The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 341

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Yeah, you’re gonna want to read Chapter 340 first. Just sayin’.


It’s funny ‘cuz almost all of those people have been kidnapped.

Penny: That is funny.
Andrew: What did he say? I wasn’t listening.

Penny: He said we should make out.
Andrew: He’s so wise.

Wendell: I’m so CRIES

Andrew: I’ve always liked this dismantle-able outfit.

I shan’t make another.

What are you doing to that juice?

Mallory: It’s not juice, it’s p-

IT’S PUNCH OH MY GOD

Mallory: Glad we’re on the same page.

Franklin: Shame.

Penny: Ahaha I’ve missed that toilet brush beard of yours.

Andrew: “Missed”? Missed when?
Penny: However long it’s been since you think you’ve hugged me, obviously!

Andrew: You’re behaving very strangely.
Penny: But you’re too horny to care.

Penny: Don’t argue, I know when you’re lying.

Andrew: Let’s lie together.

Penny: Yes, that’s the general reason I let you disrobe me.

Penny: Put this somewhere would you.

Penny: And put other things in other places.

Penny: Yes, tongues. Tongues are a good start.

Penny: You’re pretty bendy for an old man.
Andrew: Most old men are just rocking the stock Sim spine.

Andrew: Better living through mad science, bitches.

Penny: You’d better not have any bitches before me.
Andrew: Perish the thought, my goddess.

Penny: You’re right, I am divine.
Andrew: I’m glad you’ve got your old arrogance back. I missed it.

Penny: I’m getting a lot of things back lately.

Andrew: My baby’s got back.
Penny: Don’t try to be cool.

Andrew: How about hot?
Penny: If you think you can manage it.

Penny: But I might not feel your heat over my own.

HOW MANY LINKED PUNCHLINES IS TOO MANY

Franklin: All’s I’m saying is I don’t want you dating her!
Amin: And all’s I’m saying is I could break you in half.

Amin: And I wish this staircase would stop poking in my biz.

Sorry, that’s my bad.

Angelica: They’re fighting over you.
Mallory: I wish they’d fight the walls.

Andrew: I think we have squirrels.
Penny: Not super interested right now.

Andrew: I keep hearing these banging noises.
Penny: So do some banging of your own!

Andrew: I can’t tell if you’re distracting me for sex or for other reasons.
Penny: Why can’t it be both?

Penny: Am I right?

Your hair is clipping really badly right now.

Penny: DOES THAT AFFECT MY RIGHTNESS

You seem to be doing okay without my approval.

Amin: Go on without me. Assuming you find somewhere to go.

Penny: Man, I hope I’m as spry as you in my old age.
Andrew: I’ll prepare the injections.

Angelica: I just want you to know that I care about you, dude.
Nathaniel: Aw, that’s nice! I care about you too!
Angelica: So we need to draw straws to decide which of us gets eaten.

Muse: .oO(Yeah, sure, don’t mind me.)

Wendell: I miss my bed.
Bethany: I red miss my bed.

Mallory: Congrats on my used to having loved you.
Nathaniel: “Used to”?

Mallory: Yeah.

Muse: .oO(So what’s on tonight? On the TV, I mean.)

Muse: .oO(You’re killing me here, guys.)

Angelica: I’ve decided that although Nathaniel and I are fat, and therefore the best choices for food, you are the most despised.

Mallory: Is that everyone’s opinion or just yours?
Angelica: See, THIS is why people DESPISE you!

Mallory: I wish this was a situation where being able to outrun you would help.

Bethany: If wishes were horses they could sleep standing up, UNLIKE US

Franklin: Challenge accepted and completed.

Penny: Get hair on those and you’re done, cat.

Muse: .oO(I’ve seen your brush, you shed way more than I do.)

Nathaniel: ohh sleep you’re my best friend
Mallory: ohh sleep you’re so good to me

Mallory: ohh sleep my bones are broken

Angelica: ♪ Ooh, sleep, things are gonna get easier ♪

Penny: That was a crackin’ good time. I hurt vertebrae I didn’t even know I had.

Andrew: Yeah, I’m feeling pretty flexible myself right now.

Penny:

Muse: .oO(Don’t pull this Cthulhu shit on me.)

Andrew: fhtagn

Penny: That was pretty hot.

Penny: If you can survive that, what comes next should be a piece of cake.

Muse: .oO(It just occurred to me that I should have been trying to warn him.)

Andrew: Uhh… where did you get that.
Penny: We’re really good at reverse-engineering. ENTROPY hires mostly Russians.

