The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 283

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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The rumours of my demise were… oh. There were no rumors. Nobody was worried.

Well thanks.


Somewhere in Twikkii Island there’s a sadistic travel agent.

Lance: You still alive, Rich?
Richard: Yep!

Good, then let’s move on because children are boring.

Nerissa: Great, now he’s a zombie ghost police chief?

Have a little faith, guys! And a little Yvonne too.

Faith: Funny.

Don: Dibs on the window seat!
Victor: This is a jail. You’re thinking of an airplane.
Don: Cool! Let’s go there instead.

Victor: Winding up for a kick, my dear?
Nerissa: It happens automatically whenever you’re near.

Don: I take it you two lovebirds are married.
Victor: We’re not lovebirds, though I hear she does like to swallow.
Nerissa: Fuck you too, honeybunch.

Yay!

I guess!

Aurora: So, what are you in for?
Don: Well hello there pretty lady!
Aurora: Sexual assault then, is it?

Aurora: He’s like the governor, only without the charm.

Faith: Hello, crazy!
Victor: Crazy hotttttttttttttttt

Don: How often does he do this?
Aurora: Often enough that I can’t look at it anymore.

Even bad girls love bad boys apparently.

Don: Process me baby.

Aurora: What did you do?
Don: What did I do?! Only like fifty chapters of zombie nonsense!

Victor: No flashback for you!
Don: You couldn’t handle my flashbacks!

Aurora: Alright, what’re you in for?
Yvonne: My arrest was a hate crime against Knowledge Sims.

Yvonne: I invited zombies to eat my family.

Yvonne: And if that’s a crime, well-
Aurora: Yes that’s a crime. Alright you’re booked.

Yvonne: These people have no sense of adventure.

Faith: I did the same thing.
Aurora: Copy-paste it is, then!

Faith: I don’t see why my sister and I should be punished. I thought early adulthood was supposed to be about experimentation!

Knowledge Sims of the jail UNITE!

Nerissa: I hate these people.

Nerissa: But I hate you more.

Nerissa: PING! I hate you! HAHAHAHAHA.

Nerissa: You’re so dumb!
Victor: It’s like our honeymoon all over again!

Nerissa: Hahaha, you look so stupid when you’re mad.

Nerissa: Comfortable?
Yvonne: No.
Nerissa: Good.

Nerissa: OH DON’T EVEN

Don: Getting mad just makes you hotter.

Nerissa: Why is this clogged.
Brooke: Overuse?
Nerissa: In an empty cell.
Brooke: …ghosts?

Nerissa: DON’T SHIT IN THE CELLS
Brooke: But then why they got shittin’ seats?!

Brooke: Man, this job has like zero perks.

Ugh. Lipstick on a Maxis pig.

Cameron devises clever solutions to her predicament.

Don models.

Don: There’s windows here for a reason.

Brooke: I just want you to know that this is not a lot of fun for me, either.

Yvonne: This discipline-and-punish shit is a major abuse of the nexus of power. Don’t you motherfuckers read Foucault?!

Brooke: Sure, in between toilet-plunges.

Yvonne: I’m too smart for society.
Brooke: And society breathes a sigh of relief.

The fuck is that even.

Brooke: I JUST REALIZED I’M IN HELL

Brooke: With a fridge, though…

Cameron: This is really giving me a new perspective on authority.

Are you supposed to have that?

Don: Hey, I offered to have the ladies strip-search me!

Don: Random person! This is Don. I am in jail! You are talking to a criminal.

Don: I bet they arrest you on suspicion of something now.

Don: Yeah, there’s bars and shit and everything. Very cliché.

Don: It probably has to do with how I ate all those people.

Faith: SAW A RAT

No rats in this game.

Faith: NOT CONVINCED

Is that a gang sign?

Their best moments are when they have nothing to say to each other.

Don: Yeah, I’ll have my date in court alright.

Encountering another Nerissa, Nerissa faints in shock.

Typical teenager.

Noelle, Noelle! Noelle, Noelle!

Nerissa: UGH FINE I’M AWAKE

Justice never sleeps!

It has insomnia.

Yep, she’s replaced you.

Cameron: Well I hope she can breathe underwater then, because Poseidon’s gonna be pissed if I miss another day of work.

Sims aren’t afraid of the cops.

That’s how you know this is fiction.

Among other things.

Ah, my heart swells with pride.

At least I hope that’s pride.

I’m too young for a heart attack, but not too in-shape!

Faith: Man, I miss being dead.

Yvonne: Grimmy used to read us bedtime stories.

How the fuck am I supposed to caption this shit.

Count Alon: These birds suck.

Count Alon: Maybe I should suck their blood.

Or maybe you should all suck.

OH MY GOD WE GET IT

Nerissa: I don’t smell Victor’s piss, so I guess the night went well.

Ricky: Who puts bricks in a bathroom?

Faith: Damn. Life is not a dream.

Victor: She’s right. It’s a nightmare.

There’s my favourite glassy-eyed serial killer!

And my favourite Don!

Don: Not much competition there, is there?

Yvonne: I hope we get the death penalty.

Faith: Maybe I can get time off for good behaviour.

Cameron: I’m thinking about having Poseidon intervene on my behalf.

Pros: a tidal wave from Bennett Harbour could easily free you.

Cons: everyone dies.

Cameron: Hmm, the math is so close…

Ricky: I’m so proud to be a part of this.

Me too.

Next time: teenagers on trial.

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