Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
In which figures a precipice.
I like that I took a post-aging family pic. It’s almost like I realized I’d want to split this into two chapters to avoid posting two hundred annotated pics of the Whittakers all at once.
Veronica: You a clever ‘un.
Alvin: Was that even Simlish.
Veronica: Hi, tech support? My phone cradle is hovering off the wall.
Meanwhile Michael is elected Mayor of Sharpesvale.
Also Sharpesvale has a mayor now.
Veronica: I don’t know who that chick is.
Richard: So you let your kid date a forty-year-old?
Stewart: I’m not… wait… am I?!
Stewart: I think I am!
Veronica: Let me show you something that will make you feel… young, as when the world was new!
Veronica: My underwear.
Stewart: I was young when the world was whoah.
Richard: Sorry man, gotta jet. My ‘stutes need me.
Michael: I’m very proud of you, son.
Jewel: Man, you beat the pants and the bra off me!
Vanessa: And I’m still just gay enough to appreciate it.
Stewart: It’s still a bit off-putting how tiny you are.
Veronica: I can either be eighteen here and be tiny or be eighteen at university and be not tiny but also not here.
Stewart: I like the way you ‘splain stuff.
Michael: I’ve never had to beat the shit out of someone before. Should I bring disinfectant? In case some of it gets on me?
Stewart: Okay, I know what you’re thinking, and honestly, it’s precisely what it looks like.
Michael: Did you vote for me?
Stewart: I don’t think I’ve ever voted for anyone.
Michael: Then you didn’t vote against me.
Stewart: If I’d known hugging was in your platform I would’ve.
You’re high B-list now. You can do better.
Veronica: The omniscient sky goblin says I can do better.
Stewart: What would he know.
Michael: I only regret that I have but one daughter to give for my constituents.
Veronica: I’m being given!
Veronica: Let’s go where there’s less Gen 2 going on.
Stewart: I’m Gen 2.
Veronica: Gross, keep it to yourself.
Veronica: So this is our private helipad.
Stewart: Private access, maybe.
Veronica: Well yeah, I mean, they’re gonna be kinda visible no matter where you put ’em.
Veronica: I keep expecting the chopper to go nuts and kill me.
You’ve been watching too much ER.
Veronica: See how poised I am?
Yeah, right on the brink.
Jewel: If you’re snogging up there I’mma push you off.
Stewart: You can push me off any d-
Jewel: NO NEVER
Theresa: I think that’s a mimic.
I think that’s a mama.
Theresa: Shut up.
Theresa: ♪ Gonna brush that man right outta my teeth ♪
whump whump whump
Marissa: They sure have strange banks in SimNation.
I dunno, somehow she looks like she’s an ancient crone wearing a young person’s face.
Veronica: Whole lotta old goin’ on ’round here.
Stewart: I love the way you mistreat me.
Veronica: That’s stupid.
Veronica: …what am I doing? Up on the helipad at night in my underwear.
I dunno, raising my ratings?
Stewart: Something else also rises.
Veronica: Neat. What’s that like?
Stewart: Inconvenient, mostly.
Veronica: Just like men in general!
Veronica: Stupid men.
Stewart: Are you following me?
Veronica: Not unless you’re heading for our money bag, in which case STOP THIEF
Veronica: Man! I do not intend to share this with anybody.
Veronica: Rich people problems! We actually don’t have any.
Theresa: We should beat them up and take their valuables.
Vanessa: mf… ‘re you really… you really dead Ceci…
Cecilia: What do you think?
Michael: Can’t sleep?
Vanessa: EVER AGAIN
Veronica: Man, I hope I never go through plot development.
Veronica: Spend the rest of my life readin’ papers and lookin’ butts.
Lookin’ at butts?
Veronica: Didn’t fit the rhythm.
Vanessa: Oh! I guess privacy is dead.
Michael: Your brother’s police state must have killed it.
Jewel: Did I just start a fight? I hope I just started a fight.
Michael: Nah, I’ve got a raging-hard boner for her brother’s police state.
Michael: And also all the hot women in my house.
Michael: That part’s much more likely to start a fight, honestly.
Michael: Can you take this to the curb for me?
Jewel: Is it valuable?
Michael: It’s dangerous and you should throw it out.
