The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 394

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which familial relations get familiar.


Also it’s my dad’s birthday.

Those are unrelated.

Holy Christ, you fit all of them on there. Good job!

Neila: Want some bowled air? We saved you a bowl!

Andrea: Want to bowl me over?
Victor: And over, and over!

Andrea: I accept your counterproposal.

Andrea: Let’s do it on the counter.

Andrea: ALL of the counters.

Andrea: Alternatively, just teleport away.
Neila: It’s not his fault, he didn’t know what the captions were gonna say.


There’s a Twin Peaks joke there but I’ve made too many already.

Andrea: You look just like your daddy!

That’s because he has a scaled-down version of his daddy’s haircut.

Andrea: Oh. Yeah. You’re right, that’s the reason.


Andrea: Control your emissions!

Neila: I think I need a new muffler.

Neila: And maybe a new storyline.

And maybe a new bathing suit.

Neila: Oh god, there’s Victor’s weird girlfriend again.

“Penny”: That’s Victor’s weird fiancé to you, Victor’s weird sister!

Neila: Do you think I’m weird, Barenaked Ladies man?
Barenaked Ladies Man: ♪ Enid, we never really knew each other anyway ♪
Neila: That’s fair.

Neila: Barenaked Ladies man, you are unattractive.
Barenaked Ladies Man: ♪ I can get a job, I can pay the phone bills, I can cut the lawn, cut my hair, cut out my cholesterol ♪
Neila: Yeah, but you’d still look like Sam Seder fell in a vat of mousse.

Neila: I’m proud of that one.

Neila: I don’t know who Sam Seder is, but I’m still proud of it.

Bradleigh: Did you know people expect women to not have food on their faces all day?

Kinda, yeah?


I don’t even think I knew “hardbody” was a thing when I named this.

Amin: Let me put my thing in your hardbody, baby!

Neila: Is that offer transferable?

Neila: Wait, what’s wrong with your hair?
Amin: Ticks.
Neila: No, I mean-
Amin: Lice.
Neila: Actually nevermind.

Laci: I realize you’re enjoying your new body, but the rest of us can actually get enough of it, you know.


Neila: I like the mean lady.

Yeah, she’s alright.

Is William contractually obligated to appear once per episode now, whether his plot is going or not, like Kyle MacLachlan in the new Twin Peaks DAMMIT I SAID I WASN’T DOING THAT AGAIN

And then Laci turned Neila off.

Neila: Yeah, she’s definitely not my type or anything.

Neila: If I even have a type.
Jack: Maybe I’m your type!
Neila: Don’t say mean things.

Neila: Unless I say them first!

Jack: You don’t look familiar.
Neila: I don’t? I recognize myself every day!

Neila: That’s a little joke.

Very little.

Neila: Did you know my mother is a mass murderer who’s well past due to come back from the dead for revenge on them what wronged her?

Jack: I didn’t, but now I’m pretty sure I know whose daughter you are.

Jack: Yep, there it is.

Neila: Excuse me, I see a real person.

Kyle: Oh god, are they behind me?

Kyle: Neila!
Neila: Kyle!
Kyle: We really know each other!
Neila: Anyway!

Kyle: That’s only barely on the cheek.
Neila: The lips are the peaks of the cheeks!

Neila: I’m horny.

Neila: You want in on this?
Kyle: I want to play with that hair.
Neila: Sexually?
Kyle: Either way, honestly.

Neila: So I hear you like boys and girls.
Kyle: No, that’s illegal. I like men and women.

Neila: Remember murderbutler?
Kyle: No?

Neila: Yeah, me either.

Neila: Did you ever achieve your dream of becoming a world-class ballet dancer?
Kyle: It eventually tapered off into a dream of becoming asleep most of the time and unoccupied the rest of the time.

I hear you.

Neila: Word on the street is that you really spread it around!
Kyle: I refuse to believe that there’s word on the street about me.

Kyle: Anyway that’s not true, I’ve only dated… uh… shit, it kinda is true!

Neila: That kind of experience is very attractive.
Kyle: To bacteria, maybe.

Neila: I’ve got the Kyle fever!
Kyle: Hopefully it’s not fatal. Being named after me, it probably should be!

Kyle: Whaaaaat is thaaaaat.

Neila: Never mind that.
Kyle: I’m trying!

Kyle: She’s got nothing on you.
Neila: Aww, really?
Kyle: Don’t make me repeat it.

Kyle: Don’t make a serial liar out of me.

Neila: It’s not the worst kind of serial verbing we’ve had going on around here.

