The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 294

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which Just Desserts are served.


Stewart: You up for a wedding afterparty?
Rosemarie: That’s like celebrating a death.

Rosemarie: You can’t even pay the maid to stay.

Andrzej: Your views on climate change are questionable, Sir Wally. How ever did you become knighted?

Andrzej: Do you not smell that, Sir Wally? The very ozone cries out in anguish!

This is your brain on matrimony.

Stewart: I’M SMART I SWEAR

Asia: THIS PLUNGER IS LIKE A REVERSE PLUNGER

Leonard: Honey, you are-
Rosemarie: Don’t taint me with your imperfect powers of description.

Andrzej: Sir Wally, your manservant has gone mad.

Heheheh.

Madservant.

Stewart: Heil Bedler!

Andrzej: I shall inform the bride that he has perished.

Rosemarie: I’m glad we sprang for the extra-awkward couch.

Leonard: Have you been discussing geopolitics with the guests again, Sir Wally?

Andrzej: I have restored your miniature fountain to working order.

Andrzej: In my country, it is customary to-
Rosemarie: Not giving you a blowjob.
Andrzej: Is CUSTOMARY!

Rosemarie: Weeeeelllllll… weddings are all about tradition…

Rosemarie: Alright big boy, drop trou and let’s see if we can remember what goes where.

Andrzej: In my country, consent is considered an affront to manhood!

Rosemarie: I think we need to bomb your country.

Rosemarie: Am I losing teeth?

Rosemarie: Don’t forget to trip on Stewart and die!

Asia: This was the most disastrous handwashing EVER.

Asia: Where’d your dick go?
Stewart: You scared it, it’s hiding.

snrrk

Wedding crasher, secret agent edition.

Lots of crashing going on here, actually.

Corey: She cheated on me by marrying the man she was cheating on with me!

Corey: Doublethink is one of the first things we learned at spy school.

Leonard: Does the extra-large lens help it see through the awning?

Rosemarie: Nah, I just get the Maker to lower the visible achitecture layer.

Happy to help.

Corey: Hmm… I’ve been in tighter places. Aheh. Aheheheheheh.

I’ve seen the women you’ve banged. They’re about as tight as a broken elastic.

Asia: I hope nothing happens to ruin my happy new marriage tonight!

Corey: .oO(Just call me nothing.)

Asia: I can’t wait to have lots of steamy hot sex with Stewart on this bed!
Corey: .oO(I begin to second-guess this plan.)

Stewart: I’m so much smarter than this anthropomorphized volleyball.

Rosemarie: Why the long face? You’re married now! That makes you a harder character to dispose of.
Leonard: Maybe living a longer life in this setting isn’t something to look forward to?

Rosemarie: I can’t hear you over the TV.
Leonard: I said-
Rosemarie: I didn’t say I want to hear you over the TV.

Asia: You really need to do something about that hairline.
Stewart: If only baldness ran in my family.

Stewart: Well, Mrs. Gonzaga-Murphy, it’s just you and me now.

Asia: I have a kinky fantasy. Let’s pretend we’re only engaged.

Everyone has a different reaction to the Red Wedding.

Corey: Oh n-

Corey: GRGGGGG

Asia: Oh, WOW! That was like having sex with TWO dudes!

Leonard: They’re fucking!
Rosemarie: Let’s join them!

Tragically the spy hiding under their bed was crushed and killed.

Corey: I think I just discovered a new alternative to waterboarding.

Corey: It sounds a lot more fun for the torturer, too.

Corey: HEY GUY WHAT’S HAPPENING

Corey: You’re a dead man.

Stewart: mmmmwhat

Hey, don’t break the seal, you’ll let all the weird grey mist out!

Stewart: That’s odd. And ominous. Oddinous. Oddimin-

JUST GO LOOK

Stewart: Bit of a breeze tonight.

Stewart: Never heard the awning rattle like that before.

WHUMP

Stewart: And now the decking, too? This microclimate stuff is weird.

Stewart: OW OW GLLLG

Corey: HA HA LOSER

Corey: That’s what you get for… doing… whatever it was that made me mad at you. I’m not sure anymore.

Dating Rosemarie? Marrying Asia?

Corey: One of those things, yeah, probably! Look it up!

Hey man, it’s your motivation. You sort it out.

The Grim Reaper: OH, IT’S ONE OF THESE.

Yes, and yet, look what happened when he passed on his genes!

Don’t get up, nothing important is happening.

Asia: Okay.

Corey: TWO cell phones? Who the fuck needs TWO cell phones?!

Walter White?

Corey: Walter White he ain’t.

The Grim Reaper: WAIT, THOSE ARE CELL PHONES? THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CHUNK OF CONCRETE?

The Grim Reaper: STAND BACK IF YOU DON’T PLAN TO RIDE ALONG.

That’s around how bad I feel about Stewart’s death myself.

Corey: At least they’ll get an insurance payout.

That only happens if a Sim dies of old age.

Corey: WELL I DIDN’T KNOW THAT

Andrzej: In my country, government-sanctioned murder is a noble calling.

CRACK

Andrzej: GUFFF

Andrzej: In… my…

Andrzej: …countr…

The Grim Reaper: TIME TO DISCOVER A NEW COUNTRY, COMRADE.

The Grim Reaper: HURRY UP WITH THE BEAM, BUNNY, THIS SPY DUDE IS CREEPING ME OUT.

Man, this would be an even cooler view if the neighbourhood trees were visible.

boolprop dontmergenhflora false

Give it a whirl.

I’m gonna start calling that icon the “head stone.”

Corey: Damn foreigners cluttering up the sidewalk.

You’re right, it is an odd shape.

I personally wouldn’t lose any sleep over it, though.

Asia: Where’s Stewart?

Depends on your religious views.

Asia: Awwwww I have no religious views!

You monster, you’ve doomed him to nonexistence!

It is hard to reconcile being a god and also being an atheist.

Because I take my computer game very seriously.

Asia: I wish my god wouldn’t follow me into the bathroom.

Oh, good.

Because we need more Murphies.

You should have just stayed in there if you were gonna do that.

Pregnancy is so inefficient.

Asia: Get me the police! No, I mean, get them on the phone! Or wait can you just get themf? I don’t know how this works.

Asia: Well somebody murdered Stewart and I don’t know who would do that outside of some members of the audience.

Corey: Yeah, it would take a real jerk.

Corey: A discreet jerk, no less.

Tyler: Is that my bribe? It looks cheap.

Tyler: DO NOT CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

Tyler: OUR ONLY JOB IS TO PROTECT PROPERTY RIGHTS

Asia: SOMEBODY MURDERED MY HUSBAND
Tyler: MYEHBODY MYEHMYEH MY MYEHYMEHMYEH

Asia: I’ve got an itemized list of everyone who might want to hurt him!
Tyler: I’VE got an itemized list of NOBODY who CARES

Asia: Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I know the light in here is dim, and I don’t want you thinking I’m a minority and shooting me.

You’re not helping the “fuck the police” narrative I’m trying to spin here, Asia.

Stewart’s dead.

Rosemarie: That’s what siblings are for!

Rosemarie: Man, all the yelling and the death and the yelling really kept me up.
Leonard: So inconsiderate.

Yes, put your baby puke in ALL of the toilets.

Asia: HRRRRRGHHL
Rosemarie: I’ll pee in the sink.

My name is Gruglysims and I approve this message.

Next time: the Cavendish and Newcastle household.

Yes, I know.

You don’t remember who that is.

There’s a reason for that.

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