Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which I squeeze another entire song in there.
Oh, and Carolina dies.
Carolina: Oh no! The cliffhanger’s letting go!
Lance Price the Damned: Ilektrikόs.
Carolina: It’s just static. It’s just static.
Carolina: OKAY SO IT’S A LOT OF STATIC
Carolina: MY NEURONS
Rebecca: Zap her again! While she’s down!
Brett: What’s happening?
Brett: If you hired this clown for my birthday, dad, you did not make a good choice.
Rebecca: IT’S THE GREATEST PRESENT OF ALL!
Brett: IT’S THE WORST PRESENT OF ALL!
Jerome: ♪ SWEET CAROLINE…-A ♪
Lance Price the Damned: You did not just go there again.
Alec: On the one hand, I’m stuck in this corner. On the other hand, nobody can get to me in this corner.
Lance Price the Damned: On the third hand, MAGIC!
Alec: There’s no THIRD hand!
Rebecca: That’s what’s magic about it!
Brett: THERE IS NOTHING MAGIC ABOUT THIS
Lance Price the Damned: Hmm hmm, flip a coin, uh… Mýges.
Rebecca: Mmm mmm mmm! Smell that pants-wetting.
Alec: THESE AREN’T MIDGES
Alec: YES! YES! I AM NOW THE INVINCIBLE SUPERVILLAIN, FLYBEARD!
Alec: Tell HR you never met the guy. Protip.
The Grim Reaper: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME.
Lance Price the Damned: EXPELLO SIMAE!
The Grim Reaper: DO I LOOK LIKE A SIM TO YOU?
The Grim Reaper: ANYWAY. ANYBODY GONNA EAT THIS?
Carolina: I’m… eating it…
Here lies Carolina Newcastle.
She ate it.
Rebecca: Oh, hey! Green badness! Neat.
Jerome: AUGH IT’S IN MY EYES
Rebecca Cavendish the Mean Witch: WHERE’S MY COOL WITCH NAME
I’ve been working on that. It’s a hard one.
Rebecca Cavendish the Mean Witch: WHY
Because “Rebecca” comes from adding more letters in between the three letters of a Hebrew word meaning “to tie firmly,” so I’ve been trying to find a three-letter antonym for that, Romanize it, and then find a name that has those three letters in that order.
Rebecca Cavendish the Mean Witch: …okay, yeah, that’ll take some time.
Lance Price the Damned: Meanwhile, there’s cake!
Brett: Hello Mr. Dead.
The Grim Reaper: Beat it, kid, I’m on the phone.
Lance Price the Damned: Thanks for lending me your chapters, your house, and your lives, in that order.
Lance Price the Damned: Let me know what her cool witch name is.
Belinda the Mean Witch: It is NOT
It really is.
Belinda the Mean Witch: That’s WAY too on the nose for a witch name.
Hahaha. On the nose. WITCH.
Belinda the Mean Witch: Because witches have-
BECAUSE WITCHES HAVE BIG NOSES
Belinda the Mean Witch: Belinda doesn’t sound like a mean witch.
Maybe she doesn’t have to be.
Belinda the Mean Witch: But what if she does?
Belinda the Mean Witch: So “Belinda” means the opposite of “to tie firmly”?
No, it’s a Hebrew word for “undo” with four more letters stuck in.
Belinda the Mean Witch: “Undo”? That’s not a complete antonym. A complete antonym would be “untie somewhat.” Work on “somewhat” and get me a cool title, “the Mean Witch” just is NOT doing it for me.
Belinda the Mean Witch: Make sure it’s something badass, to counteract BELINDA.
Deborah: With this high-powered telescope, I can see clear across the street!
Belinda the Mean Witch: What?
מעט means “somewhat.” It Romanizes to “m’et.” M-E-T. MalEvolenT.
Belinda the Malevolent: Makes “Lance Price the Damned” sound like a pussy name, doesn’t it?
