Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which I’m not feeling well but I have no buffer so HERE WE GO
Michael: Hey baby, your slip is showing.
Vanessa: Okay, everybody’s in bed now, right?
Vanessa: It’s not a great way to get my own chapter, but it is a way.
Vanessa: Sleep tight. Let the bed bugs have their way with you.
Vanessa: ♪ How do you solve a problem like Michael… ♪
Andrew: Not here. Leave one.
Vanessa: Hey man. How do you solve a problem like Michael?
Uma: With VIOLENCE
Vanessa: We need to fence this thing in.
Cory: Man, rich people have GREAT garbage clothes.
Cory: I’m assuming rich people have separate outfits for every action, like Natalie Portman in The Phantom Menace.
Cory: The one where she played Natalie Portman being bored.
Vanessa: She plays that in every movie.
Vanessa: I don’t know why I’m doing this.
Cory: I know why I’m reciprocating.
Cory: I’m a reciprocating ENGINE, baby!
Vanessa: I was wondering if you could help me with something.
Cory: Do I get to pick the something?
Vanessa: Can you stop ENTROPY from fucking up my family?
Cory: I thought ENTROPY was your family.
Cory: Yeah sure I’ll look into it.
Vanessa: I’m not offering my body in return, just in case my hilariously poor choice of garbage clothes gave you the wrong impression.
Cory: Your body’s kind of old anyway.
Vanessa: It’s not nice to say it, though.
Vanessa: The Maker’s using autocomplete in Word now! What a lazy asshole.
Cory: If you’re trying to get yourself killed, please do not involve me.
Cory: If you’re trying to get someone else killed, though, I’m your guy.
Vanessa: I don’t want more guys.
Cory: I could replace your current one.
Vanessa: But I’ve got him trained! At least I thought I did.
Vanessa: ’til he started macking on our daughter.
Vanessa: Yeah, seriously.
Cory: I love how fucked up you Sharpe people are.
Cory: It’s like you want to experience every meaning of the word “fuck.”
Vanessa: On that note, FUCK.
Man, I love it when four captions in a row just write themselves.
And then I can blow the fifth by commenting on it.
Vanessa: “Blowing the fifth” sounds like slang for giving oral sex to a journalist.
Cory: Which nobody would ever do.
Vanessa: Is there slang for pulling out a video game during a makeout session?
Asexuality, I guess.
Vanessa: Are you asexual?
Cory: More like “Eh! Sexual!”
Vanessa and Cory: *flail about like imbeciles *
Cory: Hey man, you’re the one picking the pics.
Vanessa: He seems nice.
Vanessa: Not at all, no, but that’s a generic expression of attraction, so.
Vanessa is also generically attractive.
Oh DO WE GOTTA
Cory: No, we do NOT gotta.
Nathen: Dangit! If only all media ever created had warned me that crime doesn’t pay!
Nathen: Oh SHOOOOOOOT
Cory: Don’t gotta tell me once!
Cory: Twice would be overkill.
Cory: And it’s not like I’d ever underkill.
Cory: If such a thing is even possible.
Cory: GOD I MISSED THIS
Cory: Gonna bang out a mission in Peace Walker while I wait.
The Grim Reaper: BUY A 3DS, YOU PLEB.
Cory: NINTENDO IS FOR BABIES
The Grim Reaper: SONY IS FOR TELEVISIONS
Cory: Can we at least agree that Microsoft-
The Grim Reaper: MICROSOFT IS TERRIBLE, YEAH.
Cory: Wait a minute, this isn’t Peace Walker, it’s a blank screen.
Cory: I bet I can beat it.
The Grim Reaper: DO YOU BEAT IT OFTEN?
I stole that joke from a friend.
They can have it back if they read this.
HAHA OH MY GOD WHAT
Goopy Kimbrell: Greetings from the end of the world!
Cory: If the end of the world ever happens, buddy, I’ll be there when it does.
Goopy: Your grammar is poor.
Cory: Your FACE is UGLY!
Goopy: Your insults are poor.
Cory: Your FACE is UGLY!
Cory: Why? Did you… want to borrow… one…?
Cory: Fuck this, I’m just gonna kill you.
