The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 448

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

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In which signifiers float.

Happy Actual Birthday, lumy12! If it actually is. Actually.

Oh my god.

I remember closing a chapter with this image.

It’s been one year ASV since then?!

This daily update schedule is INSANE.

Like Yvette, only slightly better coordinated.

Elle: Wish she’d coordinate herself through the DOOR

What you makin’, Belinda the Malevolent?

Belinda the Malevolent: Macaroni the Malevolent!

Elle: I don’t know how to clean one of these.

Yvette: If I have to bend down to pick that up, I’m coming for you.

Everyone’s coming for everyone.

It’s like the opposite of the real world right now.

Brett: What’s going on in the real world?

There’s a flu without a vaccine and most people are filthy idiots so they’re just now learning how to wash their hands and not crowd together, coughing furiously on each other.

Brett: What’s “wash their hands” mean?

I forgot, you’re a kid.

Kids are mobile disorderliness.

Jerome: I went somewhere and came back!

Also not guaranteed in the real world anymore.

Yvette: Relax, kid. He’s not made of candy.

Brett: I’m glad, ‘cuz if he was I’d have to eat him.

Yvette: Go to your room, Jerome.
Jerome: I’m Jerome.
Yvette: I know.

Jerome: Do your mind-over-matter homework.
Brett: I wish Yvette didn’t exist!
Yvette: *poof*

Esther: .oO(Surely this isn’t the best place for that.)

Jerome: I want to ask her what was in that thought bubble.

Deborah: Woo, more Newcastles. Woo.
Brett: Put some spunk into it!
Deborah: That’s what she said.

Brett: Ew.
Deborah: Yeah, sorry.

Esther: .oO(YESSSSSSS. BURRRRRRRN!)

Jerome: My favourite part of birthdays is the presents from the clothing fairy.

Jerome: The hair fairy really screwed you, though.

I’m going to regret those shark eyes, aren’t I.

Jerome: I need to wash the baby.
Brett: I need to brush my teeth.
Jerome: Let’s compromise. I’ll wash your teeth and you brush the baby.

Jerome: I’ll assume that gagging was caused by the toothbrush.

Deborah: I don’t like it when you follow me around.

Why?

Deborah: I’ve seen The Walking Dead. I know what it means when the show pays too much attention to a character who’s nearly been written out of the main plot.

Speaking of witch.

Esther: .oO(What a magical world!)

Esther: .oO(I can’t wait to tell everyone about my imaginary friend, Mr. Dickle.)

Esther: .oO(He’s a pickle dick.)

Some might call this a mod gone horribly wrong.

Obviously I disagree.

Brett: I think we need to burn all that witch stuff.

Toby Kauker the Atrociously Evil Warlock: BEFORE IT BURNS YOU

Brett: It only burns when I pee.

Pretty sure if this ever happened to me I’d die.

Any of it.

Belinda the Malevolent: Is that, like, the opposite of a glory hole?

Jerome: Did you piss yourself, Deborah?
Deborah: No, but you’re pissing me off, Jerome!

Belinda the Malevolent: Hey honey bye.
Jerome: That’s it, keep the awkward interactions to a minimum.

Belinda the Malevolent: HOW IS KICKING FLAMINGOS NOT EVIL

Jerome: I’M SAD THAT I’M HAPPY I SAW YOU

Jerome: Your penis also makes me sad.

Jerome: My penis makes me sad.

Deborah: My lack of penis makes me sad.

You mean-

Deborah: Yes, my lack of GETTING penis makes me sad.

Belinda the Malevolent: Sure, walk in on me while I shit and call ME evil.

Belinda the Malevolent: Ya little… shit.

Brett: Fine, I’ll go clip through my bed then.

Mr. Dickle: *watches and waits*

Belinda the Malevolent: I feel a porn coming on.

Belinda the Malevolent: To me.

Belinda the Malevolent: In me?

Belinda the Malevolent:to me?!

Belinda the Malevolent: Lance? Is this you? This is you, right? This is you.

Deborah: It’s not fair. All the other blandies became characters.

Belinda the Malevolent: Hey. Mom? An evil monster man has a message for you, and I guess I’m the messenger.

Belinda the Malevolent: The message is impolite.

Belinda the Malevolent: Which is why I’m delivering it naked.

Belinda the Malevolent: And green.

Let’s pretend the green is because I’m writing this on St. Patrick’s Day.

Which I am!

Belinda the Malevolent: Inflammo.

Belinda the Malevolent: Hahaha bye apparently.

Deborah: Did she cast an ankle-breaking spell?

Deborah: ‘cuz both my ankles are broken.

Deborah: Is this usually here?

Deborah: Is THAT usually THERE?!

Deborah: WHO LIT A FIRE UNDER MY ASS

‘s about time.

Deborah: DON’T PANIC, SOMEONE WILL RESURRECT YOU!

Who?

Deborah: …OKAY NOW I’M PANICKING

Deborah: Why would she do this?

Evil mind control.

Deborah: Why would ANYONE do this?

Just plain evil, I guess.

Belinda the Malevolent: And perhaps a desire to prune off the dead story branches.

Yeah, this one’s been hanging there a while.

It’s not the only one.

Deborah: I THOUGHT MY SURVIVAL WAS A RUNNING JOKE

I guess it ran out?

Deborah: HELP ME, NOT-ON-FIRE DEBORAH!

Not-On-Fire Deborah: I couldn’t help her.
The Grim Reaper: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?

Toby Kauker the Atrociously Evil Warlock: NIGHT DICKS!

Night Debs.

Belinda the Malevolent: Go away, Mr. Dickle.

Belinda the Malevolent: Or I’mma put you in a jar.

Brett: Alright, let’s get this piss over with.

Brett: Otherwise I’m gonna have a dick looming over me all night.

Brett: Life got real strange real fast.

Mr. Dickle: You done, son?

Brett: OH NO MR. DICKLE YOU HAVE A SCARY FRIEND

Toby Kauker the Atrociously Evil Warlock: I AM SCARY! I’m so scary I-

Shit, look, the ceiling’s down.

Toby Kauker the Atrociously Evil Warlock: …so scary I-

Sorry, shut up, I’m too distracted by the ceiling being down.

Mr. Dickle: Aw, you upset him and he left.

Mr. Dickle: Guess it’s just you and me now, kid.

Mr. Dickle: PSYCH

Brett: Burn it.

Burn what?

Brett: ALL OF IT

Toby Kauker the Atrociously Evil Warlock: Say good morning, dick.

Mr. Dickle: Good morning.

The things I do for jokes nobody will get.

Brett: Mornin’ Belly!
Belinda the Malevolent: Okay! Let’s put a cease and desist on THAT nickname RIGHT away.

Brett: YOU GOT MY MOM KILLED, I CALL YOU WHAT I WANT

In fairness she got her own mom killed, too.

Brett: HOW IS THAT FAIRNESS

Next time: grims, bugs and steel.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 19 December 2012.

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