The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 338

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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In which Deborah’s happy marginalization continues.


Rebecca: I could sabotage the brakes and nobody would know.

Shiloh: I’ll get the next bus.

Opal: ♪ WHO LET THE DOGS OUT ♪

Jerome: The camera’s over here, kid.

For some reason.

Rebecca: Hi Uncle Failure!
Lisa: Hi little girl!
Rebecca: Get her, Stinky Skunk!

Yes, please become human.

Jerome: WOO SENTIENCE

I’m not so sure about Rebecca.

Jerome: Turn out better, actual daughter of mine!

Rebecca: Fat chance.

Rebecca: Beat this awesomeness, ugly!

Jerome: Woo! That’s pretty good! Considering your parents.

I can see both Lucas and Deborah in you.

Which is to say, I despise you.

Carolina: Woof, woof woof woof.

Jerome: Woof is entirely the wrong word!

Hey, your weird faces made a good weird face!

So angular!

Shiloh: Am I ugly?

No, and you’re actually unique.

Shiloh: Ugh, who wants that.

Brett: Hi!

Shiloh: Bye!

Rebecca: We’re off to buy less skanky clothes. Unless they’ve got some really nice skanky ones.

Caryl: Hey there!
Shiloh: NO HUGS.


Shiloh: Ugh, how do you get rid of a plumbbob?

plumbbobtoggle off

Shiloh: Thanks man.

No probs.

hey what’s that house back there

Rebecca: ‘sup riches!

Shiloh: I don’t feel comfortable with what you just said.
Rebecca: Us riches are allowed to say it.

Grugly Prime: You should have seen the original joke.

Shiloh: I would like to buy this clothing chunk.
Nerissa: I would like to deposit my garbage.

Brooke: I would like to kick your ass.
Nerissa: Rich please.

Shiloh: Hey, I’m Shiloh. My superpower is breaking the laws of physics so I’m not occluded by glass. Now you have it too!

What the fuck.

Shiloh: Oh, wait. We’re on this side of the glass. I don’t have superpowers.

Convincing me you’ve broken the game is kind of a superpower.

Yeah, sorry, Brady’s gay.

Autumn: So is Stewart Murphy.

No he isn’t.

Autumn: No, see, I meant “gay” as in “bad.” I’m a homophobe.
Brady: You people should have to go door-to-door like sex offenders.

Shiloh: Maybe you just haven’t met the right girl!
Rebecca: Shiloh… no…
Brady: She’s right! I haven’t yet met a girl with a penis.

Shiloh: People have identities I do not have.

Now the trick here, apparently, is to not decide that means they’re lying or crazy or evil.

Personally I found it a really easy trick but a lot of people find it really hard.

Rebecca: Hey man, good for you.


Shiloh: Hey Becks, check out these saggy tits.
Rebecca: Couldn’t pay me to. Also I hate your stepmom.

Shiloh: Too goth.

Black is goth. Grey is…

WORKING

WORKING

WORKING

…GRISIGOTH

Rebecca: HAHA YOU’RE DIFFERENT

Shiloh: THAT’S A LIE

Rebecca: Wow! My mouth doesn’t open nearly as far as your freaky gob does!

Deborah: Hey there, gobshite!

Shiloh: I’m going to kill all of you.

Carolina: Contemplating the cake?
Jerome: It’s the problem with western consumerism in an icingshell.

You’re a bit crosseyed.

Rebecca: You’re a bit fat.

Well I finally found a snack food I like! It’s been years. Give me a break.

Why is this happening again?

Did the game crash?

Shiloh: No, she’s just saying “Hey there” and calling me various weird names.

Rebecca: I wish she’d call me something.

Deborah: Mommy’s working, Susan.
Rebecca: Who’s Susan?
Deborah: Aren’t you?
Rebecca: No?
Deborah: Are you sure? You sound unsure.

Jerome: Yeah, I know, but you’ll get used to him. Focus on me.

AVERT YOUR EYES PEON

I have successfully conveyed the excessive size of the teenage head.

Shiloh: I’m going out.
Rebecca: Bye!
Shiloh: Not coming?
Rebecca: Nah, I’m gonna cry a bit.
Shiloh: Cool, cool.

I’m still pretty pleased with Grisigoth.

See, it’s a combination of the French word for-

Shiloh: Nobody cares.

Rebecca: Ugh, I need slaves.

In the first chapter I said I might be dead of old age before we visited this subhood.

That was optimistic.


Let’s look at some lot descriptions, shall we? They’re so lonely.

“Every small town has a seedy bar, but only Cloverville has Seedy’s Bar. See, it’s seed-themed. We’ve got pictures of plants and stuff? Get the joke? Seeds and seedy? Heh heh. Oh, we also have hookers.”

This place is called Cloverville?

I mean, sure! It’s called Cloverville! I knew that.

Shiloh: Who knocked up the duckface? WHANGO!

The first thing we do, let’s kill all the burglars.

Shiloh: Are they being dumb back there?

You know they are.

Margaret: We’re having a good time!
Shiloh: Grisigoths hate good times. And bad times! I’m drinking cranberry juice.

Richard: That’s disgusting.

This camera angle is disgusting.

Shiloh: Hey there keys, whatchu’ lookin’ at?

Shiloh: This cranberry juice is strong stuff.
Margaret: Have I always had this many fingers?

Shiloh: Bye dumbs!


