Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
‘cuz there’s sex involved.
Lance: Don’t bring Kyle this time. I blame the crash on him.
Lance: No, I think you’re misunderstanding me. Do NOT bring any FRIENDS. To our PRIVATE SEX PARTY.
Lance: I honestly thought you were smarter than this.
Lance: …that was too loud, all I got was static.
Lance: Well maybe YOU’RE an asshat, too!
Lance: Get that asshat over here. Pronto!
Lance: I am upstairs now.
Lance: I am outside now!
Sunny: It’s a Christmas miracle!
Sunny: In July.
Sunny: ’tis the season to be fucking!
Lance: I got all kinds of horizontal surfaces.
Sunny: It feels like I’ve already made this mistake once.
Sunny: And this gorgeous setup is definitely memorable…
Sunny: I hope I’m not having a dream on loop.
Sunny: Even if it does smell nice.
Sunny: Our hairs are merging.
Lance: Must be love.
I already narrated this shit once, do something new.
Lance: Men have no imagination, so I’ll leave that up to you.
Chelsea: Déjà screw this.
Sunny: Da ba dee, da ba da!
Sunny: That’s from an old song that I-
Lance: Don’t care.
Lance: Hoo-whee! Where’d you find that little number?!
Sunny: Back of the closet. Labelled “weapons-grade hottitude.” So there’s that.
Sunny: I’mma dye it in the bathtub.
Sunny: Why so blue?
Lance: I could ask you the same!
Sunny: That one gets an “E” for “Effort.”
Lance: It’s more than I deserve.
Lance: Definitely more than I deserve!
Lance: TOTALLY WORTH RUINING A BATHTUB
Sunny: ESPECIALLY SINCE IT WASN’T MINE
Lance: If you’re gonna re-do a chapter, you might as well re-do it well.
Kent: I died at some point?
Were you the basement corpse?
Kent: Oooh, that’s right! Here’s to having an old man’s memory forever…
Lance: THAT was INCREDIBLE.
Sunny: I see why they called you “Lance” now.
Lance: …but… they called me that as a baby.
Lance: Man, what’s the point of killing people if they keep coming back?
Lance: This is my new hobby.
Sunny: You’re a dedicated hobbyist. Of sex.
Lance: A sex-ist!
Sunny: Except no.
Lance: Best jousting tournament ever!
Ooh, look who’s getting artsy.
2012!Grugly: Why you always gotta be tearing me down?
Sunny: Make sure you get a shot of my backside. It’s my best side.
Sunny: I thought these chapters were pruned.
Sunny: I’m down for a few more pics, mind you.
Sunny: But not if they’re that “flattering.”
Lance: I think my balls are empty.
Sunny: I was about to ask.
Lance: Was it good for you?
Sunny: I wouldn’t let you stop if it wasn’t.
Lance: You gonna… relax a bit?
Sunny: My body’s still recovering.
Lance: Looks pretty good to me.
Lance: Tastefully framed and everything!
A real conversation-starter.
Lance: Don’t judge me, NPC trash.
Lance: You’re not trash specifically. All NPCs are trash.
Jordan: Thanks for the education, short stuff!
Lance: New mission: kill all NPCs.
Are you sure you didn’t dye that stuff in the toilet?
Lance: I really need that question answered.
Sunny: I’m much too neat for that.
Lance: Yeah, you are pretty neat.
Sunny: I don’t think this is as romantic as you think it is.
Sunny: I can see your fingernail clippings in here.
Sunny: It smells like Drano and wet dog.
Lance: We’re breaking-in the fixtures!
Sunny: Breaking my back is more like.
Sunny: Although I will admit this one is kinda funny.
Lance: SO SLIPPERY
Sunny: Okay, that’s my quota for the decade.
Lance: I live here now.
Sunny: I could probably flush him out if I had to.
Sunny: Another love gone down the drain.
Lance: Speaking of which…
Woo! Ending on a poo joke. High class, man, high class.
Next time: a wedding ‘tween man and beast.