Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
Dead tree edition.
You know, I only had to crop one pic this time.
I’m pretty furious about that one pic.
Yvonne: I’m sure he’ll let us know when it comes by.
Yvonne: Well, here we are! Nowhere.
Yvonne: We got here fast!
Yvonne: I don’t mean to alarm you, but we’re being watched.
Faith: You alarm me no matter what you do.
Yvonne: What are we doing, digging our way to China?
Faith: Dad says this is how he paid his honeymoon bill. Since we’re going where he went, it makes a certain sense!
Yvonne: A quick check of my tropical clothing reveals that I don’t have any tropical clothing.
Yvonne: And I don’t think we should use either of these other outfits.
Holy shit, Past Grugly is experimenting with static cameras!
Before you know it he’ll be PRESENT Grugly.
Yvonne: Okay, you’re making me dizzy.
I keep typing your name as Yconne.
I dunno. Brain glitch?
Faith: We’re used to glitches, we can teach you some coping mechanisms. Like, see how my hand isn’t even touching the shovel? It only partially fills me with existential dread!
Yvonne: I’m ready to climb into that hole.
Faith: I’ve told you, it doesn’t go to China.
Yvonne: I don’t want to go to China, because then I’ll be in China, and there’ll be an Yvonne there, and I hate those.
Faith: How many bones do you think a plane ticket costs?
Yvonne: ♪ The bones are their money ♪
Faith and Yvonne: ♪ And so are the worms ♪
Faith and Yvonne: ♪ They pull your hair up, up, but not out, to have another chance at life ♪
Faith and Yvonne: ♪ But if they pull it out they turn to bones ♪
Yvonne: Good times.
Yvonne: Found a map.
Faith: Cool, we’ll know where to go when we get where we’re NEVER GETTING
Faith: Just kidding, found a treasure chest.
Yvonne: Hey, that yellow chick left a plot summary.
Yvonne: Those are always narratively relevant!
Yvonne: Good news! They’re calling us something cool.
Yvonne: Good news! We’re more interesting than Don.
Marco: WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT
Marco: TALK ABOUT YOUR FA-
Marco: YOUR FA–
Marco: YOUR YELLOW JOURNALISM
Faith: THIS IS NOT
Yvonne: Where are they piping all this water, anyway?
Yvonne: Oh god, please tell me it’s water.
Faith: Farm country! It’s for irrigation.
Or it’s cow piss.
Faith: Why would it be cow piss?!
Because that would be funny.
Yvonne: It smells like cow piss.
Faith: I think you’ll find that’s us.
Yvonne: ♪ When up from the ground came a-bubblin’ FUCK ♪
Brooke: THAT STINKS LIKE MARRIAGE
Yvonne: Did I say a-bubblin’ fuck? I meant a babblin’ fuck.
Faith: Yvonne, don’t…shit.
Brooke: Why would she shit?
Yvonne: Hi, I’m Yvonne! You weren’t ever supposed to know that but apparently my sister isn’t the smart one anymore.
Brooke: Wait, aren’t you… aren’t you…
Beatriz: They’re definitely not, I wouldn’t worry.
Yvonne: Go cosplay my mom someplace ELSE, bad my mom cosplayer!
Yvonne: Faith! She’s filling your hole!
Faith: THAT sounds dirty.
Yvonne: Don’t worry, I got this.
Faith: Okay, but-
Yvonne: Follow my lead.
Yvonne: BONES EQUAL DOLLARS
Faith: I’M NOT FOLLOWING THAT!
Faith: You fuckin’ KILLED her!
Yvonne: Don’t be dramatic.
Faith: KILLING IS AUTOMATICALLY DRAMATIC!
Faith: Okay, we’re filling in the holes and leaving. Maybe she’s not dead! Yeah, that’s what I’m telling myself in bed tonight.
Yvonne: We’ll be sleeping in prison beds if they find her. They really WILL carpet-bomb the county if they think we’re MURDERERS instead of DANGEROUS IDIOTS.
Yvonne: Help me move the body.
Faith: No! I didn’t help you MAKE it a body!
Yvonne: At least I’m getting skill points from this.
Faith: More like KILL points!
Yvonne: God, get over it.
Yvonne: If anyone gives a shit, they’ll bring her back.
Yvonne: And by the time they do that, we’ll be sittin’ pretty on the beach, sippin’ not-in-jail-coladas!
Yvonne: Geez, I hope there aren’t any farmers around. I don’t think I could convince them this is a new kind of crop rotation.
Yvonne: Man, this hole is settling funny. It’s all squirmy in there.
Yvonne: Must be thin soil.
Brooke: CRUEL AND UNUSUAL
Brooke: AND CRUEL
Faith: Dammit Yvonne, can’t you even kill someone right?
Faith: Alright lady, take your dirt nap.
Faith: A friend will help you move, a true friend will help you move a body, a sister will help you bury a live body.
The Grim Reaper: IS THAT WHAT THEY’RE TEACHING YOU IN MATH CLASS THESE DAYS
Faith: God, math class. We’re in our twenties but we’re supposed to be in high school.
Brooke: ♪ She makes my body twitch ♪
Yvonne: ♪ The girl can’t help it ♪
Yvonne: ♪ She really can’t help it now ♪
Faith: ♪ It’s like a high school, a high school confidential ♪
The Grim Reaper: YOU CAN PROBABLY FIND A BETTER USE FOR THAT ONE
I probably will! Once I forget I used it here.
Faith: It’s so nice you’ll be able to forget this.
Faith: KEEP WALKING
♪ When she passes me a look ♪
♪ I wanna burn my books ♪
♪ Give up high school ♪
Faith: ♪ Well, well, well, well! ♪
Faith: Oh christ, wait’ll you see what this place is called!
Faith: I can’t believe nobody else has bought a tiny square of sand between two piers!
Faith: Yeah, come pick us up. We’re at… uh… the dead tree… and… the empty barn… in… the… county?
Yvonne: Are worms actually money? ‘cuz if they are, we’re rich now.
Yvonne: Man! Who died.
Faith: Not. FUNNY.
Yvonne: It’s a little funny.
Yvonne: ♪ IT MAKES ME CREAM MY JEANS WHEN SHE COMES MY WAY ♪
Faith: Had to get it in, didn’t you?
Yvonne: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
Yvonne: Buxom Beach?!?!
Faith: I didn’t name it.
Faith: But I bet we can make it stick.
Next time: they make it stick.
Faith: Hey, which pic did you have to crop?
Fuck, I dunno, it’s too late to care.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 September 2012.