Cory: Not the sternum! I need that for whatever it does!
Cory: Okay, we’re gonna say that hit was all jacket.
Cory: ARM HARM
Cory: Hey, so THIS is what those fancy grips are for! Neat!
Cory: STOP PICKING MY NOSE
You know what they say.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your noise.
But you can’t pick your friend’s nose with a sword.
I think that’s what they say.
They’re pretty weird.
Goopy: So, can we wrap this up, or…?
Goopy: I’m getting sword bored.
Cory: You’re getting sword GORED!
Goopy: Nice one!
Goopy: I’ll tell my friend Sword Gord about it when I see him.
Goopy: Maybe he’ll come to your funeral.
Cory: Maybe you won’t.
Cory: Let’s make that a certainty.
Goopy: It’s supposed to be a duel to the death! DEATH! Not DEATHS!
Cory: WE DID IT WRONG
Goopy: I wanted to dance on your grave!
Goopy: Or at least have you dance on mine!
Goopy: WAIT WHY ARE YOU UP
Goopy: DID YOU HAVE… MORE…
Cory: Hit points, yeah.
Cory: Not, like, a lot more, but.
The Grim Reaper: YOU SURE YOU DON’T WANT ME TO STICK AROUND? JUST IN CASE YOU NEED A RIDE LATER?
Cory: No man, I’m totally flh. I’m totally flh.
The Grim Reaper: TOTALLY FINE, I’M GUESSING?
The Grim Reaper: YEAH, YOU LOOK FINE.
The Grim Reaper: TRY TO CATCH THEM BOTH IN THE BEAM.
Cory: Thank god I roll in my sleep.
Cory: Who knew sword fights could be so dangerous?
Cory: Yeah, who else?
Cory: Now I’ll remove the damaged parts and replace them.
That only works for terminators.
I think you mean-
Cory: Good news! He only punctured my bladder.
Cory: I’m sure this will fix it. Nobody ever bled to death in a bathtub.
You gonna clean that?
Cory: Hahaha no?
Cory: You get some crazy ideas, my man.
Cory: Which isn’t to say that I don’t.
Cory: Is that hay on her sheets?
I think it’s bamboo.
Cory: I still wanna roll in it.
Cory: God, I don’t know what I’m thinking.
Vanessa: I do.
Vanessa: Why the sudden attack of amorousness?
Cory: It’s been a night for sudden attacks.
Cory: How the sudden nudity?
Vanessa: And the Maker helped.
Happy to serve.
As long as it’s nudity I’m serving.
What’s that face mean?
Cory: It means she can feel my pants bulge, and she’s doing mental math.
Cory: And the numbers are all in my favour.
Vanessa: It’s comforting to know that there’s big dicks outside of my family.
Cory: And now, technically, inside of your family!
Cory: Man, this was totally worth getting stabbed for.
Vanessa: You got STABBED?!
Cory: I said it was worth it, though!
Vanessa: My husband will be awake soon.
Cory: I bet I could take him without pulling out.
Cory: I was JOKING.
Cory: I totally could, though.
Michael: Maybe today’s the day I wake up not awful.
I know that feel.
Veronica: What’s it feel like when it is the day you wake up not awful?
I don’t know that feel.
Veronica: Wanna know feels with me?
Michael: Wish I didn’t.
Vanessa: Oh good, the Wonder Twins are up.
Veronica: Thanks for letting me wipe my nose on you.
Michael: Anything to reduce the attraction score.
Michael: LITERALLY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT
Vanessa: Look. ANTHONY.
Anthony: Call me Benson, mum.
Vanessa: I’ve seen that movie, I’m not falling for it.
Cory: How did you pull the sheets up UNDER her?
Anthony: This outfit is a holdover from my magician days.
Anthony: Please allow me to correct your form.
Michael: Please allow me to CARESS your form OH MY GOD HELP
Cory: Dammit, I’m hard-wired to respond to that phrase.
Cory: I’m also hard.
Vanessa: And I’m wired!
Vanessa: Because you’re hard.
Cory: I’m sorry if I leaked on your bed.
Cory: Especially if it’s not all blood.
Next time: it cuts like a knife.
And it feels terrible.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 December 2012.