Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Yesterday I compressed my Downloads folder.
Today my game only takes eighteen minutes to load instead of forty.
Yes, “only” eighteen minutes.
Alvin: My hand smells funny in the morning.
It’s not the only thing that’s gone funny.
There’s something seriously wrong with these kids. This one is making a bed. What the fuck.
Ivy: I’m breaking it the way that burglar broke my soul.
Ivy: I’m gonna use that as an excuse for a lot of bad behaviour in the coming years.
Ivy: Childhood trauma is worth replacing at least a dozen boxsprings.
Ivy: Mwahaha mileage.
You’ll just have to trust me that she’s evil.
Only an evil child jumps on multiple beds.
I’d be mad if I busted in on that too.
Alvin: Roof’s off the shed.
Get used to it.
Ichelle: Roof’s off the-
YEAH I KNOW
Whatcha thinkin’ ’bout?
Alvin: ROOF’S OFF THE SHED
SON OF A BITCH
Ichelle: It really turns me on how that shed has no roof.
Alvin: That’s kinda weird.
Alvin: Which is kinda hot.
Alvin: What? Is my fly undone?
Kelsey: Found another fish in the sea, did you?
Alvin: I’m a scientist. Metaphors go right over my comprehension.
Alvin: I’m not going to sock you with a boxing glove.
Alvin: And I’m not a greaser.
Important details for a dating profile.
Tickling women is fine, as long as they want to be tickled.
Ichelle: I wouldn’t normally, but I’m feeling really uninhibited today.
Ichelle: Because the roof-
Oh, fuck you.
Alvin: And yet he still won’t put it up.
Because this is SIX YEARS IN THE PAST.
Ichelle: You’re a time traveller?
No, you’re a relic.
Ivy: Why did they make you look like me? You’re not my real sister.
Kelsey: Why aren’t you flattered?
Ivy: Would you be flattered if you saw an uglier version of yourself running around?
Ivy: You’re an idiot.
Kelsey: I copied that from you too.
Alvin: There’s an urn full of burglar ashes on top of my fridge, just FYI.
Alvin: Ashes make me think of death make me think of Sullivan.
Alvin: Sullivan should be in jail.
Ichelle: I don’t know who that is but he sounds scary.
Kelsey: Who’s the chick?
Alvin: I dunno, do townies even have names?
Kelsey: I love your impression of how that burglar died.
Somebody dropped you off a poker table?
Alvin: That’s impossible, I’ve never been on a poker table!
Alvin: Oh, you meant…
Alvin: Yeah, sorry.
Alvin: I need a new wife.
Hit some random numbers.
Alvin: Jewel, huh? Sounds like a porn star. You’ll do.
Kelsey: Shit party!
Don’t encourage him.
Alvin: Your tits remind me of that burglar I killed.
Jewel: How are you making it burn like that? It’s neat.
Jewel: Who’s this random crying kid? She sounds stupid.
Ivy: Stupid sad!
Alvin: So you got promoted to playable, huh?
Jewel: Sort of. I was a custom NPC to begin with.
Alvin: I was an expansion NPC myself.
Jewel: Not one of those assholes who used to call you on the phone every time you took a shit to be like “HEY I HEARD YOU’RE LEARNING ABOUT NATURE” or break into your house to give you a plaque for the gaming hobby because you had a dream about checkers, right?
Alvin: …let’s change the subject.
Ivy: LET’S CHANGE YOUR FACE
Jewel: Your daughter seems upset.
Alvin: From this distance I can’t even tell if she’s my real daughter.
Alvin: So fuck it.
Jewel: As long as “it” is you.
Ivy: YEAH FUCK YOU
Alvin: Wanna go some place less crying babies?
Ivy: Maybe she’ll die like the burglar!
Alvin: You’d better be worth daughter hate.
Alvin: I’m a secret agent. I can send you to jail if you’re not worth daughter hate.
Yes! Wear different outfits so I can tell you apart.
At least when I add different heights to the game later on, these stupid kissing pics get more interesting because I have to maneuver the Sims around so their lips touch.
Jewel: Please don’t drop me down the stairs.
Ivy: PLEASE DROP HER DOWN THE STAIRS
Alvin: Wow, your muscles are really tense!
Jewel: Screaming children do that to a girl.
Alvin: Maybe we could drop her off the balcony.
Wait a second.
This is Ivy.
It’s been Kelsey crying.
Actually I guess that makes sense, Alvin’s technically married to her mother.
I’m not going back and fixing the captions.
Ivy: And that’s why paying attention is important.
Ivy: I can see where this is going and I want no part of it.
Alvin: I LOVE THIS PART
Real subtle, guys.
Alvin: OH BABY DO A CHEER
Jewel: ALVIN ALVIN HE’S OUR MAN
Jewel: If he can’t do me, I’ll find someone else!
Jewel: Good thing she’s a deep sleeper.
Alvin: Oh, she’s not.
Kelsey: I’m finding it hard not to take this personally.
Kelsey: You monster.
Jewel: Well, that was… different.
Jewel: Not different bad, though!
Jewel: I’m not a cheerleader anymore.
Alvin: Still gonna tell folks I fucked one.
Jewel: A hot one. Tell them that too.
Jewel: Something wrong with your side of the bed?
Alvin: Man, still smells funny.
Jewel: Don’t want to know.
Alvin: Honey, I fucked a cheerleader!
Ivy: TMI, dad. TMI.
Good, it was Ivy this time.
Jewel: See you around, buddy.
Alvin: Yes, because the world is round! Science.
Jewel: …right on.
Next time: hmm, it’s a little fuzzy, actually.
A lot fuzzy, even.