The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 298

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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More of the previous.

How did this…?

Muse: .oO(I’m having a yard sale.)

Franklin: I’m having a erection.
Mallory: An erection.
Franklin: Whoops, it’s gone.

Oliver: I was in the neighbourhood and thought you might want this enormous television.

Penny: Good, now remember this when you become a shitty teenager.

Franklin: Mmm, I can’t smell you.
Mallory: Oh thank god.

Penny: That sounds wonderful.

Wait, he never even KISSED her originally?

Why did I bring her back?

Mallory: You’re ruining the moment, dude.

Franklin: No no stop I have one working taste bud left and YEEEUCH

My Sims are only happy when they’re asleep.

I make sure of it.

Franklin: THIS took a turn.

Mallory: Makeouts aren’t free, bitch!

And then she punched him in the head.


Franklin: Okay, I’m not going to eat you.
Mallory: A hundred years or so from now, I believe, a famous novelist will write a classic using that theme. He’ll recommend those seven words even over “I love you.”

Star Trek references are good to top up your Aspiration Points.

Yeah, that wall is pretty sexy.

Franklin: Well, I mean, we weren’t-

Franklin: I’m happy you’re happy?

Congratulations on becoming a playable character! The countdown clock for my getting bored with you and your resultant unceremonious death begins now.

Franklin: Where are you going?
Mallory: To see you.

Franklin: Goddamn pathfinding.

Mallory: We should build an awning for the poor guy.

He recharges with sunlight. If we built an awning for him he’d never wake up.

Mallory: Exactly!

I feel like a game that takes more than half an hour to load shouldn’t crash so much.

I’m not 100% sure but I think there might be a minotaur in there somewhere.

Andrew: Hey Anthony, could you run down to the store and get me some paper plates?

Have you guys just been hugging this entire time?

Angelica: Actually, he’s pressing an erecti-


Nick: His name is Thrustmaster. He’s my joystick.

Angelica: I love a man with a copyrighted penis!

Franklin: Oh god, I dreamt I was a different boring nobody!

Nick: Quick, let’s bag these hearts! I know a guy in the black market!

What’s with the hoverhands?

Angelica: I’m getting enough of his germs as it is, thank you.

Andrew: You and Nick? Seriously?
Angelica: You and MOM? Seriously?

You can tell a character is already surplus to me by how often I send them to bed in the middle of the day.

Andrew: There are more rooms in this house than the rest of the street. Why are you making out on the porch?

Andrew: Anyway please stay away from Genie, he’s our only remedy for the Maker’s ongoing pogrom against our family.

Who’s on the phone?

FRIDAY: History does not recall.

Romance is just a game for Penny.

I originally typed “Romance is just a game for women” but then remembered that oh yeah, chauvinist terrorism is a thing and I don’t want to be associated with it.

I originally typed “is a thing now” but then remembered that oh yeah.

I’m lucky to be a man, but I’m not proud of it.

Penny: Statistically you are a danger to me.

Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining, FRIDAY.

FRIDAY: I am unable to piss.

Well, good.

Stop pretending to use the phone, Emerson.

Emerson: How do you-


FRIDAY demonstrates how I feel whenever someone kicks the can over.

Brooke: Robot lady! You’re naked.

WEDNESDAY: Lookin’ good, my man!
FRIDAY: My brain feels fuzzy, I think I got some wall in there.

WEDNESDAY: Have fun at work! Make lots of monsters!
Emerson: Hello, who’s this? I’m just dialling random numbers.

WEDNESDAY: …should children be able to…?

I kinda don’t think so!

Please tell me you brought plot with you.

WEDNESDAY: Oh FRIDAY, you’re so not Nathaniel.

FRIDAY: I thought you’d never notice!

It’s not what it looks like, this is a mutual cleaning subroutine.

Penny: Evenin’ guvnor!
William: I suppose that was inevitable.

Penny: A lot of things are inevitable.

Aren’t you married to Andrew?

Penny: Yeah, but I don’t blame him for it.

WEDNESDAY: Oh! Mister SHARPE! H-h-how are you?!
William: Your robot man treatin’ you right, baby, or do you want to get with a real boy?

Penny: I think you and I could be really good friends! With all the benefits that implies.

William: I think I’m having a flashback.




Franklin: Strange weather tonight.

Mallory: I wonder what bunny brains taste like.

Tommy the Witness Gnome: Hey man! Long time no see! Hey! Hey, man!
Oliver: .oO(Play it cool, man, play it cool, don’t make eye contact…)

I’m glad I missed what obviously just happened here.

Apparently this television is fated.

Mallory: I look kinda like this other zombie!
Franklin: Kinda!

Mallory: She lost a fight!
Franklin: Yeah, that’s… well… zombie, right? So I assumed.

Franklin: THAT detail is even LESS surprising.

Social Bunny: I’m gonna jet, my Social need is getting too low.

So that’s how Bonnie changes rooms so quickly.

Adulterers! Feared denizens of darkness! Sadistic masters of the underworld!

Penny: Come back soon and we can play scandalous darts.

Pictured: the reason base game hairs are never long.

Danse macabre.

Mallory: Teehee! He’s checking for rotten spots.

Franklin: You look pretty fresh to me, baby!
Mallory: That’s so sweet of you to lie!

Mallory: I hate this.

By your powers combined, I am CAPTAIN COOTIES!

Yeah haha zombie Hitler.

Andrew: Cool, it speaks now, I’m leaving.

Flowers! The perfect gift for a girl with no olfactory sense.


At least that’s what I’m seeing.

Andrew: Bear!
Wendell: Beaw!
Andrew: Grow some teeth and try that again.

I agree, that kind of friendship is the best kind.


Hey, good for you! It’s never too late to learn!

Andrew: Ha, ha.

Wendell: ♪ I’m… wadioactive, wadioactive! ♪

Andrew: Maybe we should try not giving language to the next batch.

Suck it down.

I hope you’re not still a zombie by the time you land, because we don’t have a wet mop handy.

Andrew: ♪ The yucky fuckin’ zombie put her lips around the spout ♪

Andrew: ♪ Out came the cure and washed the zombie out! ♪

Mallory: Hahaha you looked better before.

Penny: mrubmle… mutant uplift…

Andrew: Telepathy achieved!

Mallory: What are you staring at!
Franklin: Tits! You?
Mallory: Also tits. You might want to check out that treadmill downstairs.

Andrew: ♪ Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies! Brains! Brains! We all get shot!

I hear that one is actually about the zombie apocalypse.

Andrew: That’s an urban legend.

FRIDAY: I want my relationship with WEDNESDAY to last.
Andrew: So you’re looking for advice?
FRIDAY: Sort of! Tell me what you and Cameron did, so we can do the opposite.

Muse: .oO(I approve of this paw wash station.)

I feel like they could have made a more pet-appropriate icon for this.

Cop to it!

Get it?

She’s a cop.


Anthony: Hey, running! I can vaguely remember that!

Why’d you name this one Dirk?

Andrew: A dirk is a kind of dagger.

I don’t get it.

Andrew: That’s because you’ve never tried to sleep with a baby in the house.

Andrew: We need to make him a scabbard.

Hey, um, your core is showing.

WEDNESDAY: It’s impolite to stare.

Next time: stuff.

And things.

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