Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
In which another one makes it to near-personhood somehow.
Only half of these are Whittakers.
Vanessa: I’m considering switching back.
Vanessa: Hyphenated, of course.
Michael: Why is that “of course”?
Vanessa: When you’re any part Sharpe, it is always a qualifier.
Vanessa: And oh, the things it qualifies you for.
Vanessa: Oh the things.
Vanessa: Think I’ll get drunk in my underwear today.
You’re a member of the state assembly.
Vanessa: Right? It’s painfully on-brand.
Vanessa: I still don’t know why they won’t let me put a minibar in the chopper.
And then she drunkenly mowed down all the trees with her rotors.
I don’t care.
I don’t care!
Vincent: I’m very excited that I tried this Science activity! That was a lot of fun!
A LOT OF FUN
Jewel: Heart fart bagart.
Theresa: Yeah, yeah.
Theresa: Alright buddy, open Tinder and get swiping.
This isn’t making you less attractive.
Hmm. Maybe that is.
Who you thinking of marrying?
Theresa: I can’t bear to say it out loud, honestly.
Theresa: Can you… come over here for a bit?
Theresa: Don’t say anything or I won’t do anything.
My lips are sealed!
Theresa: Don’t sing anything, either.
But there’s a song in my heart, for some reason!
I dunno, I just kinda like this household today.
Anthony: My job satisfaction is at all all-time erection. I mean erection. I mean high.
Anthony: Although it’s dropping.
Anthony: The satisfaction, that is. Not the erection.
Alvin: I wonder if it’s possible to make conjoined twins.
Theresa: There’s my scientist!
Alvin: I’m a mad scientist.
Theresa: Remember when you stole that guy’s girl?
Alvin: Did I kidnap someone and forget about it?!
Theresa: I was just thinking what improbable luck you have with the ladies, having so little custom content in you.
Jewel: Well look who’s improbably hot!
Jewel: You improbable thot!
Alvin: What is this place, the girlfriend repository?
Alvin: Guess it’s just the friend repository, now.
Jewel: Not even.
Jewel: Although I’m open to an assist over here, if your Mechanical Skill’s up to it.
Alvin: I’m exercising the Chemistry mechanic right now, sorry.
You foreign spies don’t blend in very well.
Thomas: Sure we do. In Simerica all you have to do is talk really slow and loud and they think you’re a native.
Benson: Hey baby, look what poop I got.
Alvin: Don’t look, it really is poop.
Vanessa: You’ll see.
Noah: If I’d known “helicopter ride” wasn’t some sort of sexual metaphor I never would’ve taken you up on it.
Vanessa: If I hadn’t found you weirdly attractive I never would have taken you up on it! “It” being my helicopter.
Noah: You spin me right ’round, baby.
Vanessa: Like a record, baby?
Noah: Uh… no? Like a helicopter blade? Try to focus, okay?
Vanessa: Every time I focus I see things I don’t like.
Alvin: How does your hair float like that?
Theresa: Boob gravity.
Alvin: Checks out.
Alvin: As in, I checks out your boobs.
Alvin: And her boobs.
Theresa: They’re not bad, yeah.
Alvin: I really like how our skintones match.
Theresa: Unfortunately that’s how most attraction works.
Jewel: Are you angry at the wall?
Vanessa: I’m angry I can’t bang my head against it.
Noah: Don’t be angry, but do bang.
Theresa: You guys would look super hot melted together.
Alvin: I can arrange that.
Theresa: I’m sorry I’m out-hotting you.
Vanessa: It’s okay, it reminds me of my dead sister.
Noah: I’m touching you now.
Theresa: Okay, I guess.
Theresa: Okay! I know.
Jewel: Get a room.
Noah: For hugs?
Jewel: For fugs.
Noah: If you think I’m fugly you clearly need to recalibrate your standards.
Theresa: Be back later, gotta investigate the president.
What’s he like?
Theresa: He’s involved in a secret plot to destroy the world.
He sounds great.
Jewel: Wanna trade? Fluids?
Jewel: But I just lost Alvin!
Vanessa: Don’t replace bad baggage with more bad baggage!
Jewel: I wanna kick him in the baggage.
Veronica: Dude insists he’s my brother.
