Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which this one’s already wacky but I’m very sick now so hold the fuck on.
Jihoon: I CUT MY BONDS WITH A SWORD I FOUND AND UNSHEATHED MY OWN SWORD!
Brandi: Secret agents hate using other people’s swords.
Keith: It’s a well-known fact!
Keith: That’s… my leg, Brandi.
Brandi: It’s a well-known fact!
Brandi: Wiggle it a little, would you? I’m stuck.
Keith: I’m thinking secret agent duels should be Nerf-only from now on.
Keith: That’s… my neck, Brandi.
Brandi: Oh, do you need that?
Keith: It’s where a lot of my blood is. So.
Jihoon: Let’s go fight near some other secret agents so you can kill them for me, too!
Jihoon: Then we can visit my in-laws.
Jihoon: Whoa! That was close. Why are you suddenly competent?
Brandi: Maybe I’ve been competent the entire time?
Keith: I think I feel a spray coming on.
Keith: Yep, there it goes.
Jane: What happened?
Brandi: An evil ENTROPY agent took the chief prisoner and killed him!
Keith: I’m not dead!
Jane: We’ll miss you, chief.
Keith: I’M NOT DEAD!
Keith: My chiefdom for a sword!
Jihoon: OHHHH close one!
The Grim Reaper: THIS IS DEFINITELY CHOREOGRAPHED.
The Grim Reaper: DON’T FUCK UP MY CLIPBOARD.
Keith: PUT IT AWAY I’M FINE
The Grim Reaper: MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY BOXING INSTEAD.
Jihoon: Hey! Interference!
The Grim Reaper: HAHAHA, SORRY. COULDN’T RESIST.
The Grim Reaper: WHOA, WATCH THE NO-FACE!
The Grim Reaper: YEAH, THEY’RE TRADING DUELLING SCARS AND SHIT, HOLD THE BEAM FOR A SECOND.
Keith: I’M STILL IN IT
Keith: Quick, give me a transfusion!
The Grim Reaper: I SHOULD GO SOLID ON YOU, JUST TO TEACH YOU A LESSON.
Keith: That’s… what she…
Jihoon: I think there’s been a misunderstanding.
Brandi: I think so too.
The Grim Reaper: I DON’T DO THAT. QUITE FAMOUSLY.
Jihoon: I have been… betrayed…
Brandi: His evil masters sent him here to die!
Jihoon: By… you…
Brandi: Yes, to die by me! And my sword.
The Grim Reaper: TAKE A DEEP BREATH. YOU’VE ONLY GOT A FEW SECONDS LEFT TO POINT THE FINGER.
Jihoon: That woman… is…
Jihoon: Oh… oh… I’m taking this, it’s mine.
Jihoon: It’s mine.
Brandi: I wonder what he was trying to say.
Jane: I guess we’ll never know!
Brandi: Fucking right you won’t.
Jane: Nice work fighting the invader, Brandi! Shame about the chief.
Brandi: Is it, though?
The Grim Reaper: YOU GUYS JUST GONNA KNOCK OFF FOR THE DAY, THEN?
The Grim Reaper: ARE THERE LIGHTS I NEED TO TURN OFF?
Laci: Quittin’ time!
Laci: As nights of intrigue go, this one was pretty boss.
The Grim Reaper: I’M NOT USED TO BEING IGNORED.
You do get used to it.
Laci: So much for that heel.
Laci: Get ready, get set…
Laci: Get home!
Jane: Man, I need to get the shocks checked on this thing.
Jane: It shimmies like nobody’s business.
Laci: ENTROPY: Nobody’s Business is Our Business.
Jane: Don’t you ever eat? Or go pee?
Cheryl: *is dead*
Elvis: *remains within the building*
This is how Elvis dies!
Brandi: Just keep plucking that low-hanging fruit, buddy.
After the nonsense we started out with, I think I can rest on my laurels for a few pics.
Brandi: You say your laurels, I say my war crimes.
I mean, you’re not at war.
Brandi: Tell that to Cecilia.
Brandi: On the plus side, war crimes pay well!
Brooke: I WANT THAT EASEL
Wow, I’m just now noticing the detail on that outfit.
The artist definitely jerked off to it.
And I’m not judging.
