Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which sacrifices must be made.
Et in Arcadia.
Nick: So are you, like… Lyndsey’s sister, or something like that?
Bradleigh: Something like that, and yet very unlike that.
Abigail: I’m gonna kick this down the stairs.
Abigail: .oO(Okay. So. Life -> Life = Life. Life – Life =
Abigail: I need to take a life to make a life.
Bradleigh: You so money, honey!
Abigail: You got anybody dead who isn’t a good person? Somebody nobody will miss? Who am I kidding, of course you do.
Abigail: I’m not telling the government where this particular ten thousand dollars of grant money went.
Don: I’m alive! Alive!
Abigail: Don’t get attached to it.
Don: I’m free! I can’t thank you enough!
Abigail: You’re gonna be thanking me too much, unfortunately.
Abigail: So, would you say you’re pro- or anti-science?
Nick: So wait.
Bradleigh: Can’t wait, need to piss.
Nick: Which bathroom do you use?
Bradleigh: I’ll let you know when that’s your business.
Bambi: Get off the flowers.
Neila: You can’t make me.
Bambi: I’m a prison guard.
Neila: I’m not in prison.
Bambi: I’m a military officer.
Neila: I’m not in the military.
Bambi: I’M AN AUTHORITY FIGURE
Neila: I’M A TEENAGER
Bradleigh: I’m whoah!
Nick: IT’S RUDE TO WALK AWAY DURING A DATE
Bradleigh: Can you mock up another of those baseball deaths for him?
Nah, I’m on a tight schedule today.
Nick: I didn’t dress like this so cute chicks would avoid me.
Bradleigh: I don’t know what pickup technique tells you to throw things at girls and then call them pretty, but it’s pretty neat.
Nick: So you’re actually Lyndsey’s… mom?
Nick: I’m having trouble wrapping my head around this.
Bradleigh: I mean, look at her face! That’s definitely my male genetics.
Bradleigh: You’ve fucked my male genetics.
Neil: Hey Nick, who’s the babe?
Bradleigh: HELLO NEIL
Neil: …Halloween or witness protection, Brad?
Neil: Haha okay I’m lost.
Nerissa: You mad at someone?
Neil: Aw shit, can everyone see that?
Neil: Somebody use this so I can live vicariously through them.
Bradleigh: It might as well be me, since I’m living vicariously through myself now!
Coy: Do it, foxy momma!
Bradleigh: I’m a Pricey papa, thank you very much!
Nerissa: TRANS RIGHTS
Bradleigh: I mean yes, but let’s not overstate the importance of this slide.
Nick: That is no papa.
Neil: I knew her when she was a him and I’m getting aroused.
Bradleigh: Living my best life! Not that the other one I lived was hard to beat.
Nick: I love this woman.
Neil: She was definitely wasted as a dude.
Nick: Any other dudes who’d make hot women you could change?
It’s not an aesthetics thing, Nick.
Nick: No, it can be for their personal growth or fulfillment or whatever, I’m just asking that some of them be hot!
Bradleigh: For the first time in my life, everything makes sense.
Nick: Tits have that effect on me, too.
I saw an episode of Chicago Hope once where a nice trans woman killed herself.
I was very inspired by it.
To make this story where a nice trans woman is fine, and within, say, one chapter, people stop referencing the fact that she’s a trans woman entirely.
Nick: Is she nice, though?
Bradleigh: I’m nice looking.
Nick: Yeah, that’s honestly all that matters to me.
Bradleigh: I’m not looking for a partner who likes me for my looks.
Nick: What criteria did you use when you were a dude?
Nick: So you’re a hypocrite now?
Bradleigh: If “hypocrite” is a synonym for “wiser,” sure, I guess.
Nerissa: You’re sure she’s eighteen?
Coy: Currently all the teenagers are eighteen, except the brand-new ones. The weird sex shit they get up to would be super gross and awkward otherwise.
Nerissa: If the rules change, though, would you go to jail?
Coy: I mean, in a general sense, that’s why most people are in jail.
Neil: Man, are we hiring straight from pre-school now or what?
