The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 340

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which enough is enough.

The game is clearly coping well with my household sizes.

Nathaniel: Who needs a personality when you have possessions?

Yeah, that’s a good reading distance for someone who uses glasses.

Ugh, see? See what you get?

Steal the robot.


Angelica: No! Of course not! I’m a smokin’ hot skinny adult! Also you’re shallow.

Penny: What.
Mallory: Nothin’!

Penny: WHAT.
Mallory: Just seein’ what you’re up to! ‘cuz you’re definitely up to something.

Penny: You know what? Fuck it. I wasn’t, but I am now.

Mallory: I should have seen this coming from all the episodes of “Columbo” I’ve watched.

Emerson: Ooh, what’s “Columbo”? I collect pop culture references.

Penny: “Columbo” is a mystery where you already know who did it.

Emerson: Where’s the mystery, then?
Penny: You don’t know how the cop will catch the killer.

Penny: Sometimes you even wonder if they will.

Emerson: …I could pretend not to know who the killer is.
Penny: That would be cheating.

Emerson: I’m okay with not playing fair if it means I get to live.

Penny: Ugh, dad. All that kickboxing you made me do! Weight training would have been much more useful.

Nathaniel: Why are you trying to pick up Emerson?
Bethany: Yeah, he’s way too young for you.

Bethany: I’m telling.

Penny: Tell all you like. The more the murderer.

Bethany: They’re not dead, though. That’s just one of grandma’s freeze rays.
Penny: You’re right. I’m putting them in storage now to murder later. Comforted?

Bethany: It’s pretty cold comfort, won’t lie.

Penny: Hopefully this works and your atoms don’t get scattered to the spectral wind. I’m rooting for you, kid.

Bethany: I didn’t know this was a concern I needed to have.

Mallory: Suckitude intensifies.

Nathaniel: My freckles are rubbing off.

Emerson: I never noticed how blurry the floor is before.

Penny: Form an orderly dogpile, please.


Penny: Oh, hey, lucky you! Not dead. Yet.

Nathaniel: Please tell me this is just a redress of one of our bedrooms.

Penny: Sorry, I’m saving up my lies for when your dad gets home.

So hey. Penny.

Penny: That’s my name! Don’t wear it out. I took considerable pains to acquire it.

Wendell: I’ve got big plans for today! They involve video games.

Penny: Andrew’s got a fantastic boring relatives collection going here.

Angelica: Yeah, I’m six feet tall and statuesque.
Franklin: You been into the catnip, Angie?

Penny: Want to play a fun game?
Wendell: Yeah!
Penny: Too bad.

Wendell: Cold, lady.

Penny: I have not yet begun to cold.

Wendell: It smells like feet and feet and Emerson in here!

Muse: .oO(Why don’t I feel tall and statuesque yet?!)

Wendell: Suddenly I feel foolish for never asking my teleporting dad how to teleport.

Mallory: Yeah, pretty pissed off at you for that right now.

Bethany: What the heck happened?
Emerson: Penny went nuts and zapped us all.
Bethany: That’s not an explanation, that’s just a series of questions squished together without the marks!

Angelica: Yeah baby, I’m rich too. And I don’t fart.

Mallory: See, this is why we need to surveil people who visit Takemizu Village.

Nathaniel: What made Penny snap like that?
Bethany: I’ll bet it was our faces. They piss me off too.

Nathaniel: Not all of our faces are bad.
Mallory: That’s the benefit of intelligent design over evolution.

Amin: You’re literally burnin’ daylight, man.

Amin’s co-workers like him so much they bought him a chair.

You know, a chair.

The traditional co-worker to co-worker gift.

Amin: It’s better than that oven they got me.
Angelica: Ask them for their phone numbers instead next time.

Yeah, I’m sure his space pirate friends would be really into you.

The only thing you’ve got going for you is that awesome chubbiness mesh.

Nathaniel: I hope she ends up in here too so we have someone to eat. When it comes to that.
Wendell: If it comes to that.
Nathaniel: Optimist.

Mallory: Hahaha I’m gonna die with you assholes.

Bethany: Fzzt! Freeze ray!
Emerson: Man! WAY too soon! Not cool.

Penny: Oh no, my enemies are employing sonic weapons against me!

Franklin: Fuck you too, lady.

Nathaniel: If I’d known I was going on vacation I’d have gotten some extra coursework from the teacher.

Wendell: Good news! Bad food.

Wendell: It tastes like yesterday.

Haven’t you got some Sims to zap?

Penny: I’m not feeling it right now, and I really want to feel it.

Amin: Pretty pussy cat! Admit you ate the Murphies.

Nathaniel: I’m glad we’re going to die together, Mallory.

