The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 389

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which institutional change is somewhat pursued.


William: Gosh, that sounds fascinating.

Sunny: Yeah, wake me up when it’s over.

William: Wow, it’s like a female Bradley!
Lyndsey: Haven’t been keeping up on things, have you?

You can tell it’s a skintight athletic suit by the fact that instead of feet her legs terminate in weird foot-sized club things.

Lyndsey: Sometimes I feel bad for you.

Let’s see if we can’t bump that up to “all times.”

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Yes, yes… all according to plan.
Marco: HOW

Chelsea: Don’t question it, just drink it all in. That’s what I’m doing.

Marco: HOW

Chelsea: I haven’t eaten today, that’s how.

Sunny: Hahaha! Gross.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Imagine, if you will, something behind you.
William: I’ll indulge you, if only to see where this is going.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: You were supposed to turn around.
William: Why would I do that?
The Unsavoury Charlatan: So I can stea-… OH HO HO, YOU ALMOST HAD ME THERE

The Unsavoury Charlatan: I can see I’ll need to use all my skill at deception to best this mark!
William: Who’s Mark?

William: Are you for real.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: No! What you are feeling is imaginary! What you are seeing is a dream.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: A dream of me being five bucks richer.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Good day to you, sir.
William: You don’t want to do this.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: I mean, dude, read my name. Yes I fucking do.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Lil’ man.

William: I feel super sorry for you, but much sorrier for the janitor.

William: Think of the janitor, would you?

William: The janitor didn’t ask for this.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: What are you on about?

William: Let me just break out this museum piece and explain it to you.

William: Y’all might want to duck, this baby hasn’t been fired in a while and it was never sighted too well to begin with.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: I’m a fixture of the setting, not some schlub NPC! You can’t murder me!

William: Good, I’d hate to have a murder rap on my resumé.

CH-CHK

William: Teach you to fuck with a playable character.

DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA

The Unsavoury Charlatan: My vital areas!

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Stop! Think of the bystanders!
William: They were warned, it’s not my fault they’re idiots.
Asia: He’s right, you know.

Asia: Why you gotta be such an idiot, Asia?

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Okay, okay, pluck and grift. Pluck and grift! I CAN PLUCK AND GRIFT MY WAY OUT OF THIS

William: Pluck you, motherplucker..

The Unsavoury Charlatan: There… will be… another…
William: Yeah, well, I’ll be sure to reload this puppy before I put it back.

William: You’re next, Crumplebottom.

Chelsea: I think someone just died.
Marco: If you don’t like sucking my dick, you can just say so.

Marco: Preferably after you’re done.

The Grim Reaper: OH GOOD, WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HIM AND CHARLENE TO VISIT FOR EONS.

Sunny: I’m so inspired, my muscle mass has increased!

Sunny: I’m voting the fuck out of your ticket, next election!

Jack: What’s your position on shooting the Iconic Hobbyists?
William: If they’re the ones who call you in the middle of the night because you had a dream about cooking, then yeah, fuck them.

Chelsea: William’s trying to steal our thunder.
Marco: He’d need a storm front the size of North Africa to contain all the thunder he’s already stolen over the years.

The Grim Reaper: YOU KNOW, THERE WILL BE ANOTHER ONE.
William: Yeah, well, maybe he’ll understand the concept of zero tolerance.

The Grim Reaper: MAKE SURE YOU GET THE HAT. WE’LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT IF YOU DON’T GET THE HAT.

Kennedy: I was kinda hoping to punk that hat.

The Grim Reaper: YOU CAN ASK HIM FOR IT WHEN YOU DIE.

William: Hey baby, I just killed a nuisance. What’ve you done today?
Sunny: Got super strong.
William: Awesome! I’ll let you choke the next one.

Chelsea: Speaking of choking, call me!

Chelsea: Heheheh.

Chelsea: …wait a second, other people flirting?!

Chelsea: When I’m RIGHT HERE?!

William: Yes Chelsea, you are very attractive.
Sunny: Oh William, it’s so kind of you to take pity on me when there’s a perfectly good Chelsea available!
Chelsea: Love you guys.

William: I wonder where my bodyguard went.
Sunny: What’s he look like?
William: SHE looks like a photo negative, and she walks through walls.
Sunny: I didn’t expect to be able to say this, but I definitely haven’t seen her.

Chelsea: Stay fresh, cheese bags.

William: Yes! Let’s tie ourselves down to memes, those stay fresh FOREVER.

Oh, right, you’re the POV character.

I kinda forgot.


That doesn’t mean I’m letting fucking DON run the show.

Marco: Who’s Don?

Yeah, exactly.

Marco: 🙁

Oliver: And that’s how you make magic books appear over your head.

Bree: Man, where in life will that become useful?

Emma: I think there’s a flower inspector here?

Chelsea: He’s a friend.
Emma: From where?
Chelsea: …the friend zone?

Oliver: Clever!

Yes, she is.

Hector: .oO(Save me some potty spaghetti!)

Bree: Wake me up when I’m a character.

Considering how that happens, you may not like it.

Marco: Yeah, take it from me, you want to enjoy your non-characterhood while it lasts.

Marco: It’s not all buzzcuts and potty spaghetti, let me tell you.

Chelsea: Why did you make it in there?
Marco: Because the world is insane, and I am making myself a dark parody of it.
Chelsea: So, a glitch then.
Marco: Yeah, a glitch.

Chelsea: How much longer does our world survive?

It’s still going strong.

