The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 435

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which the pictures are good and life is not.

Allie: And the chips are acceptable.

Is somebody visiting Elle?

Does Elle even know anybody?

Besides the person she murdered?

Bambi: About that.

You’re looking very…

Bambi: Professional.

I was gonna say “sexy librarianish,” but I hestitated because I hated the way it looked typed out.

Bambi: I don’t manage bookcases, I manage nutcases.

Elle: Oh, is it casual day? I’m already dressed for it.

Elle: Although if that’s your definition of casual… man.

Elle: Wait, didn’t you quit?
Bambi: I prefer to think of it as evolving.

Bambi: We’re opening a mental institution out in the countryside.
Elle: And you’re the first patient?

Bambi: I’m the first inmate, so to speak. You’re the first patient.

Elle: I can think of a good second one.

Bambi: Hahaha no. I’d have to want to help her.

Elle: So wait, I’m crazy?
Bambi: How many inanimate objects have you spoken with today?
Elle: Oh, all of them. Why?

Bambi: I have this theory that antisocial behaviour is just the result of low Aspiration.
Elle: Sorry, my antisocial behaviour is a very important part of my personality.

Bambi: Is being in jail also very important to you?

Bambi: Didn’t think so.

Bambi: Man, all uncomfortable conversations should be prefaced by a walk down death row.

Allie: I should’ve worn something more restrictive in the groinal region.

Allie: I need to reset my bowels via stack overflow.

Bambi: Wait, are you actually crazy now?
Allie: I’m not crazy about that outfit you’re wearing…

Allie: Oh good, my coal casserole is ready!

Allie: It’s not burnt, it’s ♪ just a little unwell
Bambi: Fuck, not this again.

Bambi: Okay, well, I’m taking Elle to the asylum now.
Allie: ♪ I know, right now you can’t tell ♪

Allie: ♪ But stay a while and then you’ll see ♪
Bambi: No.
Allie: ♪ A different side of me! ♪
Bambi: I only want to see the back of you.

Bambi: And I fucking hate Matchbox Twenty.
Allie: Me too. What about it?

Allie: Wait, was I singing just now?


Bambi: You’re suffering from low Aspiration. I can help you if you check yourself in.
Allie: I’d rather check myself out. Heyo!

Bambi: Those prison breaks are taking a toll on you. I’m sure someone else can mind the store in your absence.
Allie: Except I know who that would be, and FUCK THAT GUY

Bambi: Maybe forget that guy, and fuck someone else?
Allie: But he’s super fuckable!

Bambi: We’ve got a lovely place way out in the county, you’d like it.
Allie: How’s your cheerleading program?

Bambi: You haven’t been a cheerleader for decades.

Bambi: She took that well.

Allie: I’m eating it well, too!

Allie: Retaining, not so much.

Allie: Don’t put this in the novelization.

Remind me in 2040.

Elle: Everything settled?
Bambi: As settled as it’s gonna be.

Bambi: Are you ready to take the next step?
Elle: Wow, it’s only one step? How’d you get a building permit for that?

Elle: Do I get shoes, at least?

Bambi: We don’t have a budget for shoes.

Elle: How about fancy hospital gowns?
Bambi: We used up all the fancy on my clothes.


Elle: Y’all got spongebaths at this resort?

Elle: ♪ I’m talkin’ to myself in public ♪
Bambi: I’m here, and this isn’t exactly public.

Elle: ♪ Dodging glances on the train ♪
Bambi: Trains are a myth.

Elle: ♪ I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think ♪
Bambi: That must be a novel experience.

Elle: ♪ There must be somethin’ wrong with me ♪
Bambi: Yeah, you smell real bad.

Elle: ♪ Out of all the hours thinkin’, somehow I’ve lost my mind ♪
Bambi: I’d blame all the years being non-playable, really.

Elle: ♪ I’m not crazy ♪
Bambi: You’re right, I need to be more clinical.
Elle: ♪ I’m just a little impaired ♪
Bambi: ♪ I know ♪
Elle: ♪ Right now, you don’t care♪
Bambi: That’s not fair.
Elle: ♪ But pretty soon you’re gonna think of me ♪
Bambi: I drove a fucking ambulance here for you!
Elle: ♪ And how I used to be ♪
Bambi: The less said about how you used to be, the better.

