Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which FUCK YEAH NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS, that was AN ENTIRE MONTH OF DAILY UPDATES!
And it wasn’t even one of the short months.
♪ Stare into the sun, stare into the sun ♪
Yvonne: ♪ I’m gonna stare into the sun, stare into the sun! ♪
Faith: ♪ There ain’t a cloud in the sky, or nothin’ ♪
Yvonne: ♪ I see the birds, they fly… on somethin’.
Faith: ♪ This is the summer ♪
Yvonne: ♪ This is the summer ♪
Faith: ♪ Full of colour, baby ♪
Faith: MOSTLY PINK
Yvonne: You ruined it.
Yvonne: Man, there’s no way the warden’ll find us here! He’d burn up in seconds.
Yvonne: Also he’s probably been fired.
Yvonne: They’ve probably all been fired.
♪ The sun is shining down for lovers ♪
Yvonne: ♪ But not for me, it shines for others ♪ in hell
Yvonne: ♪ You gave me love, babe, gave me love babe ♪
Yvonne: ♪ Now it’s over. ♪
Faith: ♪ I’m feelin’ blue, ‘cuz love is gone ♪ and also shovelling is here
Faith: ♪ Guess I lose, but life goes on ♪
Faith: ♪ Got a few tears to dry ♪
Talin: You can use my tear-drying fronds.
Talin: Have you ever tried burying someone-
Talin: …in the… sand? Wow, you answered that fast.
Faith: I’m a fast woman, what can I say?
Faith: You wanna hang out with my sister and I?
Talin: I think you mean “me and my sister.”
Faith: I take it back.
Faith: My sister and I, we’re basically old maids.
Talin: You would be, having unsexily-bad grammar like that!
Yvonne: I’ll dig the hole, you whack him when he turns ’round.
Talin: I’m not gonna turn ’round now.
Faith: I don’t blame you.
Faith: The sea provides! Soap’s probably too much to ask, though.
Faith: It wasn’t!
Talin: I can’t believe this place isn’t on the brochures.
Yvonne: Man, you do get crabs on vacation!
Yvonne: And that’s the story of how I fought a crab to its death.
Faith: You should’ve seen it, it was somethin’.
Talin: Nothin’ but sights ’round here!
Talin: ButTERFLY sights!
Faith: You still got that bone, Yvvy?
Faith: Actually never mind. You got a bone, Talin?
Talin: We don’t do bones here, only seashells and shit.
Faith: I meant, do you have a bone. For me.
Talin: You want me to import remains for you?
Talin: Or am I a fucking moron?
Talin: Hey, I wasn’t gonna mention this, but do you guys know you’re naked?
Faith: I’m worried we’re in one of those shiteating exploitative movies about how the mentally-challenged have something to teach us all so it’s okay to laugh at them for the first few acts.
Faith: Okay, more like gastrically-challenged.
Okay, a toilet washed up?
Faith: Don’t be silly. Talin stole one from the resort for us.
Faith: Also hammocks from the ghost ship. Ghost captain’s pretty pissed, but what you gonna do.
Faith: Yeah, we’re gonna do hotdogs. Good call.
Yvonne: They’re BURNED.
Faith: It’s like a billion degrees here, everything is burned.
Yvonne: Good to know they have inexplicable water mains here, too.
Faith: And terrifying shadow glitches!
Yvonne: ♪ I’m cryin’ out late now, sun is gone ♪
Faith: ♪ I need your love ♪ and also saleable objects
Yvonne: As punishments go, this is pretty rewarding.
Yvonne: If I ever go back, remind me to kill someone and come back-back.
Faith: Christ, Yvvy, my body is literally your body.
Yvonne: I wish you wouldn’t give me such a fucking weird-ass-looking nickname.
Faith: Yvvy? … ‘vonne?
Yvonne: Yeah, ‘th?
Faith: I’m glad you escaped with me.
Yvonne: What are co-conspirators for?
Faith: In retrospect, I do regret the zombie thing…
Yvonne: mmf… ♪ …before… these blue shade… days… are gone… ♪
Faith: ♪ And I can stare into the sun ♪
Faith: ♪ I’m gonna swim in the seas of green ♪
Faith: ♪ I tell you ♪
Faith: ♪ I’m gonna run like I’m seventeen ♪ which is how I look
Faith: ♪ Forever ♪ because you don’t age on vacation
Tracy: I’ll be damned! It is a buxom beach!
Faith: Nose guy!
Talin: “Nose guy”?!
Faith: Well, can you blame me?!
Faith: Yes, you have lovely nipples.
Faith: Oh! No! Yuck! No.
Talin: ♪ yougavemelovebabygavemelovebaby ♪
Talin: ♪ yougavemeloveandtookitaway ♪
Yvonne: Okay, that thing up there needs to go.
Talin: You know how you’d think an islander would know how to swim?
Talin: You would be wrong to think that
Faith: I’ll be there as soon as I figure out the pathfinding!
Faith: Spoiler alert: I won’t be able to figure out the pathfinding.
Talin: GET A ROPE!
Faith: From WHERE?
Talin: FROM THE GHOST SHIP!
Ghost Captain: Like FUCK
Ghost Captain: I STILL WANTS ME STRING-BUNKS BACK
Faith: I’m coming!
Talin: THIS IS NO TIME FOR ORGASMS
Talin: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA RUN LIKE YOU WERE SEVENTEEN
Faith: I also said I was gonna swim in the seas of green, but THESE ARE BLUE SEAS
Talin: Yes, they’re very pretty, aren’t they?
Faith: Okay, this does NOT make me even with YVONNE.
The Grim Reaper: UH
Elle: Stand back, I’m a lifeguard!
The Grim Reaper: YOU LOOKED MORE LIKE A LIFEGUARD WITH THE UNIFORM ON
The Grim Reaper: ♪ NOW ALL THE COLOURS MELT TOGETHER ♪
Elle: Hey guys, good news! He’s dead.
Faith: How is that good news?!
Elle: Look at him! He’s a perv.
Faith: That’s fair.
Faith: At least it wasn’t somebody we care about.
Faith: Sorry to make you come all the way out here.
The Grim Reaper: S’ALRIGHT. THE SUN’LL KILL OFF SOME OF THE MOLD IN MY ROBES.
The Grim Reaper: AND ANYWAY I DON’T USUALLY GET A SHOT AT THESE FUCKS
The Grim Reaper: OH. SORRY. YOU WEREN’T GONNA USE THAT ANYTIME SOON, WERE YOU?
Faith: … ♪ Oh yeah, ’cause there’s a cloud, she follows me ’round wherever ♪
Yvonne: Maybe not wherever…
♪ Her last words keep rainin’ down on shelter ♪
Yvonne: The fuck does THAT even mean.
Dunno, that’s why I left it for last.
Faith: ♪ I’m feelin’ blue, ‘cuz love is gone ♪
Tracy: ♪ Guess I lose ♪
Faith: ♪ But! Life goes on! ♪
Tracy: ♪ Got a few tears to cry ♪
Faith: Well do it somewhere else.
Yvonne: Yeah, no more tears. We’re not doing a Johnson & Johnson commercial, we’re doing the one where the dog pulls the swimsuit down.
Faith: Thanks! I didn’t think you’d notice.
Next time: a new year!
Only a month late.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 6 September 2012 to 7 September 2012.