Nick: So, people are happier when they’re left alone to be themselves.
Seems that way.
Nick: That has dangerous implications, considering what I consider myself to be like.
Bradleigh: Are you a bad boy, Nick?
Nick: Yeah, but I’m a great fuck.
Coy: Don’t eat lava, it’ll kill you.
I can’t tell if it’s progressive or sexist that one of my favourite female characters used to be a male character.
Maybe it’s both.
Bradleigh: Is that one chapter time limit almost up?
Yeah, at this point we’d only be using your gender for jokes, and I’m super not here for that.
Nick: Does that mean you’ll stop making jokes about how much men suck?
Hahaha, no. Not ever.
Bradleigh: Not my problem anymore!
Bradleigh: In fact, I’m not sure I have problems anymore.
Get off the flowers, man.
Neil: You can’t make me.
YOU’RE AN AUTHORITY FIGURE
Neil: I’M AN ASSHOLE
Noelle: Hey, sexy lady! (Op, op, op, op)
Bradleigh: Hey, wait a second. I like dudes and chicks.
Nick: I mean… that’s a thing, isn’t it?
Bradleigh: I HAVEN’T EVER HAD THIS MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!
Uva uvum vivendo varia fit.
Bradleigh: What does that mean?
Bradleigh: It just means what it is.
Nick: That’s a good way to be.
Bradleigh: Mean what you are.
Nick: Even if you’re mean!
Bradleigh: Be what you mean.
Nick: Be mean!
Bradleigh: STOP SUBVERTING IT
Bradleigh: Actually no, go on. Subvert. It makes life richer.
Abigail: Have you ever wanted to change, Don?
Don: Only the once, when I couldn’t get my pants off in time.
Nick: I learned a lot about myself back there.
Nick: I mean I know it was about you, but I really think I can take the meaningful lesson being imparted and twist it around for my own nefarious purposes.
Bradleigh: Just be yourself, Nick.
Nick: What if my self is awesome?
Bradleigh: Wouldn’t that be good?
Nick: I was trying to say “awful” but I couldn’t say “awful” right after saying “myself,” my ego won’t allow it.
Bradleigh: Maybe don’t be yourself; maybe be the self you want to be.
Nick: What if the self I want to be is the self I am, and the self I am is awful?
Abigail: If you’re trying to comment obliquely on my choices in this situation, I’m sorry to say I can’t hear you over the sound of progress being made.
Don: Is this a good kind of progress?
Abigail: I’d say, morally, it’s a neutral kind of progress.
Don: I wasn’t talking morally, I was talking… Donally.
Abigail: Donally speaking, no, this probably isn’t good.
Don: OH NO MY ATOMS
Abigail: Ah, the quantum poetry of particle physics.
Bradleigh: I can’t believe I went my whole life without this feeling.
Nick: Yeah, a life without outdoors slow dancing is a life not worth living, alright.
The Grim Reaper: DON’T FEEL BAD. I’M AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION OF THE CONCEPT OF MORTALITY AND EVEN I THINK THIS DUDE WAS A DICK
The Grim Reaper: I’LL TRY TO GET AS MUCH OF HIM IN THE URN AS POSSIBLE, BUT YOU’RE PROBABLY STILL GONNA NEED TO VACUUM.
Don: Boo, urns.
The Grim Reaper: HOPE YOU’VE STILL GOT THAT RAYGUN HANDY.
Tiffany: Aw man, I didn’t want to witness a murder! I thought I’d just get to see some comically-unlikely accident or something!
You might still.
Abigail: No! I’m Neutral Good. I’m not doing an aligment change!
Tiffany: Neutral Good includes people who disintegrate other people?
Abigail: DEAD PEOPLE HAVE NO RIGHTS
Tiffany: Oh, wow, I didn’t know you were pro-life.
Tiffany: Science is what’s wrong with the world today!
Tiffany: Without science we wouldn’t know that all races are equal, that chocolate is unhealthy, or that the planet is on fire!
Tiffany: I don’t know how you people live with yourselves.
