Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Breakneck pace sustained!
Should it be “Nouvelle” instead?
Apparently the lot bugged out and I had to delete it?
I think I then recovered a version of it from an earlier backup.
Try not to let the existential dread set in.
Here’s something else that’s going away in this chapter.
Brandi: I’m mad about something.
Laci: Pretty neat, Brands.
Brandi: I’m mad at someone.
Cori: Tell them?
Brandi: Doesn’t anyone care about my vague vagaries?
Corey: I sure don’t, unless one of those words was a synonym for vagina.
Corey: I care about your vagina.
Brandi: Care for it, then.
Brandi: Evil sex is best sex.
Laci: Juggling is good too.
Laci: Haha what.
Brandi: What was that.
Corey: I told her not to work transition when she’s under the overhang.
Brandi: As long as there’s an explanation.
…that closed laptop’s pretty funny, huh?
Ohhh, that makes more sense.
You’re laughing at the credits you can’t see.
I said it makes more sense.
Man, the TV channel movies are, like, Hypercam footage of cellphone footage of Super 8 footage of Mega Bloks.
The Sims universe strongly disincentivizes large screens.
Also I left the walls down in this pic I took to mock the game’s graphics.
Let me just hoist myself up here on this petard…
Corey: But seriously, look at it!
Brandi: Yeah, it’s pretty great!
Corey: LOOK AT IT.
Corey: I made Brandi look at my dick!
Laci: Are you higher than me in our evil organization? Because if you are I’m going to have to kill you.
Laci: We are still an evil organization, right? I’d hate to find out that we’re not. And I know someone else who would hate it even more.
Corey: Are you threatening me with Cecilia? ‘cuz I’m pretty sure she’s busy doing whatever stupid thing she’s doing.
Laci: Well I’m mentally recording every instance of the word “stupid” in this conversation, for use when you turn out to be wrong.
Corey: Look, the plan remains the same. TAUTOLOGY shadows the SCIA and eventually replaces or obsolesces it, so Cecilia can do whatever evil endgame thing Cecilia wants to do.
Laci: And how does you fucking around all day advance that plan?
Corey: I’m playing the long game! And it wouldn’t be a game if it wasn’t any fun.
Laci: DAMN your nonsense is convincing.
Laci: I’m not convinced you’re the right man for this job, but you’re definitely the right man for fucking.
Corey: Oh. Well. I mean, I guess… the bedroom’s over here?
Corey: What’s the occasion?
Laci: I’m putting Iris’ face to bed.
Laci: Literally, and then figuratively.
Corey: As long as you don’t change your vagina. I’m rather partial to those.
Honestly this is what most windows in Sharpesvale look like at all hours.
Laci: DICK IT DICK IT DICK IT
Laci: DICK IT UUUUUUUUUP
WHO WAS THIS SHOT FOR
Corey: I think I lost weight.
Laci: I’ve got new muscles!
Corey: Wow. That was so good…
Laci: …that it’s gonna be really hard to make eye contact afterwards.
Laci: Evil sex is best sex.
Laci: And I’m not okay with it.
Corey: I am.
Laci: The work proceeds.
Kea: I got the strangest call when I was at work today. I think someone offered me a club membership?
Yeah, it’s Tautology Club. The first rule of Tautology Club is the first rule of Tautology Club. That’s not my joke, but I love it.
Laci: Love is in the air.
Corey: Also fluids.
Tyler: I’m, too sexy for this hedge.
Laci: This face is too sexy for me.
Finally going back, huh?
Laci: Well I mean Iris is too associated with Daisy, who is now known to be Cecilia, who is a serial killer.
But doesn’t everyone already know that you are both Laci and Iris?
Laci: Well my face doesn’t need to remind them.
Laci: Besides, I kinda liked my old faaaa-aaaaa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Laci: NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN
I guess this is my game’s attempt at a brick joke.
Laci: Maybe I could get a job woodpecking.
Corey: Wanna see a scary monster?
I have half a mind to leave you like this.
Laci: I have half a chin.
Laci: Shut up already.
You still look better than any Sim I’ve seen from TS3.
Laci: That’s true.
Laci: It’s good to be reminded that there are far worse things that can happen to a Sim.
Laci: Pudding skin and pudding face.
Laci: Well hello 2010!
Laci: Oh generic face template, I’ve missed you.
