Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which the last cut is the deepest.
Vanessa: I don’t want them to.
♪ The elephant smiles ♪
Fu Fu’s Whateverthefuck Lion: I’M NOT A FUCKING ELEPHANT
♪ Everybody can hear you say that’s out of style ♪
Chase: ALL OF IT
Vanessa: Man, I don’t even get a good song.
William: FOCUS ON MY SORROW
William: ♪ My brother is friendly for reasons, if I am the same ♪
Andrew: No more reasons.
♪ Just for four hundred seasons, we all live in rain ♪
The Grim Reaper: ONLY THAT LONG? NEWBS.
Cynthia: I’d better get a crowd twice as big for my death party.
Breanna: How are you fixed for last meals?
William: I’ll fill you up, baby.
Cynthia: One way or another!
Cynthia: Hahaha, from who.
Asia: I’m in Asia!
Andrew: Oh, good! I didn’t teleport into a wall.
Breanna: My foot skateboard slipped!
Gretchen: So hey, like the outfit? Or is it too much? It’s too much, right? It’s too much.
Gretchen: It was either this or pretend to be Asian.
The Grim Reaper: SPARE THE BEAM JUICE, WE’VE GOT LOTS MORE TARGETS TODAY.
The Grim Reaper: THEY’RE ALL CATCHING LEAD FEVER.
William: Won’t be the first thing someone’s caught from me.
Gretchen: YOUR PRINCESS IS IN THIS CASTLE
Andrew: ♪ I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE ♪
Andrew: ♪ YOU’RE ONLY ONE RACE ♪
Gretchen: He knows our secret!
Andrew: ♪ YES I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE ♪
Andrew: ♪ AND I’M RIIIIIIIGHT ♪
♪ You’ll lie just like the rest ♪
Gretchen: Aw, I dressed all fancy though…
♪ But there’s nobody best ♪
William: Disrespectfully disagree.
Chase: IS HE LAUGHING IN MY FACE
Andrew: Ew, she’s got frost on her-
Cynthia: I’ve got fire in my nope-nope.
Andrew: Got dammit, Vanessa.
Cynthia: Did you get them all?
William: What, do you expect me to kill the entire village?
Cynthia: I mean… yes?
Andrea Barthelet: Did I pick a bad time to go on vacation?
No matter which year it is.
Cynthia: Come on, baby. Shoot up the neighbourhood. It’s my birthday!
William: I’m more of a card person.
William: See you on the flip side.
Andrea: IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS
Armando Custer: Hey! There’s secret compartments in these!
Marisa Shahan: Yeah, that was supposed to be their next clue.
Marisa: Before they got angry and skipped the clue queue.
William: Aw MAN! Did you shoot a sexy supervillain WITHOUT ME?!
William: So they were up here the entire time, huh.
Andrew: They’re frozen solid, so yeah, they probably haven’t been moving around much.
Andrew: What? The remote is tied to the chair with a proximity trigger.
So you’re not just old and lazy.
Andrew: No, not just.
Andrew: Wake up and smell the cherry blossoms, Pen-Pen.
William: What’s taking so long?
Andrew: I remember the defrosting puzzle from Space Quest V. I don’t want to accidentally cook anybody.
Penny: The first thing I hear when I wake up is you going on about your nerd shit?
Andrew: Yay, she’s back.
Penny: This… isn’t a great look.
William: And yet, I got a great look at it!
Cynthia: Aw, fuck.
Cynthia: You can’t go anywhere without catching that virus these days.
That’s the real take-away here.
Penny: I thought I was the real take-away.
William: I wonder how they caught Jizzy?
That sounds like a double-
William: Entendre, yes, it was meant to.
Penny: Lend me your jacket?
Andrew: It wouldn’t help. My body temperature’s been well below normal since my refrigerator stint.
Jizelle: Oh, who died?
William: Most of them.
Penny: HOW DOES FEET
Andrew: I hear that.
Jizelle: Mon saviour! Saviour is French, right?
William: Oui oui!
Penny: Yes, I also need to go wee-wee.
Penny: I think it was frozen inside of me?
Jizelle: Ou! Ou! Zo colt.
The Grim Reaper: UGH, CAN I LEAVE? I CAN’T STAND THIS CHICK.
Andrew: I can stand this one.
William: I’m not hugging you.
Penny: Where are we?
Penny: Speak English.
Penny: Wait, you came all the way to SimJapan to save me?!
