Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which geez, let’s see if I can go a whole update without making a music video out of it.
Andrew: Now I see why those women don’t want to be in the refrigerator!
Mallory: It’s good that you’re naked. We’ve abolished clothing in your absence.
Andrew: That would be great if most of the people in this house weren’t my family.
Andrew: Oh, good. Hibernation sickness is a thing.
Andrew: Thank god you don’t have the technology to make me shatter.
What are you doing?
Amin: Marking my territory while the marking’s ripe.
Did you bring that up from the downstairs fridge?
Mallory: I don’t want food from the dude fridge, so yes.
Are you eating in the bathroom?
Mallory: I’m eating in PRIVACY.
Nathaniel: If you think about it, dad’s lucky.
Margaret: How you figure?
Nathaniel: He’s the only one who had privacy this entire time!
Mallory: GET OUT OF MY TERRITORY
Margaret: You’re gross.
Nathaniel: Only “gross,” after years underground!? SWEET!
Nathaniel: It’s the erection that bothers me.
Amin: ALL THIS IS MINE
Andrew: Beg to differ.
Andrew: So hey, I miss anything?
Margaret: Yeah, there’s magic everywhere and your sisters are on the lam and your ex-wife’s on the lam and Penny’s apparently evil.
Andrew: MAN, I love that pink hair!
Amin: That huge wacky infodump, and you’re focusing on MALLORY?
Andrew: That huge wacky infodump consisted entirely of distressing details, AMIN.
Nathaniel: Yeah, I called her number and they said she’d moved. On.
Genie: I hear and obey the master of the lamp!
Angelica: Oh god. We owe you reparations, don’t we.
The Grim Reaper: I THOUGHT Y’ALL HAD ENOUGH BROOKES ALREADY, BUT WHATEVER.
Nathaniel: This one has fluffy hair.
Angelica: I want to be rich.
Genie: You’re already rich enough to be eccentric, judging by that outfit.
Angelica: You should talk!
Still got that boner, huh.
Andrew: Cum’s froz-
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT
I should’ve seen that coming.
Nathaniel: Welcome to the Price-Murphy Nudist Colony!
Brooke: Ew. Why.
Brooke: You’re not naked.
Stewart: Women prefer me this way.
Angelica: You don’t know how to use EFT?
Margaret: Dammit! I already magicked those walls up once!
Angelica: Shut up, ALIEN.
Bethany: I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life doing nothing useful.
Dirk: I’ve decided my name is Dirk.
Nathaniel: Get that out of my face unless you want me to do something with it.
Amin: She’s presenting, dude.
Nathaniel: She’s not a bigfoot, dude.
Mallory: No, he was right.
Mallory: There’s a non-freckled model?!
Angelica: …shtup… alyen…
Andrew: I’ve had just about enough Cecilia-related mayhem in my life.
Well I’ve got bad news for you, then.
Franklin: ♪ Well I would not feel so all alone… ♪
Franklin: ♪ EEEEEEV’RYBODY MUST – GET – STONED ♪
Brooke: With REAL STONES.
Andrew: Thought you were about to do another music video.
With BOB DYLAN?
Emerson: Do you think we should fill that hole in?
Nathaniel: I am thinking about filling Mallory’s hole.
Emerson: …I meant the hole we were living in.
Nathaniel: I would like to live in Mallory’s holes.
Genie: I’m not sure how to answer that.
Margaret: k well you’re welcome guys
Emerson: I’m sure we’ll all be super thankful once the shell shock wears off.
Amin: I hate you nudity bandwagon-jumpers. I was nude BEFORE it was cool.
Bethany: Why does he live here, again?
Angelica: We let all kinds of weirdoes live here.
Victor: Oh, yes, a RUG. How CHARMING.
Victor: I’ll just leave this here.
Angelica: Yes, I realize I haven’t been returning your calls, but have I got one HELL of a good excuse for YOU!
Dirk: Why’d you put your underwear on?
Angelica: So someone else can take it off.
Nick: You can do it for me. My hands are lazy.
Angelica: Ignore the naked children.
Nick: That’s always been my policy!
Angelica: Do not ignore the nearly-naked teenager.
Nick: That has also always been my policy.
Angelica: So yeah, I’ve been sleeping in a hole in the foundation.
Nick: You hippie chicks are weird.
Angelica: Penny went nuts and trapped us all in the basement and also probably wasn’t Penny.
Nick: Hahaha! That’s just like not-Penny to do that.
Angelica: DETRAUMATIZE ME
Angelica: That’s it! Hook on, and pull down.
Nick: What a time to be alive.
Franklin: OH COME ON
Nick: Hi, whoever you are!
Franklin: Have fun fucking my niece, whoever you are.
Nick: Maybe I will!
Nick: No, definitely.
Nick: This is much better than fucking my relatives!
Angelica: It sure is!
Nick: You’ve fucked my relatives?
Nick: Ohhhh, wow. You too?
Angelica: Nude life fo’ eva, Amin!
Amin: ♪ This nudity shit is MINE! MOTHERFUCKERS! ♪
Nick: ♪ Nick gon’ give it to ya ♪
Nick: Whoops! I did.
Angelica: I gave as good as I got.
Nick: Got any sisters?
Nick: Nope, just kids. Lots of kids, everywhere. Second erection thoroughly defeated.
Angelica: We could make out?
Nick: I already made out alright.
Angelica: Okay! Got out of the hole, fucked Nick… that’s my life plan already dealt with.
Angelica: Are we sure this one’s Dirk?
I am incapable of holding that information in my mind.
THIS ONE’S DIRK
Andrew: I’m glad you feel comfortable exposing your many faults to the world like this.
Says the man standing in front of a photo of him kissing the woman who locked him in a refrigerator.
Andrew: TOO SOON, DUDE
Next time: mo’ magic, mo’ problems.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 September 2012, a day which may never end.