The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 423

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which a racist is terrible, as racists are (you’re welcome for the insight!) and a pogrom is initiated.

Kea: What’s a pogrom?

You won’t need to know.

Alec Prince the Damned: And yet she’ll be the first to find out!

Alec Prince the Damned: She won’t have long to use that information.

Kea: It’s mean to talk about me behind my back.

What the talk is about is way meaner.

Alec Prince the Damned: Huh. I dunno, actually. For a Maxis Sim you’re not half half half bad!

Kea: I might not be one-eighth bad, but I’m sixteen sixteenths confused.

Alec Prince the Damned: Maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe Maxis Sims have a right to life after all!

Let’s not be hasty.

Alec Prince the Damned: I shall call you Pilot Project.

Alec Prince the Damned: How much I come to like you in the next few hours will determine whether or not I exterminate all Maxis Sims in the neighbourhood.
Kea: I don’t know what the mood for THAT is, but I am NOT IN IT this morning.

Kea: But I guess, as far as “To Do” list items go, that one’s pretty hard to ignore.

Kea: How’d you get into my house, anyway?
Alec Prince the Damned: Teleported. With magic.
Kea: That explains how you’re gonna do a genocide all by yourself, I guess.

Alec Prince the Damned: Hey, don’t be defeatist. You might change my mind!
Kea: Yeah, I can dream.

Alec Prince the Damned: You’re like a self-hating dream come true for me, hot stuff!

Cory: I’ll always treasure the time we had together, person who lives here.

EQUIPMENT VISIBLE IN SHOT

Past Grugly: I’m not used to that freezer clock yet. Sorry.

Alec Prince the Damned: Our hands don’t line up.
Kea: It’s pretty romantic.

Alec Prince the Damned: Wanna go on an adventure to the next room?
Kea: Ambitious!

Alec Prince the Damned: Gotta say, looking at you, it’s the underlying genetics doing all the work. If you had a custom skintone, you’d be a lot hotter.

Alec Prince the Damned: There’s chicks in this neighbourhood with so much CC, if you saw how hot they are you’d genocide yourself!
Kea: Dubious.

Kea: But so what if they’re hotter? Is hotness the only reason someone’s allowed to live?
Alec Prince the Damned: Not until I get my way, it’s not.

Alec Prince the Damned: How about that dude you dick-sucked? You were super into his custom skintone. Don’t deny it.
Kea: How do you know about my dick-sucking?!

Kea: …did you cast a spell on me in there somewhere?
Alec Prince the Damned: I get really bored, listening to you talk.

Alec Prince the Damned: Like the flower carpet?

Kea: Why would you cast a hotness spell on me if you’re trying to decide if I’m hot enough to live?
Alec Prince the Damned: Why would you challenge an advantage?

Kea: I HAVE A NEW SOLUTION

Alec Prince the Damned: Yeah, no dice. I’m wearing an invisible, magic, concussion-proof helmet.

Alec Prince the Damned: Full points for trying, though! I always thought Maxis Sims just sat around waiting to die.
Kea: Why would you think that?
Alec Prince the Damned: It’s what my mom diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Kea: Uh-
Alec Prince the Damned: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid once tell me they done do.

Kea: Aww! Your mom was Maxis and you’re all embarassed.
Alec Prince the Damned: Tell anyone and I’ll snap my world-ending fingers.

Deborah: World-ending fingers! I wants them.

Alec Prince the Damned: I can’t imagine anyone would want to stay faithful to a Maxis Sim. Marrying yourself to a template face with a generic skintone… man, I’d rather die.

Alec Prince the Damned: Like that dude who died after dating a Maxis Sim.

Alec Prince the Damned: Still, though, you wear that shitty skintone well.
Kea: Thanks! So do you.

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m gonna change this tone, first chance I get. I don’t want people thinking I’m a Murphy.
Kea: HA! Fuck NO you don’t!

Alec Prince the Damned: I’d lose all my friends.
Kea: Face public ridicule.
Alec Prince the Damned: Scare small children.

Alec Prince the Damned: Luckily, evil warlocks and witches get green skin!
Kea: Definitely an improvement, not at all ridiculous.

Alec Prince the Damned: Non-Maxis Sims have more fun. Like that bitch down the road!
Kea: Except now she lives in a SHOE and has so many children, she doesn’t know what to FUCK!

Alec Prince the Damned: But her custom genetics got her so many affairs! And affairs are how success is measured in this neighbourhood.

Alec Prince the Damned: It’s the only thing that dead loser did somewhat well.

Kea: It’s still so great that he’s dead.

Kea: Uh, hello! Over here! Stop looking at him.

Yeah, stop looking at me.