♪ I’ve been talkin’ in my sleep ♪

Allie: …pissed myself…

♪ Pretty soon they’ll come to get me ♪

Neil: With a forklift, hopefully.

Elle: ♪ Yeah, they are takin’ me away ♪

Dagmar: Garbage in, garbage out.

Laci: That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?
Dagmar: I think I like being a little harsh.

Laci: Thanks for getting me this job! For some reason.

Dagmar: Well, hey, nobody has to do it.

Dagmar: Your hair is freaking me out.

Laci: Your ventriloquism skills are freaking me out.

Laci: I’m glad we could share this tiny, tiny moment.

Laci: …I’ve never seen a horizontal ejector seat before.

Laci: Thanks for the awkwardness!

Laci: Hello mindless entertainment, my old friend.

♪ All day starin’ at the ceilin’ ♪

Neil: It’s all blurry.

♪ Makin’ friends with shadows on my wall ♪

Laci: Where are the shadows?


♪ All night hearing voices tellin’ me that I should get some sleep ♪

Allie: Yeah, that’s a pretty serious glitch right there.

♪ Because tomorrow might be good for somethin’ ♪

Allie: Which would be great if tomorrow wasn’t A YEAR AWAY

♪ Hold on, feelin’ like I’m headed for a breakdown ♪

Allie: Or a sink.

Allie: Or both.

♪ And I don’t know why ♪

Allie: Because the showers are all either filthy or in Neil’s house.

Allie: Which should actually be my house now?

Allie: But I’ve already committed, so.

If only you’d already been committed.

Laci: I’m gonna carefully avoid whatever’s making that gross squishing sound.

Laci: Unless it’s Neil. God, it’s probably Neil.

Laci: God, are these-

I’ve let it slide until now, but my proper title is THE MAKER.

Laci:geeze, are these all my colour choices?

Neil: It’s fine, I can’t see colour now anyway.

Laci: I guess I need to change my name to Dowdy now.

Laci: I’ll add that to my plan for murdering Alvin and fleeing the country.

Neil: ♪ Well, you dance when you walk ♪

Wrong chapter.

Neil: ♪ Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga ♪




Neil: Actually no, it’s from the end.

Neil: Speaking of ends.
Laci: Hahaha what?
Neil: I dunno, your butt I guess?

I’m gonna use that as one of Ember’s rock album titles.

Your Butt I Guess.

Neil: Speaking of BUTTS

Laci: Wanna stage a coup?
Neil: Man, it’s been decades since I staged a good coup.

Neil: I used to be a general, before I got used up.

Laci: I’m proud to have played some small part in using you up.

Laci: You crusty old fartsack.

Neil: So, wanna take a roll in my crusty old fart sack?

Neil: Wow, that sexless uniform is trés sexy.

It’s called the Star Trek: The Next Generation effect.

Neil: Ew, I don’t want to be experiencing some fuckin’ nerd effect.

Laci: Hee hee hee HELP ME KILL MY EX

Neil: Yeah baby! I love a good murder plot.
Laci: I know! You really loved the one that got me murdered.

Neil: …yeah.
Laci: Yeah.
Neil: Yeah, that happened alright.

Neil: No hard feelings?
Laci: They have a pill for that, these days.

Laci: I can’t believe I’m here with you again after all this time.
Neil: It’s fate!
Laci: It’s lazy plotting, is what it is.

Neil: Let’s engage in some active plotting, then.

Laci: Are you sorry about what happened between us?

Neil: I’m sorry that I’m not sorry.

Laci: That’s a lot, I guess, coming from you.


Allie: So, you’re the new guard, huh?
Laci: Yeah. What’re we guarding?
Allie: The world’s largest instant meal supply, currently.

Allie: And some chips, but they’re mine.

Neil: Did I just walk into a cartoon?

Maybe not, but you did just walk out of a disaster.

Nanette: Androsssss


Look, I tried to find a brain-shaped country to make a joke about that, but ONCE AGAIN GEOGRAPHY HAS FAILED ME

Nanette: Did somebody already trash this place?

Nanette: I think I can smell burnt flesh.

Laci: I think I can smell stankd flesh.

Laci: And maybe an onrushing cliffhanger?

Allie:…how… I used… to be…

Laci: Klingon promotion, coming up!

Laci: Next time: troubleshooting.

Next time: yeah, that.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 December 2012.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.