Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which imprisonment takes many forms.
Neil: Like death! Death’s a good form of imprisonment.
Neil: Hey, you know what, maybe I don’t wanna flaunt my demotion.
Neil: But anyway, yeah. Death.
Who’ve you got there?
Neil: Marco, Renée, Bill and Nanette.
Neil: All of ’em except Bill’s disappeared when I put them down.
Neil: Maybe I shouldn’t have put them down, maybe they were offended.
Neil: Hi! It’s me!
Vicki: You’re alive?!
Neil: Must be!
Neil: What’ve you been up to?
Vicki: I’m living on Twikkii, married to Stephen!
Neil: Hahaha that’s funny, I knew a loser named Stephen once.
Neil: She can’t be serious.
Neil: But I know one good, extremely excessive way to find out!
Neil: Prying mode engaged!
Neil: I know it wouldn’t have made sense, but I wish you’d called it “Neil’s Package.“
Neil: Because my package also does not make sense.
Neil: Alright, let’s see if I can remember how to read Twikkiian.
Neil: Found you, Twikkii Vikkii!
Neil: Hey! I’m here.
Vicki: Here where?
Neil: Here there.
Vicki: You came?!
Neil: I always do!
Neil: Wanna come with me?
Stephen: Vick? Who’s that?
Vicki: The… dick salesman.
Vicki: I mean a salesman who is a dick.
Neil: Good catch.
Neil: Wow, you’re pregnant? I would’ve thought you’d avoid that, considering how the first one turned out.
Neil: Okay, let’s go down to the beach and play with my balls.
Neil: …I am a dick, am’t I?
Neil: It’s a virtue to be in touch with yourself.
Neil: It’s a pleasure to touch yourself.
Neil: …this place doesn’t look very Hawaiian.
Vicki: As your attractiveness proves, looks can be deceiving!
Neil: As a professional deceiver, I can only agree!
Neil: You’re looking good, baby.
Vicki: You too!
Neil: I was talking to the baby.
Neil: You want to paint the town red?
Vicki: I’m pretty tired. Would you settle for orange?
Neil: Let’s go find somewhere public and do stuff that’ll embarrass your husband.
Vicki: Most things do!
Neil: Let’s do stuff that’ll crush his heart, then.
Neil: Or we could sit down like old people, sure.
Neil: So I hear you got off on all those murder charges. What’s up with that?
Vicki: Turns out I didn’t murder anybody.
Neil: That was one hell of a series of in-camera special effects, then.
Vicki: ENTROPY was mind-controlling me. It might have been Cecilia’s fault.
Neil: Oh, sure, blame it all on the person who’s fault it all is.
Vicki: I was married to William for a while, but I kept having… bad dreams. Sharpesvale’s no good for me anymore.
Neil: As one of its namesakes, I’m kind of offended?
Neil: I’m also kind of offensive, though, so I probably deserve it.
Cara: Whale penis man! You have returned!
Vicki: Now that’s a phrase I’ve not heard in a long time.
Neil: A long time.
Neil: People I’ve never even met call me a whale’s penis.
Vicki: How? Why?
Neil: I guess they know more naked whales than I do!
Vicki: Yeah, you’re more into naked wives.
Neil: Preferably other men’s.
Vicki: Stephen and I went to a Hula thing last night.
Neil: That sounds fun.
Vicki: They were playing Ember Fox’s music.
Neil: That sounds-
Vicki: I killed Ember F-
Neil: OH YEAH YOU DID DIDN’T YOU
I think we finally found the homely spring.
Neil: Did you know they made a TV series about you and Cecilia?
Vicki: It’s mostly about Cecilia. I’m just in the first few episodes.
Neil: Did you know they put you in a book?
Vicki: Yeah, and they spelled my name wrong.
And made you much hotter.
Vicky more or less as she appeared in Serial Adultery.
Vicky getting ready for the second edition, brought up to Charnel Knowledge standards.
Man, those old drawings were put together super badly.
Meanwhile, the progenitors continue their shameless whatevering.
Carla: I’m ugly!
Vicki: How come Virginia’s still dead?
Neil: Because nobody remembers her.
Vicki: What happened, again? She left the stove on, was that it?
God, I need to finish Charnel Knowledge.
Neil: I JUST REALIZED WHAT THAT’S A PUN ON
Vicki: Seriously? Just now?
Are you related?
Or is everyone related in fuggery.
Neil: Hey baby, fuggery should be illegal.
Vicki: Accidentally homophobic joke is accidentally homophobic.
Neil: I’m old. I’m accidentally most ists and phobics.
Neil: At least, I tell everyone it’s an accident.
Vicki: They don’t believe you.
Vicki: It’s good practice for never believing you, ever.
Neil: Hey there, little guy or girl! I’m your-
Neil: I’m your nothing?
