Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
In which losses are cut.
“Penny”: I’ve had a lovely day, Joshua.
Joshua: Me too.
“Penny”: But now it’s night, unfortunately.
“Penny”: And the night belongs to lovers. And other selfish creatures.
“Penny”: Can you swim?
Joshua: No. Why? YES.
Joshua: Guess this is the local make-out spot.
“Penny”: I was really counting on no witnesses.
Joshua: You don’t want them to see us having sex?
“Penny”: Sure, that’s what I meant.
WELL THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE WHATEVER STUPID NANNY SHIT YOU DID TO MAKE ME WANT TO KILL YOU
Elizabeth: WHAT DID I DO
YOU SLOW-DANCED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD
I guess you lost sequential fights to a zombie and a Sharpe? Kinda less your fault, I admit.
But no sympathy for the nannies. NEVER.
“Penny”: I really like the ambience here.
Joshua: You keep massaging your wrist.
“Penny”: It misses the axe.
“Penny”: Let me press my axe hand to your face.
Joshua: Better than an actual axe, I guess.
Myrtle: Distant introductory comments.
Jerome: Distant noncommittal acceptance.
Yes, walk softly.
You really do not want to be noticed, let me assure you.
Myrtle: What were you warning him about?
Myrtle: FAT PEOPLE
“Penny”: What say we give these deaduns a show.
Joshua: Show ’nuff!
“Penny”: I’m glad we picked one with soap suds in. It tickles in all the right places.
You make some creepy-ass faces during sex.
“Penny”: I’m impersonating Penny, aren’t I?
Jerome: I hope this water doesn’t make it back into the system.
“Penny”: Well, I suppose that concludes our business.
“Penny”: It’s been nice knowing you.
Joshua: “Meeting” you?
“Penny”: Blame my family for this. I do.
Joshua: Ow, my combobulation!
“Penny” You are gonna leave a good-looking corpse, my man! Initially, before the bloating sets in.
Joshua: Maybe I can swim.
Joshua: But I can’t.
“Penny”: Hold down the scene of the crime for me, buddy?
Joshua: I HOPE YOU GET PREGNANT
Joshua: AND I STILL HAVE A BONER SOMEHOW
“Penny”: I’m just that good.
What if somebody saves him?
“Penny”: I’ve got more than one punch in me tonight.
“Penny”: And anyway who’d bother.
Not me, that’s for sure.
“Penny”: More than most.
The Grim Reaper: IS THIS MEANT TO BE A CHALLENGE?
Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: How about some theme weather?
“Penny”: I’m game.
Now this is what I call progress.
“Penny”: I’m a progressive.
“Penny”: And I’ve got an agenda.
“Penny”: It’s time to make ENTROPY stand for something.
“Penny”: Shut up ghost, you’re not in on this.
So, this isn’t actually your household.
“Penny”: By all means hang out with the borings instead.
Wait, you got groceries?
“Penny”: I consider it a fair trade.
Sullivan: Your fetus is ringing.
Jewel: Hey, have you checked your memory panel recently? ‘cuz I think Joshua just died.
“Penny”: You can’t beat the speed of the psychic news cycle!
Ember: I think I’d notice if my boyfriend died? Oh shit, my boyfriend died.
Sullivan: Grieving is so hot.
“Penny”: Gonna be a lot of hotness going ’round, soon.
“Penny”: Trust me.
Jewel: Look on the bright side.
Ember: What’s that?
Jewel: I dunno, it was just something to say.
Sullivan: I hope this won’t interfere with our date.
Sullivan: It won’t, right?
Sullivan: Crying is only sexy when I’ve caused it.
Sullivan: Peace out, weeping willow.
Sullivan: I’mma steal some shit on my way out.
Ember: I’M CURSED
Everyone around you is.
Ember: I guess that’s better.
Yeah, that was already more crying than Joshua was worth.
Go away, I’m tired of typing those quotation marks.
“Penny”: Don’t affect me none.
Sullivan: You done blubbering?
Ember: I thought you left.
Sullivan: I got nobody better to do.
Ember: There is nobody better.
Sullivan: There’s that lovable narcissism!
Sullivan: Actually less lovable than I expected.
Ember: Get out.
Sullivan: I won’t.
Ember: My kids are home.
Sullivan: I will.
Wren: What’s wrong with us?
How long do you have?
Actually, haha, you don’t know the answer to that question.
Sullivan: Hahaha the crushing onslaught of time.
Wren: Hi Xavier! Hi monster!
Sullivan: Yeah so this wizard totally pissed himself.
Sullivan: Oh, what’s this stupidity now?
Sullivan: I’m only staying to provide ironic commentary.
Ember: Get on with it, kids. You’ve seen ten birthdays you’ve seen too many.
Ember: Toot toot motherfuckers.
Sullivan: I like a chick who’s unselfconscious enough to call her own kids “motherfuckers.”
Ember: What the fuck, Deborah? Was your bad timing sense tingling?
Ember: No you may NOT “borrow my milkshake!” And look up what it means, for crying out loud.
Wren: I’m wishing for a better family.
Wren: Yay! Wishes don’t work.
Xavier: I’m wishing for bitches.
Ember: You might as well remove your uterus, for all the use it’s going to get going forward.
Ember: I’m trying to enjoy my family. Go enjoy yours.
Deborah: Have you seen mine?
Xavier! Quick! Your wish came true!
Wren: Still waiting on mine..
Wren: Although not aging up ugly is a fair consolation prize.
Yeah, you’re a clone of your mom with your dad’s eyes.
Xavier on the other hand is going to be a standard-issue Murphy with freckles.
Yep. Called it.
I had inside information, but still.
Welcome to the B-list, kiddos.
Xavier: Oh BTW I changed my wish.
Sullivan: You wished for me to have a heart attack?
Wren: You wished to be flat?
You wished for something to go wrong with Wren’s hair?
Xavier: Hey. I’m Xavier.
Ivy: I’m Ivy.
Xavier: You must be, you’re already growing on me.
Ivy: That is the worst pickup line I have ever heard.
Xavier: Really? How many have you heard?
Next time: uh, we’re still on these people, actually.
Thanks for the delay, Cec.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 April 2012.