Kyle: Where we goin’?
Neila: Where I can’t see Deborah in hot pants.

Kyle: God, was that who that was? I always forget she’s still alive.

Me too.

Kyle: I just remembered I’m alive.

Neila: Nose wiggle!
Kyle: Teehee!

Neila: Did the nose wiggle add?
Kyle: Ask all these hearts I’m farting!

Neila: Are heart farts actual farts?

Pop one and find out.

Kyle: We should go back around the corner, I’m sure it’s a better scene now.

Sullivan: That one Murphy shit dying before I could ruin his childhood is one of my few genuine regrets in life.

Sullivan: Seeing you in that is another.

Kyle: What isotope makes your eyes glow like that?

Kyle: Wait, I’m getting lightheaded. Is it actually an isotope?!

Kyle: Whatever. Irradiate me, baby!

Bradleigh: Whole lotta radiation goin’ on.

Neila: That was nice.
Kyle: Nice enough to base a relationship on?

Neila: No.

Good, the pic’s been updated to include the matriarch of the family, Statue of Vanessa Sharpe.

Uma: Are you ACTUALLY Vicki’s sister?
Valerie: Why wouldn’t I be?
Uma: Because she’s really cool, and you’re Valerie?

What’s up?

William: Just putting in my contracted appearance.

Valerie: I never spent much time with my sister. She was too busy with that husband of hers, and that career of hers, and those murders of hers.

Valerie: Murderhers.

Nick: I’m glad she’s living her best life now, but I do wish I’d gotten to see those murders.

Andrea: Someone’s talking about murders!

William Jr.: Someone’s always talking about murders.

Nick: Occupied!

Andrea: Good.

Andrea: I was hoping you could help me with some mistakes I’m going to make.

Andrea: And make, and make, and make.

Nick: I’m in a makin’ mood myself!

Andrea: As long as we keep our spa sandals on, we’re not naked.

Are either of you wearing your spa sandals?

Nick: I heart your genitals!

Andrea: I’d ask what yours are named, but I don’t want to force him to do research this close to the daily deadline.

Andrea: In fact, your dick is too distracting. Let’s find somewhere out of sight to put it.

Nick: Hey, if it’ll help.

Andrea: This house is, like, the perfect porno setting.
Nick: We should hire some sexy maids.

Andrea: Or just rent the costumes.

Nick: Or just fuck, like, normally.

Andrea: I like a man who’s not afraid to completely lack nuance.

Nick: It’s a family trait.

Nick: Wait, your eyes.
Andrea: Yeah?
Nick: …nope, I’m in love now, not pursuing this line of thought.

Andrea: Afraid to make eye contact now?
Nick: I want to wait until I’m in too deep to back out, first.

Andrea: How deep is that?
Nick: How deep you got, baby?

Andrea: Probably not deep enough, judging by what I’m feeling down there.

Andrea: But I can do exercises.

William Jr.: Please make them stop.

Neila: Sure, I’ll just go stop some teenagers from being horny, that’ll work.


William Jr.: GAH! Use premium gas in that thing!

Neila: Nope, yuck, nope.

Neila: Not my problem NOT MY PROBLEM

“Penny”: All your problems are belong to us.

“Penny”: Also your dog.

“Penny”: Hello dog, I am Penny, who once owned you.
Chief: .oO(I have no object permanence!)

“Penny”: I’m losing mine as well.

Uma: They’re doing what?
Victor: Wanna see if we can top it?!

Nick: Wanna see if you can top me?

Andrea: Let me do a dive.

Victor: Or you could just stay there.

Neila: This house IS a porno setting!

Neila: And I’m stuck playing one of the no-sex roles!

Uma: Have sex with your sister, Vic, she’s lonely.
Victor: Fuck off.

Nick: Let the fuck-off begin!

Neila: Anybody?
Uma: Go play with your sister.
Victor: Fuck off!

Uma: Do you think we’ll all still live together when we’re older?
Neila: By the time we’re older there will probably be laws saying we have to.

Neila: I foresee a lot of laws being written about us.

Uma: Probably incest laws.

Nick: I wonder what they’re talking about.
Andrea: I wouldn’t.

Andrea: Hey, how ’bout that? Deep enough after all.

Andrea: Hggaaaaaaahbbbrbbbbbrbl.

Victor: ♪ It’s a hard dick life, for us! ♪
Neila: I’m sorry, Vic, but I just don’t feel that way about you.
Victor: FUCK OFF

Uma: Don’t roll over.

Next time: getting to know each other.



This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 July 2012.

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