The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 279

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates whenever I damn well please!

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Do-over!

Hahaha! “Do.”

‘cuz there’s sex involved.


Lance: Don’t bring Kyle this time. I blame the crash on him.

Lance: No, I think you’re misunderstanding me. Do NOT bring any FRIENDS. To our PRIVATE SEX PARTY.

Lance: I honestly thought you were smarter than this.

Lance: …that was too loud, all I got was static.

Lance: Well maybe YOU’RE an asshat, too!

Lance: Get that asshat over here. Pronto!

Lance: I am upstairs now.

Lance: I am outside now!
Sunny: It’s a Christmas miracle!

Sunny: In July.

Sunny: ’tis the season to be fucking!

Lance: I got all kinds of horizontal surfaces.

Sunny: It feels like I’ve already made this mistake once.

Sunny: And this gorgeous setup is definitely memorable…

Sunny: I hope I’m not having a dream on loop.

Sunny: Even if it does smell nice.

Sunny: Our hairs are merging.
Lance: Must be love.

Apparently.

I already narrated this shit once, do something new.

Lance: Men have no imagination, so I’ll leave that up to you.

Chelsea: Déjà screw this.

Sunny: Da ba dee, da ba da!

Sunny: That’s from an old song that I-
Lance: Don’t care.

Lance: Hoo-whee! Where’d you find that little number?!
Sunny: Back of the closet. Labelled “weapons-grade hottitude.” So there’s that.

Sunny: I’mma dye it in the bathtub.
Lance: Respectful!

Sunny: Why so blue?
Lance: I could ask you the same!

Sunny: That one gets an “E” for “Effort.”
Lance: It’s more than I deserve.

Lance: Definitely more than I deserve!

Lance: TOTALLY WORTH RUINING A BATHTUB

Sunny: ESPECIALLY SINCE IT WASN’T MINE

Lance: If you’re gonna re-do a chapter, you might as well re-do it well.

Kent: I died at some point?

Yeah probably.

Were you the basement corpse?

Kent: Oooh, that’s right! Here’s to having an old man’s memory forever…

Lance: THAT was INCREDIBLE.
Sunny: I see why they called you “Lance” now.

Lance: …but… they called me that as a baby.

Ewww.

Lance: Man, what’s the point of killing people if they keep coming back?

Lance: This is my new hobby.

Sunny: You’re a dedicated hobbyist. Of sex.
Lance: A sex-ist!
Sunny: Except no.

Lance: Best jousting tournament ever!

Ooh, look who’s getting artsy.

2012!Grugly: Why you always gotta be tearing me down?

Sorry.

Sunny: Make sure you get a shot of my backside. It’s my best side.

Sunny: I thought these chapters were pruned.

THEY ARE.

Sunny: I’m down for a few more pics, mind you.

Sunny: But not if they’re that “flattering.”

Lance: I think my balls are empty.
Sunny: I was about to ask.

Lance: Was it good for you?
Sunny: I wouldn’t let you stop if it wasn’t.

Aaaaaand dismount.

Lance: You gonna… relax a bit?
Sunny: My body’s still recovering.

Lance: Looks pretty good to me.

No arguments.

Lance: Tastefully framed and everything!

A real conversation-starter.

Lance: Don’t judge me, NPC trash.

Lance: You’re not trash specifically. All NPCs are trash.

Jordan: Thanks for the education, short stuff!

Lance: New mission: kill all NPCs.

Are you sure you didn’t dye that stuff in the toilet?

Lance: I really need that question answered.

Sunny: I’m much too neat for that.
Lance: Yeah, you are pretty neat.

Sunny: I don’t think this is as romantic as you think it is.

Sunny: I can see your fingernail clippings in here.

Sunny: It smells like Drano and wet dog.

Lance: We’re breaking-in the fixtures!

Sunny: Breaking my back is more like.

Sunny: Although I will admit this one is kinda funny.

Lance: SO SLIPPERY

Sunny: Okay, that’s my quota for the decade.

Lance: I live here now.

Sunny: I could probably flush him out if I had to.

Sunny: Another love gone down the drain.

Lance: Speaking of which…

Woo! Ending on a poo joke. High class, man, high class.

Next time: a wedding ‘tween man and beast.

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