Andrew: But we stayed for the good food and… company.
Andrew: I’ll go get you some clothes.
William: Okay, so… do I stick this up your…?
Jizelle: Are you going to warm her up, too?
William: If she’ll warm up to me, maybe.
Penny: I’m amenable to having things stuck into me to warm me up.
Penny: If you know what I obviously mean.
Jizelle is sad that everybody’s buying up all the toilet paper.
Stop making Jizelle sad, everybody.
Andrew: This isn’t for me to wear.
Andrea: Of course not. It’s money.
Marisa: Bury them deep, please.
William: Maybe stop crying?
Jizelle: THEY’RE FROZEN
Jizelle: THEY’RE FROZEN IN MY DUCTS AND IT’S EXCRUCIATING
William: Solidarity forever!
Penny: So solid.
Andrew: This should’ve been the title pic.
William: He’s not wrong!
Andrew: We’ll need to teach them how to teleport, to get out of here.
William: Alternatively we could dance naked with them.
Andrew: We don’t need to do that here, though.
Andrew: Alright, I got you some sexy clothes.
Penny: Why sexy clothes?
Andrew: Because I’m a dude.
William: Alright, which one of you ladies is first at bat?
William: And balls?
Andrew: There we go! Now you just look like an alien.
Penny for your thoughts.
Jizelle: Hit that caption out of the park, didn’t he?
Andrew: How’d you end up over there?
Penny: I think my internal compass is still frozen.
William: Let me take your vagina temperature with my flesh thermometer.
Good call. He needs to be punished for that one.
Jizelle: BOO! CLIMATE CHANGE IZ A MIT!
Penny: Good news! I shit out all my ice.
Quote of the Day competition’s off the hook today.
William: So are you named Asia or Brooke?
Asia/Brooke: It depends on the joke!
Andrew: Looking healthier, Pen!
Penny: Yeah, I only feel ninety percent dead now.
William: They’ve got mirrors downstairs, baldy.
Penny: Thanks, man.
William: I was talking to baldy.
Andrew: Thanks, man.
William: Any time, Chud.
William: And that’s how I singlehandedly cleaned out the vacation townie pool!
Jizelle: Ou blah blah!
Penny: …that’s it?
You’re going from BALD to NOT BALD. What do you expect, Lady Godiva hair?
Penny: Considering I was just FUCKING NAKED, yes!
Jizelle: Should I keep up the French accent for him, or not?
That depends. How much do you want to get shot to death?
Jizelle: Where’d you get these… clothes?
William: I borrowed them from a friend who got too old and gross for them.
Andrew: Feel a little less abnormal, now?
Penny: I feel abnormally grateful.
Andrew: Motherfuckers stuff my girl in the fridge, they’d better watch out.
Andrew: …good lord, let me at that mirror.
William: So how DID they recapture you?
Jizelle: Surface-to-air freeze gun.
Andrew: You’re weird when you’re affectionate.
Penny: Imagine how it feels for me.
Andrew: I DIDN’T CHEAT ON YOU
Andrew: IF YOU WERE WONDERING
William: So yeah, that’s how much he cheated on her.
Jizelle: So much!
Andrew: Welp, we’ve got lots of photographic evidence for why I need this beard, now.
Andrew: I’ve missed not seeing most of my face.
Andrew: …was that…?
Andrew: In a…?
Andrew: YOU FUCKIN’ MISSED SOME, GERD!
Andrew: Ooh! And me with my ray guns, still.
William: How’d you end up over there?
Jizelle: I am very stupid.
William: I’ve always suspected.
Penny’s having her moments right now, too.
Andrew: Please don’t pick a sword fight, the chapter’s almost over.
Yeah, let’s focus on the fucked-up walls and ceiling instead.
Andrew: And the bad cropping.
Penny: They’re all staring at us.
Andrew: Yeah, they’re waiting to cut in.
Penny: Sounds like someone’s got a fan!
Andrew: They sell them to the tourists.
Jizelle: Hmm. Hilarious or sexy?
William: Back it up! Protagonists take priority.
William: So long, Gerd.
William: But! We’ll always have Chud.
William: All’s well that ends!
Andrew: And nothing does.
Penny: That’s depressing.
William: Everthing is!
Jizelle: Soooo… do we fight our way out, now, or…?
William: Geez. I sure hope so.
Next time: hope swords eternal.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.