Vicki: Whatever’s in there isn’t related to you.
Neil: Then why am I wasting my time making noises at it?
Neil: Wow, this is one fetish that is not mine.
Neil: I’ll still fuck you, though.
Vicki: No doubt.
It’s good to have something to retire to, after you’re done ruining everybody else’s lives.
Vicki: Did we ruin everybody else’s lives?
Neil: Surely there’s a few left to ruin.
Vicki: Team Ruination! We should have a dance.
Neil: We should have a cheer.
Neil: Prepare for nookie!
Vicki: Make it kooky.
Neil: It’s okay! My main characterhood will save me.
The Irresistible Charlatan: Why, yes! Yes, I am from around here.
Fuggo Carla: I could tell.
Neil and Vicki: GLOMPFGLOMPFGLOMPF
Neil and Vicki: SHHHHKKKLLLLLPSHHKKKKLLLPFFF
Neil: SO ROMANTIC
Neil: So hey, what’s your name?
Local Chef: What’s a “name”?
Neil: I think that one burned calories.
Neil: I wish I knew which ones are secret agents and which ones just have a bad fashion sense.
Rosemarie Jizzmachine: Or bad names!
Vicki: C’mere, jizz machine.
Neil: Output only.
Vicki: You’re looking good! I hear your a prison warden?
Neil: You hear what I want you to hear!
Neil: I am a celebrated war hero and local hero and Guitar Hero.
Vicki: I’m so glad things turned out alright for you. It confirms my dearly-held hope that good things can happen to bad people.
Vicki: I fucked your son a bunch.
Neil: Yeah, everybody did.
Vicki: Then I cheated on him with Stephen.
Neil: That part’s unique.
Vicki: Sunny’s a witch now?
Neil: Characterization marches on.
Vicki: You seem tense. Having some troubles lately?
Neil: Oh, you know. Just all of them, all at once.
Vicki: Just the way you like it, then.
Neil: I like it any way I can get it.
Vicki: You can get it any way you like it.
Vicki: “CHLORP CHLORP”?
I can’t stop giggling.
Will Wright: GET A ROOM
Will Wright: I’M TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF
Vicki: Will Wright can do that?
He has visiting privileges in all neighbourhoods.
Neil: Is he even with Maxis anymore?
No, he went off to not be as good as he used to be, while they went in a different direction to not be as good as they used to be.
Vicki: SPEAKING OF DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS
Neil: If you want to call “up and down” different.
Vicki: IT’S PRETTY ADVENTUROUS GIVEN MY CONDITION
Vicki: I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M SHOUTING BUT I’M SHOUTING
Joe Mace: Will asked me to ask you to keep it down?
Will Wright: DID YOU ASK HER TO KEEP IT DOWN?
Vicki: Tell Will Wright to go make another broken cash-grab.
Tammy Wade: Will says to tell you that he’s making a mobile game now?
Vicki: THAT’S WHAT I SAID
Vicki: Y’all gonna leave?
Tammy: We’re scared of Will. We’re hiding from him.
Marie: Will wants to know why you’re making fun of him.
I don’t know! I love Will Wright! I love all the games he made until he made that game that really wasn’t any good.
Vicki: A STIRRING ENDORSEMENT
Tammy: Will’s gonna kill us all. What do you think, plague of locusts? Flood the world?
Joe: I think it’ll either be a giant metal monster or a hurricane.
Tammy: Look how chapped that whale penis is. Should’ve used lube.
Vicki: That’s pretty risqué.
It’s family-friendly compared to most of my captions lately.
And you know what’s risky? Making me go hunting for a “é” at the end of the chapter.
Anyway I love you, Will Wright, I’m sorry Spore didn’t work out and that an evil megacorp at your cute little company.
Spore really didn’t work out, though. You know.
Vicki: Oh god, can I shoot those down somehow?
Vicki: I can!
Tour Guide: I’M COMING FOR YOU, OTHER TOUR GUIDE
Neil: She’s happy. Ish.
Vicki: Ish is pretty good, considering.
Neil: I feel good, leaving her in a good place like this.
I’m sure it won-
Neil: I’M SURE IT WILL LAST
Neil: I’m gonna go home before I see her life implode, or something.
Neil: Hey, playable here. Get your townie butt to… wherever the playables are at, I don’t know.
Neil: Or teleport me, sure, that’s fine.
Neil: Hey, is that one of Abigail’s dark blurry birds I don’t see?
Neil: Just a sec, I want to do some poaching before I go.
Neil: Do fireflies carry viruses?
Neil: Good news! It won’t matter.
Neil: Home, James.
Blazej: That’s not my name.
Neil: You have a NAME?!
Neil: What a waste.
Next time: next year!
In-game, I mean.
It’ll be tomorrow.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 16 December 2012.