Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which wow, okay, this is gonna be two chapters.
More like the Price-Murphy/Spring-Murphy/Young/Nouveaux/Bigfoot family AM I RIGHT
Jizelle: Ouat ze fuck iz zat?
Andrew: William’s work helicopter. It’s been sitting here since Chapter 451.
Penny: Our neighbours must hate us.
And even more, now, because of the helicopter!
William: I’ve asked for a Harrier but the president said no.
William: I wanna be the president.
Penny: BE WHATEVER YOU WANT, SOMEWHERE ELSE
Penny: SURE IS HELICOPTER AROUND HERE
Jizelle: SURE IS
William: For me?
Andrew: That would explain why I’m handing it to you.
William: What is it?
Andrew: A sentient being.
Andrew: In a trap.
Jizelle: ‘ow did you know what waz in zere?
I’ve finally reached the point where I document stuff like that.
William: The undocumented live is not worth living.
Penny: Speaking of undocumented, immigrate yourself the fuck out my household.
Jizelle: Zat vuss in bad tazte.
Penny: HAVING AS GOOD AN ASS AS ME IS IN BAD TASTE
William: I enjoyed our little adventure.
Andrew: I’m heartbroken.
William: I’ll try not to let that affect my enjoyment.
William: See you around, Chud.
Andrew: Goodbye, Gerd.
Andrew: YA FUCKIN’ HELICOPTER FACE
William: Can’t you make it go louder?
William: Oh! You CAN!
Andrew: I should’ve ray-gunned him.
And also NO
Andrew: I should warn you, it’s pretty yuck-no in there lately.
Penny: I’ll manage.
Andrew: Also they might all think you’re a serial killer.
Penny: …I’ll… not manage?
Angelica: I will let you eat this baby if you don’t kidnap me again.
I just sat here rifling through various crap trying to remember the name of the new mailwoman for several minutes.
The mailwoman’s name is Jeannie.
She doesn’t get to say anything because she just literally stole several minutes from my life.
Franklin: I know that feel.
Mallory: Shut your piano, litterface.
It stands for “God Syndrome.”
Cynthia: My kind of syndrome!
This looks like the setup to a porn I do not want to watch.
Muse: .oO(And I do not want to perform, unless it’s a porn of me sleeping alone in that bed after she cleans it.)
That’s a porn?
Muse: .oO(That’s cat porn.)
Nathaniel: Hey baby… cat porn.
Mallory: Not in front of the children.
WEDNESDAY: I’m a whale tracker now!
Cool! Do you sit on a boat and watch little blips on a screen?
WEDNESDAY: No, they lash me to a whale and use my internal GPS to track it.
Muse: .oO(Unleash the brown volcano.)
Andrew: I’ve got other unleashing in mind.
The Grim Reaper: YOU’RE SURE ABOUT THIS?
Andrew: Pretty sure.
The Grim Reaper: YOU KNOW THE MAKER’S POLICY ON TOWNIES.
Andrew: I’m sure he’ll grant me this one.
The Grim Reaper: I WAS GONNA SAY “HE NEVER GRANTS ME ANYTHING” BUT THAT’S ANTHROPOMORPHIC-MANIFESTLY UNTRUE.
Vanessa: I am made manifest!
Vanessa: Read out dem digits!
Vanessa: …who are you?
Andrew: In the nude.
Vanessa: You brought me back here after all!
Andrew: Just not in the sense I was expecting.
Mallory: You gonna get that?
Nathaniel: The food? In the fridge? Yes.
FRIDAY: So hey, it rained last night, huh.
Vanessa: I think ENTROPY’s deathbot squad has finally caught up with me.
FRIDAY: I’M NOT A DEATHBOT
FRIDAY: ♪ GOTTA BE FRESH, GOTTA GO DOWNSTAIRS ♪
Franklin: KILL IT
Vanessa: Oh yeah baby, eat them cakes.
WEDNESDAY: Don’t track your big fuckin’ feet through my kitchen!
Franklin: That’s racist.
FRIDAY: ROBOTS AREN’T RACIST
Nathaniel: Welcome to here! It’s usually like this.
FRIDAY: ♪ I DON’T WANT THIS WEEKEND TO END ♪
Vanessa: Let me know when the killing stops.
Amin: I think the killing’s just begun?
Amin: BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING NON-LETHALLY
FRIDAY: ♪ GOTTA GET DOWN ON ME ♪
Angelica: He’d want me to mercy kill him.
Angelica: Okay, there…
FRIDAY: ♪ We-we-we so excited ♪
Angelica: And… there…
FRIDAY: ♪ Fun, fun, think about fun ♪
Angelica: Aaaaannnnd… there!
FRIDAY: ♪ Which… seat… caaaaaaaaannnnnn… ♪
Mallory: KILL HIM
Nathaniel: KILL HIM
Andrew: DO YOUR CHORES
Franklin: KILL HIM
Andrew: This place is a MESS.
