The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 315

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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In which a spree continues.

Man, I lost my FTP info. Trying to reverse-engineer that was fun.


Rebecca: I don’t like living with the help.

Carolina: Deborah’s daughter is not very nice.
Shiloh: Which makes gossiping with her awesome.

Carolina: Hey man. Come over here for a second. I want to try out something awful.
Stephen: Something Awful?
Carolina: No, not that. Never that.

You’re not planning to cheat on Jerome, are you?

Carolina: Why not? Everybody does it around here.

Wow, I didn’t know everybody was married to Jerome!

Carolina: Fuck off, you know what I meant.

Carolina: Like I’d cheat on Father Teresa anyway.

Rebecca: Hi! I could send you to jail right now.

And you should.

Rebecca: Seriously dude put that shit away.

Stephen: Oh. Hi?
Carolina: I’M TESTING MY FAITHFULNESS.
Stephen: …is it working?

Stephen: Well hey, look who it is! You.

Deborah: Your faith was strong, but you needed proof?
Carolina: His beauty in the sunlight overthrew me!

Deborah: I need less flaky friends.

It’s a goodbye kiss.

Carolina: Which doesn’t c-
Stephen: STILL COUNTS

Carolina: I’m on a roll! Come over and let me reject you.

Kyle: That’s my most common interaction with women.

Mine too.

Carolina: I thought you’d be taller.
Kyle: Oh, well, I’m not. I’m only as tall as I am.

Carolina: I feel bad for even testing this.
Kyle: I feel hungry.

Carolina: Help me hate myself!
Kyle: …what?
Brooke: He’d look funny with her hair.

Kyle: So, you’re trying to… not cheat on your husband.
Carolina: You got it, baby!
Kyle: …seems like you’re making that artificially difficult.

Carolina: Just soak up the attention and shut up.

Brooke: This is what I think about your morals.

Kyle: I like friends who touch me.

Kyle: I like hot friends who touch me!
Carolina: Go home, short stuff.

Carolina: So close.

Just get off, don’t make a big production out of it.

Oh god she turned into a Whittaker

Jerome: I brought home dinner!

Shiloh: I’ve always wanted to eat a nobody!

Jerome: I’m glad you get my jokes.
Shiloh: Jokes?

So, we’re just letting the whole neighbourhood off here now, are we?

…like a real bus would?

Brett: Mommy.
Carolina: That’s what I called my mommy!

Don’t be silly.

You didn’t have a mommy.

Rebecca: You’re creepy.
Andrea: You’re creepy too.
Rebecca: Best friends forever?

Somebody’s hungry.

The whole point of learning to talk was not having to thoughtbubble everything!

Carolina: Good news, honey! Today I found out I love you by kissing other men.
Jerome: Still better than my last wife.

Jerome: We need more couches.

You need less visitors.

Vicki: What.

Jerome: Baby, you’re too good for me.
Carolina: Yeah, you’re lucky I’m feeling charitable.

Jerome: I think I’ll eat the left breast for dinner and the right breast as a midnight snack!

Shiloh: Hahaha we’re freaking that townie out.
Rebecca: Hahahaha we are gonna eat him though right.

Andrea: Don’t play with your food. Torture it.

The one thing that freaks out Daisy’s daughter is fun.

Veronica: Hey, I’m Veronica. What’s your name?
Rebecca: No.
Veronica: Okay, but-
Rebecca: MY NAME IS NO

Rebecca: Hello, is this the black market? What do you pay for live human specimens?

Rebecca: No, I wouldn’t call them “premium.”

Andrea: These people aren’t evil enough.

Jerome: People not actively upsetting me are hot.

WHY ARE ALL THE CHILDREN HERE

Oh, maybe Neila is the black market representative.

She’s Melanie’s daughter, that would make sense.

Rebecca: Her name is Neila. Pay me up front and I’ll tell you where to find her.

Okay, well, maybe not then.

I’m not looking up your name, no matter how long you linger.

Carolina: Dream on, Maxis.

Carolina: And on, and on, and on…

Shiloh: I’m tired of being young. When can I grow up?
Carolina: When we’re sure you won’t be evil.

Carolina: Like Rebecca is.

Rebecca: So you’re saying dead sims are worth less than live sims? That’s no fun.

Shiloh: We should kidnap that dude nobody likes.

Just fucking push it aside, asshole.

Jerome: I ate it instead.

Jerome: What was I doing again?

Brett: Spacemen versus genies? I’d watch that!

Brett: I’d watch the shit out of that.

Don’t look now but I think that caterpillar’s gonna eat you.

Deborah: Who let this moth in?

Deborah: This barfy moth, no less?

Carolina: Welp, guess this is forever now.

Deborah: Get out of here, nobody acknowledges you.

YOU GET OUT OF HERE TOO

Yes, surely these IDENTICAL HOUSES don’t have IDENTICAL ALARM SYSTEMS

Oh hell. Here we go again.

And then they merged into a burglarhobbit.

I mean, a burglarcop.

Nathen: This much pink should be illegal.

Shiloh: Oh no, my dust allergy!

Deborah: Kill him! KILL HIM!
Rebecca: EITHER ONE OF YOU!

Carolina: There’s a gladiator fight going on downstairs?
Jerome: We live in such interesting times.

Rebecca: BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!

Rebecca: NOW BITE HIS DICK OFF

Deborah: Just because you won doesn’t make you not ugly.

Shiloh: Breakin’ your shit!

Carolina: I feel fat underwear coming on!

Carolina: Aww, I miss the black ones.

Carolina: And being able to walk properly.

Nathen: I was set up! They told me there were live human specimens here!

Carolina: You’re good enough for me, I guess.
Jerome: Nobody’s ever said that to me before. In any context.

I think I’m gonna make this a thing.

Deborah: I’m gonna be sad about this nothing that happened.

Yeah, I’m gonna be hearing about this non-event for years now.

Deborah: That guy was basically Hitler.

Deborah: I hope he dies for opening our door.

SPHHHBBBBTTTT

Brett: Thanks for that.

Jerome: I think I just heard an ass explode.

Jerome: I’m pretending to piss on that guy’s face.

Brett: I’m gonna eat him when I grow up.

Gonna blame this on the burglar too?

Jerome: Don’t be silly, this is that hard hat guy’s fault.

Rebecca: Hello persistent squatters!

Carolina: Marriage. Yay.

Carolina: It’s alright I guess.

Carolina: I GUESS

Deborah: Any die I don’t die is a good day.

Jerome: Can you even see out of this thing?

Jerome: Or do you drive by sense of smell?

Yes, it’s the only thing that’s ever happened.

Shiloh: They call me the Bed Breakin’ Bandit!

Next time: Alvin auditions for new future ex-wives.

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