Abigail: …are you trying to make it easier for me to raygun you?
Tiffany: YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SMART JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE SO SMART
Abigail: …does the math work out differently on your end?
Abigail: Oh, hey.
Brooke: That woman you made is stealing all the men.
Abigail: I haven’t made any women. Yet.
Brooke: Thanks grammar nazi!
Tiffany: SEND ME YOUR MURDERINGEST STRONGLADY
Tiffany: What do you mean she “said no”?
The Grim Reaper: I’M SENDING THE NEXT BEST CANDIDATE
Brooke: Hey, tell me this lab locks from the outside.
Abigail: I shouldn’t even need to tell you.
Tiffany: Is this good red smoke?
Tiffany: It wasn’t, was it.
Tiffany: You actually look… a bit more murdery than I thought I wanted.
Abigail: It’s all worth it. It’s all worth it.
Tiffany: You and me, takin’ on the world! We’re a team!
Jewel: You’re cute when you’re stalling.
Jewel: But seriously, I don’t see any brains in here except yours.
Tiffany: There’s some amazing brains just outside!
Jewel: Just outside just got too far away, I suspect.
Tiffany: You can’t eat me, I just gave you new life!
Jewel: You just gave me undeath!
Jewel: With emphasis on the die.
Kyle: So, how long do we wait?
Abigail: A couple more losses.
Kyle: How do you know I’m going to lose?
Abigail: I’m your mother, Kyle. I know a born loser when I birth one. And I’ve birthed EIGHT.
Tiffany: BUT I’M AN ALLY
Abigail: So you’re saying the house has some pathing issues.
Tiffany: I’m fighting for the rights of dead people!
Jewel: Live people might appreciate it more.
Brooke: I feel like it’s 50/50 whether people will get that this is pro-choice or mistake it for being pro-life.
That sort of shit will happen no matter what the joke is. Everyone on the left spends at least half their time auditing everyone else on the left and calling them Nazis because it’s easier than dealing with all the actual Nazis who are taking over the world.
It’s funny because it’s getting us all killed.
Kyle: I mean, me personally, it’s the potato chips.
Nick: Yeah, I think there’s bubbles in my bloodstream right now.
Abigail: I think he underestimates how likely we are to all get ourselves killed before the Nazis have a chance.
Jewel: While you liberal cucks were talking about Nazis, I killed this chick!
See? This is what I’m talking about!
I mean, in 2012 I thought this was really scary. In 2020 it’s like “Yeah, but Australia and Brazil are on fire.”
Wait, no, it is really scary.
Jewel: I once saw a chick cosplaying as the Zombie Queen.
Jewel: It wasn’t very convincing.
Tiffany: Hey, wait a second. Am I a zombie now?
Jewel: Not a very useful one, apparently.
Abigail: Would you like to help me clean up a science mess?
Kyle: …you really do love me…
Kyle: It would be an honour to engage in dishonourable shenanigans with you.
Kyle: Oh my gosh, you remembered my birthday, too?!
Abigail: This is more of a deathday present, though.
Nick: I don’t know what deathdays are, but I intend to start celebrating them.
Kyle: Wow, you trust me behind you?
Abigail: Was that a gay joke?
Kyle: …I meant because-
Abigail: Of you having a raygun, shit, of course you did.
Abigail: And yes, you’re fine back there. Unlike our friend downstairs, I’m wearing a particle-proof vest.
Abigail: Surprise bitch…es?
Jewel: I am also surprised!
Kyle: So, spray and pray?
Abigail: Skip the praying.
Abigail: She used my deathphone.
Kyle: Deathphone calls are free on deathday!
Abigail: Except she spent over three thousand Simoleons.
Kyle: You get what you pay for!
Abigail: Of my money!
Kyle: She still got what you paid for.
Abigail: Is everybody bisexual now?
Looks like we’re coming in line with all the other Sims journals.
Now that they’re all dying off.
I’m sure it’ll be fine.
The Grim Reaper: RAISE YOUR ATOMS WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME.
Next time: bodies in motion.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 June 2012 to 24 June 2012.