Nathaniel: Hahaha! Yeah.
Nathaniel: Sure, sure, go off and save the world, and expect us to do five minutes of cleaning. Fascist.
WEDNESDAY: The baby is exploding.
Dirk: *is exploding*
Franklin: I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.
Amin: A profound wave of shame and contempt for yourself in the wake of your bone-shattering defeat, I should think.
Franklin: I meant before that.
Sasha: It’s like a ghost town out here.
Outside my house, too.
Sasha: Aw, I miss the ghost town.
Penny: It’s so good to see you again!
Angelica: Are you gonna murder m-
Penny: NO I’M NOT GONNA MURDER YOU
Penny: It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything!
Angelica: Well someone else shouldn’t have looked like you were, then!
Franklin: ♪ HAPPY SHAME DAY TO ME ♪
Penny: ♪ HAPPY HORMONES TO ME ♪
Mallory: ♪ HAPPY EARACHE TO PENNY ♪
Emerson: ♪ HAPPY HORSESHIT TO ME ♪
Andrew: ♪ And Penny more ♪
Dirk: .oO(MAKE THE DOG SING TOO)
WEDNESDAY: Congratulations, Wendell! We’re about to have even more trouble telling you apart.
Penny: Let me know if he turns out cool.
Franklin: I CAN’T LOOK
Nathaniel: I CAN’T WAIT
Andrew: I can’t stand up.
MURPHIES IN WIIIIIIIIIIIDESCREEEEEEEEN
Mallory: GAIN SENTIENCE, THOU POTATO
Wendell: OH MY GOD THE FLOOR
Bethany: OH MY GOD MY GOD THE FLOOR
Dirk: Thanks, guys.
Wendell: You smell like the dog.
Angelica: I’m glad you’re okay, dad.
Andrew: I’ve always been glad to be okay.
Franklin: I prefer fiiiiine.
Emerson: I want you to know I don’t blame you for what you did.
Penny: …I didn’t do anything?
Emerson: Oh! Well I double don’t blame you, then.
Mallory: He thought…
Franklin: He’s an idiot.
Mallory: He was gonna forgive…!
Franklin: He’s an idiot.
Mallory: I say we kill any Penny we see, just to be safe.
Franklin: We don’t need to kill her, we just need to watch out.
Mallory: Or shoot her on a rocket to the moon.
Franklin: Or not shoot her on a rocket to the moon!
Mallory: SCIENCE HATER
Mallory: If you loved me you’d shoot her on a rocket to the moon!
Franklin: I don’t have a rocket!
Mallory: IF YOU LOVED ME YOU’D HAVE A ROCKET
Franklin: If I had a rocket for you, this exchange would’ve de-fueled it!
Mallory: I see what you shouldn’t have done there.
Mallory: Maybe Amin has a rocket. Isn’t he a space pirate?
Andrew: Hey, Wendell.
Wendell: YOU KNOW MY NAME?!
Andrew: I’ve got four brothers, physically indistinguishable. You and Dirk don’t pose any challenge.
Mallory: Lovin’ the whip, studly!
Emerson: Congrats on walkin’ back in here like nothin’ ever happened. Real cool.
Penny: What did happen?
Didn’t they fill you in on the plane ride back?
Penny: Andrew filled me in, so to speak, in the airplane bathroom, for the whole trip.
Amin: Congratulations on your social distancing!
Angelica: You’re spoiling it.
Dirk: I guess this is my room now?
The colour-coding seems to match.
Angelica: It’s pretty great, not being all bunched up together.
Bethany: I miss the smells.
Angelica: You miss the smells of PISS and B.O. and TEENAGE BOY?!
Bethany: No, I miss all the smells. All that piss and B.O. and teenage boy stank completely destroyed my nose.
Wendell: I suspect that a few of these artworks are clever fakes.
Andrew: We’re gonna try to get things back to normal around here.
WEDNESDAY: Meaning you want me to do all your work for you.
Andrew: No, just the stuff that isn’t fun.
Andrew: You know, we really stopped working on you guys once mom started in on her science books.
WEDNESDAY: And now you’re going to upgrade us?
Andrew: No, I was just recapping.
Andrew: Try not to get kidnapped while I’m gone!
Angelica: TOO SOON
Andrew: It’s never too soon for kidnapping!
Opal: I wouldn’t nap with these kids.
Nathaniel: Our money pipe’s leaking.
Nathaniel: All our pipes are leaking.
Nathaniel: I’m gonna leak my pipe.
Mallory: Thank god I’ve got water in my ears.
Happy to be home?
Penny: I’ll let you know when I am.
Penny: I don’t know if I can live here anymore.
Emerson: It’s a big house! We can be terrified of you and never see you at the same time!
Yeah, you won’t be the only terrifying thing around, that’s for sure.
Penny: Hey there, terrifying thing. Wanna come around?
Next time: what comes around goes around.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 25 December 2012.
Which is Christmas.
I was playing this on CHRISTMAS?!