The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 368

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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In which another one makes it to near-personhood somehow.

Only half of these are Whittakers.

Vanessa: I’m considering switching back.

Vanessa: Hyphenated, of course.
Michael: Why is that “of course”?
Vanessa: When you’re any part Sharpe, it is always a qualifier.

Vanessa: And oh, the things it qualifies you for.

Vanessa: Oh the things.

Vanessa: Think I’ll get drunk in my underwear today.

You’re a member of the state assembly.

Vanessa: Right? It’s painfully on-brand.

Vanessa: I still don’t know why they won’t let me put a minibar in the chopper.

And then she drunkenly mowed down all the trees with her rotors.

I don’t care.

I don’t care!

Vincent: I’m very excited that I tried this Science activity! That was a lot of fun!

A LOT OF FUN

Jewel: Heart fart bagart.

🙂

🙂

Theresa: Yeah, yeah.

🙂

Theresa: Alright buddy, open Tinder and get swiping.

This isn’t making you less attractive.

Hmm. Maybe that is.

Who you thinking of marrying?

Theresa: I can’t bear to say it out loud, honestly.

Theresa: Can you… come over here for a bit?

Theresa: Don’t say anything or I won’t do anything.

My lips are sealed!

Theresa: Don’t sing anything, either.

But there’s a song in my heart, for some reason!

I dunno, I just kinda like this household today.

Anthony: My job satisfaction is at all all-time erection. I mean erection. I mean high.

Anthony: Although it’s dropping.

Anthony: The satisfaction, that is. Not the erection.

Alvin: I wonder if it’s possible to make conjoined twins.

Theresa: There’s my scientist!
Alvin: I’m a mad scientist.

Theresa: Remember when you stole that guy’s girl?
Alvin: Did I kidnap someone and forget about it?!

Theresa: I was just thinking what improbable luck you have with the ladies, having so little custom content in you.
Jewel: Well look who’s improbably hot!

Jewel: You improbable thot!

Alvin: What is this place, the girlfriend repository?

Alvin: Guess it’s just the friend repository, now.
Jewel: Not even.

Jewel: Although I’m open to an assist over here, if your Mechanical Skill’s up to it.

Alvin: I’m exercising the Chemistry mechanic right now, sorry.

You foreign spies don’t blend in very well.

Thomas: Sure we do. In Simerica all you have to do is talk really slow and loud and they think you’re a native.

Benson: Hey baby, look what poop I got.

Alvin: Don’t look, it really is poop.

What?

Vanessa: You’ll see.

Noah: If I’d known “helicopter ride” wasn’t some sort of sexual metaphor I never would’ve taken you up on it.

Vanessa: If I hadn’t found you weirdly attractive I never would have taken you up on it! “It” being my helicopter.

Noah: You spin me right ’round, baby.
Vanessa: Like a record, baby?
Noah: Uh… no? Like a helicopter blade? Try to focus, okay?

Vanessa: Every time I focus I see things I don’t like.

Alvin: How does your hair float like that?
Theresa: Boob gravity.
Alvin: Checks out.

Alvin: As in, I checks out your boobs.

Alvin: And her boobs.
Theresa: They’re not bad, yeah.

Alvin: I really like how our skintones match.
Theresa: Unfortunately that’s how most attraction works.

Jewel: Are you angry at the wall?
Vanessa: I’m angry I can’t bang my head against it.

Noah: Don’t be angry, but do bang.

Theresa: You guys would look super hot melted together.
Alvin: I can arrange that.

Theresa: I’m sorry I’m out-hotting you.

Vanessa: It’s okay, it reminds me of my dead sister.

Noah: I’m touching you now.

Theresa: Okay, I guess.

Theresa: Okay! I know.

Jewel: Get a room.
Noah: For hugs?
Jewel: For fugs.

Noah: If you think I’m fugly you clearly need to recalibrate your standards.

Theresa: Be back later, gotta investigate the president.

What’s he like?

Theresa: He’s involved in a secret plot to destroy the world.

Man!

He sounds great.

Wanna trade?

Jewel: Wanna trade? Fluids?

Vanessa: Don’t.
Jewel: But I just lost Alvin!
Vanessa: Don’t replace bad baggage with more bad baggage!

Jewel: I wanna kick him in the baggage.