Kea: And look at your fluffy DESTRUCTION

Alec Prince the Damned: I already told you, this won’t work.
Kea: I must not have believed you, because I’m a stupid Maxis Sim and all.

Alec Prince the Damned: You really are.

Alec Prince the Damned: You do have nice teeth, though.
Kea: It’s makeup.
Alec Prince the Damned: …ew?

Fake kissing pic, method 1 of 2.

And 2 of 2.

Kea: You’re magically bigger!

It wasn’t magic, it was technology.

Kea: Did all of you get bigger?
Alec Prince the Damned: Baby, not all of me needed to.

I’m really tired but I forgot to do this update when I wasn’t really tired.

Kea: Thanks for taking the time, then.

You won’t say that at the end.

You won’t say anything at the end.

You won’t be at the end.

Alec Prince the Damned: I don’t think she’s listening to you.

Most people don’t.

Alec Prince the Damned: Okay, I can still do this. Where would we be today if great men didn’t have the strength of their convictions?

We’d be in a world with a lot less ethnic cleansing.

But hey who wants that.

Alec Prince the Damned: I know that was rhetorical, but the answer is still “I don’t.”

Alec Prince the Damned: Ethnic cleansing gets a bad rap.

Alec Prince the Damned: And as an upper-class white boy, there’s nothing I hate more than bad rap!

Alec Prince the Damned: Double, double, toil and trouble, gonna turn this shit to rubble.

Why are you teleporting? Did it crash again?

Alec Prince the Damned: Enh, probably.

Kea: Well! If this is a freshly-loaded save, then, I should be able to get to the convenience store and back without incident!

Alec Prince the Damned: Man, it’s so hard to go back to non-talking books.


Victor: YOU DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY

Victor: And even if you did, you’d just be ugly Maxis Sims with money.

Geoffrey: Look at that angry lady over there! Us Maxis Sims can be hot, with liberal application of clothing and makeup!
Victor: I don’t know how I got roped into this argument, it’s making me look racist and I don’t like it.

Gretchen: I think it is racist to discriminate against Sims just because they’re boring to look at.

And have boring personalities.

Gretchen: And have boring personalities.

And have random, unrelated traits.

Gretchen: And have random, unrelated traits.

And have awful names like “Gretchen.”

Gretchen: Hey.

Man, there’s Maxis Sims and then there’s Maxis Sims.

Kea: There’s a wizard who wants to kill us all.
Gretchen: Yeah, I was just talking to him.

Kea: I don’t mean the MAKER, you idiot! Bah, go play in traffic.
Gretchen: There IS no traffic.
Kea: WELL GO MAKE SOME

Kea: Do you think the other cashier has more right to live, because she’s prettier?
Brooke: I don’t think Cheryl is pretty enough to be qualified to answer that question.

William: Vanessa! Every time, it’s always “Oh, yeah! Vanessa’s not dead!” And that’s pretty great.
Vanessa: It’s basically the same from my perspective!

William: “I think our family’s troubles are finally over!” he loudly proclaimed, flush with irony.

Victor: Nice tits, aunt Vanessa!

Vanessa: They sure are!

Victor: It’s nice of me to notice.

Victor: Traditional face air kiss!
Vanessa: Mmm! Face air!

Victor: I HAD RACIST DIALOGUE EARLIER


Alec Prince the Damned: You’re getting lazier by the minute.

Only because I’m too lazy to get lazier by the second.

Alec Prince the Damned: So, did it crash again? It didn’t look like she was walking home when the scene switched.

There’s only a less than half-hour gap between my good screenshots for this session. That’s not long enough for the game to have booted up again.

Kea: The game took MORE THAN HALF AN HOUR to boot?!

The game took more than half an hour to visibly be booting.

Alec Prince the Damned: You must really care about us, to have spent that long doing nothing.

Maybe I just like doing nothing?

Maybe it’s what I’m good at.

Kea: SO DO WE ALL DIE NOW OR WHAT

Alec Prince the Damned: I mean, I’d get that snazzy red house… that’s an argument in favour.

Kea: Boobs, though.
Alec Prince the Damned: I could kill you all but keep your boobs.

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m not saying I would, I’m just saying I could.

Kea: I’ve got dick-sucking experience!
Alec Prince the Damned: Yeah, but what about your neighbours?
Kea: I mean, we’d do it inside.

Kea: Or did you mean you want them to suck your dick, too?

Alec Prince the Damned: I didn’t mean either of those things, but I’m not averse to trying them.

Alec Prince the Damned: If they’ve got purdy mouths.

Kea: I’m starting to think we need a wizard genocide.

Kea: Go away! If he sees you, we’re all as good as dead! Even I think you’re too boring to live.

I know what you’re looking at.

It’s to put the Thinking Cap on.

