The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 446

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

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In which my country is basically shut down now.

On the plus side! This is the very first post, after four hundred and fifty-something of them, which I’ve previewed and then uploaded without having to fix anything, or add anything!

Except that comment just now.

SHITFUCK

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Things are pretty much shut down around here, too.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Man, I hope I inherit those bitchin’ legs.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: ‘cuz them some bitchin’ legs.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Anyway aging thirty years in one day has given me something of a fatigue, so.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: Okay! It’s fine! I get to see my kids grow up! That’s an important consideration for secondary characters, since we usually die shortly after reproducing.

Oliver: Our reality is harsh, but understandable.

BAMF

Oliver: I take it back.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: I’m afraid to look.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: We can’t hide in the bathroom forever.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: We’ve got a water supply, and we can get pizza delivered through the vent window.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: And I’ve got friends to keep me company!

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: Alright, what sorcery was that.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: Oh. Well. That’s pretty much what I expected, actually.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: It’s still sorcery.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: I thought I liked sorcery.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: It’s mind-blowing that these things were inside of me not long ago.

It’s mind-blowing that you wear your engagement ring outside your glove.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: If I wore it inside the glove, the diamond would tear it open.

Oliver: Poor Kyle. He should’ve gotten locked in the death dungeon with us, it would’ve given him a perspective on wacky shit happening.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: I took him to a magic palace on my broom. He’s overreacting, honestly.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: It’s the only reacting I know.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: Wait, no, I totally get it.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: I DIDN’T ASK FOR A MAGIC UTERUS

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: It would honestly never have even occurred to me.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: I don’t know how to raise ADULTS!
Oliver: Maybe they can raise you?

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: I’m gonna play Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots with myself.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: Oh, sure, like you wouldn’t want to see that.

Oliver: It’s been nice interacting with you, but I thought you were cooler when you were dead.

Oliver: Man. Babies havin’ ADULTS.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Sure, keep staring at me like I’m an eldritch abomination, that won’t fuck me up or anything.

I think you might already be fucked up?

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: So I say we torch the place and run.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly-Good Witch: I say we double down.

One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: In the land of Sharpesvale where everybody lies.

With everybody else.

Kyle Murphy the Nice Warlock: With this ring, I thee wed.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I think you’ll find it’s the other way around.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: What?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Keep it down in there. Some of us are trying to sleep!

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: We might as well get horizontal too.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I love Murphies.
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Don’t you mean you love ME?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You’re a Murphy.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Technically I’m a Wolosenko-Murphy now.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’ll show you technically.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Wow! Your hair somehow looks worse than mine, now.

She got a neck in there somewhere?

Fiona: Uhhhh soooooo…

Felix: If all the usual rules are off the table, I’m gonna raid the fridge.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Good night, Simerica!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Okay! So. Don’t have a panic attack. Don’t have a panic attack!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: HELLO SIR AND/OR MADAM COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO AN ADULT BED

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I didn’t mean a bed where adult things were HAPPENING!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: They’re really goin’ at it, eh.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Hahaha. Listen to ’em groanin’.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock:

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I am actually an adult, since you’re obviously wondering.

How does that work, exactly?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: We don’t know that it will, yet!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: It’s good they haven’t lost that magic spark. Ahem! Sparkle.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Although I might like to.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Fuck off, whoever you are!
Fiona: You can’t talk to me that way! I’m your big sister! Now sit down so I can beat you up.

Fiona: And then he beat me up.

Felix: SO YOU TOOK YOUR CLOTHES OFF?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I love this bathroom!

So does everyone else, apparently.

Felix: Love it from afar.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: So, what’re your big plans for us?

Big plans?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Surely you wouldn’t have aged us into adults without big plans!

Hahaha!

Surely.

Fiona: Goddamn queue-jumpers.

Fiona has resting WTF face.

And also she keeps staring at me.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Can’t you guys go talk in the bathroom?

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Hey, witch brother!
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Hey, warlock sister!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Wanna go downtown and cruise for hookers and blow?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Like my new look?

As long as the nudity’s part of it.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Of course! The nudity is a vital component.

Heheh, remember when I used to have to upload pics with nudity to a different website?

OH GOD OH GOD

I’m remembering what the transition was like.

OH GOD OH GOD

All that HTML work…

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You’re looking very naked today!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: And it’s really distracting.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m not breastfeeding you.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Don’t make it weird.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Weirder than it already is, I mean.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: It’s all pretty weird now, yeah!

The “Family Kiss” interaction: also super weird.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Have a mystery box.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Maybe some day we’ll know what was in it!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I’m having a bit of an existential crisis here.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: You ARE a bit of an existential crisis, here!

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Anyone seen dad?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Is he your dad? I’ve totally forgotten at this point.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Is this weird?

Super weird.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I’ve determined that the weirdness is primarily tit-related.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: So stop picking at them?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Stop picking at my tits?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Immediately?

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I was a baby yesterday. Some instincts don’t go away that fast.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Some instincts definitely need to.
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I’m eight times taller than I was when I went to sleep. Give me a few hours to compensate.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I grant you your few hours, but deny you your tit-picking!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: That’s reasonable.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Please give me something to do.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: NOBODY would run me over!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Dad!
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: NO DADS HERE

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: ONLY ACADEMICS
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: And those never reproduce!

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: We only reproduce RESULTS.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: He’s right! Because I’m pregnant again.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I’m gonna have a little brother or sister who’s actually younger than me!

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I’m too crazy to react right now.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m sorry I electrocuted while pregnant.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m glad I missed my childhood, that’s where most long-term awkward memories come from.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Hey, nice tits by the way!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Thanks! I’ve heard that.

Breast friends.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: So are you a child trapped in a man’s body, or…?
Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I’m an identity crisis trapped in an untenable situation.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Here, let me get up in your grill a bunch.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: See how YOU like it.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’ll bet you don’t.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: You’d have to pick at my crotch for the importunity to be equivalent.

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: What? You don’t like big words?

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I don’t like big STOMACHS

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: One things we Murphies are good at, is procreation.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I THOUGH YOU WERE A WOLOSENKO-MURPHY NOW

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: God, how much of this is water and how much of this is barf?

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: If you have to ask, assume it’s all barf.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: That’ll be the name of my autobiography. “It’s all barf.”

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: ALL OF IT

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I didn’t even get a whole day to enjoy the whimsical, nonsensical new direction this plot is moving in.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Then again! Be the whimsy you want to see in the world.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: I’m still losing my shit, by the by.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Between us we’re losing a lot!

Kevin Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I just realized I have no experiences to write about.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I just realized I never learned how to use a toilet.

I just realized the chapter’s over.

Next time: Asia burns.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 19 December 2012.

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