Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
The rumours of my demise were… oh. There were no rumors. Nobody was worried.
Somewhere in Twikkii Island there’s a sadistic travel agent.
Lance: You still alive, Rich?
Good, then let’s move on because children are boring.
Nerissa: Great, now he’s a zombie ghost police chief?
Have a little faith, guys! And a little Yvonne too.
Don: Dibs on the window seat!
Victor: This is a jail. You’re thinking of an airplane.
Don: Cool! Let’s go there instead.
Victor: Winding up for a kick, my dear?
Nerissa: It happens automatically whenever you’re near.
Don: I take it you two lovebirds are married.
Victor: We’re not lovebirds, though I hear she does like to swallow.
Nerissa: Fuck you too, honeybunch.
Aurora: So, what are you in for?
Don: Well hello there pretty lady!
Aurora: Sexual assault then, is it?
Aurora: He’s like the governor, only without the charm.
Faith: Hello, crazy!
Victor: Crazy hotttttttttttttttt
Don: How often does he do this?
Aurora: Often enough that I can’t look at it anymore.
Even bad girls love bad boys apparently.
Don: Process me baby.
Aurora: What did you do?
Don: What did I do?! Only like fifty chapters of zombie nonsense!
Victor: No flashback for you!
Don: You couldn’t handle my flashbacks!
Aurora: Alright, what’re you in for?
Yvonne: My arrest was a hate crime against Knowledge Sims.
Yvonne: I invited zombies to eat my family.
Yvonne: And if that’s a crime, well-
Aurora: Yes that’s a crime. Alright you’re booked.
Yvonne: These people have no sense of adventure.
Faith: I did the same thing.
Aurora: Copy-paste it is, then!
Faith: I don’t see why my sister and I should be punished. I thought early adulthood was supposed to be about experimentation!
Knowledge Sims of the jail UNITE!
Nerissa: I hate these people.
Nerissa: But I hate you more.
Nerissa: PING! I hate you! HAHAHAHAHA.
Nerissa: You’re so dumb!
Victor: It’s like our honeymoon all over again!
Nerissa: Hahaha, you look so stupid when you’re mad.
Nerissa: OH DON’T EVEN
Don: Getting mad just makes you hotter.
Nerissa: Why is this clogged.
Nerissa: In an empty cell.
Nerissa: DON’T SHIT IN THE CELLS
Brooke: But then why they got shittin’ seats?!
Brooke: Man, this job has like zero perks.
Ugh. Lipstick on a Maxis pig.
Cameron devises clever solutions to her predicament.
Don: There’s windows here for a reason.
Brooke: I just want you to know that this is not a lot of fun for me, either.
Yvonne: This discipline-and-punish shit is a major abuse of the nexus of power. Don’t you motherfuckers read Foucault?!
Brooke: Sure, in between toilet-plunges.
Yvonne: I’m too smart for society.
Brooke: And society breathes a sigh of relief.
The fuck is that even.
Brooke: I JUST REALIZED I’M IN HELL
Brooke: With a fridge, though…
Cameron: This is really giving me a new perspective on authority.
Are you supposed to have that?
Don: Hey, I offered to have the ladies strip-search me!
Don: Random person! This is Don. I am in jail! You are talking to a criminal.
Don: I bet they arrest you on suspicion of something now.
Don: Yeah, there’s bars and shit and everything. Very cliché.
Don: It probably has to do with how I ate all those people.
Faith: SAW A RAT
No rats in this game.
Faith: NOT CONVINCED
Is that a gang sign?
Their best moments are when they have nothing to say to each other.
Don: Yeah, I’ll have my date in court alright.
Encountering another Nerissa, Nerissa faints in shock.
Noelle, Noelle! Noelle, Noelle!
Nerissa: UGH FINE I’M AWAKE
Justice never sleeps!
It has insomnia.
Yep, she’s replaced you.
Cameron: Well I hope she can breathe underwater then, because Poseidon’s gonna be pissed if I miss another day of work.
Sims aren’t afraid of the cops.
That’s how you know this is fiction.
Among other things.
Ah, my heart swells with pride.
At least I hope that’s pride.
I’m too young for a heart attack, but not too in-shape!
Faith: Man, I miss being dead.
Yvonne: Grimmy used to read us bedtime stories.
How the fuck am I supposed to caption this shit.
Count Alon: These birds suck.
Count Alon: Maybe I should suck their blood.
Or maybe you should all suck.
OH MY GOD WE GET IT
Nerissa: I don’t smell Victor’s piss, so I guess the night went well.
Ricky: Who puts bricks in a bathroom?
Faith: Damn. Life is not a dream.
Victor: She’s right. It’s a nightmare.
There’s my favourite glassy-eyed serial killer!
And my favourite Don!
Don: Not much competition there, is there?
Yvonne: I hope we get the death penalty.
Faith: Maybe I can get time off for good behaviour.
Cameron: I’m thinking about having Poseidon intervene on my behalf.
Pros: a tidal wave from Bennett Harbour could easily free you.
Cons: everyone dies.
Cameron: Hmm, the math is so close…
Ricky: I’m so proud to be a part of this.
Next time: teenagers on trial.