It’s from More Awesome Than You.

And it’s as old as it looks.

Alec Prince the Damned: I am also as old as I look!
Kea: You don’t look very old.
Alec Prince the Damned: Exactly!

Alec Prince the Damned: Exactly that old.

Kea: The set of your jaw! Such determination! I hope it’s not genocidal determination.

Kea: Extermination determination.

Alec Prince the Damned: I see you’ve got a name underlined.
Kea: Yeah, that’s my contact at ENTROPY.
Alec Prince the Damned: How about your contract with entropy?

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m calling it in.

Alec Prince the Damned: You base-game people make me sick. All that variety out there, all those options for diversity, and you’re walking around with FOUR SKINTONES and FIVE EYE COLOURS and the names of a gaggle of LONG-FIRED GAME DEVELOPERS!

Kea: Leaning into the Hitler parody much, dude?

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m not Hitler! Hitler was racist! I’m basist.

Facist.

Alec Prince the Damned: Basist!

FACIST!

Alec Prince the Damned: BASIST!

Kea: Ew, you’re a bassist?! That’s almost a bad as a drummer.

Alec Prince the Damned: I’m gonna start the world’s first pro-diversity genocide! People’ll get all twisted up trying to decide if that’s evil or not!
Kea: Pretty sure genocide is always evil?

Alec Prince the Damned: Well, evil is sort of my brand.

Alec Prince the Damned: Asthéneia.
Kea: Is this shove magic? Are you casting a shove spell?!

Kea: No shovebacks?

Alec Prince the Damned: WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD
Kea: Sorry?

Alec Prince the Damned: I am ALEC PRINCE the DAMNED! I can DAMNED WELL CAST SPELLS without a STUPID FUCKIN’ WAND

Kea: Wait, you don’t have a wand?
Alec Prince the Damned: Somebody took it!
Kea: Somebody TOOK it?! Man, have I been scared all this time of a dude whose only threat is his ability to enter locked bathrooms?!

Alec Prince the Damned: Don’t trivialize my power! I have so much power! The biggest power, the best power!
Kea: You need to see a psychiatrist. A real one, not that goof with the moustache.

Alec Prince the Damned: Asthéneia! Asthéneia! ASTHÉNEIA!

Kea: Do fingers count as wands?

Kea: Oh god they do

Kea: My tongue feels like chain mail.

Alec Prince the Damned: I don’t know why but that’s super gross.

Kea: IT FEELS LIKE MY THROAT’S FULL OF POROUS MARBLES
Alec Prince the Damned: Eugh. Spare us the details.

Kea: MY TEETH ARE VIBRATING LOOSE

Alec Prince the Damned: KEEP THAT MONOLOGUE INTERNAL

Kea: I think I can taste-
Alec Prince the Damned: No!
Kea: I think I can taste my spleen
Alec Prince the Damned: NO

Kea: Oh god, my eyeballs are inside-out.

Kea: I can feel my knees in my nose.

Alec Prince the Damned: What the fuck disease WAS that?
The Grim Reaper: I THINK SHE WAS FAKING IT.

Alec Prince the Damned: Stupid Maxis Sims, pretending to have problems.
The Grim Reaper: WOW, YOU’RE KINDA RACIST, HUH?

Alec Prince the Damned: You are but the first, my dear… heheh. “Butt the first.”

Alec Prince the Damned: The butt of the JOKE! The joke that is ALL YOU FUCKING MAXIS SIMS!

Alec Prince the Damned: WHERE’S YOUR PRETTY FACE NOW, DEAD CHICK?!

Alec Prince the Damned: Oh god, it’s Kea’s revenge!

Alec Prince the Damned: DON’T YOU PUFF UP AT ME, I’LL PUFF UP AT YOU SO HARD YOU’LL WISH YOU’D NEVER PUFFED!

Alec Prince the Damned: It wasn’t the best date I’ve had.

Alec Prince the Damned: But I can definitely do better.

Alec Prince the Damned: Okay, let’s see… another expendable drone, or… someone primary?

Alec Prince the Damned: I’ll let the RNG decide.

Alec Prince the Damned: Or, wait, no I won’t. Someone hot, and playable, with as much CC as humanly possible.

Alec Prince the Damned: Appello Simae! Hot and snappy.

Ember: …did I just fall down the… valley?

Alec Prince the Damned: Man, she’s so hot I can feel it from behind! On my bum.

Ember: I must’ve hit my head. I think I can smell burnt toast.
Alec Prince the Damned: It’s probably burnt Kea, actually.

Alec Prince the Damned: Wow, I still remember her name! Hope that passes.

Ember: A man with a memory! Meet the unforgettable woman.

Next time: I dunno, they probably fuck or something.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 December 2012.

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