Brooke: Oh, there goes gravity.
Roger: ♪ Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked ♪
Roger: ♪ He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that easy ♪
Roger: ♪ No, he won’t have it ♪
The Grim Reaper: YES, KINDLY DO.
Brandi: See what happens when you put off your chores? Don’t do the laundry, have no clean clothes. Don’t do your homework, cram for the test. Don’t stop the townies from mothing your front door for weeks on end, have to bury bodies.
I mean, at least it’s just body, right now.
The Grim Reaper: YEAH, ABOUT THAT.
Hailey: Tell them I loved… fitness…
Laci: Tell who? Nobody cares.
Roger: She’s right, we don’t.
Cory: Having a tailgate party at our secret hideout, are we?
Cory: Wait, who’s moving out?
Brandi, looks like.
Cory: She the blonde or the redhead?
Jane: What about the brunette?
Cory: What brunette?
Roger: I’ve cornered you in your den, murder-bear!
Laci: What’s this?
Cory: Bear season.
Laci: I love a man with a big, thick, long, barrel.
Roger: AT LEAST HOLD IT CORRECTLY
Roger: MAN that pisses me off!
Roger: Also I’m dead.
Corey: Before you say anything, JANE, it’s legal to murder burglars in Clover County.
Cory: Look it up.
Roger: LEMME OUT
God, I hope I wasn’t getting off on this.
Was I in my “dead-eyed mannequins are hot” stage?
I guess I was!
Jane: I want to thank you for including me in your self-loathing.
If you can’t loathe yourself, who can you loathe?
Laci: I can loathe myself.
Laci: I still have a little loathing left over for everyone else, though.
Laci: Especially loud babies.
Laci: You’ve got a bit of a temperature.
Elvis: ♪ I just might turn to smoke, but I feel fine! ♪
Laci: ♪ We’re caught in a trap ♪
Elvis: ♪ I can’t walk out ♪
Laci: ♪ Because I love you too much, baby ♪
Elvis: ♪ Why can’t you see ♪
Laci: ♪ What you’re doin’ to me ♪
Cory: ♪ When you don’t believe a word I say ♪
Laci: ♪ WE CAN’T GO ON TOGETHER ♪
Elvis: ♪ With suspicious minds ♪
Laci: ♪ And we can’t build our dreams ♪
Elvis: ♪ On suspicious minds ♪
Laci: Oh good, the blackmail is here.
Laci: I’m surprised I was able to take this shot over his shoulder.
Laci: I can’t promise you less schemes, little guy, but I can promise you less dead mailmen.
Mail Guy Who Probably Has A Name: I’m in favour.
Cory: ♪ You can’t see the tears are real I’m crying ♪
Cory: ♪ (Yes I’m crying!) ♪
Cory: ♪ WE CAN’T GO ON TOGETHER! ♪ I mean, ♪ JANE! ♪ I mean, JANE!
Cory: This isn’t happening.
Get some bad mail?
Cory: Got some BLACK mail!
Well, I mean.
You are bla-
Cory: OH FUCK YOU
Cory: She took a photo?!
Yeah, you can see her doing it in the background.
Cory: Aw what the fuck, you’re right.
Cory: I’m surprised she was able to take that shot over his shoulder, though.
Cory: Hi Jane! Do you… live here now?
Jane: I sleep here now, at least!
Cory: What if I told you I was being conspired against by ENTROPY and I needed your help to defeat them?
Jane: What if I told you that’s awesome?!
Cory: I’m the de facto SCIA chief now, so I’m making you my deputy.
Jane: Deputy Chief Jane Monif!
Cory: No, just deputy. What, you think I just hand out promotions?
Jane: Do I get a raise?
Cory: You might get a badge.
Cory: If they’re not expensive.
Jane: Better than nothing, if only marginally.
Jane: Does this mean you’re not spying on the SCIA anymore?
Cory: No, it just means I’ll be better at it!
Cory: What say you and I get better acquainted, deputy?
Jane: What do you want to do this time? Break into the federal reserve?
Jane: Because I’d kinda be up for it.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 July 2012 to 16 July 2012.
I know that sounds wrong since the last chapter was just from the 16th but it’s not wrong, you’re wrong, and I don’t gotta explain nothin’.