He is your brother.
Veronica: Yeah but does he have to insist on it?
Vanessa: MAKE THIS ABOUT ME
Richard: GROW UP
Richard: …I think I’m about to.
All the secret agents are gone.
Heidi: HELLO I AM FROM HERE
Noah: Such air!
Vanessa: So breath!
Richard: Lung capacity!
Happy I Stop Ignoring You Completely Day!
It’s most people’s final day.
That’s her soul forming.
Congrats! You’re a person now.
Well! Apparently Whittaker genes are almost as strong as Sharpe genes.
Considering where the Whittaker genes came from, there was a good chance we were never gonna discover that.
Jewel: That must be yours. You look like the kind of asshole money drops out of the sky for.
Veronica: I’m cuter than you now, mom. Just thought you should know.
Veronica: I take it back.
No, I think you’re right.
OH HOW CONVENIENT
Veronica: Hey less facially-fortunate family fellow!
Veronica: I’m rich.
Stewart: Good lead!
Veronica: I’m rich and easy.
Stewart: Better lead!
Veronica: What do you think?
The colour’s no good. Buy a new one.
Veronica: Or you could just rip me one off.
I’m your god, not your fence.
Veronica: Do you really wanna clear the racks of townies so I can get at them? AGAIN?
She made a great point.
Veronica: Hi! I was just talking to you. I think?
Grugly Prime: You’re not eighteen until six o’clock. Stop flirting with Stewart.
Veronica: Or what?
Grugly Prime: Or I’ll have to kill Stewart? Actually never mind.
Grugly Prime: Actually never mind I’ll kill you both.
DUDE NOT YOU TOO
Why hello there, Aurora! You’re looking awfully long-lived today!
Yvonne: NOTHING TO SEE HERE
Brooke: Shouldn’t all the prison guards be at the prison?
Do you ever get to leave that register?
Brooke: …OH MY GOD THIS IS THE PRISON
Veronica: My mom’s a state assemblyperson.
She got promoted to congresswoman today, actually.
Veronica: My mom’s one of the problems with our democracy.
Stewart: I’m getting the overwhelming urge to not talk to you for a few hours.
Grugly Prime: LET THE MIND CONTROL DO ITS WORK, DAMMIT
Veronica: Hey man, you wanna get us both killed? Get us both killed? Get us both killed why can’t I stop saying that I’m not trying to say that!
Grugly Prime: SIX. O. CLOCK.
Alright, it’s seven, go hog wild.
It takes me way too long to lose those ugly-ass signs.
I don’t know why I keep trying to make this thing be something other than distant scenery.
Veronica: I don’t know why you keep trying to make Stewart be something more than distant scenery!
Veronica: But what a scenic scene he is.
Stewart: Why are we here?
Veronica: Because it’s too lame for anyone else.
Stewart: Did I hear him say you’re only eighteen?
Veronica: Don’t be mad!
Stewart: “Don’t be mad”? You tried to make me be jailed!
Veronica: Do they put you in jail for dating underage girls?
No, they put you in boiling lava.
Stewart: Yeah, they put you in boiling lava? What?
It’s better than you deserve, honestly.
Stewart: Well I don’t appreciate being lavabaited.
Veronica: I promise not to do it again, now that it’s impossible.
Veronica: Now you wanna come see the view or not?
Stewart: Depends on what it’s a view of.
Veronica: Wouldn’t you like to know.
Veronica: Surprise! It’s just a view of trailers.
Stewart: I like trailers.
Veronica: You look like you like trailers.
Stewart: That’s mean.
Veronica: I’m mean.
Veronica: Haha my dad is gonna beat the shit out of you.
Repo Man: …should I be here?
No, it’s a sign of neighbourhood corruption.
My game is fucked.
That’s a really sad thing to hear, too.
Since this was seven years and several hundred thousand pics ago.
Veronica: I think my legs are still kids.
Veronica: Hey rando wanna make out?!
The Unsavoury Charlatan: Did I overhear you saying you have wealthy parents?
Veronica: I’m sure our angry god will totally not punish you if you kidnap a teenager.
The Unsavoury Charlatan: That’s good to hear.
Next time: I get bored, so things get unboring.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 June 2012.