Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which institutional change is somewhat pursued.
William: Gosh, that sounds fascinating.
Sunny: Yeah, wake me up when it’s over.
William: Wow, it’s like a female Bradley!
Lyndsey: Haven’t been keeping up on things, have you?
You can tell it’s a skintight athletic suit by the fact that instead of feet her legs terminate in weird foot-sized club things.
Lyndsey: Sometimes I feel bad for you.
Let’s see if we can’t bump that up to “all times.”
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Yes, yes… all according to plan.
Chelsea: Don’t question it, just drink it all in. That’s what I’m doing.
Chelsea: I haven’t eaten today, that’s how.
Sunny: Hahaha! Gross.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Imagine, if you will, something behind you.
William: I’ll indulge you, if only to see where this is going.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: You were supposed to turn around.
William: Why would I do that?
The Unsavoury Charlatan: So I can stea-… OH HO HO, YOU ALMOST HAD ME THERE
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I can see I’ll need to use all my skill at deception to best this mark!
William: Who’s Mark?
William: Are you for real.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: No! What you are feeling is imaginary! What you are seeing is a dream.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: A dream of me being five bucks richer.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Good day to you, sir.
William: You don’t want to do this.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I mean, dude, read my name. Yes I fucking do.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Lil’ man.
William: I feel super sorry for you, but much sorrier for the janitor.
William: Think of the janitor, would you?
William: The janitor didn’t ask for this.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: What are you on about?
William: Let me just break out this museum piece and explain it to you.
William: Y’all might want to duck, this baby hasn’t been fired in a while and it was never sighted too well to begin with.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I’m a fixture of the setting, not some schlub NPC! You can’t murder me!
William: Good, I’d hate to have a murder rap on my resumé.
William: Teach you to fuck with a playable character.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: My vital areas!
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Stop! Think of the bystanders!
William: They were warned, it’s not my fault they’re idiots.
Asia: He’s right, you know.
Asia: Why you gotta be such an idiot, Asia?
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Okay, okay, pluck and grift. Pluck and grift! I CAN PLUCK AND GRIFT MY WAY OUT OF THIS
William: Pluck you, motherplucker..
The Unsavoury Charlatan: There… will be… another…
William: Yeah, well, I’ll be sure to reload this puppy before I put it back.
William: You’re next, Crumplebottom.
Chelsea: I think someone just died.
Marco: If you don’t like sucking my dick, you can just say so.
Marco: Preferably after you’re done.
The Grim Reaper: OH GOOD, WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HIM AND CHARLENE TO VISIT FOR EONS.
Sunny: I’m so inspired, my muscle mass has increased!
Sunny: I’m voting the fuck out of your ticket, next election!
Jack: What’s your position on shooting the Iconic Hobbyists?
William: If they’re the ones who call you in the middle of the night because you had a dream about cooking, then yeah, fuck them.
Chelsea: William’s trying to steal our thunder.
Marco: He’d need a storm front the size of North Africa to contain all the thunder he’s already stolen over the years.
The Grim Reaper: YOU KNOW, THERE WILL BE ANOTHER ONE.
William: Yeah, well, maybe he’ll understand the concept of zero tolerance.
The Grim Reaper: MAKE SURE YOU GET THE HAT. WE’LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT IF YOU DON’T GET THE HAT.
Kennedy: I was kinda hoping to punk that hat.
The Grim Reaper: YOU CAN ASK HIM FOR IT WHEN YOU DIE.
William: Hey baby, I just killed a nuisance. What’ve you done today?
Sunny: Got super strong.
William: Awesome! I’ll let you choke the next one.
Chelsea: Speaking of choking, call me!
Chelsea: …wait a second, other people flirting?!
Chelsea: When I’m RIGHT HERE?!
William: Yes Chelsea, you are very attractive.
Sunny: Oh William, it’s so kind of you to take pity on me when there’s a perfectly good Chelsea available!
Chelsea: Love you guys.
William: I wonder where my bodyguard went.
Sunny: What’s he look like?
William: SHE looks like a photo negative, and she walks through walls.
Sunny: I didn’t expect to be able to say this, but I definitely haven’t seen her.
Chelsea: Stay fresh, cheese bags.
William: Yes! Let’s tie ourselves down to memes, those stay fresh FOREVER.
Oh, right, you’re the POV character.
I kinda forgot.
That doesn’t mean I’m letting fucking DON run the show.
Marco: Who’s Don?
Oliver: And that’s how you make magic books appear over your head.
Bree: Man, where in life will that become useful?
Emma: I think there’s a flower inspector here?
Chelsea: He’s a friend.
Emma: From where?
Chelsea: …the friend zone?
Yes, she is.
Hector: .oO(Save me some potty spaghetti!)
Bree: Wake me up when I’m a character.
Considering how that happens, you may not like it.
Marco: Yeah, take it from me, you want to enjoy your non-characterhood while it lasts.
Marco: It’s not all buzzcuts and potty spaghetti, let me tell you.
Chelsea: Why did you make it in there?
Marco: Because the world is insane, and I am making myself a dark parody of it.
Chelsea: So, a glitch then.
Marco: Yeah, a glitch.
Chelsea: How much longer does our world survive?
It’s still going strong.
