Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
In which things make more sense but are less pleasant.
Mallory: These mating rituals are weird.
Nick: We’re working on my face callouses.
Brooke: They really give your cheekbones definition!
Brooke: Nathaniel and I are working on grossing up my hair!
I really think you can line your shit up better than that, game.
also why are you guys kissing
Brooke: Your house has lots of drama.
Nathaniel: All imported I’m afraid.
Wouldn’t have pegged you for the army.
Though you are a brat.
Angelica: Okay, you guys keep being gross.
Angelica: I’m gonna be grosser.
WEDNESDAY: Those mating impulses are really wreaking havoc with their social lives.
FRIDAY: Social lives are only support systems for mating impulses, though, so it’s okay.
Angelica: I keep forgetting we have a butler. Here, you deal with this.
Nathaniel: I’ll deal with this.
Brooke: Unless someone more competent comes around.
Nathaniel: I will fight them. And probably lose.
Oh, this one grew up.
One more age group to go before I consistently remember your name, so you have that to look forward to.
Well, we were due.
Hahaha remember when Andrew blew up his bedroom with a bomb.
Penny: I knew there was unaccounted-for space on that floorplan.
Christ, we’re back to this again?
Mallory: I had a daydream that there was a huge dramaplosion in the kitchen.
Hey look, it’s Lucas.
That’s all the Lucas you’re getting for a while.
Nathaniel: So who was your first dude?
Brooke: Another one of you fucking rabbit Murphy people.
Andrea: My kingdom for an out-of-control car.
Right, and then Penny changes her Turn-Ons for no apparent reason…
Penny: It would be apparent if you hadn’t blocked out two-thirds of the last chapter.
A lot of things would.
Andrew: Something’s different. I can’t put my finger on it.
Nathaniel: Going through the change, old man?
Jesus fuck she’s too thin.
Nathaniel: Hey, don’t give her body image issues.
I GAVE HER THAT BODY
Penny: I thought you were dead.
Mallory: I get that a lot.
Penny: I doubt you get anything a lot.
You guys do know there’s an entire small town’s worth of space in this house, right?
Penny: Let’s test that.
And then he threw her through the ceiling.
Angelica: Did anyone else feel a sudden wave of revulsion when they looked at Penny just now?
Nick: Is revulsion a funny way of saying attraction?
Nick: It’s not, is it.
Nathaniel: I don’t get it. I thought I was okay with dad dating Penny.
Maybe you’re a stupid fucking teenager though?
Nathaniel: Yeah, maybe.
Angelica: But I’m not.
Franklin: She seemed… meaner than usual.
Nathaniel: Oh no, she killed someone at work.
Nick: She’s a cop. They do that for fun.
Brooke: A fellow liberal!
Nick: What? No, I’m envious.
I can’t keep track of who likes who so these demonstrations are very helpful.
…no, no, I still can’t figure it out.
Franklin is dating Mallory is kissing Nick is dating Angelica is Nathaniel’s brother.
Mallory: Flowchart time!
Nick: Déjà ow!
Mallory: THIS PART’S NEW
Angelica: Penny brought an evil force into this home.
Nick: Nah, I came in of my own free will.
Wendell: Don’t let it touch you, lady!
Franklin: This kind of thing never happened to me when I was dead.
Mallory: These ugly people are too complicated.
Mallory: And hot.
Speaking of hot.
Do something hot.
And be hot.
If Brooke fell down, how many bones would she break? All of them?
Emerson: Birthday shmirthday.
FRIDAY: Happy Smirthday, small one!
Who let Kenya in?
And who took Amin’s giant bigfoot dick away?
WEDNESDAY: Come on, help me out here, my blower’s just for show.
Nick: Wait, you people actually like your young?!
They do. I don’t.
Angelica: She’s got Aunt Chelsea’s awful forehead line!
I can’t tell what any of you are reacting to today.
Is Penny an entomologist? Because she seems to have brought a lot of bugs home with her.
Franklin: Emotions suck.
Kenya: It’s okay, kid. You stop caring eventually.
Nathaniel: You could find a new girlfriend.
Franklin: You could NOT STEAL MY EXISTING ONE.
