Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which heretofore-unsuspected lines are nearly crossed.
Patrick: Wait, what’s getting crossed?
Veronica: My legs.
Veronica: You should go before my parents find us together.
Patrick: They certainly can’t find us together after I go!
Veronica: And they certainly won’t let you go once they find us together.
Veronica: Oh yeah baby, suck out my nostrils.
Patrick: Only because you’re so snotty.
Veronica: You’d be snotty too if you were this rich and hot.
Veronica: Although you’re not bad, for a dude.
Patrick: What’s wrong with dudes?
Veronica: How much time do you have? Oh wait, none.
Veronica: Zoom in so it looks like we’re doing the pocket thing again.
Veronica: And then delete the previous image.
I’ll get right on that.
Patrick: And I’ll get right on this!
Veronica: Something wrong? Your body language went all weird, suddenly.
Patrick: I would recommend you not come out and see.
Veronica: I never take a recommendaHELLO
Veronica: Why are you…?
Michael: ♪ Clothes is the loneliest number that you ever do ♪
Michael: You’re dressed inappropriately.
Veronica: You’re definitely not following me, right?
Michael: The family that inappropriates together, appropriates together!
Michael: I think I’m acting weird. Do you think I’m acting weird?
Weird is several orders of magnitude too low for how you’re acting right now.
Michael: I think a Japan lady said a crazy code in my head holes
Michael: Let me grab my dick and talk about my failures to you.
Michael: Did you ever meet…? Of course you didn’t. He was a cool dude.
Michael: I should never have refused to fund his scheme to write a scat-themed Victorian romance novel.
Michael: Bunshaft of Skidmore, thanks for asking!
Michael: Stop my hands if they do a thing.
Veronica: What sort of thing?
Michael: Maybe any thing.
Veronica: Hey, uh… your…
Michael: HAHAHA I KNOW
Michael: Call the SCIA.
Michael: No, seriously, call the SCIA.
Theresa: Okay, I got a call about… I don’t even wanna say it.
Veronica: You’re fine, dad. Just to go bed.
Michael: But it’s so small!
Veronica: That’s my bed. Go to your bed.
Michael: …you know, that does make more sense.
Veronica: Uhhhh you’d better go before my big scary boyfriend comes back and beats you up.
Michael: Why would he beat me up?
Veronica: Because SERIOUSLY, GUESS
Veronica: I realize I shouldn’t have gone into the hall without my underwear. But I’m not the one walking around with a thoroughly-suspicious erection.
Michael: I don’t know what’s so suspicious about it. Erections happen when-
Veronica: DON’T EXPLAIN
Michael: OHHHH HERE WE GO
Veronica: Definitely not.
Michael: You called them, right.
Veronica: Theresa said she’d be right up.
Michael: Good, I’ll fuck her instead.
Michael: Where are you getting that word I didn’t say that word.
Michael: This is because I made those ENTROPY people mad.
Veronica: What did you do?
Michael: I denied their application to hang a large set of truck nuts from the courthouse clock.
Veronica: Because it’s illegal? Immoral?
Michael: Because it’s beneath them.
Jim: Y’all husband’s doin’ a gross thing.
Michael: Put on as many layers as you have.
Veronica: Hey, it’s sucky-face!
Veronica: So mom.
Vanessa: What did he do.
Veronica: He walked into my room without his clothes on.
Stewart: I’LL KILL HIM
Vanessa: I should’ve known this was gonna happen.
Michael creeping on his own daughter?
Vanessa: Cecilia. Cecilia did it.
Cecilia’s disguised as Michael and creeping on his own daughter?
Vanessa: Possibly! Let’s see if I can’t shake her out of him.
Vanessa: According to the briefings I’ve read, ENTROPY mind control reacts poorly to percussion.
Michael: And that’s why you slapped me?
Vanessa: No, I slapped you because of jealousy mechanics. According to the strategy guides I’ve read.
Vanessa: Pretty sure I could never be mind-controlled into mother-son nudism.
Vanessa: But I still love you.
Michael: GREAT THANKS
Veronica: Did you eat his face?
Michael: Yes! That’s right! My name is Bottle! Gosh, I’d completely forgotten!
Veronica: So did he go senile all at once or what.
Veronica: Give it to me straight.
Vanessa: Is that what you said to your boyfriend?
Vanessa: Yeah, I heard you guys alright.
Vanessa: Anyway, here’s the skinny. ENTROPY has done shit like this before. They gave your grandpa’s third wife these… mind control axes? Which made her murder people when she thought they were romantic rivals for him. I heard one of them whisper something in your dad’s ear last chapter, it must have been a trigger phrase for something similar.
