it wasn’t clear enough.

Ooh, it’s the elusive bottom of the pic thing that should’ve been cropped out!

I have preserved it for posterity, and also laziness.

Next time: more of that old green magic.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 December 2012.

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