Chelsea: I… what? I thought…

Hey TS2 players with broken neighbourhoods: lern 2 ‘puter. Sharpesvale is almost ten years old and currently has over sixteen hundred characters. A few hundred of those CAME FROM OTHER NEIGHBOURHOODS. Y’all are grade school.

Come at me.

Marco: Big man, boxing the shadows.

Brandi: Give him his moment, he hasn’t got a lot to be proud of.

Chelsea: STOP MOPING IN OUR MOUTHS

Chelsea: …is this a punishment for something?

Bree: Can you shut her up?
Oliver: Hey, look who’s NOT GONE YET

Marco: Fair point! Leave whenever you’d like.

Brandi: So is this a common house now, or what?

Oliver: He’s your uncle, right.
Chelsea: No.
Oliver: Cousin.
Chelsea: No.
Oliver: GIVE ME SOME REASON

Chelsea: …witness protection.
Oliver: THAT makes sense.

Marco: And THAT makes PEE-PEE HARD.

Marco: Keep rockin’ that tiny dick, Murphy man!

Chelsea: I didn’t tell him!

Chelsea: I don’t think, anyway. I don’t usually pay attention to me when I’m talking.

Oliver: I’M SINKING

Chelsea: What are you sinking about?

Chelsea: Uhhhh.
Marco: Take your fuck nap, I’m fine.

Oliver: Why has he got deathphone privileges?
Chelsea: Look, if he fucks it up real bad, just remember: we’re invincible in bed.

Marco: You got a uniformed chick with a do-rag in there somewhere?

Nanette: Little help?

Nanette: I don’t even know which way these are supposed to bend.

Marco: Man, how much money does he WANT?

You need to pay §4127 or higher to get a fucked-up non-zombie, and §8513 or higher for a perfect rez.

Marco: Wait, did you know that when I accidentally started the zombie apocalypse?

I’M NOT ON TRIAL HERE

Nanette: He’s right. You are.

Nanette: And you’ve always had a guilty-ass look about you.

Marco: …people are sleeping, Nanette.

Marco: HAVE SOME COURTESY, NANETTE!

Marco: Well! What did you think was gonna happen?
Nanette: I thought, being a prison guard, I was gonna kick your lazy ass!
Marco: I know you’ve only existed for a few years, so you missed the part where I was a top-tier zombie kicking ass and taking brains, but I thought you might recall that you’ve never been in a single fucking fight.

Nanette: I’M A FAST LEARNER

Marco: You’re fast, alright.

Hey, Past Grugly.

Past Grugly: Yo.

Did you catch Sharpestone in the background like that on purpose?

Past Grugly: You’ll never know.

Marco: I wish I had a bindle.

Marco: Anyway, hey girl, that colour suits you.
Nanette: It does?
Marco: Granted, having been a zombie for an entire apocalypse, my aesthetic sense is… shall we say… completely wrong, but.

Marco: Shit woman, what do you WANT

Oliver: Shoot her into space.

Marco: Is this what gratitude looks like?
Nanette: If it is, I need to rethink my approach.

Marco: Or stop approaching entirely.

Marco: Hey kid. Don’t get et.

Nanette: They’re still children, they don’t even have brains.

Marco: The hill blur’s still there.

Yeah, 10 to 1 odds the game crashes when I try to save.

Marco: Weren’t you just bragging about-

Shut up.

Marco: Alright Nanette, let’s make you a bed.

Nanette: Bed is for losers.

Marco: You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d been with Chelsea in one.

Hey guys, my throat keeps drying out.

Marco: Stop talking.

I’m not talking. I’m drinking lots of fluids too, I don’t know what the problem is.

Marco: No, I mean, stop talking. To me.

NO.

You broke JAIL.

Fucking FLEE already.

Bree: Mornin’, clone!
Emma: You can’t joke about that, those actually exist now.

I think they always did.

Elle: Hey.

Marco: Yeah, what’re the odds that that pipe would stay in the same place over and over again?

Marco: Fuckin’ zombies.

Marco: And fuckin’ normies.

Emma: ANARCHY

Bree: DOWN WITH THE STATE

Emma: POWER TO THE PEOPLE

Bree: Were you radicalized by the liberal media?
Emma: No, I was radicalized by the fun of being radical.

Emma: Hahaha. “The liberal media.”
Bree: I know, right.

Bree: Do you ever worry that all our opinions come from someone else?
Emma: Show me someone who’s don’t.

Emma: Hahaha bad grammar.

Bree: Welp, off to the indoctrination centre.

Chelsea: Well, Do- AHEM, DOESN’T look like MARCO ended the world while we were asleep.
Oliver: Get that cough checked out if it continues.

Chelsea: Yeah, maybe it’ll be something that exempts me from pregnancy.

Chelsea: You’ve got it made, Oliver.
Oliver: I do?
Chelsea: Everything a family man could ask for! Nothing but domestic problems to solve, as far as the eye can see.
Oliver: Is that what I want?
Chelsea: It’s what I want you to want.
Oliver: Well, I guess I want to want what you want me to want.

Marco: My wants are easier to phrase.

Nanette: Do they involve shovels?
Marco: Yes, there’s a burial component to them, for sure.

Nanette: Today we learned that zombies can still get heat stroke.
Marco: I’ll tell Abigail, some day.

I do miss that face I made up for you at university.

I should have brought it back on another character like they did with the second Becky on The Conners.

Chelsea: You watch The Conners?

Hahaha, oh fuck no.

Got enough white trash shit going on here as it is.

Hannah: *is actually bigfoot trash*

Next time: a blip.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 July 2012 to 14 July 2012.

Guess I wasn’t feeling this one.

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