The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 396

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which developments are developed.

The game apparently isn’t as keen on William Jr. as I am.

Uma: He’s a freak.
William: What?
Uma: He’s too perfect. Like you cloned yourself or something.
William: I… refuse to incriminate myself.

Victor: That’s some hot-ass piano playing, Aunt Valerie!

Fucking… fucking Sharpes.

FUCKING FUCKING SHARPES

FWAPF

Andrea: She’s getting better, but she’s still got a ways to go.

BONK

Andrea: Victor, please tell me that hit your head and not your dick.

Nick: Hey, the less competition, the better!

Uma: So, you just gonna sit here all day?
William: All week, if my stomach can handle it!

Bradleigh: Man, how do you get this rich?

Go to work.

Bradleigh: Man, fuck that.

Victor: I think I’m gonna fuck this cake.

Victor: Maybe I’ll just eat it.

Victor: With my dickhand.

Andrea: Better than a butthand.

“Penny”: Oh, how I’ve missed you.

“Penny”: I’m already on my way to Sharpehood, but maybe I need to hedge my bets.

“Penny”: Oh, who am I kidding? I’m gonna do this for the dick.

“Penny”: Curse you, dick!

FOOMPF

Statue of William Sharpe: FINALLY.

Victor: Oh no, I turned into Victor!

Victor: Why’d you make me say that?

I thought it’d be funny.

Victor: It’s good to have you here.
“Penny”: Honey, you can have me anywhere.

Victor: Havin’, holdin’, it’s a good life.

“Penny”: When are you gonna introduce me to your dad?
Victor: Like, never.

Victor: That’s too revealing, he’s gonna mack on you in an instant.

“Penny”: That’s too slow for me.

Victor: If you fuck my dad-
“Penny”: Silly! You’ll never know.

Andrea: You’re eventually going to have to do something other than play with my tits.
Nick: But why rush it?

Nick: They’re nice tits.

FOOMPFOOMPF

Nick: PERSONAL GROWTH

Andrea: Is a GO!

Nick: SERIOUS BUSINESS

Well!

The years start comin’, and they don’t stop comin’.

Victor: I can’t believe I stopped comin’.

William: I am fucking this hot tub.

FOOMPF

Nick: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Chess is BORRRRIIIIING

Andrea: LEARNING is boring.

Andrea: Sleep is all.

Neila: Wish I’d seen that man blow up.

Victor: Wish I could make spherical omelettes.

“Penny”: I wish… something… about Chef Alejandro Midlock, for some reason.

William: Okay y’all, holiday’s over, main man’s back.

William: What are you doing? You’re doing it WRONG.

William: You know, my dad used to teach boxing.
Nick: Yeah, to the chick who MURDERED MY MOM.

William: In his defense, this was after she did that.

William: But yeah, point taken.

William: Still, though, MAN! You’re making MY hand hurt.

William: Hit it like it owes you money!

Nick: Exercise SUCKS!

Nick: So… tell me how to throw a good punch.
William: Imagine the face of someone who makes you angry.

Nick: CAN DO.

William: Put your vagina into it.
Nick: What?
William: Nothing.

William: Cake goes in dishwasher now.

William: Hot chick goes in son’s bed!

William: …why’s she thinking about…

William: Actually, Neila looks a lot like Virginia.

Well, keep her away from any open flames, then.

William: OH WHAT THE FUCK

William: You have clothes! Of COURSE you have clothes! WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING CLOTHES

Don’t wake her up! You’re forcing me to deploy nudity countermeasures!

William: They’re pretty neat.

I was getting sick of the halftone pattern.

William: Man, you try to get them to wear clothes and not mack, but Sharpes gonna Sharpe.

William: Oh yeah! I have a wife! Where’s she at.

Nick: Put THIS into your VAGINA

Nick: Put THIS into your ASS

Nick: Put THESE in your GUN SHOW!

William Jr.: I’m gonna have a talk with dad about the decor in here.

William Jr.: It’s not the sleepiest room I’ve ever seen.

William Jr.: Maybe I can block it out.

Ooh, an establishing shot!

Incomplete and at a terrible angle!

How lovely.

William Jr.: So, do you sleep beneath the glare of grey-skinned monsters?

No, just my framed degrees, reminding me of how far I’ve fallen.

William Jr.: YAWN BORING

William Jr.: How many degrees did it take to make that penis statue?