Belinda the Malevolent: Although the fact that his face doesn’t always reflect in mirrors makes me think he’s still got an edge in the “weird and evil” department.
Belinda the Malevolent: Being malevolent, technically, I should step on this kid.
Belinda the Malevolent: But I have other badness to attend to.
Jerome: Okay, listen.
Belinda the Malevolent: Nope.
Jerome: What we did was a mistake.
Belinda the Malevolent: Maybe what you did was a mistake.
Belinda the Malevolent: Anyway your wife’s dead, so what’s the iss.
Belinda the Malevolent: That’s slang for “issue.” I just made it up.
Jerome: How evil of you.
Jerome: So, “Belinda the Malevolent,” huh.
Belinda the Malevolent: Is it too much?
Jerome: Not with that face to back it up.
Belinda the Malevolent: We need to celebrate my transformation.
Jerome: Carolina just died.
Belinda the Malevolent: We need to celebrate that too!
I’ve got just the newly-renovated hellhole for you.
♪ Raven hair ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: Nope.
♪ And ruby lips ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: Also nope.
♪ Sparks fly from her fingertips ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: Let’s see! Nope.
♪ Echoed voices in the night ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: Check out these losers.
Coy: Losers? Where?!
♪ She’s a restless spirit on an endless flight ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: The flight ended. Minutes ago. You saw it.
Jerome: ♪ Ha, ha, witch-ay woman! ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Hear how wrong he si-i-ings ♪
♪ Woo hoo, witch-ay woman ♪
Jerome: My wife just died, and it sti-i-i-ings! ♪
Bars with STAIRS.
WHAT COULD GO WRONG
Jerome: Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong.
Which is why the ElectroDance Sphere has been locked up and walled off.
Contessa Lucy: I’ma sneak ’round yo club, yo.
Contessa Lucy: Still sneakin’ yo.
Contessa Lucy: Sneaky sneaky sneaky.
Contessa Lucy: Sneak com-PLETE. Keep makin’ that sweet music, night children.
♪ She held me spellbound in the night ♪
♪ Dancing shadows, and – ♪
Venkat: ♪ -disco light! ♪
♪ Crazy laughter in another room ♪
Brett: ZOOM! HAHAHA
♪ And she drove herself to madness with a silver spoon ♪
Dagmar: Sure, blame the silver spoon.
♪ Well I know you want a lover, but let me tell you, brother ♪
Jerome: That’s racist.
♪ She’s been sleepin’ in the devil’s bed ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: What’s wrong with my bed, now?
♪ And there’s some rumours goin’ ’round, someone’s underground ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: Almost!
♪ She can rock you in the night-time ’til your skin turns red ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: Purple, at the very least.
Jerome: ♪ WOOHOO! WITCH-AY WOMAN! ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ See how good she fu-u-ucks ♪
♪ Woo hoo, witch-ay woman ♪
Kea: ♪ That fuggo’s dancing, s-u-u-ucks! ♪
Jerome: God, how many verses are left in that song?
Jerome: Also WOW what are we doing?
Belinda the Malevolent: Each other?
Kea: The rumours were true! Someone is underground!
Jerome: You waiting your turn, or something?
Amin: That was a heck of a performance.
Belinda the Malevolent: There’s no sex like malevolent sex.
Belinda the Malevolent: And I’m the malevolent sexiest of them all.
Coy: Should we be sitting closer together?
Dagmar: Definitely not.
Venkat: Thank you for showing me why the floor needs to be see-through! It’s the first time a young person has successfully taught me something.
Jerome: I hope you don’t think less of me for… what I just did.
Amin: I think of you so little already…
Jerome: What’s in the glass? Virgin blood?
Belinda the Malevolent: No idea where I’d get that.
Jerome: Oh! It’s a Bloody Caesar! I can taste the hot sauce.
Belinda the Malevolent: And the celery salt?
