The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 458

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which the last cut is the deepest.

The circus is coming to see you

Vanessa: I don’t want them to.

♪ The elephant smiles ♪

Fu Fu’s Whateverthefuck Lion: I’M NOT A FUCKING ELEPHANT

♪ Everybody can hear you say that’s out of style ♪

Chase: ALL OF IT

Vanessa: Man, I don’t even get a good song.

William: FOCUS ON MY SORROW

William: ♪ My brother is friendly for reasons, if I am the same ♪

Andrew: No more reasons.

FOOMPF

♪ Just for four hundred seasons, we all live in rain ♪

The Grim Reaper: ONLY THAT LONG? NEWBS.

Cynthia: I’d better get a crowd twice as big for my death party.

Breanna: How are you fixed for last meals?

William: I’ll fill you up, baby.
Cynthia: One way or another!

Breanna: HELP
Cynthia: Hahaha, from who.

Asia: I’m in Asia!

Andrew: Oh, good! I didn’t teleport into a wall.

Breanna: My foot skateboard slipped!

Gretchen: So hey, like the outfit? Or is it too much? It’s too much, right? It’s too much.

Gretchen: It was either this or pretend to be Asian.

The Grim Reaper: SPARE THE BEAM JUICE, WE’VE GOT LOTS MORE TARGETS TODAY.

The Grim Reaper: THEY’RE ALL CATCHING LEAD FEVER.

William: Won’t be the first thing someone’s caught from me.

Gretchen: YOUR PRINCESS IS IN THIS CASTLE

Andrew: ♪ I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE ♪

Andrew: ♪ YOU’RE ONLY ONE RACE ♪
Gretchen: He knows our secret!

Andrew: ♪ YES I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE ♪
Gretchen: !
Andrew: ♪ AND I’M RIIIIIIIGHT ♪

♪ You’ll lie just like the rest ♪

Gretchen: Aw, I dressed all fancy though…

♪ But there’s nobody best ♪

William: Disrespectfully disagree.

Chase: IS HE LAUGHING IN MY FACE

Andrew: Ew, she’s got frost on her-

NOPE NOPE

Cynthia: I’ve got fire in my nope-nope.

Andrew: Got dammit, Vanessa.

Cynthia: Did you get them all?
William: What, do you expect me to kill the entire village?
Cynthia: I mean… yes?

Andrea Barthelet: Did I pick a bad time to go on vacation?

No matter which year it is.

Cynthia: Come on, baby. Shoot up the neighbourhood. It’s my birthday!

William: I’m more of a card person.

William: See you on the flip side.

Andrea: IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS

Armando Custer: Hey! There’s secret compartments in these!
Marisa Shahan: Yeah, that was supposed to be their next clue.

Marisa: Before they got angry and skipped the clue queue.

William: Aw MAN! Did you shoot a sexy supervillain WITHOUT ME?!

William: So they were up here the entire time, huh.
Andrew: They’re frozen solid, so yeah, they probably haven’t been moving around much.

Andrew: What? The remote is tied to the chair with a proximity trigger.

So you’re not just old and lazy.

Andrew: No, not just.

Andrew: Wake up and smell the cherry blossoms, Pen-Pen.

William: What’s taking so long?
Andrew: I remember the defrosting puzzle from Space Quest V. I don’t want to accidentally cook anybody.

Penny: The first thing I hear when I wake up is you going on about your nerd shit?

Andrew: Yay, she’s back.

Penny: This… isn’t a great look.
William: And yet, I got a great look at it!

Cynthia: Aw, fuck.

Cynthia: You can’t go anywhere without catching that virus these days.

That’s the real take-away here.

Penny: I thought I was the real take-away.

William: I wonder how they caught Jizzy?

That sounds like a double-

William: Entendre, yes, it was meant to.

Penny: Lend me your jacket?
Andrew: It wouldn’t help. My body temperature’s been well below normal since my refrigerator stint.

Jizelle: Oh, who died?
William: Most of them.

Penny: HOW DOES FEET

Andrew: I hear that.

Jizelle: Mon saviour! Saviour is French, right?
William: Oui oui!

Penny: Yes, I also need to go wee-wee.

Penny: I think it was frozen inside of me?

Jizelle: Ou! Ou! Zo colt.
The Grim Reaper: UGH, CAN I LEAVE? I CAN’T STAND THIS CHICK.

Andrew: I can stand this one.

William: I’m not hugging you.

Penny: Where are we?
Andrew: Takemizu.
Penny: Speak English.

Penny: Wait, you came all the way to SimJapan to save me?!
Andrew: But we stayed for the good food and… company.