Alright Splatoon, put some clothes on.

Valerie: …”Property of Melanie Lillard.”

THAT’s where that is!

Valerie: Haunting up MY room, yeah! Great.

William Jr.: So about how we need to exorcise the Zombie Queen from this house.

Samantha: Clearly these are part of some secret code! Clearly nobody would preserve them otherwise.

Victor: Ugh, late for school.
“Penny”: Ugh, late for schemes.

William: Did I just hear my fourth-favourite word?!

“Penny”: Hello there, Mr. Sharpe.
William: Miss Spring.
“Penny”: I feel like I’ve known you, badly, my entire life!

William: Because I’m so famous.
“Penny”: Sure, that.

Samantha: I THOUGHT RELATIONSHIPS WERE SACRED

Wow, who brought you up?!

William: You’re getting awful touchy-feely.
“Penny”: Is it so awful?
William: If Victor bursts in, I’ll say it is.

“Penny”: Oh, it’s so good to meet the man of the house.
William: I’mma go to work before I fuck you, I mean do you, I mean do something in bed with you, I mean do something I’m good at like sex with you, I mean do something I’m going to have sex in bed with you, I mean do something I’m going to regret it if I don’t fuck you in bed good, I mean do something I’m going to regret later.

“Penny”: k bye

Samantha: K WHY

Samantha: We need to talk about dad.
William Jr.: There a big statue of his dick outside your room, too?

Samantha: Hahaha never mind, that’s too funny.

William Jr.: Hahaha yeah, it’s super fucking funny.

William Jr.: What’re you grinning at? You don’t know what’s going on.

William Jr.: You probably don’t even have a NAME.

Guys, I think Chief might be a zombie.

“Penny”: I’m eating my hand.
Victor: PROBABLY NICK’S FAULT

“Penny”: Why’re you mad at Nick?
Victor: He stole my girl!
“Penny”: I thought I was your girl.
Victor: That’s true! Nobody’s gonna steal you.
“Penny”: That fits with my understanding of the word “steal.”

Valerie: Mornin’ hunk stuff! I mean what the fuck, why did I say that.

Valerie: Wanna fuck? I mean HOW’S YOUR OMELETTE

Valerie: We are definitely related.

Valerie: And I am behaving normally.

Valerie: KEEP IT TOGETHER, KEEP IT TOGETHER
William: Keep it OUT OF THE WAY

Andrea: So Valerie’s acting weird and Samantha’s acting weird and William Jr.’s acting weird…
Victor: And Andrea’s a slut…

Andrea: Glad you’re handling this so maturely, Vic.

Victor: I’ve been handling Penny’s TITS maturely, ANDY

Victor: YOU CAN’T BUY TITS LIKE THESE IN A STORE

Victor: Or enemies like that.

Andrea: I’M HAPPY THAT I’M MAD

Victor: Ow! What the fuck?!
Andrea: HOW DARE YOU KISS YOUR FUTURE WIFE
“Penny”: “Future wife?” Who says that?

“Penny”: If you don’t bring her back, I’m gonna.

Victor: YOU AND I ARE FINISHED! WE’RE PRACTICALLY RELATED ANYWAY!
“Penny”: Hahaha, “practically.”

Andrea: DON’T ASK HER WHAT SHE MEANS

Valerie: Okay, okay. Cold showers, lots of exercise, keep it together, don’t be the weak link, weak links get cut.

Neila: Am I the only normal one here?

I mean, besides being a china doll, yes.

Oh, there’s also Uma.

Nick: BUT IS THERE

Nick: IS THERE EVEN

Valerie: I’m a doctor! I’m Doctor Valerie Enriquez! Sister of Vicki Wels- DAMMIT. Vicki ENRIQUEZ. Vicki ENRIQUEZ. KEEP IT TOGETHER

Andrea: There seem to be a lot of secrets kicking around here.
“Penny”: Some of them kick more than others.

Andrea: Do I know you?
“Penny”: Does anyone?

Uma: You can stop laughing at the concept of my being a character now.
Nick: CAN I THOUGH

Andrea: I’m not gonna look at you.
“Penny”: Why?
Andrea: Because if I look at you, I feel like a new storyline will start, but if I don’t look at you…

Next time: trash can murders and brothel magic!

Andrea: Right, that’ll happen.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 July 2012.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.