The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 314

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which I have to pay for the decision to not keep Stewart dead.


Think they’ll be happy to see you’re alive?

Stewart: I don’t think they’ll react, personally.

Rosemarie: Oh, I’m reacting alright.

Stewart: Somebody’s in a hurry to kick some flamingos.

Stewart: The flamingos are over there.

Stewart: You just missed me because of my income.

Stewart: And I accept that.

Asia: He takes the trash out, too.

Asia: Don’t go dying on me again, man.
Stewart: I don’t even know what I did to die the first time.
Asia: Well don’t do anything then.

Leonard: Dying is a tradition in our family.

It’s a tradition in all families.

Leonard: Glad you’re back. Stay a while this time.
Stewart: Avoid the deck, apparently it’s lethal.

Leonard: Wait, you fell off the deck?
Stewart: I think I was felled, actually.

Why.

At least somebody knows how to ogle a wife.

Asia: And a husband!

Rosemarie: Hey.
Stewart: I can’t hear you.
Rosemarie: Take the ear buds out?
Stewart: I CAN’T HEAR YOU

Rosemarie: Don’t you fucking die again you fucking asshole.
Stewart: Mix messages much?

Rosemarie: I’m complicated.

Rosemarie: And also late for work.

The superhero team of Scrub n’ Bubbles!

And their sidekick Barf.

Nobodies meetin’ nobodies.

Corey: You go to all the trouble of murdering somebody and WHAT HAPPENS

Corey: Time to move on to more serious crime.

Leonard: Why don’t you call the cops, or the SCIA, if you think you were murdered? Or do you think they did it? Tell me if you think they did it so I can move out.

Stewart: I didn’t see anything, there’s nothing I can tell them.
Leonard: Maybe see a doctor, ask him to look for an inner ear imbalance.

Stewart: Anyway let bygones by bygones, I say. We’ve had enough trials recently.
Leonard: You are the cancer in our society.

Stewart: I am the cancer in my own life.

Cancer makes you sleepy.

And rolly.

Leonard: And to think we’re genetically identical.

Llama Hat: I WANT YOUR BABIES

Emmy: Oh, are you the new theme prostitute?

Rosemarie: Help me with the trunk.

Kennedy: Stuffy in there, won’t lie.

My views on immigration are 100% left-wing except in the case of townies inviting other townies into my households.

Rosemarie: I’m a former townie.

Keep it up and we’ll see.

Rosemarie: Want to date my in my husband’s house?
Kennedy: Ye-
Rosemarie: And make out with me in my husband’s brother’s wife’s room?
Kennedy: …that’s a pretty complicated want to have.

Kennedy: And yet I have it now.

Kennedy: Your husband’s brother’s wife sure likes pink.
Rosemarie: Oh, you know how husband’s brother’s wives are.

Leonard rehearses his pitch to be Trump’s new EPA chief.

That joke won’t date poorly because the world will end soon.

Rosemarie: If I told you the world would end soon would you kiss me?

Kennedy: All I need to be told is that it’s acceptable.

Asia: She followed me home.

YOU CAN’T KEEP HER.

I get the weird impression that Stewart’s Aspiration Score is low.

Rosemarie: Find him someone to cheat with, that’ll fix him.

Why do they always do this.

Why do they always do this RIGHT BESIDE THE THING.

Kennedy: That weird lamp doesn’t work?
Rosemarie: Oh, is that a lamp? I always thought it was some kinda abstract vagina sculpture.

Yeah I bet this is what mascots do at home.

And that’s the order you do it in to avoid the Friend Zone, people.

This is like one of those thought bubble jokes where he’s thinking about sex and she’s thinking about friendship.

Rosemarie: Why doesn’t the woman want sex?

Because the real world is stupid and misogynist.

Kennedy: Your real world turned her off. Thanks.

It does that to me, too.

Leonard: Who was that?
Rosemarie: The lamp repairman. He was fixing Asia’s lamp.
Leonard: I didn’t know she had one. Is it inside that weird vagina thing?

What?

Did the Repo Man take a fucking pot holder?

Rosemarie: Look at all the pricks out here.

LIGHTS MOTHERFUCKERS DO YOU HAVE THEM

Leonard: Who plays videogames with the lights on?

point.

Rosemarie: So who brought you back to life? Was it your mom? Your brother?
Stewart: Oh god, I don’t remember, just check the chapter.
Rosemarie: Which chapter was it, then?
Stewart: I DON’T REMEMBER

Rosemarie: You made that dude up.
Leonard: Ain’t he funny-lookin’?

Leonard: If Andrew wanted Stewart back he should have kept him.

Leonard: Now we have to listen to his weird llama sex again.

Rosemarie: I’ll have you know his weird llama sex turns me on!

Rosemarie: And also I perceive it as him cheating on me.

Rosemarie: Okay this is too many things at once.

You think this is too many things at once, wait’ll you’re a parent.

Rosemarie: I can’t wait.

I choose to interpret that look as “what, you don’t have your own bed?”

FUCK OFF I WAS FINISHED WITH THIS BUNCH

AWW NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DONE

At least they put their best dude on it.

Thomas: Hey, come back here. My back ain’t so good.

Nathen: Aw, come on. You guys have no jurisdiction on second floors!

Yeah, hi, I’m not happy about this either.

Stewart: Hahaha your tummy made a funny noise.

Leonard: Hey guys, there’s an alphabet fight going on out here.

Leonard: Is this that “street theatre” thing I keep hearing about? Or is this a “flash mob”?

Stewart: We need to get Leonard out of the house more.
Asia: Yes, he needs to leave the house more, definitely.

It’s over, dude.

Leonard: Oh! Then law and order prevails!
Thomas: Yeaaaahhh.

Thomas: About that.

Leonard: You gonna… follow him?
Thomas: Sorry, the rules of engagement are painfully clear.

Leonard: At least he didn’t steal my hot wife.

Somebody will, some day.

Or maybe right now?

Hahaha pregnant chicks right

Hatin’ on tapestries

Ewwwwwwwwww.

Your feeeeeeeet.

Ewwwwwwwwww.

Hmm.

My thoughts exactly.

My thoughts inexactly.

Aaaaaand back to my thoughts again.

My two main regrets in this game are 1) moving townies in and 2) resurrecting people.

Rosemarie: Fuck you.

Leonard: Why do we have a four-thousand-Simoleon vase on top of the fridge.

Rosemarie: Mornin’ Lazarus!
Stewart: I prefer Jesus, actually.

I don’t.

Next time: law finds a way.

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