Veronica: I didn’t know dad had axes!
Vanessa: I dunno if it’s tied to an object still. They might be more advanced now.
Veronica: But why would they bother?
Vanessa: Because your aunt Cecilia is in charge of ENTROPY, and she’s dedicated her life to fucking with us.
Vanessa: Because she’s a bitch.
Vanessa: Because of your grandpa’s genetics.
Veronica: Don’t you and I have the bitch genetics, too?
Vanessa: Yes, but we find less murdery outlets for them.
Veronica: Hey, don’t pigeonhole me.
Vanessa: Anyway, uh, lock your door tonight.
Brett: So hey, would you try to teach a toddler the word “cooch”? Because he just did.
Michael: Are you real? Are you real? Stop staring and answer me.
Michael: IS THIS SOME KIND OF WEIRD HAWAIIAN TORTURE
Daisy McCarthy: You should never have stolen the hula from us.
Michael: We can give it back.
Vanessa: Cecilia’s been orchestrating all kinds of wacky shit since university. She brainwashed me into being an accessory for her secret identity, she killed one of my girlfriends, and according to my omniscient Memories panel, she’s been marrying people non-stop in the background, probably just for kicks.
Veronica: Did she trick you into being attracted to dad? That’s the only explanation I can make sense of.
Veronica: ‘cuz he’s grody.
Vanessa: My garbage taste in men is one of the few problems I have for which I can claim full responsibility.
Vanessa: I’ve always been into rude, nasty jerks. And Murphies! But don’t tell anyone that last part, it’s super embarassing.
Vanessa: I respect how your dad never thinks about anything but himself, and his money. It reminds me of my mom!
Vanessa: Who Cecilia also fucked with.
Vanessa: Basically she fucks with everybody. It was just your dad’s time for a plotline, and he seriously drew the short straw.
Michael: I’d like to draw her short straws WHAT THE FUCK
Michael: Focus on the money, Michael. Focus on what’s important!
Veronica: Is there anything we can do to stop her?
Vanessa: Honestly, it’s more likely we’ll end up stopping axes.
Veronica: That’s harsh.
Michael: I’ve got the strongest urge to-
I don’t want to hear it.
Michael: -take Veronica and-
I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT
Michael: -go to that Ed Sheeran concert she’s been talking about!
OH GOD, THAT’S DISGUSTING
Theresa: Hahaha wait, was I supposed to be doing something?
Theresa: Something to do identified!
Michael: Mornin’ sweetheart!
Veronica: Yeah. Uh… how you feelin’ today?
Michael: I’m writing that novel I told you about! How’s this for an opener: “Lord Keister Bunshaft-”
Veronica: ALREADY TOO MUCH
Michael: You’re right! I’m gonna go eat the lawn.
Veronica: You mean mow the lawn?
Michael: Same effect, different process.
Theresa: You want to munch a rug, I’ve got one for you.
Veronica: Honestly, this is still an improvement.
Michael: I’m married.
Theresa: I’m engaged!
Michael: I’m committed.
Theresa: No, but you will be soon!
Veronica: Let the sexy spy lady help you.
Theresa: Yeah, accept my lady-help.
Veronica: I WANT LADY-HELP
Theresa: Okay, so it’s definitely something in the house doing this.
Michael: Let’s get busy while I can still claim it’s not my fault.
Theresa: Let’s go somewhere private. You don’t want your daughter watching.
Michael: I don’t?
Michael: Uh, no! You’re right! I don’t!
Veronica: Fuck him or fuck him up. Use your discretion.
Michael: Wait, wait, wait! I was going to cook Brett dinner tonight!
Veronica: Brett doesn’t eat cooked food.
Michael: I said I was gonna cook “Brett dinner” tonight! It’s dinner made of-
Theresa: We get it now, Michael.
Michael: I’ll pick up some seasoning at the record store, I hear they’ve got Baby Spice.
Veronica: You call the locksmith, I’ll call a nanny.
Anthony: CHIQUITA! THE LEAVENED LOAVES OF YOUR BUNSHAFTS ARE what the hell am I saying.
Vanessa: Your chore for the day is to FIGURE OUT WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM.
Veronica: If it’s Anthony, can I fire him?
Brett: Do I need to be contributing to this storyline? Should I, like, poop my overalls or something?
I think craziness for a toddler involves not shitting yourself.
Brett: That’s no fun.
Next time: I’ll tell you ’bout the magic, and it’ll free your soul.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 8 September 2012.