Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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In which losses are cut.

“Penny”: I’ve had a lovely day, Joshua.
Joshua: Me too.
“Penny”: But now it’s night, unfortunately.

“Penny”: And the night belongs to lovers. And other selfish creatures.

“Penny”: Can you swim?
Joshua: No. Why? YES.

Joshua: Guess this is the local make-out spot.
“Penny”: I was really counting on no witnesses.

Joshua: You don’t want them to see us having sex?
“Penny”: Sure, that’s what I meant.

WELL THEN YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE WHATEVER STUPID NANNY SHIT YOU DID TO MAKE ME WANT TO KILL YOU

Elizabeth: WHAT DID I DO

YOU SLOW-DANCED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD

I guess you lost sequential fights to a zombie and a Sharpe? Kinda less your fault, I admit.

But no sympathy for the nannies. NEVER.

“Penny”: I really like the ambience here.

Joshua: You keep massaging your wrist.
“Penny”: It misses the axe.

“Penny”: Let me press my axe hand to your face.
Joshua: Better than an actual axe, I guess.

Myrtle: Distant introductory comments.
Jerome: Distant noncommittal acceptance.

Yes, walk softly.

You really do not want to be noticed, let me assure you.

Myrtle: What were you warning him about?

Nothing, proceed.

Myrtle: FAT PEOPLE
Jerome: SHHHH

“Penny”: What say we give these deaduns a show.

Joshua: Show ’nuff!
“Penny”: Ugh.

“Penny”: I’m glad we picked one with soap suds in. It tickles in all the right places.

You make some creepy-ass faces during sex.

“Penny”: I’m impersonating Penny, aren’t I?

Jerome: I hope this water doesn’t make it back into the system.

“Penny”: Well, I suppose that concludes our business.

“Penny”: It’s been nice knowing you.
Joshua: “Meeting” you?

“Penny”: Blame my family for this. I do.

Joshua: Ow, my combobulation!

“Penny” You are gonna leave a good-looking corpse, my man! Initially, before the bloating sets in.

Joshua: Maybe I can swim.

Joshua: But I can’t.

“Penny”: Hold down the scene of the crime for me, buddy?

Joshua: I HOPE YOU GET PREGNANT

Joshua: AND I STILL HAVE A BONER SOMEHOW

“Penny”: I’m just that good.

What if somebody saves him?

“Penny”: I’ve got more than one punch in me tonight.

“Penny”: And anyway who’d bother.

Not me, that’s for sure.

FOOMPF

Having fun?

“Penny”: More than most.

The Grim Reaper: IS THIS MEANT TO BE A CHALLENGE?

Andrew Baity the Atrociously Evil Warlock: How about some theme weather?

“Penny”: I’m game.

“Penny”: Nice.

Now this is what I call progress.

“Penny”: I’m a progressive.

“Penny”: And I’ve got an agenda.

FOOMPF

“Penny”: It’s time to make ENTROPY stand for something.

Alexandro: MWAHAHAHAHA
“Penny”: Shut up ghost, you’re not in on this.

So, this isn’t actually your household.

“Penny”: By all means hang out with the borings instead.

Wait, you got groceries?

“Penny”: I consider it a fair trade.

Sullivan: Your fetus is ringing.

Jewel: Hey, have you checked your memory panel recently? ‘cuz I think Joshua just died.

“Penny”: You can’t beat the speed of the psychic news cycle!

Ember: I think I’d notice if my boyfriend died? Oh shit, my boyfriend died.

Sullivan: Grieving is so hot.

“Penny”: Gonna be a lot of hotness going ’round, soon.

“Penny”: Trust me.

Jewel: Look on the bright side.
Ember: What’s that?
Jewel: I dunno, it was just something to say.

Sullivan: I hope this won’t interfere with our date.

Sullivan: It won’t, right?

Sullivan: Crying is only sexy when I’ve caused it.

Sullivan: Peace out, weeping willow.

Sullivan: I’mma steal some shit on my way out.

Ember: I’M CURSED

Nonsense!

Everyone around you is.

Ember: I guess that’s better.

Ember: Marginally.

Yeah, that was already more crying than Joshua was worth.

Go away, I’m tired of typing those quotation marks.

“Penny”: Don’t affect me none.

Sullivan: You done blubbering?

Ember: I thought you left.
Sullivan: I got nobody better to do.

Ember: There is nobody better.
Sullivan: There’s that lovable narcissism!

Sullivan: Actually less lovable than I expected.

Ember: Get out.
Sullivan: I won’t.
Ember: My kids are home.
Sullivan: I will.

Wren: What’s wrong with us?

How long do you have?

Actually, haha, you don’t know the answer to that question.

I do.

Sullivan: Hahaha the crushing onslaught of time.

Wren: Hi Xavier! Hi monster!

Sullivan: Yeah so this wizard totally pissed himself.

Sullivan: Oh, what’s this stupidity now?

Sullivan: I’m only staying to provide ironic commentary.

Ember: Get on with it, kids. You’ve seen ten birthdays you’ve seen too many.

Ember: Toot toot motherfuckers.

Sullivan: I like a chick who’s unselfconscious enough to call her own kids “motherfuckers.”

Ember: What the fuck, Deborah? Was your bad timing sense tingling?

Ember: No you may NOT “borrow my milkshake!” And look up what it means, for crying out loud.

Wren: I’m wishing for a better family.

Wren: Yay! Wishes don’t work.

Xavier: I’m wishing for bitches.

Ember: You might as well remove your uterus, for all the use it’s going to get going forward.

Ember: I’m trying to enjoy my family. Go enjoy yours.
Deborah: Have you seen mine?

Xavier! Quick! Your wish came true!

Wren: Still waiting on mine..

Wren: Although not aging up ugly is a fair consolation prize.

Yeah, you’re a clone of your mom with your dad’s eyes.

Xavier on the other hand is going to be a standard-issue Murphy with freckles.

Yep. Called it.

I had inside information, but still.

Welcome to the B-list, kiddos.

Xavier: Oh BTW I changed my wish.

Sullivan: You wished for me to have a heart attack?

Wren: You wished to be flat?

You wished for something to go wrong with Wren’s hair?

Xavier: Hey. I’m Xavier.
Ivy: I’m Ivy.
Xavier: You must be, you’re already growing on me.

Ivy: That is the worst pickup line I have ever heard.

Xavier: Really? How many have you heard?
Ivy: One.

Next time: uh, we’re still on these people, actually.

Thanks for the delay, Cec.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 April 2012.