“Look! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No! It’s Look! Books! What? Over there, in the storefront. Okay, no, what you’re looking at really is a bird. I’m talking about the bookstore. Over there. Oh, I give up.”

Shiloh: Giving up sounds nice.

Shiloh: Wake me up for my next birthday.

Angelica: ASK ME ABOUT IT.
Brady: I won’t.

Angelica: Who’s that?
Asia: Whoever she is, she can only be a support system for that amazing hair.

Spying?

Theresa: Nah, this creepy-being comes free.

There’s a gross seam under your dress.

Shiloh: Oh, you didn’t learn what that is in high school?

Shiloh: Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Geoffrey: Today’s the day! Geoffrey’s day!
Shiloh: If it is, I’m going back to sleep.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: Hey kid, wanna buy a slave?
Shiloh: No, but I’ve got a friend.

The Unsavoury Charlatan: It’s a gross feeling, being upstaged by the background.


wait what

it’s called what

Shiloh: What the fuck, dude?

Let me check the lot description.

“At the Garishly Gay Arcade, we’re so happy about video games that we flaunt it ostentatiously. In pink. Because we’re just that gay. Which means happy. It’s an archaic form. No, really. What?”

Whew! Okay. I wasn’t being a homophobe. I was being not funny.

NO.

Shiloh: What?

Just NO.

You’ll see.

Yes! This! YES!

THIS IS WHAT I MEANT BY “NO.”

Shiloh: He’s kinda cute!

You’re kinda fifteen.

Stephen: I’m timeless, I can wait.

Joshua: I’m calling the cops.
Stephen: You probably should.

Joshua: I already called the SCIA.
Shiloh: There goes my hacking plans.

Cory: Oh god, I am such a fan of your work!
Vicki: I’m going to ignore that because of how hot you are.

Cory: I thought you weren’t gonna hack.
Shiloh: I’m not. I’m snowboarding?
Cory: Like a fucking hack you are!

Victor: Whoops, sorry, didn’t see you there. I don’t have anything interesting queued up.

Victor: Except maybe negging this new chick.
Stephen: That’s cold.
Bambi: Yawn. Yep. You ready for your cell, Mr. Murphy?

Victor: You have a weak handshake.
Shiloh: You have a weak chin.
Victor: IT’S A FAMILY TRAIT

Yeah, everybody finds everybody hot, that’s news.

Shiloh: Bye borings!

They’re borings because the arcade machines are too close to each other to be played.

Shiloh: They’re borings because they boring.


“At Maplewood Arms we believe in solid food, solid service, and solid maple furnishings. Prove anything wooden in this restaurant isn’t 100% maple and we’ll give you 100 simoleons! And then kill you.”

hahaha restaurant deaths

that would be funny

Shiloh: Gonna rock me some lobster.

Shea: Sorry kid, muggles only.

Renée: IT’S NOT A FAKE ID! IT’S A REAL ID FOR MY FAKE IDENTITY!

Shiloh: I’ve read all your books.

Shiloh: You should have kept your gothiness from the sixth one.

JJ: Some day I’ll know what all these references are to.

Esther: I’m super sorry for what’s about to happen.

Cassidy: Today you learn about the food chain.

Oh, the worst episode of Adventure Time, you mean?

Grugly Prime: I wouldn’t.

Grugly Prime: I really wouldn’t.

Shea: You shouldn’t have.

Grugly Prime: I warned you.

Cassidy: THE FOOD!

It wasn’t the food.

Cassidy: THE FOOD IS POISONED

No, the food thief was poisoned.

Cassidy: You’re getting mean.

Hahahaha!

“Getting.”

Cassidy: So… succulent…

Margaret: Yeah, it’s still pretty tempting.

Opal: I’m old, I’ll bite.

Opal: In fact, I’ll scarf.

As a warning to others.

Shiloh: That was the most unsatisfying meal I’ve never had.

Shiloh: These losers are losers.


Shiloh: Better the losers you know! Won’t steal your dinner.

Jerome: I think I’ll actually raise this one.

Rebecca: Don’t freak out when it happens.
Shiloh: When what happens?

SHUNK

Shiloh: …oh.

SHUNK

Rebecca: I think it has something to do with where the chairs are.
Shiloh: Well I think it’s terrifying.

SHUNK

Shiloh: And satisfying.

SHUNK

Rebecca: I’mma name my first kid “Shunk.”

SKLISH

Shiloh: I’m glad we had this little whatever this was.

Rebecca: Don’t look at my gross seam.

I need to make a custom hand pose so they pull their sheets up properly.

You’ll see it around Chapter 1200.

Yeah, fuck pillows.

Deborah: Nothing embarassing happened to me today.

If you’re not interesting or funny, though…

Deborah: Just kill me already.

WHY WOULD I HAVE BOUGHT YOU THAT

Not very gothy.

Shiloh: No, the gothiness is there, it’s just invisigothiness.

I’m so proud of you.

The things the bus driver sees in this town.

Rebecca: Time for school.
Shiloh: In our underwear?
Rebecca: Do you want to be popular or not?

Shiloh: Not.

Good choice.

Jerome: Am I just life support for the baby now?

Yes. If you like, I can take away your only role. The main plotline can always use dramatic deaths.

Opal: Yes, kill him. Instead of just randomly offing NPCs and Townies.

It’s never random.

You have to earn it.

And oh, how you do.

Next time: more Alvin and Theresa.

I don’t have a joke for that.

Yet.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 April 2012 to 16 April 2012.

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