Jerome: THAT’s what that is!
Belinda the Malevolent: Jerome, you’ve made my tiny black heart so full! Not much of an accomplishment, but it’s not literally nothing.
Belinda the Malevolent: Will you betray Carolina? I mean marry me?
Belinda the Malevolent: And betray Carolina?
Jerome: I don’t fuckin’ know anymore! Sure! WHY NOT
Jerome: Just call me Mr. the Malevolent.
Jerome: ♪ Brown hair, and brown lips ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Dates small-penised, milquetoast drips ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ Fucking morons in a club ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: ♪ You should end the chapter, and the music, scrub ♪
There’s still like fifty pics.
♪ Woo hoo, witchy woman! ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: STILL?!
♪ See how high she fli-i-ies! ♪
Jerome: ♪ Woohoo. Witchy woman. ♪
♪ She got the moon in her ey-ey-ey-eyes! ♪
Belinda the Malevolent: Well of course! It’s the months of moon, according to that other, worse song you did.
Kea: IT’S IMMORAL TO OWN AN EXPENSIVE TELESCOPE FOR PEOPLE-WATCHING!
Jerome: I’m glad other people still know what’s moral.
Jerome: Hey baby, wanna further degrade me?
Brett: Okay, so if I understand my rules of visual shorthand, I should be at least ten IQ points higher now!
Belinda the Malevolent: I fucked your dad.
Brett: Is that an insult? It’s not a very good one.
Brett: You have been hanging out with dad a lot, lately.
Belinda the Malevolent: I’m serious. I fucked him. Twice.
Brett: I’m using my super brain powers to forget what that word means.
Belinda the Malevolent: Never forget the swears, kid. You’ll need them when you get older.
Belinda the Malevolent: Oh, there’s literally a whole raft of spells to replace relationship-building. Wish I’d known that a few dozen pics ago.
At least it’s not fucking crashing anymore.
Jerome: Thank you for taking care of what’s-his-name.
Deborah: This is a girl.
Jerome: Sorry, what’s-her-name.
Brett: Fuck YOU! BOOK!
Jerome: BOO HOO, MISS A WOMAN
Jerome: SEE NOW, WHY SHE DI-I-IES?!
Carolina: Hey, I’m sure you’ll be next.
Carolina: I can’t see you. Where’d you move?
Carolina: Oh. Well, I’m not gonna.
Carolina: Hope you know a good repairman.
Jerome: Wow! There’s no dead wives in space!
Jerome: Or in my bed.
I mean, that’s sort of a blessing.
Belinda the Malevolent: U-h o-h.
I have no idea why that always hitches the game up, but it does.
Belinda the Malevolent: I feel significantly less alluring.
Belinda the Malevolent: Fixed it.
The green-assed monster.
If you want real body horror, consider that the witch texture overlay is overlaying a different set of nipples onto her existing nipples.
Belinda the Malevolent: Right! Never gonna get naked again. Thanks!
Deborah: Mornin’ doofus! Doofii.
Brett: At least it’s Sympathy for Brett day at school.
How is THIS not a witch.
Anyway I’m not learning a new name at the end of the chapter, fuck you.
Blazej: What’s life like, outside of this car?
Jerome: I would only recommend certain select elements of it.
Yvette Oates: OH GOD IT’S STILL WARM
Makin’ me learn a name for a SHIT JOKE.
Yvette: It WAS a shit joke.
THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT
Belinda the Malevolent: So, I got promoted. To backup dancer.
Belinda the Malevolent: Everybody at work knew my dad.
Not so neat.
Belinda the Malevolent: What does the phrase “sins of the father” mean?
Yvette: It means your daddy fucked a celery and that means his kids’ll be green for seven generations! Apparently.
Belinda the Malevolent: Attagirl! Keep that floor down.
Belinda the Malevolent: Personally, I think I can go lower.
Next time: from Laci with love.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 September 2012.