Jewel: But is it valuable.
Michael: Can you do this one single solitary thing for me?
Jewel: Sure, as far as you know.
Vanessa: Why are we keeping her here?
Jewel: Hi! Who’s this?
The Grim Reaper: ARE YOU SERIOUS.
Jewel: Michael told me to throw this out but I don’t know why.
The Grim Reaper: IT MAY CAUSE UNINTENDED APOCALYPSES, FOR ONE THING.
Veronica: Wipe that shit off your face, it’s too early.
Jewel: Hello! Are you an apocalypse?
Joshua: If I am, I’m apocerrifico!
Joshua: I don’t know, run with it.
Joshua: Jump with it!
Joshua: regret with it
Jewel: NOBODY TOLD ME PLACEMENT WAS IMPORTANT
Jewel: I’m sure it’s fine.
Joshua: Ohhhh that message is gonna be super mad with you.
Joshua: I’m all for cameo appearances, but I don’t know if it was worth breaking my fucking legs.
The Grim Reaper: ALSO YOUR SPINE.
The Grim Reaper: ALSO YOUR BRAIN.
The Grim Reaper: ALSO A LOT OF THE FIDDLY BITS.
The Grim Reaper: ALSO YOUR VESTIGIAL TAILBONE, BUT I MEAN, WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THOSE.
Jewel: Alright pasty, I’m good to go! Make with the shell game!
The Grim Reaper: PASTY.
Jewel: I like him! Please save him! Blah blah blah!
Michael: SO MOVING
Michael: You kids have fun.
Theresa: You’re gonna wanna stay out of this, kiddo. God’s in a murderin’ mood.
The Grim Reaper: ONE HAND HAS HIS SOUL IN IT. THE OTHER HAS A BUG.
Jewel: What happens if I get the bug?
The Grim Reaper: YOU HAVE TO EAT THE BUG!
Jewel: That’s awful!
The Grim Reaper: ALSO HE DIES.
Jewel: I’ll take the hand that isn’t chittering.
The Grim Reaper: THAT’S WHAT I GET FOR USING DEATHWATCH BEETLES. THEY’RE JUST SO ON BRAND.
The Grim Reaper: OKAY, SO, I’VE GOT GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.
Jewel: Give me the bad news first!
The Grim Reaper: YOU GAVE YOURSELF THE BAD NEWS.
Jewel: I beat death!
The Grim Reaper: NO, YOU BEAT DEATH. CAPITALIZED. I MEAN I KNOW ALL MY DIALOGUE IS CAPITALIZED, BUT I MEAN… DEATH, THE PROPER NOUN.
The Grim Reaper: LOWER-CASE DEATH BEAT YOU.
The Grim Reaper: I HOPE THAT WASN’T TOO CONFUSING FOR YOU, WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR ME TO EXPLAIN IT AGAIN.
Jewel: Hey man, you tried.
Joshua: YES! I beat death!
The Grim Reaper: WERE YOU NOT LISTENING JUST NOW?
Jewel: It’s okay. I know he’ll do the same for me. Wait. Do I know that.
Joshua: Yeaaaaah, I’ve sort of made it my mission in life not to talk to eldritch abominations.
The Grim Reaper: SO YOUR FRIEND’S GONNA DIE BECAUSE YOU’RE RACIST?
Joshua: I like to think of it more as her dying because she made a serious of poor strategic decisions.
Joshua: Gonna miss you, babe! Briefly.
Joshua: Man, being born shallow is like winning the personality lottery.
Joshua: Well look who it is! Literally any woman.
Theresa: You available?
Joshua: Yeah, my date cancelled.
Joshua: Anyone in there hotter than you?
Theresa: I have a machine gun.
Joshua: You know what? I don’t know why I asked that, definitely not important.
Joshua: Please don’t kill me.
Theresa: Nobody would know.
Joshua: Please don’t kill me.
Theresa: BANG! Haha.
Theresa: Gonna STAB YOU WITH MY SPY SWORD! Hahaha.
Theresa: Seriously though dude this was some fucked-up.
Just the way I like it.
Next time: a million vacations.
Give or take.
OH FUCK THAT’S A MAX WEBSTER SONG
I HATE THEM SO MUCH
This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 June 2012.