Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which the first cut is and is not the deepest.
It’s been like a month, you should get that cleaned.
Oh! You’ve moved into Andrew’s old house.
Nothing but good memories there.
Brandi: What kind of infection gives you tinnitis?
I love what I’ve done with the place.
Brandi: I should’ve just knocked out these walls.
Brandi: And these floors.
Brandi: ‘cuz now I’m gonna have a panic attack every time I wash my hands.
Brandi: Or maybe a pissface attack.
This is an appropriate setting for that.
I guess it’s good to see you’re prioritizing your grudges chronologically.
Brandi: What am I gonna do? I’m the fucking SCIA chief now, AND I’m in TAUTOLOGY, AND I’m in ENTROPY!
Hold negotiations with yourself?
Brandi: God, if this leaves a scar I hope it’s a cool one.
Brandi: Nobody told me being a triple agent would be dangerous!
Brandi: …of course, nobody told me anything about being a triple agent, because that would have necessitated them knowing about my other two agencies.
Brandi: Alright, what goes well with red.
Brandi: Owning clothing. Owning clothing goes well with red.
Is there a heart somewhere in Unicode…
Asia: What happened to your face?
Brandi: Slammed it in a helicopter door.
Uma: Deep cut reference! That Legacy isn’t even visible now.
All the pics were still on Photobucket. I’ll fix it some day.
Pictured: my life, 2015-present.
Brandi: It’s not pretty.
Brandi: I’m not pretty.
Brandi: But at least I can be partially obscured!
Brandi: Is it gonna stop bleeding eventually?
Once I quit the game, fire up Body Shop and make you a scar.
Brandi: So, never?
Not pictured: Laci immediately falling face-first into the cresting.
Brandi: Dear Overlord Punch-Volcano, we have successfully recruited both Centreborough police chiefs to ENTROPY, as planned.
Brandi: We think that might not be his real name.
Brandi: The governor remains incorruptible, by us, having been too thoroughly corrupted by himself over the years to have room for further corruption.
Brandi: TAUTOLOGY continues to recruit new members, unaware that they are secretly just another branch of ENTROPY, because they’re too busy fucking each other to pay attention.
Brandi: I have purchased a television.
Brandi: I like to personalize my reports a little.
Brandi: Hey! It’s me!
Brandi: Hey, I know we didn’t part on the best of terms…
Brandi: But I was just wondering if you wanted-
Brandi: -to come see my new-
Brandi: It’s a pretty hilarious scar.
Brandi: What, you’re STILL mad about that time I fucked William and betrayed you to the zombies while we were engaged? WHAAAAT?
Brandi: Sheesh, some people can’t let go.
Brandi: You can let go.
Marco: I am asserting dominance.
Brandi: It’s hard to think under this thing.
Ivy: Right back past ya.
Marco: I thought it’d be a bigger TV.
Brandi: I’m a spy. Exaggeration is one of my many skills.
Leonard: This awning is, like, a beta blocker or something.
Marco: Wow! You can’t dance.
Brandi: Neither can you!
Marco: There’s no way out of this conversation loop.
That’s why I stopped writing this chapter for eight hours.
Marco: No wonder my back needs stretching.
Brandi: Know what else needs stretching?
Marco: But I’m up for it.
Marco: I am also up for Game of Thrones.
Marco: All that sex makes me want to sex.
Marco: And all that violence…
Brandi: Makes me want to sex.
Brandi: Like my specs?
Marco: Very specsy.
Brandi: Har har.
Brandi: And then he disappeared.
Brandi: And then YOU disappeared.
Brandi: Alright, you’ve had a while to think about it.
Brandi: You can’t keep saying-
Brandi: I guess technically you can.
Brandi: But you shouldn’t!
Brandi: Wow! You can say a second word?
Brandi: Uh-oh, my proximity defenses are going off.
Brandi: Hopefully it’s just the scary black horizon glitch doing it.
Jane: Huh. Nobody’s home.
There’s two other rooms.
Jane: Nobody’s in 33.3% of this home, at least.
Jane: Nobody’s ever home for me.
Brandi: Nobody’s home in her, either.
Jane: Guess I might as well do some spy stuff.
Brandi: Like getting murdered by a second spy?
Jane: It doesn’t come much spy stuffier than that.
Brandi: Why are you here?
Jane: Cory sent me to spy on you.
Jane: Because you’re the only person he trusts less than himself?
Jane: What? I can’t hear you.
Jane: That gag never gets old.
Brandi: I’m tired of playing this game! I’m tired of remembering who knows what sides I’m on! I’m tired of remembering what sides I’m on myself!
Brandi: ONCE YOU’RE ALL DEAD THE MATH GETS EASIER
Brandi: Give me one good reason I shouldn’t stab your Martian ass.
Jane: You might get my blood in your cut and end up with whatever weird diseases I might have?
Jane: I might get your blood on my cut and end up with whatever weird diseases you might have?!
Brandi: Are you even working with Cory? Or are you a plant from the SCIA?
Jane: Honestly I can’t keep track of it either.
Brandi: WE’RE ALL BEING PLAYED
Jane: I mean… we are Sims.
Jane: But you’re clearly not referring to that.
Brandi: Listen, and listen good. I’m-
Jane: OH GOD WHAT’S THAT GREY LINE
Brandi: If you’re gonna let visual glitches distract you, you might as well kiss the rest of your life goodbye.
