The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 392

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which spying is hard.

Jane: Another day at the destabilizing third-world democracy mines.

Jane: And then a stop at the mechanic’s, to get the floor put back in my car.

Jane: I still think walling the parking lot in was an extreme measure.

Jane: Even if somebody knew what this place was, they’d have to be a moron to try to get inside.

Jane: Even the posted guard is a bit much.

Nice job wrecking the shot with Build Mode lines visible, Past Grugly.

Past Grugly: I am the gift that keeps on taking!

Aren’t you worried about alarms?

Laci: I’ve never been much of an alarmist.

Laci: Also my contact cut the phone lines.

So wait. Whose side are you on?

Laci: I’d hardly call it a “side,” what with there being only two people on it.

Laci: I didn’t pick it, it picked me.

So you’re… spying for Cecilia.

Laci: Yep.

The evil secret agents… are they also spying for Cecilia?

Laci: Maybe! She doesn’t let her one spy know what the other spy is doing.

It’s not a good sign when my plot confuses me.

Laci: Your problem is the details. You need to consider the bigger picture!

What’s the bigger picture?

Laci: A picture of everything, on fire.

Laci: The SCIA wants to keep the status quo. TAUTOLOGY wants to become the status quo. ENTROPY wants a status chao.

Which one is TAUTOLOGY again?

Laci: Cory and Brandi.

Aren’t Cory and Brandi also in the SCIA?

Laci: Yep.

Isn’t Brandi ALSO in ENTROPY?

Laci: It must be a lot of fun inside her head, yeah.

So you’re stealing info for… Cecilia?

Laci: Right.

Who is in charge of ENTROPY.

Laci: Right.

Is she also in charge of TAUTOLOGY?

Laci: Look, it’s trying to think.

Laci: No, she’s just manipulating them. Through me.

How is she contacting you? I’ve never seen you meet, or get calls, or whatever.

Laci: You know those weird quilt signs they put on old barns?

Yes?

Laci: Those are QR codes with evil secret agent instructions encoded.

Laci: Shit, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have sprung that one on you all at once.

Laci: Clean your brains off the walls before you follow me.

Keith: You can stand inside the door, you know. I doubt anyone’s gonna try an external assault.

Here’s a fun game. Download the previous image and this one, and switch back and forth between them. Earthquake simulator!

Cory: Did you feel that?
Brandi: That’s what she said.

Cory: There’s my favourite plainclothes defective!

Laci: The part of the plan where I wait on the roof in the rain until the workday is over is my least favourite part of the plan.

Cory: We got a report of a break-in at the courthouse. Look into it, would you?

William: Maybe you could work together on that one.

William: It sounds right up your ASS. I mean ALLEY.

Cory: Nice to see you, Mr. Governor.
William: I thought I’d drop by, invade your workspace, see how you like it.

Cory: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
William: I should’ve just set off my office bomb.
Cory: You bombed your office?
William: You’d be surprised what I’ve bombed.

William: Briefly.

Jane: He’s so cool.

Keith: Checkin’ in on us, boss?
William: Checkin’ up on you. I see you’re still keeping an open mind.

Keith: It’s not open, it’s just slow.

William: Drink some coffee or something.

Cory: So, the phone lines are down.
Keith: UGH. It’ll take HOURS for headquarters to send someone.
Cory: We could just call the phone company.
Keith: And then bury whoever they send, afterwards.
Cory: I volunteer.

Keith: Oh, hey, I left it logged in! Now I can spend the rest of the day wondering if everyone here knows what kind of porn I like.

Keith: And watching the kind of porn I like.

Keith: An entire Coke bottle?!

Keith: SOMEONE SAW MY PORN

Keith: BRANDI DID YOU SEE MY PORN

CAN WE FOCUS

Keith: Someone’s been accessing my terminal!
Brandi: How do you know that?
Keith: Because it was logged on!
Brandi: So?
Keith: So I forgot my password a week ago, and I’ve been too embarassed to tell anybody!

Brandi: Are you saying someone else knows your password, and you don’t?
Keith: See, this is why I didn’t tell anybody!

Keith: Someone’s cyber-spoofing us.
Brandi: That’s not-
Keith: I want all y’all to get to your vehicles and drive directly to the internet!
Cory: That’s not-
Keith: Arrest Google, arrest Al Gore, arrest AskJeeves, whatever. Find out who it was!
Jane: The fuck is AskJeeves?!