Nathaniel: You could INVENT TIME TRAVEL I guess.
Andrew: Why the sudden ardour?
Penny: I was hopping all over town today. Crime makes me horny.
Okay, but I feel like I need to remind you that he’s your UNCLE.
Angelica: Nope. Game bugged. We’re not related anymore.
His mom is your dad’s mom. His dad is your dad’s dad.
Angelica: Nope. His dad is a dead criminal and he has no mom.
Like, what fucking button did I press to get that result.
Andrew: Enjoying yourself up there?
Penny: Yeah. Sure.
Anthony: …and their fucking Tide Pods.
Oliver: Look, can we just-
Can you just GO AWAY
We’ve got enough boring romance going on, we don’t need icky romance too.
Andrew: You’re being awfully quiet.
Penny: Well you’re being awfully six inches.
Penny: The fuck you staring at.
Amin: OH NOT THIS AGAIN
Nathaniel: Welcome to slap club!
Nathaniel: It’s a family institution.
Angelica: OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE
Wendell: Who left this thing out?
Let me know if I need to go watch something else, okay?
Not that the other options are all that enticing…
Andrew: This was your idea, woman.
Penny: I just thought you’d execute it better, is all.
Wendell: It’s like a car crash, I can’t stop staring!
Penny: Well, that wasn’t terrible. Where is this room, anyway?
Andrew: How have you been teleporting in here without knowing where it is?
Penny: I’ve been following you.
Andrew: What if I’d teleported into a wall or something?
Penny: Walls can’t hold me, bitch.
Nick: There’s clearly something in the water today.
OHHHKAY THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nope. Nope nope nope nope.
Angelica: Dude. We’re not. Related.
YOU HAVE THE SAME EYES
Angelica: There’s only so many to go around!
NOT TRUE, I HAVE DOZENS IN MY DOWNLOADS FOLDER
Oliver: Also I have mom’s eyes, so you’re wrong anyway.
But your FACE is half Stephen, just like her DAD’s is.
Oliver: Actually I got mom’s face, mostly.
Oliver: And Angelica’s face is mostly her mom’s.
YOU CAN’T ARGUE YOUR WAY OUT OF INCEST BEING WRONG
Angelica: And you can’t fight the Wants panel, buddy.
Angelica: And you should see what’s in mine right now.
Meanwhile bleeaaah I should just leave this lot entirely.
No room is safe.
How many chambers of horrors can one house contain?
Nathaniel: You’re just a prude.
I think the evidence speaks to the contrary.
Amin: Yeah, buddy! Makin’ it happen.
Penny: You people aren’t as interesting as I’d hoped you’d be.
Andrew: That’s why most Legacy stories only go for one generation.
Amin: Gotta give credit where it’s due!
Uh, well, speaking of which… didn’t you help raise that kid?
Amin: Yeah, you’re right, it is paying off!
Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.
Oh, were you thinking of NOT fucking?
Thumb on the lens time, I guess.
You doing a headcount or something?
Nick: I hear sex upstairs but I can’t figure out who’s doing it.
Andrew: This is one lucky kid, having your genetics and all.
Penny: He’d be luckier if his dad wasn’t fucking naked.
One more kid in this household and we’re moving to a shelf system.
Let’s just pretend they’re playing Twister in there.
Oliver: It’s like fucking a thick fog.
Nathaniel: You gonna stick around all night?
Nick: Not if it’s not making you uncomfortable.
Nathaniel: Where you going?
Brooke: I came, he saw, I’m leaving.
Sorry, but this is where we’re at right now.
This isn’t “Game of Thrones,” we’re not actively courting the incest crowd.
Nathaniel: I can’t believe I lost my virginity to a double bill with incest.
Sure, take all night with this most minor of characters.
It’s better than the other things I could be watching.
Murphy’s First Law of Gravity: old man penises exert a push force. All objects move away from them at speed.
Welcome home, you missed things I wish I’d missed.
THIS ISN’T YOUR HOUSE
Nathaniel: I think Angelica was-
I KNOW WHAT SHE WAS AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
Oliver: I want to talk about it forever.
Angelica: Please don’t.
Angelica: OH MY GOD HE’S MY-