I’m glad you’re happy.
I kinda miss the Iris face, though.
Corey: I read about this in a new parenting book.
Corey: Oh, hey, intruder alert.
Laci: Now we don’t have to be awkward! The face that sexed you is dead.
Laci: What do you think? Awesome, right?
Corey: Make me a sandwich.
Laci: Luckily I’m attracted to misogyny.
Corey: Well it’s not attracted to you.
Corey: Hey, nice of you to drop by.
Kea: The call said I’d be murdered if I didn’t.
Corey: Still nice.
Corey: It would be really mean of you to make me murder someone so hot.
Kea: Aww, that’s so sweet!
Corey: I’m offering you a position in my organization of evil.
Corey: Our secret handshake is a passionate kiss.
Kea: I mean okay!
Corey: Your package will come in the mail! And my package will come in-
Kea: -in me, yeah, I totally saw that one coming.
Kea: It was pretty good, as wordplay goes.
Kea: You are gonna hate their secret handshake.
Corey: Fuckin’ teenagers.
Corey: The fuck you want? I already got a redhead.
Corey: You even real? You look like a jailbait blow-up doll.
Wren: WELL STOP NEGGING ME IF YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED
Corey: Unfuckable teenagers.
Wren: Wanna bet?
Corey: I’m evil, not evil.
Wren: Just because you’re a bad person doesn’t mean you need to have bad taste.
Wren: You have a dumb girl’s name, too.
Wren: Can’t you read the sign?
That’s a good way to get machinegunned, kid.
What’re we doing here?
Corey: Buying women’s clothing.
Ooh, and hanging around in bars?
Gretchen: It’s so hot that you’re associated with the Lumberjack Song now.
Corey: Is that a wall?
Brady: I think so!
Corey: NOT cool.
Gretchen: You seem freaked out. Are you okay?
Corey: I’m okay.
Gretchen: AND YOU SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND YOU WORK ALL DAY?!
Corey: You’re starting to piss me off, kid.
Corey: I bought you some clothes?
Corey: You’re welcome.
Laci: Are they good clothes?
Corey: I think they’re good!
Wren: Then they’re bad.
Laci: Don’t let the little bird disturb you.
Wren: The “little bird” is fierce like goose.
Tyler: Nothing to see here, ma’am.
Spencer Barakat: I’m here now!
Corey: So you are!
Laci: Let’s see what bad ideas you paid for.
Laci: I think the fabric dye is running.
Tyler: Move along, ma’am.
Laci: Man! I’m fuckable.
Spencer: You don’t strike me as the sink-cleaning sort.
Corey: Oh, I’m not cleaning it. I’m collecting deadly germs!
Corey: GERM ATTACK
Spencer: OH MY IMMUNE SYSTEM
Jizelle: I am legitimately imprezzed.
Corey: Legitimately wash your hands.
It’s slightly misleading but totally accurate to say that those Aspiration Points are because Spencer was just murdered.
Tyler: Move along my penis, ma’am!
Spencer: He struck me after all.
Jizelle: Where did you learn ziz amazing technique?
Corey: Watching Ricky Jay throw playing cards at watermelons.
Corey: Since you’re the only woman here I haven’t fucked today, I’d like to say you’re looking awful fuckable right now.
Corey: Also I seem to have a problem.
Wren: My self-preservation instinct is saying “run” but my stupid teenagerness is saying “get yourself fucking murdered.”
Brandi: It’s handled.
The Grim Reaper: I APPRECIATE THE CREATIVITY.
Laci: ULTIMATE HOTNESS
Laci: I mean, as long as I stop now, it’s automatically ultimate.
Corey: Laci! Can you teleport me out? I can’t walk over this fucker.
Laci: What makes you think I can teleport?
Corey: Don’t fuck with me.
Laci: That’s not what you said/did earlier.
The Grim Reaper: HAHAHA GOOD ONE.
Corey: This is a weird origin story for a cleaning-based superhero.
Brandi: Thinkin’ ’bout murder.
Brandi: Murder most fine!
Laci: I’ve seen better. I’ve been better.
Brooke: I am a terrible cop.
So go inside and arrest them?
Brooke: I’d rather be terrible than dead.
Wren: I’d just rather be dead.
Next time: oldagers.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 9 June 2012.