Chelsea: I… what? I thought…
Hey TS2 players with broken neighbourhoods: lern 2 ‘puter. Sharpesvale is almost ten years old and currently has over sixteen hundred characters. A few hundred of those CAME FROM OTHER NEIGHBOURHOODS. Y’all are grade school.
Come at me.
Marco: Big man, boxing the shadows.
Brandi: Give him his moment, he hasn’t got a lot to be proud of.
Chelsea: STOP MOPING IN OUR MOUTHS
Chelsea: …is this a punishment for something?
Bree: Can you shut her up?
Oliver: Hey, look who’s NOT GONE YET
Marco: Fair point! Leave whenever you’d like.
Brandi: So is this a common house now, or what?
Oliver: He’s your uncle, right.
Oliver: GIVE ME SOME REASON
Chelsea: …witness protection.
Oliver: THAT makes sense.
Marco: And THAT makes PEE-PEE HARD.
Marco: Keep rockin’ that tiny dick, Murphy man!
Chelsea: I didn’t tell him!
Chelsea: I don’t think, anyway. I don’t usually pay attention to me when I’m talking.
Oliver: I’M SINKING
Chelsea: What are you sinking about?
Marco: Take your fuck nap, I’m fine.
Oliver: Why has he got deathphone privileges?
Chelsea: Look, if he fucks it up real bad, just remember: we’re invincible in bed.
Marco: You got a uniformed chick with a do-rag in there somewhere?
Nanette: Little help?
Nanette: I don’t even know which way these are supposed to bend.
Marco: Man, how much money does he WANT?
You need to pay §4127 or higher to get a fucked-up non-zombie, and §8513 or higher for a perfect rez.
Marco: Wait, did you know that when I accidentally started the zombie apocalypse?
I’M NOT ON TRIAL HERE
Nanette: He’s right. You are.
Nanette: And you’ve always had a guilty-ass look about you.
Marco: …people are sleeping, Nanette.
Marco: HAVE SOME COURTESY, NANETTE!
Marco: Well! What did you think was gonna happen?
Nanette: I thought, being a prison guard, I was gonna kick your lazy ass!
Marco: I know you’ve only existed for a few years, so you missed the part where I was a top-tier zombie kicking ass and taking brains, but I thought you might recall that you’ve never been in a single fucking fight.
Nanette: I’M A FAST LEARNER
Marco: You’re fast, alright.
Hey, Past Grugly.
Past Grugly: Yo.
Did you catch Sharpestone in the background like that on purpose?
Past Grugly: You’ll never know.
Marco: I wish I had a bindle.
Marco: Anyway, hey girl, that colour suits you.
Nanette: It does?
Marco: Granted, having been a zombie for an entire apocalypse, my aesthetic sense is… shall we say… completely wrong, but.
Marco: Shit woman, what do you WANT
Oliver: Shoot her into space.
Marco: Is this what gratitude looks like?
Nanette: If it is, I need to rethink my approach.
Marco: Or stop approaching entirely.
Marco: Hey kid. Don’t get et.
Nanette: They’re still children, they don’t even have brains.
Marco: The hill blur’s still there.
Yeah, 10 to 1 odds the game crashes when I try to save.
Marco: Weren’t you just bragging about-
Marco: Alright Nanette, let’s make you a bed.
Nanette: Bed is for losers.
Marco: You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d been with Chelsea in one.
Hey guys, my throat keeps drying out.
Marco: Stop talking.
I’m not talking. I’m drinking lots of fluids too, I don’t know what the problem is.
Marco: No, I mean, stop talking. To me.
You broke JAIL.
Fucking FLEE already.
Bree: Mornin’, clone!
Emma: You can’t joke about that, those actually exist now.
I think they always did.
Marco: Yeah, what’re the odds that that pipe would stay in the same place over and over again?
Marco: Fuckin’ zombies.
Marco: And fuckin’ normies.
Bree: DOWN WITH THE STATE
Emma: POWER TO THE PEOPLE
Bree: Were you radicalized by the liberal media?
Emma: No, I was radicalized by the fun of being radical.
Emma: Hahaha. “The liberal media.”
Bree: I know, right.
Bree: Do you ever worry that all our opinions come from someone else?
Emma: Show me someone who’s don’t.
Emma: Hahaha bad grammar.
Bree: Welp, off to the indoctrination centre.
Chelsea: Well, Do- AHEM, DOESN’T look like MARCO ended the world while we were asleep.
Oliver: Get that cough checked out if it continues.
Chelsea: Yeah, maybe it’ll be something that exempts me from pregnancy.
Chelsea: You’ve got it made, Oliver.
Oliver: I do?
Chelsea: Everything a family man could ask for! Nothing but domestic problems to solve, as far as the eye can see.
Oliver: Is that what I want?
Chelsea: It’s what I want you to want.
Oliver: Well, I guess I want to want what you want me to want.
Marco: My wants are easier to phrase.
Nanette: Do they involve shovels?
Marco: Yes, there’s a burial component to them, for sure.
Nanette: Today we learned that zombies can still get heat stroke.
Marco: I’ll tell Abigail, some day.
I do miss that face I made up for you at university.
I should have brought it back on another character like they did with the second Becky on The Conners.
Chelsea: You watch The Conners?
Hahaha, oh fuck no.
Got enough white trash shit going on here as it is.
Hannah: *is actually bigfoot trash*
Next time: a blip.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 July 2012 to 14 July 2012.
Guess I wasn’t feeling this one.