The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 331

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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In which a brief palate cleanse is attempted.


And I attempt to make the mayor a character, with mixed results.

Dagmar: Spoiler alert.

Dagmar’s a pretty cool lady.

Dagmar: Flattery alert.

I see you’ve got something of a theme going.

Dagmar: It’s useful for politicians to think in black and white.

Useful, but dangerous.

Dagmar: I’ll tell you what’s dangerous: formal wear.

Dagmar: The things we do for objectification.

Dagmar: But hey, juice!

Amazing juice, apparently.

Dagmar: How sweet the sound!

Dagmar: But suddenly I can’t hear it.

Dagmar: I’m so rich I can afford to balance my shit precariously.

Dagmar: Hi Emmy!
Emmy: That fucking NOISE!
Dagmar: You don’t like my voice?

Dagmar: Ugh, me either.

Emmy: It was her voice.

Emmy: Who doesn’t like helicopters?

Blazej: So this is basically just a bus, right?

Blazej: Right?

Dagmar: Just don’t hit anything.

Blazej: Not even really breakable stuff?

Dagmar: We are really breakable stuff, buddy.

Blazej: I never thought about it that way. Thanks for the mortality check.

Dagmar: You’re safe. You’re a driver NPC. I don’t think you can be killed, with only a stub character file.

Bill: Are you offering me skin pigment?

Nathaniel: Sidewalks are for nerds.

Who the fuck is mad at DAGMAR.

Dagmar: Jealous is more like.

Certainly not jealous of the company you keep.

Agatha: Thank god the helicopter is drowning her voice out.

Dagmar: I have literally no idea who you are.
Agatha: Call the cops on them.

Dagmar: I now literally have every idea who you are!

Dagmar: …and you can teleport?

Dagmar: Hello, SCIA? I’ve got a teleporting stalker.

Dagmar: Yeah, she’s in my house now. I have a house now. And she’s in it. Now.

Dagmar: Yes, I would judge you if you kissed your boss.

Dagmar: Now I’m thinking about criminals for some reason. And now you’ve teleported in. So who am I talking to.

What is happening in that phone?

Stop thinking about Don! We don’t want him here!

Dagmar: I think I’m talking to Don now.

Don.

Dagmar: Yeah.

Don who is in prison.

Dagmar: I guess if you’ve got nobody for your one phone call, you call the mayor?

Don: Jail sucks.
Dagmar: Glad to hear it?

Theresa: Translucent remote!
Agatha: Neat.

Cheryl: So how are you people coming with catching Daisy White?
Theresa: Catching her? What did she do? Also she’s dead!
Agatha: Wow, don’t you guys read the chapters?

Dagmar: C-listers out.

Cheryl: I made C-list!

Dagmar: MACARONI STRETCH

Dagmar: So thought bubble cameos are your new thing, huh?

Dagmar: I don’t know you, and I don’t care to know you.

She has read the chapters!

Dagmar: Haha, yeah! They scarred me.

Dagmar: Scarred me.

Sorry.

Dagmar: It’s cool, I know you have a quota.

This barely meets it.

Dagmar: Hey?

By quantity, I meant. Not quality.

Dagmar: Fair enough.

Oh!

Why?

Dagmar: Man, hitmen are expensive.

You should just kill her with an axe.

Irony.

Dagmar: Are you a hitman? You look like a hitman.

Dagmar: I think I want to hit her myself.

To this day I still think of this as Dagmar’s underwear.

Dagmar: “To this day?” What happens to me?

Lady, it’s been six years. Something has happened to everyone.

Dagmar: As long as everyone is suffering, I guess it’s fine.

CLANG

Dagmar: Where does one get an axe?

Dagmar: On the upside, perpetual clang machine!

Dagmar: On the downside, garbage can cramp.

On the poopside-

Dagmar: Get out of my bathroom.

SO WHAT

So pretty.

Emmy: Hey badhair.
Emmy: Hey.

EMMY PARTY.

Dagmar: This is why I lock the gate.

Dagmar: That, and I’m neurotic.

Me too.

Next time: jailnanigans.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 12 April 2012.

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