Keith: WE’RE COMPROMISED!
Cory: I know I am!

Keith: This is serious! My browser history is a national security issue, because I don’t know how to clear it or use incognito tabs!

Cory: The idea of the SCIA chief being extorted by PornHub makes me feel giddy.

Keith: Well, giddy up!
Cory: The idea of doing work makes me fatigued.

Brandi: I’ll arrest the real person, Jane, you arrest the search engines.

Cory: I’ll go round up Anonymous!

Brandi: I think we should consider just killing Keith.

Brandi: Oops, I definitely didn’t mean to hit that button.

BEEP BEEP

Laci: Music to my ears! Or it would be, if they weren’t full of RAINWATER

Cory: I’m gonna go get a burger.
Jane: I’m just gonna go home.

Laci: Home sounds good.

Laci: Then again, so does a burger.

So, how’s being a triple agent treating you?

Brandi: The pay is good but the hours are murder.

Brandi: Get it.

Wait, you’re not done?

Laci: I’m downloading gigs of data in the background so they don’t notice it. It’s been going this entire time.

I wouldn’t’ve thought you could be so sneaky, looking at you.

Laci: Yeah, I’m so low-key I could almost fall asleep.

Laci: Luckily, rain.

Laci: WHAT A LOVELY NIGHT ON THE TOWN

Brandi: I’m warmer and dryer, but not a lot less bored.

Brandi: I said NOT A LOT LESS BORED.

Brandi: I’m surprised she missed that opportunity.

tap tap tap

Brandi: Oh, derp, I forgot to unlock the windows.

Brandi: I bet she was really eager to spring out at me. Serves her right for always trying to-

Brandi: GAH

Brandi: Okay, so: I’m on your side, Cory’s on your side but doesn’t know it, and Jane, fuck Jane.

“Penny”: How do you know you’re on my side? Nobody but me even knows what my side is.

Brandi: I know it’s the side that’s got you on it, which makes it the least dangerous side by default.

“Penny”: Alright, well. Be ready to move when I give the signal.
Brandi: When will that be, roughly?
“Penny”: Within the next ten, twenty years.

“Penny”: Okay, here’s the important part.

“Penny”: psst psst psst

Brandi: WOW, really?
“Penny”: Yep!
Brandi: I can’t wait to see that!

“Penny”: You’re gonna, though.

Brandi: You used to be all about chaos in the here-and-now. When did your plans get so… long-term?
“Penny”: When you get older, you start thinking about your legacy.

“Penny”: It’s never too late to make a change, make something of yourself. Especially something terrible.

Brandi: I thought I might take up crochet.

Brandi: Okay, bye?

Brandi: I need new/any friends.

Laci: Well, look who it is.
“Penny”: Will you?

Brandi: You know DAMN WELL I wanted to answer that call!

Brandi: FUCKING phones.

Brandi: Oh, hey. No, we haven’t looked into the break-in at your office yet, somebody looked at porn on Keith’s computer and he sent us out to arrest the internet.

Brandi: I hate him so much I think it just made me stop hating you.

Brandi: It is never too late to change!

Brandi: Some things.

Brandi: Man, we really need to do something about this.

They’re just.. fucking sitting there, where anybody could pick them up!

Brandi: They’re also loaded. But, like, do you unload them first, or put them somewhere safe first? It’s just too hard to get things started sometimes, you know?

Brandi: Nothing ever gets done until somebody gets hurt.

Brandi: And we’re about due.

Brandi: Why’d you come back?
Jane: Because I don’t trust you here alone.
Brandi: That’s fair.

Brandi: Why’d you come back?
Cory: Because I don’t trust you here alone with Jane.
Brandi: That’s fair.

Keith: Why’d I come back? BECAUSE I SUCCEEDED!

Brandi: Is that… the mailman?

Jihoon: I’m a package carrier.
Keith: HE ADMITS IT!

Jihoon: Why’ve you got swords on your wall?
Keith: Because we’re secret agents! Duh.

Brandi: Good job keeping the secret, boss.

Brandi: Whoah. Okay.
Keith: Success makes my pee-pee hard!

Jihoon: You’re making this too easy.

Brandi: Back up a bit, chief.
Keith: Why?

Brandi: So I can DRAW.

Next time: sorry about that, chief.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 July 2012 to 16 July 2012.

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