Brandi: In fact, kiss the rest of your life goodybe.
Jane: It’ll be a very bloody kiss.
Brandi: For not very much life!
Jane: I want you to know that I take this personally.
Brandi: I want you to know that I meant it that way.
Jane: Ow! Why?!
Jane: Not the hair! NOT THE HAIR! Oh god, she’s gonna scalp me.
Brandi: Live by the sword, die by the sword.
Jane: I NEVER USE MY SWORD
Brandi: Live without the sword, DIE WITHOUT THE SWORD
Jane: Boob touch!
Jane: So soft.
Jane: Oh my god, it’s full of hedge.
Brandi: STOP SEEING THINGS
Brandi: BE A GOOD SWORD RACK AND RACK MY SWORD
The Grim Reaper: BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE HAD A GOOD STABBING.
Brandi: How ’bout a good stomping?
The Grim Reaper: FEET OFF. I’M SIGNING FOR THIS PACKAGE.
The Grim Reaper: DON’T MAKE ME TAKE YOU, TOO.
The Grim Reaper: YOU’D GET MORE SATISFACTION FROM KICKING LIVE PEOPLE.
Brandi: I’M GETTING PLENTY OF SATISFACTION, THANKS.
The Grim Reaper: ♪ KICK ‘EM WHEN THEY’RE UP! ♪
Brandi: ♪ KICK ‘EM WHEN THEY’RE DOWN! ♪
♪ KICK ‘EM WHEN THEY’RE STIFF ♪
Brandi: ♪ KICK ‘EM ALL AROUND ♪
♪ Dirty little secrets ♪
♪ Dirty little LIES ♪
♪ We got our dirty little fingers in everybody’s pies ♪
♪ We love to cut you down to size ♪
♪ We love dirty laundry ♪
Brandi: You can’t dry-clean ashes out. Little known fact.
Brandi: Are you hiding under the table?
I don’t want to catch whatever weird diseases her dust might have.
Brandi: EAT YOUR DUST
Brandi: YOU DUSTY BITCH
Brandi: Blah. Pfleh. I can still taste it.
Brandi: Did you say something about “rains”?
Brandi: Oh, never mind, it was the night zombies.
Andrew: Are you having a stroke?
Brandi: Hey, congratulations on your stupid family.
Brandi: And your stupid money.
Brandi: And you’re stupid!
Brandi: I’m glad we’re talking again.
Brandi: Your dad’s a douche, eh?
Brandi: I wanna use him as one.
Brandi: I don’t care if he’s eighty, he’s hot.
Brandi: He’s seriously eighty, though? Shit… how old am I?
Brandi: I look pretty good for someone who’s existed for as long as the world has.
Brandi: Not as good as your mom, maybe, but much easier for you to appreciate!
I almost posted Brandy from Charnel Knowledge before I realized I’d already done it.
Like, thirty chapters ago.
My brain is melting.
Brandi: He deserves it.
Brandi: No, I didn’t read your mom’s books. I don’t care about how the Sim body works! I care about how to make it stop working.
Brandi: I mean, seriously! Math! Who needs it? I can count as high as my magazines go.
Brandi: They call them the inglorious arts of peace for a reason, man.
Brandi: Come over and I’ll show you the glorious arts of war.
Brandi: We can have war sex.
Andrew: I don’t want to cameo in your stupid chapter.
Brandi: I’m glad you’re happy without me but I hate that you’re happy without me.
Brandi: At least come over and citizen’s arrest me! I’ve got all kinds of shit I can confess to.
Brandi: That’d be a great way to hook up with Neil, too.
Brandi: Come on, dude. We can fuck on the floor! For old times’ sake.
Andrew: How ’bout… NO
Brandi: That’s so weird! I knew you were gonna say that.
Brandi: This is super romantic.
Brandi: It’d be super romantic!
Brandi: Man, don’t you ever get tired of that word?
Brandi: “No. No. No. No. Look at me! I can put two letters together!”
Chelsea: You here to see Brandi?
Chelsea: I am.
I’m tempted to post Chelsea from Charnel Knowledge, but it’d be kind of mean in her present state.
Chelsea: Do it. I want to know I’m hot somewhere.
You totally are.
Brandi: Andrew! You came!
Andrew: That’s how Chelsea got pregnant!
Pretty sure it was Oliver who did that.
Andrew: We’re the same person, genetically.
Brandi: Y’all gonna acknowledge the kiss?
Andrew: I’ll acknowledge the blood…
Andrew: Seriously, put something on that.
Brandi: I’d rather put something on you.
Andrew: Give me a sec, I’m caught on the geometry.
Andrew: Also I’m caught in not wanting to hang out with you, so I’m leaving.
Chelsea: I am also leaving, because I should never have arrived.
Chelsea: I am not pleased to be your neighbour.
Brandi: It’s not doing much for me, either.
Brandi: Blood-red mountains reflected in a blood-red lake? We do that one already?
I feel like we’ve done every one already.
Including the one about how we’ve done every one already.
Brandi: Yeah, we’re getting old.
I was old to begin with.
Brandi: So was your sense of humour.
Brandi: Oh, good! I didn’t die in my sleep.
Brandi: Guess I might as well pretend it’s a world of possibilities, then.
Brandi: Do you-
Brandi: He’s into me.
Next time: someone is into someone else!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 3 December 2012 to 4 December 2012.