Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Abigail: I’ve created a womanster!
Abigail: Seems to have all the right parts…
Bradleigh: I appreciate the complimentary tummy-tuck and age-lift.
Bradleigh: And blinding.
Bradleigh: Get that shit out of my eyes.
Bradleigh: How do I look?
Like Bradley Price, but a woman.
Bradleigh: That good?!
Abigail: Let’s get you some clothes.
Bradleigh: Why don’t you go get me some clothes.
Abigail: This ain’t no service stop.
Abigail: How do you feel?
Bradleigh: Hot. And hot.
Bradleigh: You sure can cook, Abs!
Abigail: Don’t call me Abs.
Bradleigh: I’mma call you glutes then.
Bradleigh: I miss my pit hair.
Abigail: Excited to experience life from a new perspective?
Bradleigh: So excited I could kiss you! If I wanted to. Which I don’t now.
Bradleigh: This is gonna be complicated to explain to my exes.
Bradleigh: Alright, time to hide these perfect puppies.
Bradleigh: Here’s to new beginnings in old threads.
Abigail: Is she hideous? Should I look?
I’m just happy.
Bradleigh: For me?
For both of us.
Bradleigh: Yeah, looks like you done goofed on that initial sex decision.
I really cannot disagree.
Abigail: Where you going?
Bradleigh: Out to test my newfound wiles.
Bradleigh: Man, that chick is dangerous.
Bradleigh: The most dangerous of all possible dangerouses!
Brandy: I loooooove a man in uniform!
Bill: I’m a prison guard.
Bradleigh: Still works for me!
Brandy: BOO! USE NAME BRAND!
Bradleigh: I wonder if water and snow and detergent creates some kind of chemical reaction?
It’s called cleaning.
Bradleigh: Wanna pour your cleaning on me, baby?
Bradleigh: Or y’all wanna just keep bein’ sexy sexy rebels?
Bradleigh: So hey, I used to be a dude, but then I got my DNA unwound.
Bill: That’s cool.
Bradleigh: No I do NOT wanna go downtown! I’ve had enough crashes for a lifetime, thank you!
Bradleigh: Do you think I’m sexy?
Bill: I think your sexiness lies entirely beyond the reach of my thinking.
Bill: That came out dumb. Yes. Yes, I think you’re sexy.
Bradleigh: It’s not weird that I used to be a dude?
Bill: Well of course it’s weird. It’s just not a problem.
Abigail: Told you.
Bradleigh: Wanna pop my man date cherry?
Bill: I accept that mandate.
Bradleigh: We’ll have to stick around here so my minder can make sure I don’t suddenly dissolve or anything.
Abigail: Appreciate it!
Bill: So how long have you been a woman for?
Bradleigh: About an hour!
Bradleigh: Yeah, and an hour lasts about three minutes.
Bill: My girlfriend is a horrible bitch.
Bradleigh: I’ve had girlfriends like that.
Bill: Hahaha yeah your tits are nice.
Victor: Do you think that teenage boy thinks I’m sexy?
Abigail: This is not the kind of thing I like to hear from the police.
Bradleigh: What do you like about me? Besides the incredible geometry of my face.
Bill: Mostly just that.
Bill: I’m personally really attracted to people being attracted to me.
Bill: That was the entire basis of my last relationship.
Bradleigh: How did that end?
She fucked Don.
Bradleigh: Critical failure!
Bradleigh: Maybe this dude’s beneath me.
Bill: Maybe you should get beneath me!
Bradleigh: Maybe I should!
She’s a woman with a man’s sense of what makes a good pickup line!
Victor: She’s perfect.
Bradleigh: I’m perfect.
Bradleigh: Have you met my daughter? She’s in jail.
Bill: Yeah, you’re hotter though.
Bradleigh: I am hotter.
Bill: I’mma pee on this bush now.
Bradleigh: While you’ve already got your dick out…
Bradleigh: Wipe it.
Bill: Fair enough.
Abigail: FAST FORWARD
Nah, I’m enjoying this.
We’rt thou suspended from baloon,
You’d cast a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.
– James McIntyre, Ode on the Mammoth Cheese Weighing over 7,000 Pounds
Brandy: So many ugly dudes.
Bradleigh’s a woman.
Brandy: Well that explains that.
Brandy: But what explains you being a woman?
Bradleigh: Personal growth. You should try it sometime.
Brandy: Aw, honey, you know I’m too perfect to change.
Bradleigh: Got your dick!
Bill: GIVE IT BACK GIVE IT BACK
Bradleigh: Dude, did you drink that entire fountain or something? Hot.
Bradleigh: …less hot.
Bill: BOO POO
Bradleigh: What was that even?
Bill: I don’t know. Chocolate, I think?
Bill: I DON’T KNOW
Bradleigh: Snog away my poo puddle memories.
Bradleigh: Wait, do you pee chocolate?
Bill: My darkest secret, revealed.
Dark chocolatest more like.
Bradleigh: Are you guys worried about terrorists or serial killers where you work?
Bill: We exclusively house terrorists and serial killers.
Bradleigh: That’s hot.
Bill: It’s neat that you get better animations as a woman.
Actually I think that one’s unisex.
Bradleigh: Unisex is my superhero name.
Valerie: Is this soap water for the poo puddle?
Bill: We think it’s chocolate.
Victor: Well we think you’re gross.
Bill: He’s not wrong but I’m still mad.
Bill: I approve of this brothel.
Bill: Do you offer good rates?
Valerie: On vasectomies? Free.
Bradleigh: Man, that Don guy used to date this cheerleader. She’s like the only zombie that never got punished. She’s like zombie Mengele.
Bill: That’s the wrong bubble pic. That’s the chick who visited him the other day.
Bradleigh: …you should tighten security.
Abigail: Will they?
Predestination and all that.
Bill: Are you telling me we had a zombie in the prison?
Bradleigh: I’m bored. This is boring.
Bill: Okay, but-
Was I compiling angles for a 3D recreation or something?
Bill: You just think she’s hot.
Her hotness lies entirely beyond the realm of my thinking.
Bill: Ooh, “realm”! That’s a much better word choice.
♪ Sometimes the world begins to set you up on your feet again ♪
Bradleigh: New feet.
Bradleigh: New lips.
Bill: Smooth as a baby’s liWHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING
Bradleigh: Please don’t accidentally pedo while we’re kissing.
Bill: You’ve got a purdy mouth.
Bradleigh: Slightly better.
It’s somewhat galling that female Bradley is one of my hotter characters.
Bradleigh: Progressive, though!
Bradleigh: And now let’s progress to fucking.
Bradleigh: Or I guess we could keep doing this interminably.
Bill: I just want you to know that I’m really awesome.
Bradleigh: I just want to know you.
Bill: Stop smiling and snog.
Man, I remember when all my Sims were the same height.
Bradleigh: I think he’s suggesting I might be too tall for you someday.
Like Bill will still be alive then.
Victor: This is what I think of your romance.
Bradleigh: Let’s jump on him.
Bradleigh: How does hands?
Bill: Thank god for attachment points.
Bradleigh: I wasn’t kidding about the jumping thing.
Bradleigh: I’m jumping on someone, dammit.
Bradleigh: ♪ I feel like a woman ♪
Bill: I just feel a woman.
Bradleigh: Feel away, my man.
Bill: Man, science is the best.
Next time: the storyline title comes full circle.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 2 to 3 June 2012.