The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 439

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

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In which Buxom Beach is far away in time.

Faith: Still can’t believe you called it that.

Yvonne: Especially when it’s so misleading.

Faith: This reminds me of that chick we buried.
Cara: HEY! OVER THERE!
Faith: YEAH?
Cara: I DIDN’T HEAR THAT!
Faith: OKAY!

I despise this pic.

If this pic hadn’t had the tiniest tail of a skilling indicator at the top, I could’ve finally had my first no-crop update.

If a chapter with less than seventy pics and virtually no talking or relationship-building of any kind can’t make it happen, well, I guess it can’t fucking happen then, can it?

Yvonne: Is it a bad sign when the Maker loses all hope?

Faith: Apparently not!

Faith: After all, he was always pretty hopeless.


Faith: Alright, we’ve only dug up a few bones, so don’t go on a spending spree.
Yvonne: How much money do we have, exactly?
Faith: …a few bones. Three actual bones.

Randy Awon: I’m sorry, don’t kill me.

Kill you for what?

Randy: I’m a Vacation Townie, so you definitely knew it would only take a little while to look my name up, so you definitely had to look my name up, so now you’re definitely angry. Don’t kill me!

It’s actually worse, because you’re apparently not one of the original ones so you were so hard to find that I got mad, gave up, and discovered I’d actually taken a pic of your name after all!

Randy: So, I’m…

Super doomed, yeah, definitely.

Brady: …okay, I need a sec to sort out the reference I’m about to make.

Brady: Ahem… ♪ Somebody told me, that I had a boyfriend, who looked like these girls, friend, that I had in October of 2010! ♪

Ah, 2010.

When I was months behind instead of nearly a decade.

Brady: ♪ I’ve got potential ♪
Faith: Keep tellin’ yourself that, buddy.

Faith: But also keep ringing us up.

Faith: Don’t look at that.
Brady: Is that a PRISON GUARD unif-
Faith: DON’T LOOK AT THAT

Brady: Can you ask your brother why he hasn’t returned my calls for thirty years?

Faith: Mostly he’s been dead.
Brady: Only mostly?
Faith: The last few years have been a combo breaker.

I don’t know the name of this person, and I’m not looking it up.

Faith: Good ‘cuz he’s UGLY.

Faith: And not the kind of ugly I like.

Didn’t you murder that guy?

Faith: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT and yeah didn’t I?

Brady: There must always be a grass-skirted fuggo. It’s local tradition.

Yvonne: What do you know about local tradition? You’re only here because the Bon Voyage designers were lazy and didn’t implement vacation-specific salespeople.

Yvonne: I like him anyway.
Faith: He used to be Kyle’s boyfriend.
Yvonne: That explains it!
Faith: Explains what?
Yvonne: Why he’s not a fuckwad! He’s gay.

Faith: I’m sure there are gay fuckwads.
Yvonne: Yeah, but, statistically…
Brady: Please continue this conversation once I’m out of earshot.

I love these shots where I use the neighbourhood terrain as a frame, and the framing works, and the neighbourhood terrain is jaggy garbage.

It really feeds into my futility fetish.

Rosemarie Jitkumuchobarbasol: *has basically that name*


Yvonne: Ooh, good plan! Find some mafia-buried bodies, they’re bound to have valuables on them.

Yvonne: I’m gonna waste the day with half-assed efforts.

Write what you know.

Yvonne: Then clean myself compulsively.

WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW

I don’t know this kind of contentment.

But then, I didn’t write it, I only depicted it.

Yvonne: It’s kinda hard to breathe.

Yvonne: INVISIBLE PUZZLE

Yvonne: I CAN’T SOLVE IT

Yvonne: I can’t even make-believe that I have functional problem-solving abilities.

Make all the faces you want, you’re not getting so much as a name-drop.

Faith: It’s really touching that I came across the country with you and we’re all alone on a beach and you’re talking to an invisible friend.
Yvonne: I’m actually fighting with an invisible enemy. Don’t you know me by now?

Faith: Hunting mode: engaged!

Faith: Hunting mode: temporarily technologically appeased!

Faith: Who wants some maggot dogs?

Yvonne: They’re not as bad when you can’t see ’em.

Faith: When’s this vacation end?

Never. I’ve used hacks to extend it indefinitely.

Faith: CHEATING MAKES ME MAD

Yvonne: Come punch the mailbox, it’s what I do when I’m mad.

Faith: OKAY I DON’T EVEN KNOW

Faith: WHERE? HOW? WHY?!

Faith: I don’t know if I need a repairman or a shaman.

Faith: I’M JUST WAVING THIS AROUND AND HOPING IT WORKS

That’s how most men flirt!

Yvonne: No, I don’t want to subscribe to your nature magazine. I might have subscribed to your naturist magazine, if you’d asked me yesterday, but.

Oh yeah, the trim on Yvonne’s dress is darker.

I would’ve told you earlier if I’d remembered earlier.

Faith: Yvonne is also the lazy, essentially useless one.
Yvonne: Hey, if you want someone shovel-bludgeoned I’m your girl!

Faith: Except I DON’T EVER WANT THAT

Yvonne: Ever is a long time. Don’t count out the bludgeoners, Faith.

Faith: I’m living with a Knowledge Sim who knows exclusively about levers.

Faith: Which means SHE should be doing this!

Faith: OH WHAT WHY

Faith: So then I killed myself.

Faith: Oh, good! I promised myself yesterday that I’d accomplish something today.

Why is that good?

Faith: Because it’s not tomorrow anymore, it’s today!

But you didn’t say you’d accomplish something tomorrow, you said-

Faith: SHIT I FUCKED IT UP

Yvonne: I’m not waking up to that announcement.

Faith: I wouldn’t wake up at all, given the choice.

Faith: IS IT TOO HOT FOR HOT DOGS?!

Yvonne: That sounds slightly more auspicious. At least I know there’s food! Burnt or not.

Faith: Not not.

Faith: So hey, are we murderers?

Yvonne: You definitely murdered these hot dogs.

Yvonne: And they died in vain.

Faith: Thank you for not answering my question, Yvvy.
Yvonne: You being sarcastic?
Faith: Not in the slightest.
Yvonne:now you being sarcastic?

♪ Waves make the only sound ♪

♪ On Buxum Beach ♪

♪ There’s not a soul around ♪

Next time: log and cabin.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 16 December 2012.

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