The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 454

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which bite size is the right size.


Cynthia: Been putting off your writing again, have you?

I only put off the things I love.

Jaiden: Does that mean you love us?

Only in aggregate.

William: What’s an “aggregate”?
Andrew: It’s a term for ground-up stone.

That’s not what I meant by it.

Andrew: It still answers his question.

William: Who’s the babe?
Cynthia: What you don’t know…

William: Can’t hurt me!
Andrew: Yeah, that’s definitely not the case.

Tammy: TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID
Leonid: Cultural appropriation is bad!
Tammy: YOU MOTHER FUCKER

Andrew: I approve of Vanessa’s appropriation of our culture.

The central misunderstanding Americans have with cultural appropriation is the belief that America itself has a culture.

William: Luckily we’re from the SimNation.

Andrew: Alright, I feel like we’re spinning our wheels here. Do you have any idea who we should be questioning?
William: I vote for sexy ladies.

Vanessa: Good, I might run for office when we get back.

Vanessa: Also I’m coming back with you guys. I don’t think my cover identity can survive giving you a blowjob on a balcony.

Andrew: Yeah, it wasn’t even our balcony.

Cynthia: This spot taken?
Andrew: Careful. Sitting opposite this guy can be hazardous to your sexual health.

William: I don’t have any diseases, Chud. I did, once, but there were so many of them that they fought a War to End All Wars and wiped each other out.

William: I call it Mutually Annihilated Diseases.

Cynthia: So, you guys are definitely spies.

Whitney: Sexy spies!

William: We’re not spies. Chud Spuzzstick and I, Gerd Mastodon, are dentist brothers from Port Arthur in the SimNation.
Vanessa: Which dentists are you the brothers of?
Andrew: My last name isn’t Spuzzstick.
Cynthia: I’d be protesting the entire thing, if I were you.

Cynthia: Anyway you can’t fool me. Shame on you for even trying.

Cynthia: You wouldn’t happen to be looking for two frozen foreign chicks, would you?
William: Not at all, but, hey, if you know where we can find some, we might still be game.

Vanessa: He’s so smooth.

Cynthia: He is smooth. But is he hard?

William: Like my penis is long, baby… uh.
Cynthia: Uh?
William: …over your head.
Cynthia: No, I understood the line.

William: I mean there was something over your head. It looked like you just lost a Best Friend.
Cynthia: Did anybody else see it?
Andrew: Even if I did, I’d say I didn’t just to make him doubt himself.

Cynthia: Definitely didn’t happen, then. Now, if you’re done making shit up, I can tell you where the local ENTROPY clowns hang out.

Cynthia: They hang out all over the fuckin’ place, because a chaos-themed organization is super difficult to organize.

William: There it is again!
Cynthia: I refuse to be fooled and feel even one occurrence of shame.

Andrew: Have we met before? Maybe a long, long time ago? It would explain why you’re losing Best Friends. Relationship decay.
Cynthia: No, I’ve got lots of friends in ENTROPY, and they’re listening to this conversation, and they’re super mad that I’m betraying them because they can’t take the joke which they are.

Andrew: It seems like a bad idea to keep holding these meetings right in the middle of a populated area.
William: I’ve been hoping to goad them into an attack, honestly.

Vanessa: First rule of spy school: you don’t need to be covert if you can trick the enemy into being overt.
Cynthia: What does being a pervert help with?
William: Embarassing the introverts.

Vanessa: Chud here is an introvert.
Cynthia: He would be.
Andrew: Why?
Cynthia: If you were an extrovert, you’d have to say “Hi! My name is CHUD” to people occasionally, and honestly, who would want to?

YES HELLO LEONID’S CROTCH

Leonid’s Crotch: RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

Andrew: We’ve got a lot of territory to cover.
William: Carry me.

Andrew: If I’m carrying anyone, it ain’t gonna be you.

Cynthia: I get the feeling I’m gonna have to carry all three of you.

William: So, you’ll come with us?
Cynthia: We will come simultaneously.
William: Niiiiiiice.
Andrew: ♪ I saw something you didn’t see ♪

Vanessa: She just lost a crush!
Andrew: I think she knows William somehow.
Vanessa: Wouldn’t he tell us, though?
Andrew: I guess you don’t know him.

Vanessa: If you trust him, I trust him.
Andrew: Oh, well, bad news then.

Cynthia: Who’s reacting? I’m not reacting. Why would I be reacting?

Cynthia: IF I WERE REACTING THOUGH I’D REACT LIKE THIS

Andrew: I was losing sight of the mission, thank you for reprimanding me.

Andrew: You bitch.
Cynthia: We’ll see who the bitches are.

Cynthia: It’s better to have loved, and lost, and murdered, than never to have murdered at all!

Andrew: …run that by me again?

Next time: chopped!

This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.

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