Andrew: …ENTROPY.
Penny: Something you’re about to become exempt from, actually.

Penny: Your system is about to become very stable.

Andrew: I guess that’s good.

Penny: My favourite part is the sound they make when they hit. It’s like a half-defrosted bag of peas on concrete.

Penny: Speaking of which, I need to get those peas out of there. We need us some room.

Penny: This is much easier with a mad scientist’s fridge. I didn’t even think some of these temperatures were theoretically possible.

Penny: Absolute zero should do, absolutely.

Oliver: I’ve had so many goddamn dates.

Penny: Teehee, you’re cute. No fridge for you.

Penny: I forgot to ask: does semen expand when it’s frozen? That might become important.

Penny: Well, see ya.

Penny: Eventually. Maybe.

Yes, only private schooling can save us now!

Penny: Yeah cat, you get fucked up. You deserve it.

Penny: You and I, we’ve had a busy day.

Tommy the Witness Gnome: *is hiding*

Penny: I shouldn’t do this naked, that dust is a bitch to dig out of the crevices.

FOOMPF

Penny: Aw what, I forgot one.

Penny: I can’t freeze babies so you’ll have to settle for starving.

Penny: She got anything less frumpy in this bad boy?

Can I perhaps interest you in a haunted xylophone?

Apparently I can’t interest Dirk.

WEDNESDAY: This is no way to raise a child, let me tell you.

Not unless you’re raising him to be VEAL.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

WEDNESDAY: …!

LIKE YOU WEREN’T THINKING IT

WEDNESDAY: Yeah but I wouldn’t say it…

Penny: I’m surprised I haven’t killed them yet. Must be getting soft.

Penny: In my awesome old age.

Penny: Of awesomeness.

Penny: I’m awesome.

Blazej: HURRY YOUR ROBOT ASS UP

WEDNESDAY: Yeah, asshole, keep honking, that’ll help.

BONK

Bethany: I REJECT THIS UNFURNISHED APARTMENT

Amin: And you made fun of that chair I brought home.

Amin: I wonder if anyone would miss him.

Angelica: Sorry, my cannibalism sensor must have gone off.
Amin: How lovely that you have one.

Angelica: Amin, we’ve known each other for a long time.
Amin: “Of” each other, I would say.

Angelica: How would you like to know me a second way?
Amin: As in know you for real?

Angelica: As in know me carnally.
Amin: Ooh, a two-for-one deal! Count me in.

They’re so desperate even the chair they’re imagining doesn’t look that comfortable.

Angelica: Let me play with your balls.

Dirk! You’re our only hope!

Dirk: .oO(The closest thing to a weapon I have is my name.)

Angelica: Let’s see who’s changed recently. Ahem. “Chelsea.” Wow! That hair does not suit her.
Amin: I’ve seen that already. Do someone I wasn’t just married to.

Angelica: How ’bout I kiss you and melt my hand into your shoulder instead.
Amin: Sure, if you have to do both, I guess.

Wendell: I wish I had a Bigfoot to sit on.

Franklin: Shame.

Penny: Hey man, I hear we used to be a thing. Remember! I remember we used to be a thing.

Penny: Good save, Cecilia. Good save.

Brooke: That is NOT how you deploy a spoiler!

It wasn’t much of a spoiler. Sheesh.

Her fucking eyes are decals for chrissake.

Mallory: Hey man, you’re pretty-
Amin: FUCK NATHANIEL
Mallory: Pretty ho-
Amin: FUCK NATHANIEL
Wendell: FUCK NATHANIEL
Mallory: What are we doing now?

Bethany: He’s hogging the shitter.

Wendell: He’s a shitterhog. A shithogger. A shithog.

WEDNESDAY: Wait, are you coming on to me? How fruitlessly flattering!

Mallory: OH IT’S FRUIT-BEARING

Stephen: It’s been a while!
“Penny”: Has it? Sure!

Stephen: What’s his deal?
“Penny”: I ripped off all his skin and left him to die.

“Penny”: But enough about me!

“Penny”: Come in and see what I’ve done with the place.

“Penny”: And most of your family.
Stephen: You could stick most of my family in a storage locker and I wouldn’t be interested, frankly.

Angelica: Aren’t you gonna say “It’s Franklin”?
Franklin: I’m not feeling it, frankly.

Frank;in: Hey, have your tits always been that-
Emerson: WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.

Next time: not that!

Franklin: I’m just saying I never noticed-
Mallory: GO BACK TO NOT NOTICING

This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 April 2012 to 18 April 2012.

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