Veronica: Dude insists he’s my brother.

He is your brother.

Veronica: Yeah but does he have to insist on it?

Vanessa: MAKE THIS ABOUT ME

Richard: GROW UP

Richard: …I think I’m about to.

All the secret agents are gone.

Heidi: HELLO I AM FROM HERE

Veronica: PHHHHBBBBBBBBBTTTT

Noah: Such air!
Vanessa: So breath!
Richard: Lung capacity!
Jewel: Neat.

Happy I Stop Ignoring You Completely Day!

It’s most people’s final day.

That’s her soul forming.

Congrats! You’re a person now.

Well! Apparently Whittaker genes are almost as strong as Sharpe genes.

Considering where the Whittaker genes came from, there was a good chance we were never gonna discover that.

WHUMP

Jewel: That must be yours. You look like the kind of asshole money drops out of the sky for.
Veronica: I’m cuter than you now, mom. Just thought you should know.

Veronica: I take it back.

No, I think you’re right.

OH HOW CONVENIENT

Veronica: Hey less facially-fortunate family fellow!

Victor: …what?

Veronica: I’m rich.
Stewart: Good lead!

Veronica: I’m rich and easy.
Stewart: Better lead!

Veronica: What do you think?

The colour’s no good. Buy a new one.

Veronica: Or you could just rip me one off.

I’m your god, not your fence.

Veronica: Do you really wanna clear the racks of townies so I can get at them? AGAIN?

She made a great point.

Veronica: Hi! I was just talking to you. I think?
Grugly Prime: You’re not eighteen until six o’clock. Stop flirting with Stewart.
Veronica: Or what?
Grugly Prime: Or I’ll have to kill Stewart? Actually never mind.

Grugly Prime: Actually never mind I’ll kill you both.

DUDE NOT YOU TOO

Why hello there, Aurora! You’re looking awfully long-lived today!

Yvonne: NOTHING TO SEE HERE

Brooke: Shouldn’t all the prison guards be at the prison?

Do you ever get to leave that register?

Brooke: …OH MY GOD THIS IS THE PRISON

Veronica: My mom’s a state assemblyperson.

She got promoted to congresswoman today, actually.

Veronica: My mom’s one of the problems with our democracy.

Stewart: I’m getting the overwhelming urge to not talk to you for a few hours.

Grugly Prime: LET THE MIND CONTROL DO ITS WORK, DAMMIT

Veronica: Hey man, you wanna get us both killed? Get us both killed? Get us both killed why can’t I stop saying that I’m not trying to say that!
Grugly Prime: SIX. O. CLOCK.

Alright, it’s seven, go hog wild.

It takes me way too long to lose those ugly-ass signs.

I don’t know why I keep trying to make this thing be something other than distant scenery.

Veronica: I don’t know why you keep trying to make Stewart be something more than distant scenery!

Veronica: But what a scenic scene he is.

Stewart: Why are we here?
Veronica: Because it’s too lame for anyone else.

Stewart: Did I hear him say you’re only eighteen?
Veronica: Don’t be mad!
Stewart: “Don’t be mad”? You tried to make me be jailed!

Veronica: Do they put you in jail for dating underage girls?

No, they put you in boiling lava.

Stewart: Yeah, they put you in boiling lava? What?

It’s better than you deserve, honestly.

Stewart: Well I don’t appreciate being lavabaited.
Veronica: I promise not to do it again, now that it’s impossible.

Veronica: Now you wanna come see the view or not?
Stewart: Depends on what it’s a view of.
Veronica: Wouldn’t you like to know.

Veronica: Surprise! It’s just a view of trailers.

Stewart: I like trailers.

Veronica: You look like you like trailers.

Stewart: That’s mean.

Veronica: I’m mean.

Veronica: Haha my dad is gonna beat the shit out of you.

Repo Man: …should I be here?

No, it’s a sign of neighbourhood corruption.

My game is fucked.

That’s a really sad thing to hear, too.

Since this was seven years and several hundred thousand pics ago.

Veronica: I think my legs are still kids.

Veronica: Hey rando wanna make out?!

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Did I overhear you saying you have wealthy parents?
Veronica: I’m sure our angry god will totally not punish you if you kidnap a teenager.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: That’s good to hear.

Next time: I get bored, so things get unboring.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 June 2012.

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