The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 354

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

ONWARD!


Abigail: I’ve created a womanster!

Abigail: Seems to have all the right parts…

Bradleigh: I appreciate the complimentary tummy-tuck and age-lift.

Bradleigh: And blinding.

Bradleigh: Get that shit out of my eyes.

Bradleigh: How do I look?

Like Bradley Price, but a woman.

Bradleigh: That good?!

Abigail: Let’s get you some clothes.
Bradleigh: Why don’t you go get me some clothes.
Abigail: This ain’t no service stop.

Abigail: How do you feel?
Bradleigh: Hot. And hot.

Bradleigh: You sure can cook, Abs!

Abigail: Don’t call me Abs.

Bradleigh: I’mma call you glutes then.

Bradleigh: I miss my pit hair.

Abigail: Excited to experience life from a new perspective?
Bradleigh: So excited I could kiss you! If I wanted to. Which I don’t now.

Bradleigh: This is gonna be complicated to explain to my exes.

Bradleigh: Alright, time to hide these perfect puppies.

Bradleigh: Here’s to new beginnings in old threads.

Abigail: Is she hideous? Should I look?

Bradleigh: What?

I’m just happy.

Bradleigh: For me?

For both of us.

Bradleigh: Yeah, looks like you done goofed on that initial sex decision.

I really cannot disagree.

Abigail: Where you going?
Bradleigh: Out to test my newfound wiles.

Bradleigh: Man, that chick is dangerous.

Dangerous hot.

Bradleigh: The most dangerous of all possible dangerouses!

Brandy: I loooooove a man in uniform!
Bill: I’m a prison guard.
Brandy: …oh.

Bradleigh: Still works for me!

Brandy: BOO! USE NAME BRAND!

Bradleigh: I wonder if water and snow and detergent creates some kind of chemical reaction?

Yes.

It’s called cleaning.

Bradleigh: Wanna pour your cleaning on me, baby?

Bradleigh: Or y’all wanna just keep bein’ sexy sexy rebels?

Bradleigh: So hey, I used to be a dude, but then I got my DNA unwound.
Bill: That’s cool.

Bradleigh: No I do NOT wanna go downtown! I’ve had enough crashes for a lifetime, thank you!

Bradleigh: Do you think I’m sexy?
Bill: I think your sexiness lies entirely beyond the reach of my thinking.

Bill: That came out dumb. Yes. Yes, I think you’re sexy.

Bradleigh: It’s not weird that I used to be a dude?
Bill: Well of course it’s weird. It’s just not a problem.

Abigail: Told you.

Bradleigh: Wanna pop my man date cherry?

Bill: I accept that mandate.

Bradleigh: We’ll have to stick around here so my minder can make sure I don’t suddenly dissolve or anything.
Abigail: Appreciate it!

Bill: So how long have you been a woman for?
Bradleigh: About an hour!
Bill: …oh!
Bradleigh: Yeah, and an hour lasts about three minutes.

Bill: My girlfriend is a horrible bitch.
Bradleigh: I’ve had girlfriends like that.

Bill: Hahaha yeah your tits are nice.

Victor: Do you think that teenage boy thinks I’m sexy?
Abigail: This is not the kind of thing I like to hear from the police.

Bradleigh: What do you like about me? Besides the incredible geometry of my face.

Bill: Mostly just that.

Bill: I’m personally really attracted to people being attracted to me.

Same.

Bill: That was the entire basis of my last relationship.
Bradleigh: How did that end?

She fucked Don.

Bradleigh: Critical failure!

Bradleigh: Don.

Yeah.

Bradleigh: Maybe this dude’s beneath me.

Bill: Maybe you should get beneath me!
Bradleigh: Maybe I should!

Oh no!

She’s a woman with a man’s sense of what makes a good pickup line!

Victor: She’s perfect.

Bradleigh: I’m perfect.

Bradleigh: Have you met my daughter? She’s in jail.
Bill: Yeah, you’re hotter though.
Bradleigh: I am hotter.

