The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 402

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

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Dead tree edition.

You know, I only had to crop one pic this time.

I’m pretty furious about that one pic.

Yvonne: I’m sure he’ll let us know when it comes by.

Yvonne: Well, here we are! Nowhere.

Yvonne: We got here fast!

Yvonne: I don’t mean to alarm you, but we’re being watched.

Faith: You alarm me no matter what you do.

Yvonne: What are we doing, digging our way to China?

Faith: Dad says this is how he paid his honeymoon bill. Since we’re going where he went, it makes a certain sense!

Yvonne: A quick check of my tropical clothing reveals that I don’t have any tropical clothing.

Yvonne: And I don’t think we should use either of these other outfits.

Holy shit, Past Grugly is experimenting with static cameras!

*sniffle*

Before you know it he’ll be PRESENT Grugly.

Yvonne: Yayyyy.

Yvonne: Okay, you’re making me dizzy.

I keep typing your name as Yconne.

Yconne: Why?

I dunno. Brain glitch?

Faith: We’re used to glitches, we can teach you some coping mechanisms. Like, see how my hand isn’t even touching the shovel? It only partially fills me with existential dread!

Yvonne: I’m ready to climb into that hole.
Faith: I’ve told you, it doesn’t go to China.
Yvonne: I don’t want to go to China, because then I’ll be in China, and there’ll be an Yvonne there, and I hate those.

Faith: How many bones do you think a plane ticket costs?

Yvonne:The bones are their money

Faith and Yvonne: ♪ And so are the worms ♪

Faith and Yvonne: ♪ They pull your hair up, up, but not out, to have another chance at life ♪

Faith and Yvonne: ♪ But if they pull it out they turn to bones ♪

Yvonne: Good times.

Yvonne: Found a map.
Faith: Cool, we’ll know where to go when we get where we’re NEVER GETTING

Faith: Just kidding, found a treasure chest.

Yvonne: Hey, that yellow chick left a plot summary.

Yvonne: Those are always narratively relevant!

Yvonne: Good news! They’re calling us something cool.

Yvonne: Good news! We’re more interesting than Don.

Marco: WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT

Marco: TALK ABOUT YOUR FA-

Nope.

Marco: YOUR FA

NOPE.

Marco: YOUR YELLOW JOURNALISM

That’s acceptable.

Faith: THIS IS NOT

Yvonne: Where are they piping all this water, anyway?

Yvonne: Oh god, please tell me it’s water.

Faith: Farm country! It’s for irrigation.

Or it’s cow piss.

Faith: Why would it be cow piss?!

Because that would be funny.

Yvonne: It smells like cow piss.
Faith: I think you’ll find that’s us.

Yvonne: ♪ When up from the ground came a-bubblin’ FUCK ♪

Brooke: THAT STINKS LIKE MARRIAGE
Yvonne: Did I say a-bubblin’ fuck? I meant a babblin’ fuck.

Faith: Yvonne, don’t…shit.
Brooke: Why would she shit?

Yvonne: Hi, I’m Yvonne! You weren’t ever supposed to know that but apparently my sister isn’t the smart one anymore.

Brooke: Wait, aren’t you… aren’t you…
Beatriz: They’re definitely not, I wouldn’t worry.

Yvonne: Go cosplay my mom someplace ELSE, bad my mom cosplayer!

Yvonne: Faith! She’s filling your hole!
Faith: THAT sounds dirty.

Faith: Yvonne…
Yvonne: Don’t worry, I got this.

Faith: Okay, but-
Yvonne: Follow my lead.

Yvonne: BONES EQUAL DOLLARS

Faith: I’M NOT FOLLOWING THAT!

Faith: You fuckin’ KILLED her!
Yvonne: Don’t be dramatic.
Faith: KILLING IS AUTOMATICALLY DRAMATIC!

Faith: Okay, we’re filling in the holes and leaving. Maybe she’s not dead! Yeah, that’s what I’m telling myself in bed tonight.

Yvonne: We’ll be sleeping in prison beds if they find her. They really WILL carpet-bomb the county if they think we’re MURDERERS instead of DANGEROUS IDIOTS.

Yvonne: Help me move the body.
Faith: No! I didn’t help you MAKE it a body!

Yvonne: At least I’m getting skill points from this.
Faith: More like KILL points!
Yvonne: God, get over it.

Yvonne: If anyone gives a shit, they’ll bring her back.

Yvonne: And by the time they do that, we’ll be sittin’ pretty on the beach, sippin’ not-in-jail-coladas!

Yvonne: Geez, I hope there aren’t any farmers around. I don’t think I could convince them this is a new kind of crop rotation.

Yvonne: Man, this hole is settling funny. It’s all squirmy in there.

Yvonne: Must be thin soil.

Brooke: CRUEL AND UNUSUAL

Brooke: AND CRUEL

Faith: Dammit Yvonne, can’t you even kill someone right?

Faith: Alright lady, take your dirt nap.

Faith: A friend will help you move, a true friend will help you move a body, a sister will help you bury a live body.

The Grim Reaper: IS THAT WHAT THEY’RE TEACHING YOU IN MATH CLASS THESE DAYS

Faith: God, math class. We’re in our twenties but we’re supposed to be in high school.

She’s a cool, blonde, scheming bitch

Brooke: ♪ She makes my body twitch ♪

Yvonne: ♪ The girl can’t help it ♪

Yvonne: ♪ She really can’t help it now ♪

Faith: ♪ It’s like a high school, a high school confidential ♪

The Grim Reaper: YOU CAN PROBABLY FIND A BETTER USE FOR THAT ONE

I probably will! Once I forget I used it here.

Faith: It’s so nice you’ll be able to forget this.

Faith: KEEP WALKING

♪ When she passes me a look ♪

♪ I wanna burn my books ♪

♪ Give up high school ♪

Faith: ♪ Well, well, well, well! ♪

Faith: Oh christ, wait’ll you see what this place is called!

Faith: I can’t believe nobody else has bought a tiny square of sand between two piers!

Faith: Yeah, come pick us up. We’re at… uh… the dead tree… and… the empty barn… in… the… county?

Yvonne: Are worms actually money? ‘cuz if they are, we’re rich now.

Yvonne: Man! Who died.
Faith: Not. FUNNY.

Yvonne: It’s a little funny.

Faith: Nope.

Yvonne: ♪ IT MAKES ME CREAM MY JEANS WHEN SHE COMES MY WAY ♪
Faith: Had to get it in, didn’t you?
Yvonne: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID


Yvonne: Buxom Beach?!?!

Faith: I didn’t name it.

Faith: But I bet we can make it stick.

Next time: they make it stick.

Faith: Hey, which pic did you have to crop?

Fuck, I dunno, it’s too late to care.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 September 2012.

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