Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
One of the hardest things I do is write this little intro blurb because I never have anything to say.
So, there’s that chore done for now.
Hmm, actually, don’t have much to say about this, either.
Stephen: Let’s get some more characters up in this bitch.
Stephen: Let’s start a scandal!
Stephen: That’s not exactly public attire, Margaret.
Margaret: Nobody will notice. It’s either full nudity or no nudity with these people.
Stephen: I am a fan of full nudity.
Dagmar: Who’s that?
Stephen: My wife. I stole her from one of my sons.
Dagmar: You are clearly a good person.
Stephen: I’m a good kisser, at least.
Dagmar: I’ll give you that.
Stephen: I’ll give you more.
Dagmar: I’ll take that.
Stephen: Wow, there’s enough hearts there to partially ensoul one Republican!
Dagmar: Don’t talk about fascism on our date.
Stephen: Is that yours or mine?
Dagmar: He’s a person, Stephen. He’s his own.
Stephen: I MEANT THE CARPOOL
Stephen: You owe me a kiss for implying I’m a racist.
The fuck are you doing here?
Chelsea: I’m just a photog-
NOT YOU EITHER
Stephen: Ow! Who! Why?
Dagmar: Wow, small world, huh?
Dagmar: Hahaha I was just thinking about how awful it must be to be Neil’s deputy warden, I hope I never have to face Ally again.
Dagmar: Well as long as she heard that I might as well go full awful.
Meanwhile the game goes full weird black blob.
I’ve never seen that before or since.
Stephen: Maybe the weird black blobs are blowjob encouragers.
That would be weird and creepy.
Stephen: WELL MAYBE I LIKE IT
Stephen: I mean I’ve had better.
Ally: You’re a dick.
Stephen: Why are you talking to my dick?
Ally: Guy gets a blowjob on the street must have some awesome garbage.
Ally: Nope. Just a dead bird.
Off to “work” I see.
Stephen: Says the person whose current job is writing.
You don’t want to pick a fight with me about writing, Stephen. If I stop writing, you just stop.
Dagmar: Do we really need these things?
Ally: Going through someone’s mail is a federal offense.
Dagmar: Luckily this neighbourhood has no federal structure.
Dagmar: You can leave, by the way.
So… are you just moving in, or what?
Dagmar: It’s not or what!
Your car turned into a limo.
Stephen: And my dick’s out. That cover everything?
Stephen: HEY LOOK NEIGHBOURS A LIMO
That’s the main purpose of limos.
Wait. You got a limo but you got demoted?
Stephen: They call that the Captain Kirk!
Stop bothering the children.
Dagmar: Can’t make me.
Not while you’re inside, I guess.
But hey, you were saying?
Dagmar: I don’t know. I’m a different person now.
Wait, you are still the Mayor of Centreborough, right?
Dagmar: Of course. I’m just thinking about how much I hate busts of bald men on tables.
Dagmar: And accidentally flashing children.
Felix: Photo op!
Fiona: You’re a good agent.
Vicki: You’re a bad mayor.
It’s knight time!
Stephen: Hello Sir Knight!
Margaret: It’s me.
Stephen: Hello, Sir Me!
Yeah, don’t want anyone peeking in your diary while your legs are open.
Margaret: We’re out of Armor All.
Stephen: Is this your bodyguard? Seems a bit medieval.
Margaret: I can’t tell if you’re being stupid or an asshole but it’s hot.
Margaret: Time to floss my airholes.
Dagmar: Time to floss my asshole.
Dagmar: YEAH THAT CAME OUT WRONG
Stephen: It’s okay, I’ll still fuck you.
Margaret: Good day at work? HUSBAND?
Stephen: Your voice sounds less metallic now, Sir Me.
Dagmar: Is she just gonna sit there and eat?
Margaret: I fucked him in a photoshoot for his son’s wedding photos. His son’s wedding to me photos. I have no moral authority here.
Dagmar: Your family life is interesting.
Stephen: Try it.
This looks like a good way to get cancer.
Margaret: Okay! You’re still going! Wow.
Dagmar: “Wow” about covers it, yeah.
Dagmar: He’s givin’ me the ol’ crooked dickin’!
That might be one of my favourite captions ever.
Dagmar: Sudden attack of conscience?
Stephen: Fly in my eye.
Stephen: Will you mayor me?
Dagmar: I mayor may not!
Stephen: This is still legally binding, puns or not.
Dagmar: Bind me, baby.
Stephen: I can get behind that!
Dagmar: You can get behind me.
Dagmar: Oh, we’re getting married right now? In your kitchen.
Stephen: It’s got a great Yelp rating.
Dagmar: I give it more of a welp.
Dagmar: But I’m super happy to be a character now.
Dagmar: Who pays for these rings?
Stephen: We both do, with long years of drudgery.
Dagmar: That sounds fair.
Dagmar: I’m gonna hyphenate my name.
Stephen: Good. Otherwise I’ll have trouble remembering who my various kids belong to.
Dagmar: It’s sweet that you care.
Stephen: Nothing about me or my actions is sweet.
Dagmar: Yeah, you’re a shithead.
Dagmar: Oh look, he realized that was a bad angle.
I have my moments.
Stephen: He has moments, in amongst millennia.
WELL DON’T FUCK ON THE SIDEWALK THEN
Stephen: Try not to step on the kids.
Stephen: I dunno, I’m just repeating what I’ve been told.
The fuck is her leg doing.
Chelsea: The legs always get fucked up when you use custom poses on a nude-
Oh, hey, the walls are down and I can see that picture.
Margaret: NOT THE MOST PRESSING ISSUE
Margaret: …I think there should be a “Proceed Y/N” dialog option before this happens.
Dagmar: I didn’t know old cameras could be automated.
Stephen: They can’t. Grugly is manipulating it off-screen.
Yeah, make boring Maxis babies with blurry feet why don’t you.
Margaret: Thank god these ones got my skintone.
Margaret: It’s… not? Stephen and I are the same race. ALSO THERE’S NO RACISM IN THE SIMS.
I’m not surrendering my social justice soapbox just so your world can be a paradise of tolerance, Margaret.
Anyway you may not be racists but you’re still shitty people.
Wait, that’s the same room.
Margaret: Tell me about it.
Stephen: Please stop making this awkward, kids.
Stephen: Whatcha doin’?
Dagmar: Getting my own house. Turns out I can get a government stipend!
More like turns out I don’t want three adults in this household.
Margaret: Oh good, she’s leaving?
Stephen: Oh good, you’re pregnant?
Margaret: Bye miss mayor!
Stephen: Bye thin wife!
Margaret: “Thin wife”? Seriously?
Stephen: Pregnant? Seriously?
Dagmar: YOU GUYS? Seriously?
Dagmar: What are these stains?
People who asked stupid questions.
Stephen: Nighttime is naked garbage time!
I just want to point out that you don’t look ridiculous at all.
Felix: AAAAAAAAGH GODZILLA
It’s supposed to be a Thinking About Something Productive Cap.
For example, think about putting some clothes on.
Next time: nobody’s favourites.
Especially not mine.