Bill: I’mma pee on this bush now.

Bradleigh: While you’ve already got your dick out…
Bill: Yes?
Bradleigh: Wipe it.

Bill: Fair enough.

Abigail: FAST FORWARD

Nah, I’m enjoying this.

We’rt thou suspended from baloon,
You’d cast a shade, even at noon;

Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.
– James McIntyre, Ode on the Mammoth Cheese Weighing over 7,000 Pounds

Brandy: So many ugly dudes.

Bradleigh’s a woman.

Brandy: Well that explains that.

Brandy: But what explains you being a woman?
Bradleigh: Personal growth. You should try it sometime.

Brandy: Aw, honey, you know I’m too perfect to change.

Bradleigh: Got your dick!
Bill: GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK

Bradleigh: Dude, did you drink that entire fountain or something? Hot.

Bradleigh: …less hot.

Bill: BOO POO

Bradleigh: What was that even?
Bill: I don’t know. Chocolate, I think?
Bradleigh: Why?
Bill: I DON’T KNOW

Bradleigh: …why?

Bradleigh: Whatever.

Bradleigh: Snog away my poo puddle memories.

Bradleigh: Wait, do you pee chocolate?
Bill: My darkest secret, revealed.

Dark chocolatest more like.

Bradleigh: Are you guys worried about terrorists or serial killers where you work?
Bill: We exclusively house terrorists and serial killers.

Bradleigh: That’s hot.

Bill: It’s neat that you get better animations as a woman.

Isn’t it?

Actually I think that one’s unisex.

Bradleigh: Unisex is my superhero name.

Valerie: Is this soap water for the poo puddle?

Bill: We think it’s chocolate.
Victor: Well we think you’re gross.

Bill: He’s not wrong but I’m still mad.

Bill: I approve of this brothel.

Bill: Do you offer good rates?
Valerie: On vasectomies? Free.

Bradleigh: Man, that Don guy used to date this cheerleader. She’s like the only zombie that never got punished. She’s like zombie Mengele.
Bill: That’s the wrong bubble pic. That’s the chick who visited him the other day.
Bradleigh: …you should tighten security.

Abigail: Will they?

Nah.

Predestination and all that.

Abigail: Yay.

Bill: Are you telling me we had a zombie in the prison?
Bradleigh: I’m bored. This is boring.

Bill: Okay, but-
Bradleigh: Boring.

Was I compiling angles for a 3D recreation or something?

Bill: You just think she’s hot.

Her hotness lies entirely beyond the realm of my thinking.

Bill: Ooh, “realm”! That’s a much better word choice.

♪ Sometimes the world begins to set you up on your feet again ♪

Bradleigh: New feet.

Bradleigh: New lips.
Bill: Smooth as a baby’s liWHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING

Bradleigh: Please don’t accidentally pedo while we’re kissing.

Bradleigh: kthx

Bill: You’ve got a purdy mouth.

Bradleigh: Slightly better.

It’s somewhat galling that female Bradley is one of my hotter characters.

Bradleigh: Progressive, though!

Bradleigh: And now let’s progress to fucking.

Bradleigh: Or I guess we could keep doing this interminably.

Bill: I just want you to know that I’m really awesome.

Bradleigh: I just want to know you.

Bill: Stop smiling and snog.

Man, I remember when all my Sims were the same height.

Good times.

Bradleigh: I think he’s suggesting I might be too tall for you someday.

Hahaha yeah.

Like Bill will still be alive then.

Victor: This is what I think of your romance.

Bradleigh: Let’s jump on him.

Bradleigh: How does hands?

Bill: Thank god for attachment points.

Bradleigh: I wasn’t kidding about the jumping thing.

Bradleigh: I’m jumping on someone, dammit.

Bradleigh: ♪ I feel like a woman ♪
Bill: I just feel a woman.

Bradleigh: Feel away, my man.

Bill: Man, science is the best.

Next time: the storyline title comes full circle.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 2 to 3 June 2012.

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