Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which all the pics are ten pixels larger than they should be.
Accidents! And laziness.
Also in which events are backgrounded by an awful event which killed a lot of people.
Wander: More like escaping Sim.
What are you escaping?
Wander: Other people’s plotlines.
I don’t know if I like where yours seems to be going.
Ricky: Keep an eye on that guy.
Wander: No thanks.
Ricky: He teleports.
I laughed out loud when I saw that was the next pic.
Wander: You broke the chain.
What were you gonna say next?
Wander: …something that rhymes with “snow.”
Yeah, but what?
Wander: I DID HAVE SOMETHING
I almost laughed out loud again.
Tucker: Hos are hot. What you got?
Tucker: Don’t say something sissy like three PhDs.
Ricky: UNDER… COVER…!
Wander: That girl’s got ho hair.
Ivy: Oh ho you didn’t!
Wander: What’s that got to do with the sun?
Ivy: The sun?
Wander: Your speech balloon. It’s got the sun in it.
Ivy: Probably for when I said “The sun?”
Wander: …I think my head’s about to explode.
Here’s a fun activity, kids!
Write your own thing for Wander to be saying about how the tail of her speech balloon should have been cropped out.
Tucker: That’s not a fun activity, that’s just you not wanting to go back and fix things.
If I start going back and fixing things, Tucker, none of you will have ever existed.
Wander: We are the playthings of a capricious, malicious child-god.
Brandi: What was that about playing? With things?
Wander: Okay, so. I’ve got 10/10 Logic points.
Tucker: You’d make a good ops officer on my space ship, if my ship had an ops station.
Brandi: …space ship? Wait, what’s the date?
Wander: Take me on a ride!
Tucker: That’s forward of you.
Wander: I meant on your space ship!
Tucker: That’s trusting of you.
Ivy: ♪ Angry girls with angry hair ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Angry skin and week-old underwear ♪
Ivy: ♪ Go bare? ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ I can’t; I really like this pair ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Playin’ bass like I know how ♪
Brandi: ♪ Shut it off, you green-skinned rubby cow ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ How now! ♪
Brandi: ♪ I’m going to stop singing now ♪
Tucker: Don’t! Improv is hot.
Tucker: Alright baby, I’m considering your crew application.
Wander: You’re so considerate.
Wander: Wanna go somewhere that isn’t dedicated to the remembrance of mass slaughter?
Tucker: What, that’s not romantic enough for you?
Tucker: Okay, so here’s my thing: grey hair.
Wander: I had grey hair when I was an old woman, and before that when I was an old man.
Tucker: Would you care to elaborate on that?
Wander: It’s a sensitive issue.
Tucker: I feel like that’s not enough!
Wander: …yeah, no. Grey hair is a no-go.
Tucker: She likes glasses.
NOBODY likes THOSE glasses.
Wander: Fighting crime, in a future time!
Wander: I’m the child of a clone of my aunt and a man I’m a clone of.
Wander: Go on.
Wander: What are you trying to say?
Tucker: I’m trying to say “what?” but I can’t get past the first syllable, because that was SO MOTHERFUCKING WHAT
Wander: Motherfucking was kinda the problem, yeah.
Tucker: You have a weird science backstory! That’s a definite plus in a sci-fi crewmember.
Jizelle: I call ziz number “Punk Rock in a Bad French Azzent.”
Venkat: I couldn’t in good conscience let that happen.
Wander: I’ve gotta say, I’ve never met a spaceship captain before.
Tucker: Me either!
Wander: The hat’s kind of in the way, though.
Tucker: It has to be big, it’s got my ship in it.
Wander: I’m talking to a man who keeps a shrunken spaceship in his pirate hat, Stewart!
Stewart: I’m being talked to by a woman I don’t know who knows my name?
Stewart: And is hot?
Wander: God DAMMIT. I should NOT be hot to you.
Stewart: Yeah, admittedly you’re not up to my usual standards.
Wander: Fuck fuck FUCK!
Stewart: I’m down!
Tucker: Should I vaporize him?
Wander: No, Abigail should, and then bring him back RELATED TO ME.
Stewart: I’d like to recite a poem I just wrote. It’s called “Life is Weird and I Think I Just Hit On My Brother.”
Brandi: ♪ Hear the zombies piss and moan, eating everyone you’ve ever known ♪
Stewart: ♪ A clone ♪
Tucker: ♪ A spaceman from the pirate zone ♪
Brandi: ♪ Hear the agents scream and shout ♪
Wander: ♪ The apocalyptic checking-out ♪
Tucker: ♪ A trout, a three-armed fish-man talent scout ♪
Tucker: I’m terrible at ad-lib.
Brandi: ♪ The hole is digging itself deeper in the ground ♪
Wander: ♪ We’re burning daylight, and it’s time that we found ♪
Tucker: ♪ SOMEONE TO POUND ♪
Wander: I’d pound that guy.
Neila Sharpe the Witch: Can we not talk about pounds? Or fucking my dad?
Wren: Real people only.
Brandi: ♪ Fifty hearts in a bright pink cloud ♪
Wander: ♪ Stupid bitch who’s singing much too loud ♪
Tucker: ♪ I bowed ♪
Wander: ♪ And I suggest we ditch this crowd ♪
Cory: ♪ Can we sing the actual words? ♪
Wren: ♪ Some of us are named the same as birds ♪
Wren: ♪ Uh… turds? ♪
Cory: ♪ I guess something about the Kurds? ♪
Yeah, that was a tough one.
Brandi: ♪ Keep playing pinball in the chambers of the dead ♪
Ryan: ♪ I like combining fun with existential dread ♪
Tucker: ♪ Now give me head! ♪
Wander: I don’t have anything for the spoken word bit.
That’s fine, this went on much longer than it should have.
I’ve just had that song in my head for weeks, and I thought this might help me exorcise it.
Neila Sharpe the Witch: *needs help with exercising*
Kenya: So, do you eat mice?
Wren: No. Caterpillars, moths, crickets, that sort of thing.
Ryan: Is trailing dirty dishes a superpower?
No, but successfully exercising is.
From my perspective.
Kenya: I’ve always wanted to meet a brown passerine bird in the predominantly New World family Troglodytidae.
Stewart: Nice hat, guy. Green Day more like MARINE Day!
Tucker: Can I vaporize it now?
Wander: Not if I vaporize it first.
Wander: Can I gesture at your dick?
Tucker: Looks like it!
Wren: You were hot down there.
Tucker: I’m getting cold up here.
Neila: I think they’re stockpiling a biological warfare arsenal in here.
Next time: Tuckered out.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 26 December 2012.