Penny: Company?
Andrew: I’ll go get you some clothes.
Penny: Company?

William: Okay, so… do I stick this up your…?

Jizelle: Are you going to warm her up, too?
William: If she’ll warm up to me, maybe.

Penny: I’m amenable to having things stuck into me to warm me up.

Penny: If you know what I obviously mean.

Jizelle is sad that everybody’s buying up all the toilet paper.

Stop making Jizelle sad, everybody.

Andrew: This isn’t for me to wear.
Andrea: Of course not. It’s money.

Marisa: Bury them deep, please.

William: Maybe stop crying?
Jizelle: THEY’RE FROZEN
William: What?
Jizelle: THEY’RE FROZEN IN MY DUCTS AND IT’S EXCRUCIATING

William: Solidarity forever!

Penny: So solid.

FOOMPF’D

Andrew: This should’ve been the title pic.
William: He’s not wrong!

Andrew: We’ll need to teach them how to teleport, to get out of here.
William: Alternatively we could dance naked with them.
Andrew: We don’t need to do that here, though.

Andrew: Alright, I got you some sexy clothes.
Penny: Why sexy clothes?
Andrew: Because I’m a dude.

William: Alright, which one of you ladies is first at bat?

William: And balls?

Andrew: There we go! Now you just look like an alien.

Penny for your thoughts.

Jizelle: Hit that caption out of the park, didn’t he?

FOOMPF

Jizelle: Baseball.

Andrew: How’d you end up over there?
Penny: I think my internal compass is still frozen.

William: Let me take your vagina temperature with my flesh thermometer.

Jizelle: …no.

Good call. He needs to be punished for that one.

Jizelle: BOO! CLIMATE CHANGE IZ A MIT!

Penny: Good news! I shit out all my ice.

Quote of the Day competition’s off the hook today.

William: So are you named Asia or Brooke?
Asia/Brooke: It depends on the joke!

Andrew: Looking healthier, Pen!
Penny: Yeah, I only feel ninety percent dead now.

William: They’ve got mirrors downstairs, baldy.
Penny: Thanks, man.
William: I was talking to baldy.
Andrew: Thanks, man.

William: Any time, Chud.

William: And that’s how I singlehandedly cleaned out the vacation townie pool!
Jizelle: Ou blah blah!

Penny: …that’s it?

You’re going from BALD to NOT BALD. What do you expect, Lady Godiva hair?

Penny: Considering I was just FUCKING NAKED, yes!

Jizelle: Should I keep up the French accent for him, or not?

That depends. How much do you want to get shot to death?

Jizelle: Where’d you get these… clothes?
William: I borrowed them from a friend who got too old and gross for them.

Andrew: Feel a little less abnormal, now?
Penny: No.

Penny: I feel abnormally grateful.

Andrew: Motherfuckers stuff my girl in the fridge, they’d better watch out.

Andrew: …good lord, let me at that mirror.

William: So how DID they recapture you?
Jizelle: Surface-to-air freeze gun.
William: WHAT.

Andrew: You’re weird when you’re affectionate.
Penny: Imagine how it feels for me.

Andrew: I DIDN’T CHEAT ON YOU
Penny: …wha-
Andrew: IF YOU WERE WONDERING

William: So yeah, that’s how much he cheated on her.
Jizelle: So much!

Andrew: Welp, we’ve got lots of photographic evidence for why I need this beard, now.

Andrew: I’ve missed not seeing most of my face.

Andrew: …was that…?

Behind you?

Andrew: In a…?

Kimono? Yeah.

Andrew: Dammit.

Andrew: YOU FUCKIN’ MISSED SOME, GERD!

Andrew: Ooh! And me with my ray guns, still.

William: How’d you end up over there?
Jizelle: I am very stupid.

William: I’ve always suspected.

Penny’s having her moments right now, too.

Andrew: Please don’t pick a sword fight, the chapter’s almost over.

Yeah, let’s focus on the fucked-up walls and ceiling instead.

Andrew: And the bad cropping.

Penny: They’re all staring at us.
Andrew: Yeah, they’re waiting to cut in.

Penny: Sounds like someone’s got a fan!
Andrew: They sell them to the tourists.

Jizelle: Hmm. Hilarious or sexy?

Jizelle: BOTH

William: Back it up! Protagonists take priority.

William: So long, Gerd.

William: But! We’ll always have Chud.

William: ALWAYS.

William: All’s well that ends!
Andrew: And nothing does.
Penny: That’s depressing.
William: Everthing is!

Jizelle: Soooo… do we fight our way out, now, or…?

William: Geez. I sure hope so.

Next time: hope swords eternal.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.

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