Mallory: I’m glad I can take you in a fight, foodstuffs.

Mallory: I’m going to eat your corpse.

Nathaniel: Sell you the rights for a kiss.

Nathaniel: Except wait, I forgot, I hate you.
Mallory: I already resent the space Franklin’s about to take up.

Mallory: But anyway, time to earn my dinner.

Angelica: What are you staring at?
Penny: Just checking structural integrity.

Bethany: Did you hear that?
Emerson: I can’t believe I’m gonna die in the same pajamas as him.

Emerson: Or maybe not?

Penny: You should congratulate him.

Amin: Whoah, are you plot-advancing without me?!

Wendell: I thought you were zapping Emerson?
Bethany: I only have enough juice for child-zapping.

Amin: Nice! You found my freeze ray! I thought I left it on Ceti Alpha V.

Amin: Look out below.

Nathaniel: I’m glad I’m not stuck in here with an ugly chick. Relatives excluded.

Angelica: Is it too late to complain that you’re invading my personal space?


It’s been like an hour.


Penny: Guess what, honey? I got us a dog. Wait, no! Two dogs.

Penny: Why did you make me say that? He’s not a dog.

Emerson: Can anyone do oxygen calculations off the top of their head?
Nathaniel: Grandma could.
Emerson: God I hope she tries to kidnap grandma.

Penny: I’m evil, not nuts.

Mallory: Well, we made out. Got any other time-wasters planned for our final hours?

WEDNESDAY: Stop hogging the good sunlight, asshole.

Angelica: This wall is freezing. I think we’re outside the foundation?
Amin: That’s good, say it louder so the Grim Reaper will know where to find us.

Angelica: All this death talk is a bit premature, don’t you think?
Amin: I’m sorry, I just really like death.

Mallory: Bigfoot likes me, I’m dumping you.

Franklin: I could swear there used to be other people in this house.
WEDNESDAY: Like, a lot of them.
Franklin: Too many, even.

Franklin: Ohhh.
Penny: You’re learning! Good lemming.

Amin: Did your grandma teach you anything scientific that could help us get out of here?
Angelica: My grandma has trouble remembering our names.

Penny: Murphies aren’t worth the effort, frankly.
Franklin: It’s Franklin!

Mallory: ‘grats on liking me! Good call.

Penny: Thanks for standing around and waiting.
WEDNESDAY: My inevitability prediction algorithm recommended I conserve my strength.

Amin: We should start drawing lots for fuck/marry/kill.
Angelica: I vote “kill” for everybody.

Amin: Fuck, me too.

Penny: HOOP!


Penny: You can paint the walls, but I expect a security deposit.


Emerson: So you see, your skill set to food requirement ratio is so low, it’s impractical to keep you fed.
Wendell: It all makes sense when you put it that way! That you’re an asshole, I mean.


WEDNESDAY: I wonder if he’d bother saving us.

WEDNESDAY: At least we can rely on Andrew.

Andrew: I know all there is to know about being reliable! And also Charisma.

Mallory: I hope you’re an exhibitionist.
Nathaniel: We should put up modesty sheets! We’ll use your clothing.

Wendell: I don’t even like looking at her clothed!

Andrew: What have you been doing?
Penny: Tidying up.

WEDNESDAY: Let’s talk about your skill set to food requirement ratio.

Amin: I only care about one of her skills.
Franklin: Hey, that’s my ex-girlfriend you’re talking about! I think. It’s hard to keep track around here.

Andrew: Gotta say, lovin’ the inexplicable peace and quiet around here all of a sudden.

Wendell: I’ve got it! We bang on the walls until dad hears us!
Franklin: Don’t be ridiculous! You can only bang on the walls if this is an apartment.

Unless that’s the Anarchist Cookbook, you’re wasting precious time.

Penny: No, please, let him read real ones. He needs it.

Mallory: We’re going to have to create a polygamous society.

Mallory: I learned about those from a philosophical treatise I read in high school. This guy argued that all women should secretly belong to him. It was called “A Modest Proposition,” I think.

Emerson: O brave new world.

Angelica: It has indoor plumbing in ‘t, at least.

Angelica: Hey man, no. I’m only into cousins.

Emerson: …what?

Andrew: So seriously, where is everybody?
Penny: I fired them.

Franklin: Haha stupid Faith stuck in jail.

Franklin: I lit her friends on fire once.

Mallory: I might feel more comfortable if they all found me unattractive.

Angelica: Well I think Amin’s space pirate friends will save us!
Franklin: WIZARDS!
Angelica: There ARE no wizards yet!

Angelica: If they can time-travel, why would they visit these DARK AGES

Next time: things get worse.

Angelica: WHAT

This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 April 2012.

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